


Broken Mind

by roughknuckles, Saklani



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-09-13 09:32:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 125,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9117892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughknuckles/pseuds/roughknuckles, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saklani/pseuds/Saklani
Summary: During their epic battle through San Francisco, Spock attacked Khan's mind through a meld.  When Jim Kirk goes to visit him before he is put back ice, he discovers that Khan is unwell and refuses to just leave him to his fate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second film in the Star Trek oeuvre where Spock uses a mind meld as a weapon, literally raping an opponent's mind. In both cases, the movie's avoidance of the issue was annoying, since mind rape must be considered a grave crime among Vulcans. So, we wanted to explore a little more the consequences of such an attack on Khan, particularly since Spock was deliberately trying to injure him.

James T. Kirk forced himself to walk slowly and without any signs of distress as he made his way out of the transporter room and down to the lowest level of Starfleet Headquarters, where the famous augment (and criminal), Khan Noonien Singh, was being held. A mile long line of guards lined the hallways, composed of a variety of different races and abilities to try and stop Khan if he decided to attempt a break out, and Jim went by all of them with his head high. He didn’t really know why he was going to see Khan, but he knew he had to. Things between them were not settled, and he couldn’t deal with letting the augment go back into possibly permanent cryosleep without at least trying to put their issues to bed. Maybe it was ridiculous of him, but Jim followed his instincts, and they told him that this was the right thing to do.

There were only two guards in the room containing Khan’s cell, and they allowed themselves to be dismissed to stand outside the door at Captain Kirk’s request. After all, Jim was a hero all over again. His sacrifice to save the Enterprise was well known, even if the way he’d manage to survive it was a secret Bones, Spock and Jim would take to their graves. Outside of them, nobody could know the sheer death-defying abilities of Khan’s blood. It was too terrifying even to contemplate.

He approached the cell with trepidation, certain his presence would be unwelcome. But he had to try, and that feeling was only strengthened when he caught a glimpse of the augment. The man looked like shit, even worse than Jim, who was literally death warmed over. “Fucking hell, what happened to you?” he gasped, which was perhaps not the smooth opening line he’d been looking for.

There was a heavy darkness in Khan's eyes. Wild, and at the same time, broken. It was the look of an animal that had just finished chewing its own leg off in order to escape a trap, only to still be caged. The augment was a broken shadow of the powerful force of vengeance he had been, merely days prior. His thoughts were dark, and painful, twisted inwards, repeating and inescapable. And so the augment remained where he was, sitting on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him, and his head pressed against the wall behind.

His erratic gaze shifted as Jim Kirk came into view. The connections in his mind were entangled with one another, and for a moment, Khan thought he saw one of his own before him. A brother, a friend, coming to take him away, to return him to where he belonged. But it wasn't real. There was no brother. No friend. They were gone; they had slipped through his fingers. And he was alone.

Except, there was someone before him. Looking at him. Talking to him. Khan pulled his head up, turning his face to one side, gathering as much information as he could from one eye, before turning his head the opposite way, trying to confirm what he was seeing with his other eye. His mind was fractured, the connections in his brain were splintered. It was difficult to trust his own senses, to respond to what was real, and ignore all else.

"Captain?"

Jim couldn’t and didn’t even try to suppress the urge to kneel in front of the cell, so his head was at Khan’s level. “Yeah, it’s me, Khan. Captain Kirk. What- what happened to you? Should I call for Dr. McCoy?” He trusted no other doctor to adequately examine and take care of the augment, his best friend the first person he thought of when somebody needed medical attention (except of course, himself). 

He couldn’t tell at all what was wrong with the augment, except that he just felt off. There was something unfocused about his gaze, like he was having trouble seeing and understanding what he saw. “Have they been drugging you?” He demanded, the idea not at all far-fetched, except that he wasn’t sure what could affect the augment this much. “Please, I came here to help you.”

Khan blew air out of from between his teeth in a hiss. "What game is this, now?" He growled, "You have no leverage over me now, Admiral. Without my people, I have no reason to obey Starfleet. I will destroy you...I will see everything you hold dear, burn," Khan said. But as the last word left his mouth, the augment wretched dryly, chest slowly convulsing, and he allowed his torso to drop down to the floor so that he could feel like he was getting breath into his lungs. "Brother! Brother, hide me!" Khan cried out to Jim.

Jim’s eyes widened when Khan referred to him as ‘admiral’ and began to protest, but the augment’s sudden pleas silenced those words. Despite everything that had happened between them, his heart tightened in compassion for the man in front of him. “I’ll help you,” he assured in a gentle tone. “It’ll be alright.” He scowled at the surveillance cameras and the forcefield between them. “Just stay there. I’ll be right back.”

Knowing he could get into big trouble, but unwilling to leave Khan in his current state, he scurried to the control panel in the middle of the room. He opened his communicator and called Bones, even as he began to hack into the system and turn off all of the monitors. “Bones,” he said, when his friend answered, “I need you to get down here to Khan’s cell now. There’s something completely wrong with him. I think they’ve been pumping him full of drugs.”

“Jim-” his friend started, sounding wary.

“Please, Bones. He’s freaking me out. And I don’t trust anybody else but you,” he said, hands still flying over the controls, as the camera blinked out and the field in front of Khan’s cell wavered and then died.

“Alright, I’ll be there in ten. Don’t do anything stupid,” Bones said.

“Sure, Bones, thank you,” Jim said, without mentioning that he’d done multiple ‘stupid’ things and already heading for Khan’s side, and flicked closed he communicator. He didn’t hesitate, but knelt right next to the augment and said, “I’m here now. I’m going to help you, Khan.”

"Brother-?" Khan reached out and placed his hand over Jim's, seeking it to hold. And in that moment, there was the broken transference of memory from one man to another. Some details of it fell away into void, but others were quite clear. Children, nine and ten were watching the autopsy of one of their own. The other child augment had begun to show signs of recurring flaws. Time jumped forward, and a group of the child augments were meeting in secret, hands on one another, as brothers and sisters promised to protect one another, if they began to see flaws in one another. The promise echoed over time, hundreds of years. Khan protecting his people.

But then the memory became corrupt and jumped right to the moment Khan had Admiral Marcus's skull between his hands. Taking his revenge, fulfilling his promise to destroy him. However, even that moment of memory was cracked, as Khan began to recall a moment when the Vulcan, Commander Spock had his hands on Khan's skull in contrast, pulling him apart from the inside out.

Jim had responded to the way Khan reached out for his hand by turning to twine their fingers when he felt a sudden and sickeningly familiar yank in his mind. Images flooded his consciousness, as clear as if they were his own memories. But for all that Spock’s sharing had been somewhat difficult to experience, this were near unbearable- a torrent of images of death and bonds forged from death and anger and vengeance. But through them all was pain, suffering that tore at Jim, but he knew originated with Khan.

So, unconsciously, he tried to soothe the pain, reaching for positive memories of his own to share- his first view of the Enterprise, the proud smile of Christopher Pike as he handed over command of the Enterprise, Bones’ laughter after he passed his shuttle navigation test with Jim at his side…

Curling his fingers, Khan held on quietly to Jim Kirk, allowing himself to be guided through these memories without resistance. Some part of his mind recognized that his brother, as that is how he perceived Jim in that moment, was keeping him safe. He walked with him, hand in hand through the grassy plains, with hints of laughter and joy pressed to their ears as their heads lifted, taking in the sight of the Enterprise as she was being built. "We should go there," Khan said, in both the memory and in reality. "We should go to the stars."

Jim turned his mind to the stars, astounding in their vastness and beauty. “I’ve always loved the stars,” he said. “The Enterprise is going there...for five years.” He tried to refocus Khan back on the present. “Do you know where you are now, Khan?” he asked. “Do you remember what happened?” He showed him an image of the holding cell and the room beyond, trying to keep them from being threatening or upsetting in any way. “Do you know who I am?” He tried to project an image of himself, but wondered if it ended up distorted, due to his own feelings.

The stars ... to hide among the stars ... Khan's mind drifted peacefully for a moment. But soon it all ended. He opened his eyes and pulled his hand away from Kirk. Drawing his shoulder back as he sat up, his focus on the man kneeling before him with quiet confusion and uncertainty. "What do you want from me?" he asked carefully, finding it odd that Kirk was here, right here, within arms reach. 

Jim blinked a few times and shook his head to try and clear his mind. But something remained, stronger even than the residue that lingered after his meld with the older Spock. A presence.

“I- I had just wanted to talk to you,” he said, focusing on Khan and trying to keep his voice calm. “But you were acting strangely, so...well, I came inside your cell to see if I could help. You took my hand-” he looked down at the offending appendage “-and suddenly, I was seeing images from your mind. But they were scattered and disjointed…” His eyes sought out Khan’s again. “There’s something wrong with you,” he said decisively. “Do you know what it is?”

Khan gave a dry, bitter laugh. "And there is something wrong with you, that you would enter so closely into my presence." Yet, even with the underlying threat to his voice, Khan did not reach out for Kirk, to strike him, to break him. "Leave me be, Captain. You will find no pleasure in trying to break me. It will bring you no comfort. There are far more devious minds in the world than yours," Khan said, clearly not thinking that Kirk was here for any good reason.

“You know I’m not here to hurt you or break you,” Jim said insistently. “You took my hand...and you trusted me.” He tried to nudge at that piece of not-himself that he could feel inside his head. “So much that you’re still there...in my mind.” He scooted closer, unafraid, and reached for him again. “I’m sorry I missed your trial. I was sick; fuck, I was dead, during it. I wanted to be there and speak about everything that happened. Both sides. Please...tell me they didn’t sentence you while you were like this.”

"Dead?" Khan prompted quietly, his head tilted to the side and looking at Jim as if he were an old friend that had come to sit with him after a difficult day. "I do not understand ..." Khan looked forward to the walls of his cell, trying to determine if they were real. "Are we dead?" He asked, feeling some hint of a connection to the other man that one of them being dead must surely mean they were both dead. It was a strange sensation that said, they were in this together. 

“Uh, no.” Jim cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his head. “Bones- Dr. McCoy, he made a serum out of your blood to revive me. Knocked me on my ass for a couple of months, but better than the alternative, right? So, no, we’re both alive. Just not completely well, in either of our cases.” He touched one of Khan’s hands gently. “Tell me what happened to you. Please. This- I didn’t know anything could cause an augment to get sick or disoriented, whatever you are. But your mind feels...fractured.”

Khan looked down to Jim's hand, to where it touched his own. Quietly, the augment took in the sight of the veins and tendons in his wrist. "You are my blood?" Khan asked, petting a single finger across the palm of Jim's hand. The touch continued to trigger other memories, but this time Khan pushed them aside, swimming through them, muting screams and cries, pushing it all into the void. Until there was only the present, petting Jim's hand.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Jim said and allowed the touching without any protest. After all, it seemed to soothe the other man, which also helped his own calm. “I’m sorry that nobody asked you if it was alright with you. Bones- Dr. McCoy refused to let me go without a fight. He’s my best friend...I’d do the same for him, too.” He could still feel the torment of the other man’s mind, but it was muted somehow, more distant than before.

Without the distraction of past memories crumpled together in his brain, Khan was able to hold a calm, almost rational conversation. "Commander Spock is a great friend to you. He entered into my mind with such force, with such anger...it is the only defeat I have ever known." 

“Spock?” Jim whispered as Khan described what had happened to him. “He attacked you with his mind? Forced a meld on you?” That was against every precept of Vulcan belief and definitely a crime. “Fuck.”

"It hurt," Khan said with a frown. "It still hurts." He lifted his hands and placed them to the side of his own head, half covering his ears, half giving himself blinders to his eyes. The rational side of Khan was slipping away again. "Hide me, brother...if they find out I am defective, they will take me apart...help me..."

Bones chose that moment to enter the room, and Jim spotted him from the corner of his eye as he moved forward to try and soothe the augment again. “Bones! Get your ass over here! I need help!” He placed his hands over Khan’s and murmured, “It’s alright. Just concentrate on me. I’ll keep you safe. I promise.” He glanced at his friend fully now. “Bones!”

The second yell galvanized Bones to action from where he’d been frozen by the door, horrified by the sight of Jim in the deactivated cell with Khan. “Are you out of your cornfed mind!?” he demanded angrily, even as he pulled out his medical tricorder and approached both men.

“No, but Khan is,” Jim replied, though he kept his voice more controlled now, forcing himself not to be upset in front of the augment. “Did you know Spock attacked his mind during their fight?”

Bones paled a bit at the implications and instantly began to scan Khan’s head. “Jesus, his readings are all over the place.”

“Yeah, and he’s been like this for months, Bones. All of those months since Spock captured him,” Jim said. “They held a trial and sentenced him while he couldn’t defend himself.” He pressed closer to the augment. “A friend’s here. He’s going to help us, Khan. It’s going to be fine.”

It was difficult to concentrate. With Doctor McCoy in the room, all the augment could think about was every time he was subject to examination, for hours on end without relief. Being pushed, and tested. From his creators, to the science team under Admiral Marcus. Khan dropped his head between his shoulders, taking Jim by the hand to bring his hands to his head. Initially, Khan found a few memories of McCoy jabbing Kirk with a hypo. Unpleasant memories. But then there were more pleasant memories with the Doctor, laughing after an examination, drinks after hours. And so, Khan searched for more memories like those, anything to keep him grounded and feeling safe with the Doctor. 

Jim could feel Khan in his mind, searching, and when images of Bones came up, he almost laughed. The augment was trying to get over being scared of Bones. So, he dredged up images of Bones helping him or saving other crewmembers. Here was the time Ensign Brandon got severely burned in Engineering, and Bones soothed him enough to get close and treat his wounds, making him well again in a few days. And the time Jim got an extreme allergic reaction to some weird flower, and Bones stepped in immediately to help him breathe again. “He’s a friend,” he murmured quietly. “He’ll help you.”

"Yes, I believe you," Khan said, dropping his eyes as he submitted himself to the Doctor's examination. "I thought I was alone," he said out of nowhere. "I thought you were dead. I thought everyone was dead," he said, still confusing past and present a little, but otherwise still grounded by Jim's company. "I can't sleep," he said, but then quickly added, "Don't put me under."

Bones watched the two with a strong frown, but didn’t comment on their interaction for the moment. Instead, he scanned the augment’s brain and noted all of the misfiring synapses and unusual chemical build-up in the organ. “We need an expert here, Jim,” he said quietly. “Whatever Spock did...it’s like it fried Khan’s circuitry. Jim, in this state, I don’t know what putting him back in cryosleep would do to him, but nothing good. Of that I’m certain.”

Jim nodded and told Khan, “We won’t put you under. I promise. We’ll fight anyone who tries.” He directed his words to Bones again. “Bones, contact Admiral Archer and get him over here right away. And see if there are any Vulcan healers around...or any Vulcans at all. A Betazoid, if that’s who’s available. Some sort of telepath who can help us unravel what’s happened and how to help. And we better arrange to talk to Spock, too...but later. We need to ask him what he did.” He heaved himself around to sit directly next to Khan, pressing against his side. “Come on, Khan, just lean against me and try to rest. I’ll keep you safe.”

"Yes, brother. I will take second watch," Khan said, letting his head drop to the side and rest on Jim's shoulder. He sighed with some relief, as a few more memories of the Enterprise, not his own, drifted into his mind and offered him comfort. "The stars are lovely tonight. Pick one, and that is where we will go," he said, eyes closed as pleasant, peaceful images began to crowd his exhausted mind. 

“Second star to the left,” Jim murmured to him, “and straight on to morning.” He tried to keep his mind focused on pleasant things for Khan, even as he returned attention to his best friend, who stared at the two of them with huge, concerned eyes. “Uh, yeah, one more thing...somehow, he linked his mind to mine.”

“He what!?” Bones demanded.

“Shhhhh. Keep your voice down, Bones,” Jim said. “It has something to do with the transfusion of his blood that you gave me, I think. I don’t know. All I can tell you is that it’s similar to the time that old Spock melded with me, except that even when we’re not touching, I can feel him. And I’m pretty sure he can feel me.”

Bones groaned and dropped his face into one hand, the other still holding the tricorder loosely. “Only you would get yourself linked to an augmented mass murderer.”

“Bones,” Jim reprimanded softly. “He- he doesn’t feel like a mass murderer to me right now, alright? He’s just lost, scared, tormented and alone. So alone. And he was abused and used by Admiral Marcus and his cronies from the moment he woke up. No wonder he went a little insane.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I wanted to say all that as his trial, but I didn’t get a chance. Well, I get to say it now. Call Admiral Archer. And hurry up.”

With a sigh, Bones moved away to do as his friend asked, waiting for the Admiral to arrive and watching Jim and Khan with a great deal of concern. When the older man did enter the cell, alone as requested, he straightened and gestured toward Jim and Khan. 

"I see you dismantled the security cameras," Admiral Archer said, giving Jim Kirk a sideways glance as he entered into the holding chamber. "Those are there for your protection, and for the protection of the prisoner," he said, reworking the network so that it was brought back online. "Now then, did I walk down here for my health, or is there a reason for it?"

Jim glanced at the cameras as they came back on and said evenly, “With all due respect, Sir, what I have to say shouldn’t be said in front of the security monitors. You know as well as I do that all of Section 31 hasn’t been found yet. And I didn’t want everyone in the building crashing down on here when I entered his cell. So, they’ve all been seeing a repeated loop of him just sitting in the corner, which is about all he has been doing. Please, Admiral, no recordings...not yet.” He gave the old man his best puppy dog eyes, even as he kept close to Khan.

Archer gave the young Captain a severe look, then glanced to Dr. McCoy. He knew both men well by reputation and hoped they had an exceptional reason for all of this. "Whatever has brought me down here must be important to you, to break so many protocols. But I’ll honour your request, for now," Archer said, powering down the security system once more. "But that also means, there should be a record of whatever is said or done here, today. So the logs will go directly to my private files. There is no leeway on this," he said, remaining at the panel a minute longer before approaching the men.

Jim nodded once, thinking that was only to be expected. “Sir, I meant to speak for Khan Noonien Singh at his trial, but my medical situation prevented it. I came here today to talk to him, to try and find some sort of closure with everything that happened. Instead, I discovered that Starfleet has sentenced a mentally disturbed man to a virtual death sentence.”

“It’s true, Admiral,” Bones said, offering the older man his tricorder. “Khan’s brain has been severely damaged. His readings aren’t like anything I’ve ever seen before, but based on them, putting him into cryosleep would irreparably disable large parts of his mind. We’d be condemning him to brain death, Sir.”

“That’s still not the Starfleet I believe in,” Jim said firmly from his place on the floor. “And I refuse to sit by and let it happen...Sir.”

"Nor is it the Starfleet I believe in-" Archer said with a frown, accepting the tricorder to examine the sleeping man for himself. The lines of his frown only deepened the more he read the information bouncing back to him. "Is this correct, Doctor...am I reading this correctly?" he asked, wishing to confirm the absolute insane readings he was getting from the man. Archer then looked to Kirk, more then a little baffled about what had brought him into Khan's cell, and clearly give comfort to such an unstable man. 

“Yes, Sir,” Bones confirmed and took a deep breath. “He needs highly specialized treatment, Admiral, by people who know the brain and what it can do. How to heal it from...well, from this kind of trauma. And the best would be Vulcan healers...or possibly Betazoids.”

“Vulcans would be our first choice,” Jim said. “But we’re not in a position to be fussy. What we want most, Admiral, what Khan needs most is to get the Hell of out here and be settled somewhere better for his mental health. I was thinking, uh, quarters on the Enterprise. She’s almost fully rebuilt, and nobody could get to him there. We can keep all of this quiet until we figure out what to do.”

Admiral Archer considered the three men for a long time. "With this medical evidence, there are certain grounds for a retrial," he said, feeling that was a good place to start, considering his position. "A Vulcan healer might be hard to come by, but I will look into it," he said, adding this promise. He gave Kirk another hard look. "You’re playing this one close to the vest. Your own crew may not want him on board, Captain, that seems to be a risky position to put yourself in."

“Frankly, Sir, I don’t trust anyone else. My crew may be upset, but they won’t try to kill Khan or use him or whatever other things Section 31 might,” Jim said evenly. “And Dr. McCoy will give him the best treatment available without there being any worry about that either. We can’t guarantee that he’ll be safe anywhere else.” He rolled his head down to look at the ground for a moment and squared his shoulders before looking up again. “Part of all of this is on me, Sir. If I hadn’t flown off the handle after Admiral Pike’s death and listened to Marcus. If I hadn’t hauled a bunch of deadly weapons to Qu’noS and almost used them. If I hadn’t tried to beat the crap out of Khan without listening to what he had to say first. If I hadn’t had him shot in the back on the bridge of the Vengeance...I’m not going to turn my back on this now. I can’t. And I won’t. Please don’t ask me to.”

"You’re a good man, Jim," Archer said with a heavy sigh. "You have the love and loyalty of your crew, and that is not something that is given lightly. They trust you, but can you keep them safe, with Khan aboard? That is my concern. Do not make this decision lightly, no matter what sense of guilt you might be carrying. But if you can look me in the eye, and honestly tell me that this is what you believe to be the best decision, I will support you."

“He’s not a danger to anyone this way, Admiral,” Jim said. “He’s seldom coherent, and when he’s lost in his mind...he’s scared.” He firmed his jaw against the sheer feeling of wrong at seeing Khan scared. “Keeps talking about how he was going to get taken apart...calling me brother.”

Bones stepped to Jim’s support now. “I concur that he’s not going to be able to do much damage in his current state, Sir. Even if he turned violent, a force shield would keep him down until his brain simply flipped to the next switch.” He glanced over at Jim and Khan, where they were together. “And somehow, he seems to trust Jim- Captain Kirk.”

It was indeed a strange sight, to see the augment half limp against Kirk, sleeping while they spoke. Trusting someone he had considered the enemy not long ago. But at this point, Archer knew not to look into it too deeply; no one here had the answers, in fact, they all had the same questions. "Very well, Captain, Doctor," he said with a heaviness to his words. "I authorize for you to take the prisoner Khan Noonien Singh into your protective custody. While aboard the Enterprise, his status will temporarily be changed to asylum seeker, while he is treated medically and we gather more information about his case." Archer was not looking forward to the paperwork on this, but being in the Admiralty was more or less a high ranking desk job, and he would get it done.

Jim let out a long sigh of relief internally, settling for smiling at the Admiral and saying, “Thank you, Sir,” with all the respect he could pour into his voice. “We’ll make sure he’s kept under close watch. We won’t risk you or Starfleet, Sir, especially given how damaged the reputation of the ‘Fleet is now.” A scowl darkened his face.

“What about the healer, Admiral?” Bones asked, keeping the health of his new patient in mind.

"With the Vulcan population so small, they might be resistant to send one of their healers, but I still have friends and might be able to pull some strings. Give me sixteen hours; I'll find you someone," Archer said in answer. "In the meantime, do what you can for him and keep detailed records." 

“Yes, Sir,” Bones said with a nod. “We’ll need all the data we can get to help him. God knows it’s something new to me...and possibly in all of Starfleet’s annals. I’ll look at the medical database for any prior cases or anything similar. But Vulcans have been notoriously closed-mouthed about their own mental health issues.”

“May we take him aboard the Enterprise now, Admiral?” Jim asked. “I’ll need to confer with a few people, but if we do an emergency beam-up to Medical, that will erase some of the surprise.” He looked to Archer for permission, hoping they could just move him now. The weight of Khan on his shoulder reminded him of the burden he had just decided to shoulder, but also the fragility of a man he had once hated and feared.

"Yes, he is in your care now. Captain. Doctor. Good luck," Archer said, standing back a bit, returning to the computer access panel. "Thank you for contacting me with this," Archer said, knowing that as well regarded as Kirk was, he did not always play by the rules, and that calling Archer in on this was due to the fact that he no longer had Pike as a champion. That was still a hard blow, for all of them. 

“Thank you, Admiral. If you want any help with the paperwork...well, I owe you that,” Jim said with a sheepish smile. He gently shook Khan. “Wake up,” he murmured in his ear. “I need you to wake up, Khan. We’re going somewhere better.”

Bones opened his tricorder and made a quiet call to the transporter room for an emergency beam-up to Medical on his mark and then watched Jim try to carefully wake Khan.

It was more the psychic link between them, then Jim's actual words that woke Khan up. The voice in his head said it was time to wake up, that they were leaving. But instead of hearing this as some sort of alarm, it was calm and something to be trusted. Khan lifted his head and opened his eyes, focusing on Doctor McCoy first, then Archer, who stood a few feet away. "What is this?" he demanded quietly, for a few seconds, sounding like his old self. 

“We’re going up to the Enterprise,” Jim said soothingly and projecting it as best he could with their new link. He wasn’t sure how it worked, but did his best with the strange connection. “We’re going to take care of you, Khan. You’re not well.” He urged him up with a gentle tug, but waited for the augment to move first.

Sitting upright, so that he was no longer leaning against Jim, the augment finally turned his head to look at the man sitting beside him. Captain James T. Kirk. Where was his brother? He had just been speaking to him, hadn't he? Regardless of his confusion, in a small way, Khan now believed that one of his own was still alive, and therefore, he owed it to them to find and look after them as he had promised. Which meant, obeying Starfleet for the time being. "Yes," he said simply and stood, frowning at the small group that was gathered around him.

Jim turned to Admiral Archer and said, “We’ll report in to you daily, Sir. Thank you.” He turned to Bones and nodded their readiness.

“Three to beam up to the Medical Bay,” Bones said, and the transport began immediately, the skilled hands of Lieutenant Lloyd at the controls. In a few seconds, they reappeared in a private room in the Medical Bay. “I’m going to fetch our guest some more appropriate clothes,” the doctor said and went to fetch a blue medical garment, which would be softer on the skin.

Jim turned to Khan and asked, “Do you know who I am?”

Khan gave a slow examination of the private room, remembering some connection to the Medical Bay, though he was having difficulty piecing it together. "You are Captain James Tiberius Kirk, of the USS Enterprise," Khan said, looking to Jim. Why was he standing so close? Why did he want him to stand so close? Khan lifted his hand to the right side of his head, pressing the palm against his temple as he slowly brushed his hand back against his scalp, trying to soothe a headache there. 

Jim winced a little at the sudden stab of shared pain and lifted his hand to press there, too, wondering if that could make a difference. “That’s right. And we’re on the Enterprise now. I convinced Admiral Archer, with some help from Bones- Dr. McCoy- that you required medical care and deserved a retrial. He’s allowed us to have you up here until we can figure out how to help you. You remember what’s wrong with you?”

Having Kirk reach out and touch his head was initially very alarming. But as soon as his hand made contact, Khan felt the tightness of his headache begin to ease. "There is fault in my memory," Khan said, "How is that your concern?" he began to ask, then was reminded. Khan closed his eyes as his headache grew now that he was trying to focus on the truth of it.

Jim grimaced and said, “How about you not do that? Obviously, there’s some gaps in your memory and awareness sometimes.” He rubbed a little at the spot and tried to ease the headache again, but instead, only felt the pain in his own skull increase. “Khan. Stop trying to force it,” he commanded in his captain’s voice and echoed it through the link.

Khan opened his eyes and stared at Jim. Then slowly, reached up to palm his hand against the side of the other man's face. A very familiar gesture between two people who had no right being so familiar with one another. "Why can I feel you in my head? Why can I feel the pain I am causing you? It should not be in my power to experience these things...nor yours."

“I don’t know exactly,” Jim said, “but I have a feeling it has something to do with my having some of your blood in my veins. But we’re going to find out for sure. We’re looking for a healer who can help you...help us.” He smiled a little at the augment and allowed the contact to his face without comment. “You called me your brother before.”

The augment kept his mind clear of violent thoughts as he touched Jim on the face. Instead, there was only curiosity. Genuine and intense curiosity. "We are connected. You chose to protect me,” he said, mind remaining somewhat clear and straightforward on this issue. It was somehow easier to stay grounded while they were touching, and he wondered why that would be.

“Well, yeah,” Jim said, unsure why Khan would think he’d do anything else. The augment himself had diagnosed Jim’s conscience, however they had betrayed each other in the end. “You’re unwell. You need to be helped. And you should never have stood trial in your current state. How could you defend yourself?” He scowled deeply. “And I wasn’t there to speak. I wanted to do that.”

"My trial," Khan repeated back. Now he dropped his hand away and stepped back to pace the length of the room, hand extended to the wall as he got a sense of the space. His memory of the trial was unclear. All he saw was an out of body view of himself, standing, silent, empty. But it was also mixed with another memory, the last days on Earth, standing at the head of a table of augments, having come to the agreement that they should leave the planet, and humanity, to its own devices. He had felt a similar emptiness then too. "Yes. I am unwell." 

“We’ll do everything we can to figure it out, Khan,” Jim assured, “and make you well again. Only once you’re well again will we get you that retrial. One where you can participate and defend yourself. And I can be there, too.” He nodded firmly and moved to put a hand on Khan’s right shoulder. “Do you know of anything that can help you?”

"I am embarrassed at how you saw me earlier. I do not understand what is wrong with me. Therefore, I do not know how to stop it," Khan said. He only knew that he did not feel so alone now. Jim Kirk might not be the family of brothers and sisters he grew up with, protected and cared for, but they did share blood now, and a strange connection that augment was beginning to feel rather attached to. 

Jim nodded, but also said, “There’s no need to be embarrassed. Everyone gets ill sometimes. Even augments.” He patted his shoulder and smiled in what he hoped was a comforting fashion and sent warm feelings through the link. 

Bones entered the room, carrying the new outfit. “Here we go, Khan,” he said and placed the clothes on the bed. 

“Shall we give you a few minutes privacy to get changed?” Jim asked. “The clothes you’re wearing are pretty well done in.” He tugged at the ugly, uncomfortable prison garb. 

"Thank you, Doctor," Khan said, somewhat unfocused as he stared at the folded clothes. But as the moment passed, he reached for them to change. He turned his back, but Khan was accustomed to being on display and simply began to undress right then, pulling off his shirt in trade for the fresh tunic. 

“Okay, privacy it is then,” Jim said and hustled Bones out of the room for a moment. “Bones, you need to talk to Spock and find out what he did to Khan exactly, as soon as you’ve gotten Khan settled to your liking. I’d do it, but I’m not sure I can leave him for awhile yet. And we can’t wait for answers.” 

“Understood, Jim,” Bones said with a firm nod in Jim’s direction. “And I agree with you. Not sure I’m looking forward to the discussion, however.”

Jim just grinned and then peeked into Khan’s room. “Are you decently dressed?”

"Yes. I am dressed," Khan answered, petting his hand over the fabric along the length of his arm. But he dropped his hand away and straightened his back as he faced Kirk. Another headache was beginning to build at the back of his head, as flashes entered his brain of his time spent on the Enterprise. A different cell. The sample Doctor McCoy took from his arm. Something- something about Kirk. 

Jim entered the room and headed back toward Khan, feeling the pain again starting in the back of his head. “You’re trying to think too hard again, Khan,” he said and touched his face gently. “Just take it easy, alright?”

“Let’s get you on to the bed and set up the sensors,” Bones said and began to turn on his sensors for measuring Khan’s vital signs. 

“Please, lay down, Khan,” Jim said. “Is there anything we can give you for your headache? I’m not sure I can stay here and help keep the pain down indefinitely.” He lightly steered the augment toward the bed, hoping the man would listen to his non-verbal cues.

Khan took the direction with ease, as if Kirk were one of his own, looking after him. "I have a high tolerance to medications, I require a strong dosage," Khan said as he moved to sit on the bed, then stretch out on it, his legs straight and toes pointed towards the wall, and his arms down at his sides.

The bed’s monitors instantly began to measure and report Khan’s vitals, even as Bones prepared a hypospray with a medication for a metabolism much greater than a human’s. “Based on my previous measurements of your physiology, we’re going to try this dose first. I want you to tell me if it helps or not.” He carefully injected the dose and stepped back from the bed to put it aside. “How does that feel?”

Khan sighed with some relief after the hypo began to take effect. The headache had begun to feel like a knife being slowly driven into the back of his head, but now it was turning dull as it began to fade. "Yes. Yes, that is better," he confirmed.

Jim moved his hand away from Khan’s face and rested it near Khan on the bed. “Anything else you can do for Khan right now, Bones?” 

“I want to put a special cranial sensor on you, Khan,” Bones said to to the augment, holding it up. “This will give me even more detailed scans of what’s going on with your brain and alert me to any sudden changes.” He glanced at Jim and said, “Considering everything, I’d like one on you, too, Jim.”

Jim hated being probed, but after a second’s hesitation, he nodded agreement, wanting to set a good example for Khan. Without comment, he accepted the cranial sensor, which Bones attached to his forehead. “It’s not a very nice looking accessory, though.”

"Yes, I understand." Khan said, consenting to the object. Even as his hand naturally sought out Jim's hand on the bed, touching the tops of his fingers. It was not a conscious decision, but the moment it was done, the augment felt his mind clear further.

Jim turned his hand for more contact and lightly squeezed Khan’s fingers. “Think you can get some more sleep now, Khan?” he asked quietly. “You need to rest more than anything.” He urged Khan to lie back. “Anything more, Bones?”

“Not for now, Jim,” Bones said. “I also recommend rest, Khan. You need it. After you get some sleep, we’ll make sure you eat and drink, too.” He nodded to them both and headed out, pausing at the door. “You know you can call if you need me.” He made another nod to Jim, about their agreement before, and headed out.

Jim looked back to Khan and asked, “Can you sleep?”

"Yes ... I will sleep." Khan agreed to the medical advice. The truth was, he was exhausted. He had previously been unable to trust himself, or his environment, to sleep for some time now. The nap in his cell with Jim Kirk had been the first time he had managed to close his eyes for more then twenty minutes, all at one time. "Don't put me under," he said, repeating his statement from before as he closed his eyes.

“I won’t,” Jim said and stroked his thumb over Khan’s hand gently. “Sleep well, Khan. I’ll be here. Nobody will get to you. Just rest well.” He lightly squeezed the now seemingly delicate fingers again, even as Khan drifted off to a finally restful slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I accidentally marked this as a one chapter story. It's soooo not.

Bones heaved a long breath and poured himself a shot of Scotch, before paging Spock. “Mr. Spock, would you please report to Sickbay immediately. I need to speak to you privately. This is also a request from the Captain.” He didn’t wait for a reply, knowing that at least Spock’s curiosity would bring him in a few moments. He downed the shot and waited.

It took a healthy number of minutes for Commander Spock to leave the bridge to a junior officer so that he might respond to the Doctor's call. But he made fair time, showing that he did not take McCoy's sense of urgency lightly. Entering into the medical bay, Spock approached McCoy's office door. "Doctor," he prompted, since he had been summoned without context. 

“Come in, Spock. Have a seat,” Bones said and took his regular chair at his medical desk, gazing across at the First Officer. “We have a bit of a situation, Commander. You know how Jim is always being so very...human. Well, he decided to go visit Khan today.”

Spock fully entered the room and sat rigidly in the offered chair. "Has the Captain been incapacitated?" Spock asked directly, thinking that any reunion between the two men, which included Spock being summoned to medical must mean a dire outcome. 

Bones pinned Spock with an unimpressed look. “In your logical opinion, was Khan in a condition to incapacitate anyone after your battle?” he asked. He poured himself another shot of Scotch and studied Spock’s stone face.

Spock blinked once, finding the comment most peculiar. "The augment Khan is a formidable adversary, with engineered strength and regenerative capabilities. It has been forty-two days since our battle in San Francisco. That is more then ample time for the augment to be once more in prime condition." Spock frowned slightly at McCoy's tone, not understanding it, nor why he failed to answer his question as to Jim's health.

Bones knew that Spock would not lie to him in this kind of direct fashion and scowled at the Vulcan for being oblivious. “Well, he’s not. Goddamnit, Spock, do I have to spell it out for you? You attacked his mind, man. You deliberately melded with him as a form of assault. When Jim visited him today, he discovered the man is completely disoriented, his mind practically unhooked from reality half the time.”

This conversation was escalating into something Spock had not expected at all. "Doctor, your instruction to me was not to kill him; your request was that you needed him alive, in order to save the Captain. When we engaged in hand-to-hand combat, the only means left available to me, in order to defeat him, was to meld with him," Spock admitted, but was quite confused as to why his methods were coming into question, as he had apprehended Khan alive in the end. "I was unaware, until just now, that our fight had longterm effects on the prisoner."

Both of Bones’ eyebrows jumped toward the ceiling. “You didn’t know there would be longterm consequences? That kind of attack on the mind…Spock, you nearly killed the man. It was Uhura that told you we needed Khan alive, and that wasn’t until after the meld. At least, she never mentioned that in her report, and I believe she would have.” He looked concerned now for more than just Khan. “Did the meld affect you, as well? Attacking another person in such a violent, intimate fashion? Could it have damaged your memory? Or could succumbing to the rage you did in order to go after him have affected you?”

"Yes, of course the meld affected me," Spock said simply. "Mr. Singh has a strong will and is powerful in many aspects. But I needed to overpower him, and the meld was the only way I could do that." As for the rage, that was difficult to talk about. Spock had run off after Jim's death, in order to pursue Khan. The intent had not exactly been clear to him in the moment, but the Vulcan had indeed been on the verge of killing the augment, before Uhura had intervened. 

Bones scrubbed a hand over his eyes and said, “I should have made sure you got some counseling, like Jim. Spock, you violated one of the most sacred Vulcan ideals, not to mention the law, by using a meld for violence, didn’t you? I understand the situation and the way you felt about Jim’s death; Hell, I felt the same. I violated a few oaths to get him back, but not in the same way you did.” 

This was the first time anyone had directly questioned Spock about what he had done. Either others were afraid to as, or did not want to know the truth of it, but he was being questioned now. "Yes, Doctor, I did violate Vulcan law and custom, by forcing a meld and using it for violence." 

“Do you think you should have some sort of medical counseling to help you deal with that?” Bones asked, working first with the patient in front of him. For all of their bickering, he respected and valued Spock’s presence and companionship, as well as his loyalty to Jim. They were vastly different people, but that was part of the reason Bones knew Spock to be an important voice in Jim’s life. Besides, he couldn’t have saved Jim without the successful capture of Khan, however it was accomplished.

"There was lingering trauma, to some degree, in the days that followed, but my mind is now clear of such things, I do not see the need for medical counseling. However, I will abide by your professional opinion," Spock said, keeping his attention on McCoy. 

Bones frowned and nodded slowly. “I’d like you to talk to a professional and get his or her recommendation. I’m going to find someone outside of the ‘Fleet and Vulcan, so we don’t get caught up in any legal entanglements for this first step. I’m not interested in how you choose to handle things on that side, Spock, unless you feel it necessary for proper treatment. But I recommend you talk to Jim about it. Understood?”

"Yes, Doctor. I understand," Spock said, waiting a moment before following up with his earlier concern. "Did Mr. Singh attack the Captain?" 

“No, Spock. No, he didn’t,” Bones said. “But we’ll get to that in a moment.” He pulled out a medical tricorder and set it to record. “I haven’t had a chance yet to go through the medical database for information on the damage to and treatment of the human brain when it’s gone through a psychic attack. I don’t even know if there is literature on the subject. So, I need you to tell me what kind of damage you know or think might have been done to Khan’s brain. Detail, Spock. I need detail.”

"There are many possibilities, Doctor," Spock said. "It is possible for the subject of a psychic attack to revert to an earlier stage in life or be unable to distinguish the difference between current reality and past memories. These are both possible. However, to a more severe degree, as the subject begins to feel anger or violent thoughts, they are projected back within their own mind, without being given a physical outlet into reality." 

Bones nodded a few times and said, “The scans are not locating any actual physical damage to the brain, but it’s not working the way it’s supposed to. There’s a lot more activity, though some of that could be because of Khan’s augmentation, as well. However, things are firing seemingly at random, and Khan does not always seem to be aware of where he is or whom he is with. He’s been identifying Jim as a ‘brother’ because he can scent the blood they share.”

"I see." Spock reflected a moment, then said, "I cannot speculate in this area. I do not have a medical understanding of the designs of augments, nor any historical context for bloodlines and a sense of brotherhood."

“Yeah, it’s a little complicated for us, too, especially considering that Khan has formed a mental bond to Jim,” Bones said, looking at Spock’s face carefully for signs of a reaction. He wanted to ask if there was any precedent for such a bond after a mental attack, but the key here was to gauge the Vulcan’s thoughts and yes, feelings on that revelation. 

Spock was deeply disturbed by this news, though very little of that showed in his face, but perhaps enough for someone like McCoy, who had come to work with him over the years. "Again, my medical knowledge of augments is lacking. I was not aware they were capable of making such bonds. Is this perhaps a temporary state, while Mr. Singh's mind remains traumatized, or are you seeing evidence that it is permanent?" Spock did not like the idea that Jim and Khan were somehow bound together in this way. 

“We’re operating as much in the dark as you are, and Khan is not much help, given his current mental state,” Bones said with a sigh. “Admiral Archer has given us permission to keep Khan aboard for medical treatment, as well as protect him from any attack by Section 31 or Marcus’ other cronies. And if we can get him well enough, he’s to restand trial for everything that happened after his escape from Section 31. He was not fit to stand trial before, so that sentence will be rescinded.”

Understanding that Admiral Archer had been brought in on this, and the decision already made, Spock could only agree with the plan of action. "Very well, Doctor, I will assign a security detail to medical, for the safety of your staff." 

“We’ll ask Jim about that,” Bones said, though he knew it made sense. “You’re sure you can offer nothing that might assist in the treatment of Khan? If it had been anyone else who attacked Khan, I’d ask you to meld with him and help assess his mind, if you were willing. However, as it is, I’m afraid I need to ask you to keep well away from my patient. If he is to turn violent on us, I’d think you’d be a major cause.”

"Yes, I understand, Doctor," Spock said, taking the words to heart with the gravity they deserved. "In the meantime, I will retrieve any medically relevant articles from the Vulcan database that might be of assistance to you in the care of your patient." 

“I appreciate any help you can offer, Spock,” Bones said. “I’m positive Jim will want to talk to you as soon as he can.” He rubbed his face again. “Frankly, I’m not sure how far he can safely move from Khan right now. He may be one of the few things keeping the man sane.”

"I will make myself available to the Captain, at his convenience," Spock said, still not liking the fact that Khan and Jim were somehow bonded so intimately. 

“Do you think there’s a chance Jim’s mind could be damaged by a long-term connection, Spock?” Bones asked. “There’s little literature about the effects of a mind link, though, if you’ll pardon me, a lot of what is known comes from your mother’s link to your father. And certainly, when the link is mutual, there seems to be no negative effects.” He propped his head on his hand and looked a cross between amused and annoyed. “How does Jim get himself into these things?”

Spock however, did not share McCoy's amusement. "There might be a risk, yes. I understand that in many Betazoid couples, and on occasion, in Vulcan bonded pairs, if one partner is in great distress, the other might feel it, in attempt to take on their pain...to lessen the severity. To me, that is a concern." 

Bones swallowed and said, “Jim has already shielded Khan from pain caused by the damage to Khan’s mind. I don’t even know how he’s doing it, nor do I think he knows. With Jim, it’s all instinct. I’m not worried about the man attacking Jim on purpose. But accidentally, during one of his bouts of confusion and pain? Yeah. I’m definitely worried about that, Spock.”

"Understood," Spock said and then stood formally. "Since I must remain absent, I trust that you will look after the Captain." Spock lightly folded his hands behind his back. "If the Captain would like to speak with me now, I will wait here," Spock said, presuming to use McCoy's office for their talk, since being in the augment's presence would undoubtedly be upsetting. 

“I’ll go check on him and my patient. With luck, Khan will be asleep by now.” Bones stood and looked Spock in the eye, mouth a firm line. “I still stand behind the actions you took to save Jim, Spock. And I’ll say so to anyone, if it comes to that. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

"Thank you, Doctor. I am well aware of the moral implications of my actions, and yours. But I made my decision, and would do it again, to save the Captain," Spock said, showing a hint of his loyalty and love for his friend. 

Bones nodded and walked back to the medical room containing Khan and Jim. The captain looked up from his place at Khan’s bedside and put a finger over his mouth, signalling that the augment was sleeping. Bones gestured for Jim to come over, and the captain gave a last gentle pat to Khan’s right shoulder, projecting peaceful feelings, and slipped away quietly to Bones’ side.

“Mr. Spock is in my office and would like to speak with you, Jim,” Bones said softly, so as not to disturb Khan. 

Jim nodded at Bones and said, “I’ll go talk to him. Please look after Khan.” He patted Khan on the shoulder and headed for the medical office. He found Spock standing there, still at military rest. “Spock,” he greeted quietly. “Please, sit down.”

"Captain." Spock waited until Jim was fully in the office and facing him before sitting back down in the chair. "Doctor McCoy has informed me of a mental bond between yourself and Mr. Singh. He says that you are unharmed. Can you confirm this for me?"

“Well, there’s a bit of a lingering headache from when he loses control of his memories and gets upset,” Jim admitted and sat down. “Otherwise, I’m fine...for now. I don’t exactly know what’s going on or how our minds managed to connect, but well, I think I’m glad of it. He wouldn’t have gotten a chance for a fair trial otherwise.”

"My hope is that Doctor McCoy is able to help treat Mr. Singh, with the proper resources. And that you are spared an escalation of this unintended connection," Spock said, pausing for a moment, before forcing himself to speak openly on the delicate issue. "However, Captain, I must confess to you my part in this. Though the longterm effects to Mr. Singh were unintentional, I am responsible for the catalyst of their origin. Upon your death and upon confronting Mr. Singh, I purposefully, knowingly, and violently melded with him, in order to overwhelm him."

“Yeah, I figured,” Jim said with a sigh. “You were pretty angry when I died, weren’t you?” He smiled at the other man with a hint of regret and thanks intermingled. “You did things you’d never do in an ordinary situation. It’s just come back to bite us in the ass a little bit. Do you regret what you did?”

Spock was internally grateful that Jim was being calm about this. "Captain, I do not regret the steps taken to secure the prisoner, Khan, in order to save your life. It is, however, unfortunate and troubling, that the augment Khan has been unable to heal from the attack, since I healed in a matter of days." Spock had expected the augment to do the same.

“Spock, I know you hate speculation, but any idea of what kind of damage you may have done would be helpful,” Jim said. “What exactly did you do when you attacked his mind? Tell me what you were thinking, what you were feeling. Anything that might be of help.” He rubbed a little at the side of his head, a strange expression on his face. “It’s weird, having someone in my mind this way...a little piece of him always there.”

"Captain-" Spock did not like seeing Jim like this, affected, influenced by the enemy. Nor did he want to talk about his feelings, especially since they were quite dark, and Jim might think very poorly of him after hearing it. But it needed to be said. "I was feeling...enraged. Watching you die, believing that I had lost you, as illogical as it sounds, Captain...it broke my heart. And I wanted to break Khan in the same manner. But I could not break his heart, only his will, his spirit. So, I forced my way into his mind and ripped at everything I could access." 

“His heart was already broken, Spock,” Jim said softly. “He thought his people were dead. He had no hope left. I can feel the echo of that sometimes, when he forgets that they’re alive. It’s- it’s pretty horrible.” He sighed and looked at Spock with an even gaze. “You tore up his mind, Spock. I think you were the first person to best him in a hand-to-hand contest, even if you had some help from Uhura. How he managed to fight you after you attacked his mind is beyond me.”

"At the time, it was the best and most efficient weapon available to me," Spock said, "He was a strong adversary." It was easy to admit, since it was the truth, and Spock nearly had not gotten the upper hand. "But the long term effects of our battle was not intentional, Captain. However, now that I have been made aware of them, I am willing to do what I can to help in his recovery, go on record regarding my actions, and resign my post." 

Jim made a face at his friend and said, “No, let’s not do that, Spock. I’m not losing you. Understand? But we’re going to have to report something to Starfleet about Khan’s brain injury. So, we’ll have to think about that. Unless you want to report yourself. That’s up to you. I will stand by you and provide testimony on your behalf, if you feel that your conscience demands exact truth.” He smiled tiredly at his friend and said, “I’d like you to recommend a Vulcan healer or two, if you know any, who might be willing to help Khan...and me. We need someone with experience to really check on the kind of damage you did to him. And to tell us what kind of bond has formed between our minds. I’d ask you to check me, but I’m not sure if he could sense you and what might happen if he can. So...we’ll just have to wait.”

"Thank you, Captain," Spock said, valuing the support of his friend. Now that Spock knew the severity of the damage he had caused was longterm, he did feel obligated to come forward with the truth. Especially since it would also require Jim and McCoy to lie for him, or withhold the truth from this day forward, if he did not admit to his role in these events. "I will contact New Vulcan, immediately," he promised. "In the meantime, I would like to post Security here in Medical, so that they might be available to the Doctor and his staff, should Mr. Singh prove volatile and out of your control." 

Jim bit and worried his lower lip for a moment, eyes gazing into the distance as he considered the idea. “I understand that it’s wise to put guards on Khan, but I don’t want to upset the man anymore than he already is. Submit to me the names of the people you would like to use as guards, and a single one will be assigned to stand outside of the door of Khan’s medical office at all times. On rotating shifts, of course. We don’t need more than one at a time. Even if Khan got violent, he wouldn’t get far before his mind crippled him again.”

"Yes, Captain," Spock agreed to the terms, for now. If Khan proved difficult to handle, then Spock would insist on a stronger presence, in order to keep the crew safe. "I will arrange it." 

Jim gave Spock a sideways look and said, “You’re not happy with this at all.” He sighed and said, “There is one other complication, Spock. Depending on how things go, the possibility exists that this link will render me unable to command. I need you to be here to take command if that happens.”

"My happiness is not relevant," Spock said, prepared to do his job, even though he was quite unhappy with Khan's influence on Jim. "Yes, Captain, I have considered it. From my perspective, the Enterprise and the crew comes first... any deviance from that, and I will know you are being affected by the mental link between yourself and Mr. Singh."

Jim chuckled and said, “Well, at least I know you won’t be illogical about our friendship and let it get in the way with taking me out of command if necessary.” His eyes narrowed a little, mouth thinning just as quickly. “But I’m not sure I can trust you to be objective. Your anger at Khan was illogical, and I don’t think it’s completely gone. So, I’m going to ask Uhura to act as the arbiter of both of our fitness. She may love you and dislike me, but she’ll be fair.”

"Yes, Captain. Understood." When it came to his friendship with Jim Kirk, no, perhaps he could no longer be objective. But surely there had been some logic in his anger, even if the way he expressed it had been damaging. However, that was not a conversation to have, but a subject for the Vulcan to meditate on. 

Jim smiled again and said, “Thanks, Spock. I’m sorry this is all such a mess. Someday, we’ll have an easy mission where everything goes smoothly. Right?” He patted Spock on the shoulder.

"If I may, Captain, your history has a ratio which favors difficult missions, by an ex-" Spock cut himself off, now recognizing that Jim had not meant to know the calculable odds of easy versus troublesome missions. With some hesitation, Spock adapted and changed his answer. "Yes, Captain. The odds are, someday, we will have an easier mission." 

Jim laughed softly at the Vulcan’s initial foray into calculating the odds. “But not in our favor, huh? Get me your list, Spock. I need to get back to Khan. He’s waking up. I don’t want him to be alone when he does. I- I’m beginning to like him, Spock, now that I can feel his mind and understand his feelings.”

No, Spock did not like that at all. Respect for sentient life was necessary for all Starfleet officers, but when Jim had offered aid to Nero and his crew, Spock did not approve. Nor did he now approve showing sympathy for the augment, Khan. "Yes, Captain. I will." Spock stood straight and folded his hands behind his back, awaiting for Jim to return to McCoy's patient before he would attend to his own tasks.

Jim grinned again and nodded at him. “As you were, Mr. Spock,” he said and headed back in to see to Khan.


	3. Chapter 3

Rosenthal, one of the younger members of Communications came into medical, two hours after a security officer had been placed there. He did not know why the presence was necessary, but walked by him in order to reach the room where Jim Kirk currently occupied. "Captain," he said, not accustomed to delivering these messages by person, but it was sensitive information that required secure handling. "There is a private call for you, from New Vulcan, on channel eight, Sir." He barely noticed the other man with the Captain, as he had never directly spoken to the commanding officer before.

“Oh, shit,” Jim said, knowing who that was and wondering who’d blown his cover this time. “Thanks, Ensign. I’ll take it in Bones’ office.” He gave the young man a jaunty salute and turned to Khan, hand on his right arm. “Will you be alright for a few minutes?”

"Yes, thank you," Khan said, biting into his third piece of buttered toast. The augment had been offered anything he wanted to eat, but had only expressed a desire for toast and tea. Which was enough, for now, as it was better then the man not eating at all.

“Just, you know, call if you need me,” Jim said and tapped the side of his head. Their bond had been strengthening, although it still was not long since it had been forged. “And try to eat more toast, at least. You’re going to give me gray hairs from worry.”

"I will be alright," Khan said, comforted that Kirk would not be far away. That he wouldn't need to scream for him, all he would need to do is call for him in his mind, ask him, leave an impression that he desired his company, and the young Captain would return. It was a strange thing to discover, but between napping and the last two hours, Khan was beginning to get a sense of their connection. 

“Good,” Jim said and projected a sense of warmth to Khan. “Don’t go anywhere.” He winked at the augment and headed for Bones’ office. As he took the seat at the desk, he activated the computer and grinned at the face that appeared in front of him on the screen. “Spock! How did I know you’d be calling me all of a sudden?”

"Jim." The older version of Spock, who had been friend to Jim Kirk until the end of his lifetime in his own universe, was now friend to the Jim in this universe as well. Though he still strongly believed it was important for the Jim and Spock of this universe to grow together as friends, Spock could not help himself in keeping old ties with a friend who was both new and old to him.

"I have received two messages regarding some trouble you have found yourself in, my friend. One from Admiral Archer and another from Commander Spock. Perhaps you would care to explain the situation to me in person?" 

“Uh, how much did they tell you exactly?” Jim asked, rubbing the back of his neck with a bit of a sheepish look. Honestly, he’d been avoiding this conversation because the older Spock was one of the only people who could scold him effectively. The half-Vulcan could make him feel like a very naughty child with just one perfectly raised eyebrow.

"I see," Spock said with some amusement. "There are aspects of your situation you do not wish to relay to me? Very well-" Spock folded his hands on the table as he looked at Jim before speaking again, "Per requests from both Admiral Archer and Commander Spock, I understand that you are looking for a Vulcan healer. At this time, Jim, New Vulcan cannot spare the few healers we have left. However, I am acquainted with a Betazoid healer, Lwanni Troi, whom I know and trust." In both this universe and the other.

“Don’t do that,” Jim said, feeling guilty without any specific reason, except that Spock’s understanding did him in. “I do need a healer. But not just me.” He blew out a little breath. “The healer is for Khan...and me. We- uh, well, somehow, there’s a link between our minds. It reminds me a lot of what it felt like when you melded with me. Only more two-directional...and he’s there all the time.” He sighed and shifted in his seat, managing to look even more woebegone. “Khan’s mind is damaged, Spock. It’s so fucked up in there right now. I’m one of the only things helping him keep a grip, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

"Khan?" Spock looked grave quite abruptly, the lines of his aged face showing his years and experiences through very difficult days. "To clarify, Jim, you are referring to Khan Noonien Singh? Your mind is linked with Khan Noonien Singh?"

“Oh, they hadn’t told you that,” Jim said and drooped a little, before offering a wan, but real, smile. “Yeah, that’s the guy, Spock. I went to visit him before he was put back into cryosleep, and he was a mess. Just completely out of it. And when I touched him, bam!, we had a link. He doesn’t know how it happened, but I can guess why. Some part of him recognized the blood we shared. I think his mind was trying to repair and protect itself from the damage of the meld. So, yeah, now I’ve got him in my skull all the time. Just like a little point of light inside my mind.”

"Jim-" Spock continued to look quite upset by this news, which though barely visible, was more expressive than the younger Commander Spock of this universe. "Khan Noonien Singh is the most dangerous adversary the Enterprise ever faced," he said, repeating the warning that he had previously given to his younger self. "It is distressing to contemplate, having such a man inside your mind."

Spock typed at the computer console, offscreen. "I promised Commander Spock that I would not interfere in the events of his life, as I believe they must play out without the influence of my experience. However, this event appears unique to your circumstance. I am making arrangements right now to escort the doctor, Lwanni Troi, and should be there shortly."

“Well, yeah, I can use all the help I can get,” Jim said, leaning forward to look at Spock. “And you’re not wrong that Khan was extremely dangerous and formidable as an opponent. But he’s not an enemy now, Spock. He needs our help...he’s Bones’ patient. Besides, he had good cause for going off the deep end, what with the way Marcus treated him and all. I’m not saying what he did was right, but there were mitigating circumstances.”

"I am unfamiliar with these details," Spock said, not dismissing the information, but recognizing that a different sequence of events took place, which effected the attitude Jim now had for the 20th century augment. "This is a conversation I expect us to have in person. In the meantime, Jim, be aware, even injured or in apparent need for help, Khan can still be dangerous. I understand that you are feeling a strong connection with him, perhaps even empathy, but I encourage you to use the connection as an early warning system, should he prove hostile." 

Jim lightly reached out with his mind and touched Khan’s, noting the anger there, yes, but it was deeply twined with loneliness and a kind of bittersweet gratitude for the link between them. He sent a warm wave as apology for snooping and said to Spock, “I will, if it’s necessary. But I’d prefer to use our link as a way to keep him healthy and free from urges to attack. I’ve been learning how to do that. It’s weird, but almost natural?”

"That is exceptional, Jim. You have the makings of a telepathic healer, albeit for a single patient," Spock said, impressed, and yet, also unsurprised that Jim would naturally master such an advanced form of communication. 

Jim made a rude noise and said, “I am no healer, Spock. I’m always terrified I’m going to fuck up and make him worse. He’s a tangle of memories all garbled up into a black ball of confusion. It might help if there was more happiness in there to try and draw on. As it is, he’s mostly stuck with what I’ve got, and you know I’m not exactly sunshine and roses here.” He leaned his head on one hand. “So, how long until you get here?”

"Indeed," Spock agreed, but his tone was gentle and not a reflection on Jim's hard times. He knew there were many exceptional memories there, too, and many more to create. "From New Vulcan to Earth, you may expect us in six hours. In the meantime, I recommend that both of you keep stress to a minimum and rest, as treatment may very well prove exhausting to your brains."

“You know how hard it is to get an augment to nap?” Jim asked with a grin, but quickly turned serious. “Should I take myself off duty for awhile? Is this going to incapacitate me?” He wasn’t really looking forward to that, but he’d do what needed to be done.

Spock raised an eyebrow at the proposed question of getting an augment to nap, but well understood it was not something Jim expected an answer to. "Yes, Jim, I recommend that you step down for the time being. Right now, you are sharing your brain, your thoughts, with another, not willingly, but by force. Medically, this might fall under a parasitic arrangement, which is indeed grounds to question your ability to do your job. Even though you might not feel incapacitated right now, you cannot consent to the link between your minds; you cannot detach from it at will, and that is deeply concerning." 

“Whoa there,” Jim said with a scowl. “I meant for the next few days of treatment, not for the duration. I’m doing fine as captain, even with the shared brain thing, and I’m not giving that up for paranoid Vulcans. I’ll consider the idea for the moment and get back to you about it when you get here.” He nodded firmly. “You more than anyone know that I wouldn’t endanger the Enterprise. She still comes first.”

"Very good, Jim," Spock said. Even if Jim was unhappy to hear the suggestion, it was necessary for Spock to deliver the logic of the situation, so that it was heard, without whatever bias Jim might be experiencing. "We have a great many things to talk about, once I am aboard the Enterprise." 

Jim hesitated again and then nodded. “Yes, we really do. But I guess I’m looking forward to it.” He winked at Spock. “No matter what, it’ll be good to see you...old friend. I’ll tell Spock and Bones that you’re coming and bringing a healer. Can you send us any information on her? I’d like to read up and have Bones and Khan do the same.”

"Yes, Jim, I will send you a log of her work history, education, and training after we've ended this call. Will that be all?" he asked, a small part of him still reacting to Jim as his Captain. 

“Yep. Except for having a safe flight here,” Jim said. “And thanks for coming to my aid...again. I’m so glad I still have you to rely on.” He made a quick ta’al and said, “See you soon, Spock.”

"And you, Jim," Spock offered the same salute, but with Jim, the gesture was not as formal. His fingers were relaxed, offered up as if it were a gentle kiss, before Spock ended transmission.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jim sat on the biobed next to Khan, waiting for Bones to bring the older Spock and the Betazoid healer, Lwanni, to them. He tried not to fiddle and squirm too much, but knew Khan could feel his nervous state. “You’re sure you’re cool with this?” he asked, needing to hear the other man’s reassurance again. “This Spock isn’t the one who attacked you, but it is another Spock. And the healer is going to want to probe into both of our minds. So, I want to be sure.”

"Yes, I understand," Khan said, remaining still in comparison as he sat next to Jim. The augment kept his eyes closed as if he were still sleeping, even though he was very conscious and aware of the room and Jim's anxiety. Without a visual aid to show that there were two men named Spock, and that one was from another universe, it was difficult to believe. Similarly, it was difficult to believe that anyone inside his brain could possibly be there for a good reason, that they would be gentle and help heal the injuries there. But even with those doubts, Khan had still consented to the arrangement. 

“I know you’re nervous, too,” Jim mumbled, giving him a gentle nudge through the link. It was an almost playful touch, as he had learned more and more about their connection over the hours.

At that moment, the door opened, and a red-faced Dr. McCoy led in old Spock and on his arm, one of the most dazzling displays of femininity that Jim had seen in a long time. She stood just a little shorter than the doctor and possessed lively and devilish brown eyes which matched in color her long, flowing brunette hair that dangled to her waist. Her dress was simple, but elegant- a rich, purple gown that swirled with every step and adhered in perfection to every curve. Her mouth was curled into a wicked smile, and Jim would bet a year’s salary that she was the cause of Bones’ coloration. Behind them, the older Spock’s face showed his amusement clearly without seeming to be other than serious. That was a trick Jim wanted to learn.

“Bones,” he greeted, hopping off the bed and walking toward his guests, “are you going to introduce me?”

“This is Captain James T. Kirk,” Bones said, glaring a little at Jim for using his nickname (as if he thought his friend would do anything else).

“Captain Kirk,” Lwanni said in a deep, smoky tone, “I have heard much about you.” She shook his extended hand, obviously familiar with human customs.

“All good, I hope,” Jim said and dimpled when she simply smirked at him. He turned his attention to Spock. “Spock! It’s good to see you.” He gave him an inappropriate hug, knowing the older Vulcan did not mind. “And now, may I introduce you both to Khan Noonien Singh.” He gestured to the augment. “Come say hi.”

Khan felt odd twinges of excitement and joy that were not his own. It was a little jarring, having a sense of happiness when he watched Jim embrace the older Vulcan. The old Vulcan did not look like Commander Spock at all, even though Jim had said it was the same man, from another universe. It was difficult. Had he been in a clear state of mind, he would have taken the information and understood it with ease, and perhaps felt some curiosity at the possibility of traveling between time and space of parallel universes. But as it was, the augment was struggling with making connections that were usually easy for him.

Sliding off the edge of the biobed, Khan let his feet touch the floor, as he stood before the Vulcan and Betazoid healer. If he meant to say anything in greeting, it never left his lips. Instead, he simply stood there.

“Mr. Khan,” Lwanni said and bowed to him with a graceful little movement. “I am Dr. Troi of the Betazed Medical Institute. We are primarily healers of the mind, and I am a specialist with over twenty Earth years experience. I have not had many human patients, but believe I may be able to assist both you and Captain Kirk.” Her manner was completely different with Khan, showing him complete respect and professionalism.

“And I am Ambassador Spock of Vulcan,” Spock said in his rich tones. “Although I have no formal training in the healing of the mind, I am well familiar with mind-melding between human and Vulcan, as well as more intimately familiar with the mind of Captain Kirk. If you are willing, I, too, would be involved in this matter.”

"Yes..." Khan frowned slightly without meaning to. He had a sense of Jim's trust, especially for Ambassador Spock, even though it was not his own. The augment still wanted to come to his own conclusions, looking over each in turn. "Doctor. Ambassador," he repeated back and then pressed his right hand over his right eye as he fought the starting stages of a new headache. "You are here to help." 

Jim instantly moved to Khan’s side and put a hand over his, trying to ease the pain he felt with his own mind.

Lwanni’s eyes widened at the action, and she said, “Your connection is much stronger than I would have predicted based on when it was formed. Have either of you ever been tested for such abilities in the past?”

“Jim’s always been about psi neutral, ma’am,” Bones said in his most velvet tones, “but after his mind meld with Ambassador Spock and blood transfusion from Khan, those numbers have gone up a bit.”

Tested? Khan recoiled internally, strong and fast. He had good reason to be defensive, as tests on his abilities were not generally kind. His fingers trembled slightly, but the augment forced his hands down to his sides, fingers closing into fists to control them. He wanted to say that he was as he was designed to be. But that was no longer true, since he was showing such faults. "I will not...we will not submit," Khan said darkly, though it was not entirely a conversation directed to the people in front of him, but an echo of a conversation long ago. "Any flaw in us, creator, is because you put it there. The fault is not our own. We will no longer submit. You cannot control us."

“Shit,” Jim swore and whirled around to rest his hands over each of Khan’s fists and project calming thoughts into his swirling mind. “Not those kinds of tests, Khan,” he soothed verbally, reinforcing the positive mental waves. “Dr. Troi and Ambassador Spock aren’t going to hurt us. Remember, they want to help us.” He gently projected Khan saying that himself just a moment ago. 

Lwanni circled the pair to get a look at their faces, her own mind reading everything going on between them. The Captain was able to control a great deal more of the interaction than should be possible for an untrained mind. She wanted a better look at the bond, as well as at both men’s minds to see how that was possible. “Ambassador Spock,” she said, “you spoke of knowing Captain Kirk’s mind well. Is this level of control a surprise to you?”

Spock watched Jim carefully, curious about the power he had over Khan. "Jim Kirk has great influence with his friends," Spock admitted with ease, though in no reality would he ever have considered Khan to be a friend to Kirk. "It is difficult to answer you, as Jim has a talent for surprising me with his talent, genius, humor, compassion, in many ways. However- this specific interaction, does indeed surprise me."

Lwanni nodded and said, “We shall need to explore these abilities further to understand the nature of the bond that has formed and why. This will assist us in determining if the bond is safe and if it may be safely severed. Also, I need to explore further the damage caused by the attack on Khan’s mind. I can sense of them the breaches in the walls of his mind, but not deeply enough to understand their depth.”

"They are here to help us," Khan repeated back after a deep breath, glancing down between their chests, finding comfort in mimicking the way Jim drew breath in and out.

Jim smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s right. Do you know if you have any abilities toward telepathy, Khan? Is that something an augment is better at than a normal human?” His grin turned a little cheeky at that and some of his mischief leaked into their bond. 

The augment however was not stable enough to respond to the humor. Instead he answered Jim's question directly. "Telepathy is not a known trait, no," Khan said with a little frown before adding, "But I can sense that you are different...you are closer to me than you were before."

Jim nodded and glanced at Spock and Lwanni. “Is that enough information to begin?”

“Yes, that’s a good start. Will you each submit to a mental examination?” Lwanni asked. “I will probe your mind with my own, facilitated by touch, and seek out the connection between you, as well as look in greater detail at the damage to Khan’s mind.”

“Will that interfere with our sensing of each other?” Jim asked.

Lwanni visibly hesitated and then said, “It may be necessary to attempt interference with the bond to test the strength, but I will warn you beforehand.”

Jim nodded and said, “I’m willing to submit to the examination. Khan, how about you?”

"Yes, you are here to help," Khan said again, assuring himself and in a way the others in the room, that he knew their purpose there was not to harm, even if his reactions were not entirely welcoming. "You may put it to the test. You may, enter into my mind," he said, doing his best to give very clear consent while he had the ability to do so.

“I’ll stay close by,” Jim said and gently led Khan back to the bio bed to sit down. “Would you like me to get my exam first, so you can see that it’s not going to hurt you?” he asked, leaning against the side of the bed and brushing Khan with one shoulder.

“That will be perfectly acceptable to me,” Lwanni said. “And if that will make Khan feel more comfortable with the procedure, then I recommend the suggestion.”

Though Khan was no child, he clung to this idea as if he were as vulnerable and scared as one. "Yes," he said, keeping his eyes on Jim as he sat on the biobed, and even kept one hand touching Jim around the wrist.

Jim smiled to reassure the whole room and fought down any nervousness as the Betazoid approached him and lifted a hand. “I’m ready, Doc,” he told her, chin tilted up fearlessly.

“Of course you are, Captain,” Lwanni said with a warm smile. “I can conduct most of my examination without physical contact, but it does strengthen my abilities. Therefore, I wish to merely touch your right arm, as Khan touches your left.” She lightly set two fingers on the back of his hand and nodded. “Now, try to be still and just think quiet thoughts. Dr. McCoy, please monitor the captain’s vital signs for me.”

On occasion, Spock turned his eyes away from Jim, to observe Doctor McCoy with some fondness. Spock could honestly admit to himself that he missed all his old friends, even McCoy's often belligerent attitude towards him. But McCoy tended to save his scathing remarks for the Spock of this universe, which was quite right for him to do so as they developed and evolved a working relationship of their own.

In a way, it was also troubling to observe Khan for too long. The man before him in this room was not the augment he knew, which held some further concerns for the Vulcan that he wanted to address, once it was appropriate to do so.

Jim could feel the cool presence of the Betazoid now that she was more clearly probing his mind. He tried to make sure he remained calm and projected that to Khan. He could sense her exploration of the bond, but realized somehow that he could not communicate with her in the same way he did the augment. She would hear him if he sent thoughts her way, but only because of her natural skills and not because they had a connection. It was a strange thing to just ‘know,’ but he did, just like he ‘knew’ how to move his arms or legs. “So, Doc, do I have a pretty mind?” he asked to break the silence, grinning when Bones snorted.

“Indeed, your mind is quite fascinating,” Lwanni said, deliberately using the term of Jim’s close Vulcan friends. “What I cannot tell… Khan, do you feel when I push against the link?”

"Yes-" Khan said quietly. His fingers curled around Jim's wrist, holding and petting the skin. Though he was staring at Jim, he continued to answer her question. "I can feel you reaching out, through him...like a bridge, but more then that." More accurately, it was like having a small pile of thin papers on top of one another, and pressing a single finger down on the top one, which impacted the others, down to the bottom layer.

“But it’s not painful,” Jim said. “Or invasive, the way you’re doing it.” 

“Good, as I do not mean it to be. Khan, please transmit a thought or feeling along your bond with Jim,” Lwanni said. “I wish to see how strong the link is. Try not to strain or force the action. Let it occur as naturally as possible. Dr. McCoy, are you collecting all of the information from the scans of their brains?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bones said. “I see some definite spikes that are similar to things recorded from bonded Vulcans.” He tilted the instrument so Spock could read it as well.

"No, it is not painful." Khan agreed, then silently thanked Jim and asked him to hold his hand. It was as natural a request as Khan could make under the circumstances, even though asking for reassurance was not at all natural to the way he had been designed. 

Jim did not even think before moving his hand to thread through Khan’s, the reaction natural. Indeed, the thought of denying his request would have pained Jim. He could feel how the augment needed the reassurance of his touch. Denying that would be cruel and completely out of character. He sent a wave of assurance to Khan that he did not mind giving him whatever comfort he could.

“That was strong,” Lwanni breathed. “There is no need, Captain, to ask you to project to Khan. You do that without conscious desire. What would the both of you think if I asked you to try to close the link…not permanently, but as a test? To see if you can keep your feelings and thoughts from each other.”

Jim frowned at the idea and looked to Khan. “My instinctive reaction is a very firm no,” he said to the augment.

"No-" Khan had said and agreed almost at the same time. "I can't. It wouldn't feel right." It was like asking a waterfall to stop flowing. Perhaps with the right tools it was possible, but such things were against the nature of its purpose and existence. "I don't want to," he said, giving a small squeeze to their joined fingers. 

“Sorry, Doc, no can do on that for now,” Jim said with a look at her. 

Lwanni nodded and studied his face. “Then, may I be allowed to attempt to interfere with the bond?”

A thundercloud passed over his face for a second, as again instinct flared with a powerful and negative reaction that to suggestion. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, either,” he said quietly. “I’m positive I wouldn’t like it...and I don’t think we should hurt Khan that way right now.” He squeezed the augment’s hand.

Lwanni stepped away from the pair and looked to Spock. “If I may ask your informed opinion, Mr Spock.”

"My opinion, based on the readings from Doctor McCoy and the verbal responses you have gotten indicate to me that the two are bonded in the way often associated with Vulcan couples. It is deep and unifying, as two minds become one. Attempting to interfere might cause great pain for both parties, as in Vulcan culture, such an act would be considered assault." Though neither Khan nor Jim were Vulcan and the link could not possibly be exactly the same as with true Vulcans, Spock was beginning to see the strong similarities. 

“But how did it happen?” Jim asked, curious, but not really upset. “Neither of us have any known telepathic abilities.”

Bones cleared his throat and said, “If I may speculate wildly, despite the inherent illogic of doing so, what Khan has is an incredible gift for survival. His healing abilities are off the charts. His mind, facing an injury it could not repair, sensed a kinship with you, Jim, due to your shared blood, and forged a way to link to your mind. That link helps keep all of the strain off of Khan’s brain. You take on a lot of his unbalance. Calm him when he becomes distressed. Correct his course when he becomes confused. Protect him from those who wish to harm the link-” he nodded to Lwanni “-even in the name of helping you both.”

“Is that possible, Khan? Could your mind do such a thing?” Jim asked, looking to the augment.

Internally, the answer was yes, somewhere deep inside, quietly making itself known. But Khan was slow to accept it. Though the more he thought about it, the longer Kirk kept him in a calm state enough to actually use some of his formidable brain power, the more clear it became to the augment. "Yes, it is possible," he agreed. 

“I have never heard of such a thing. Not in all of my travels amongst other species,” Lwanni said. “The differences between the brains of those who are not telepathic and those who are differ considerably. To simply wake up those areas of the brain so they begin to function...I did not know that was possible. And in a brain that was damaged.” She smiled at Khan. “You are truly an extraordinary individual, Khan.”

Jim squeezed his hand again gently and sent a wave of agreement toward him. “I’m glad I could help you,” he said quietly. “That you trusted me enough to forge this link.”

Though Khan heard the compliment, it was difficult to accept. He did not feel extraordinary, he felt wounded, and weak, and that was a very uncomfortable feeling for the augment. "I did not know I was doing it at the time," Khan said, but kept holding Jim's hand. He had not consciously chosen Jim Kirk, but now that they were linked, could not imagine it being with anyone else. He felt safe with Jim, though would not say so in the company of others. He trusted, somehow the young man's presence in his mind. Even though it had not been intended, it was unobtrusive. 

“I know,” Jim said with a squeeze of their joined hands. “That doesn’t matter. I’m still glad to help.”

“I would like to examine your mind now, Khan,” Lwanni said, stepping closer to the augment. “I should also like to touch your hand to have a physical, as well as mental link with you. I will attempt to make the procedure as non-invasive as possible. Will you permit it?” She did not step closer, making it clear she would wait for the augment to invite her to proceed.

"Yes, I understand," Khan said quietly. Another small headache began to build, as his mind began to anticipate the dangers of someone inside of his head again. But with Jim there, and a few deep breaths, Khan worked to clear his mind, to keep it as neutral as possible. He did not wish to have an irrational response to her attempts to examine the damage done to his mind, but also did not have any control over it either. Offering his free hand to the healer, Khan silently asked that she tread gently. 

Lwanni nodded her understanding, having heard that thought very clearly. She lightly laid her fingers on the hand offered to her and stifled a gasp at the sudden, intense confusion that swept over her. Raising her mental shields a bit, she gently probed at the damaged part of his mind, finding it a stark ruins. And the sheer chaos which threatened to engulf the man was held back by a strong and constant thread of connection, which she read almost like a pure beam of light in the darkness. 

Jim could somehow feel Lwanni poking around in Khan’s mind. He did not wish the augment to be nervous and reassured him as best he might. “Are you alright, Khan?”

To keep his own internal gaze from following that of Lwanni Troi, to slip into those dark corners, Khan drew himself in closer to the light, and even physically leaned into Jim, head turned slightly away from the onlookers. "Yes...alright," Khan forced himself to answer, clinging to the lifeline that Jim offered, to keep from being swallowed up by the ash storm consuming his brain and constantly threatening to drown and suffocate him. 

Jim responded by inching closer to Khan and let their heads touch lightly, feeling the connection respond to their physical proximity. And he focused on projecting calming, bright thoughts, knowing what the doctor did inside his head bothered him immensely. “You’re good, Khan. Everything is fine. Just focus on me.”

“Yes, please do,” Lwanni said softly and pressed against their bond carefully from Khan’s side. “I should like to see that interaction. I will not interfere with your bond. I promise.”

"Good. Everything is fine," Khan repeated back quietly. The damage in the augment's head was overwhelming, but with Jim giving him something else to focus on, it went ignored for the more part. The memory of taste, of something sweet. The cool, comforting night air. Small sights and experiences that Khan collected up in placing of facing the destruction, the unbearable pain, mourning, loneliness and isolation. A few small triggers were set off, interrupting Khan's sight of calm and peace a few times, but with Jim there, Khan was able to ignore them, or push them back himself, without being overwhelmed by thousands more like it. All quick responses, from both Khan and Jim, fighting and navigating a battle that was new for both of them, slowly, successfully. 

Lwanni nodded after a few moments and withdrew, walking a few steps away. “I require some small bit of time to record what I have seen,” she said. “Dr. McCoy, do you have a place I might do so in private? I wish to think on my words, before I speak to you, Captain Kirk, Khan.” She looked back to them and said, “Your bond is...well, it is exceptionally strong. As if in direct contrast to the damage to Khan’s mind. As if acting as an equal counterweight to that damage. I have not experienced such a connection between any individuals both of whom were not born with telepathic ability.” She looked to Khan and said, “The damage to your mind is extensive and of a vastly complicated nature. The attack targeted the most vulnerable pieces of your mind and tore them asunder. Your conscious mind lies in tatters, unable to properly connect or function. Only the support you get from Captain Kirk’s mind keeps you from going brain dead. I do not know how you managed between the attack and the connection, but even with your amazing powers of recuperation, I do not believe you would have lived much longer.”

Khan registered the observation from Lwanni, but had difficulty responding to it. He wanted to ask how she intended to repair the damage, if it would be done at all once, or by mending small sections of his mind at a time. He wanted to know if she could rebuilding his mind, or if that was something only for scientists, or perhaps impossible altogether. But he was exhausted, even with Jim’s help, to have managed this level of normalcy for as long as he had. Instead, Khan simply turned and moved back onto the biobed to lay down again, turning on his side, with his back to the others in the room. It was rude and disregarded social custom, but Khan had the sound excuse that he was unwell and did not have the strength to be polite. It was impressive enough that he knew his own needs, and obeyed them.

Spock gave a small clearing of his throat, feeling that they should all leave the room for the time being. They needed to discuss the problem set before them, without laying it on the augment who was having difficulty enough as it was. "I have some observations of my own that I would like to discuss." He said quietly, gesturing to the door to leave the room.

“An excellent suggestion,” Dr. McCoy said and extended an arm to Lwanni, smiling at her as she took it. “I’ll escort you to my office, ma’am.” He led her out, aware of Spock behind them. “I’m interested in hearing what both of you think of the situation.”

Jim watched them go and then moved to hop on the side of the bio bed beside Khan. He scooted so he pressed against the augment. “You did so good, Khan,” he soothed. “Just get some sleep now. I’ll be here to watch after you. Don’t worry about anything.”

"Thank you ... thank you, for staying," Khan said.

“Whatever you need, Khan. I promise.” Jim reached back to make sure there was some skin-to-skin contact to help facilitate the bond and allow Khan to get some rest.

Spock took in this last sight of Jim and Khan, reluctantly leaving the two alone. But upon leaving the private medical room, Spock approached one of the computer consoles and began to open up the archives. His fingers moved across the display quickly, well practiced over the years. He frowned and shook his head once he found the information he was looking for.

After escorting the Betazoid to his office and settling her in at his computer console, Bones exited and looked for the older Vulcan. He watched the man’s actions curiously for a moment and approached slowly to circle the Vulcan and computer and face him. “May I ask what you’re looking at, Ambassador? I know you may consider it private, but as both of those men’s doctor...and Jim’s best friend, I think I have a right to know what you’re thinking. I don’t mean to be forward, but seeing those two together is giving me hives.”

"I can relate to the emotion you are feeling, Doctor. More than you may know." Spock confessed. He sighed deeply and turned his attention to McCoy, while also showing him the computer screen display. "I thought perhaps, due to the differences between where I am from, and this universe, there could be some explanation for what I am seeing, but Doctor, I must say... that man in there is not Khan. Your historical records, as I have just confirmed through the archives, shows a very different man." Spock indicated the screen with a single finger. "This is the Khan Noonien Singh of your history. This is the Khan I know from my time, as well...and that man in there with Jim is not Khan."

“Actually, I’m afraid there is an explanation,” Bones said. “Khan told Jim, and he managed to hack into Section 31’s records and find the files.” He stepped forward to the computer and accessed his private server, which was double passworded and protected by Jim’s fiercest programs. And in a moment, he stepped back to let Spock see what he’d pulled up. “These are the records of a completely physical reworking of Khan’s body that was performed by doctors in Section 31. They completely changed his outward appearance as part of trying to disguise his true nature from everyone, including himself. They were the first ones to mess with his mind, before our Spock…” He trailed off and looked pained. “Dammit, I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

The older, vastly more experienced Spock found this to be grave and troubling news. His own grey skin paled somewhat as he looked over the files. "This is horrendous," he commented, clearly having never seen such a thing from his own time. But then his focus shifted from the screen to McCoy, hesitant to press for the truth, before deciding he would not. McCoy had already shared a great deal in the last few minutes, and more then he had meant to. Spock still wanted his alternate self to choose his own path, even though right now it was very startling. So sparing McCoy from speaking on the matter further, Spock returned to his original comment. "Very well, I accept that these alterations account for the physical differences. But the Khan I know, would never allow himself to be seen in such a fragile, vulnerable state. He would rather die." Spock frowned, reflecting quietly for a moment before speaking again. "This sequence of events is a surprise to me, Doctor. Allow me time to reevaluate the situation, so that I might be useful to you."

“I would have agreed with you from our first encounters, Ambassador,” Bones said. “That Khan was proud and fierce and determined to let nothing stop him from getting to his family. He was frankly terrifying. The man who Jim found in the holding cell of Starfleet Headquarters is nothing like that man. Maybe he would let himself die, if not for the rest of his people, his family. And now, Jim.” He sighed and said, “Truth is, I don’t know if I wish Jim hadn’t gone to see him. If I’d known he was planning it, I would have tried to dissuade him. He wouldn’t have ended up bonded to Khan. But he might never have forgiven himself for not going either, especially if Khan up and died. And if this bond humanizes Khan in a way he never was before...well, wouldn’t that be a better outcome, too?” He shook his head a few times. “You’re not the only one who needs to reevaluate, Ambassador. The only one who seems sure is Jim.”

Spock had a lifetime of following Jim's instincts, and knew McCoy was well familiar with following them too. But that did not make the situation any less difficult to bear. "The decision to go to Khan cannot be undone. We must support out friend and care for him." All of which McCoy already knew, but sometimes stating the obvious was necessary. "When Dr. Troi is done making her notes, we should discuss a plan of action. Breaking the bond between Jim and Khan does not appear to be a possibility, until Khan has been returned to a stable mental state." And even then, Spock had doubts, but for now it could not be the priority. 

Bones nodded his agreement, frown still firmly in place. “Was it this hard, being Jim’s friend, in the other reality? I swear he goes from crisis to crisis with barely a break between. He’s reckless, but only where his own life is concerned. He cares too deeply about everything and is too damn smart for his own good. And the rest of us just scramble along after him, not even sure what’s going on half the time. But I’ll tell you, Ambassador, this one takes the cake. Khan is responsible for Jim being dead, and it’s like it never happened. Jim’s forgiven him, and how the hell can the rest of us still hold a grudge?” He sighed and scrubbed his face tiredly.

"Yes, Doctor. In my experience, Jim Kirk puts value to the Enterprise and her crew, before his own. Even though events played out very differently in my time, Jim's actions are not uncharacteristic. Jim Kirk is exceptionally passionate about saving the lives of colonists, civilians, alien cultures ... any form of life, calling out for help. If we cannot see the value of such life, then the shame is upon us, not him." Spock said as he then clasped a hand on McCoy's shoulder, an indication of his friendship with the man from his past life, and the one growing now. The touch said, despite his words, he too found it difficult and understood. 

Bones lifted his head and smiled at the older Vulcan. “If our Spock grows up to be anything like you, Ambassador, we’ll all be most fortunate. Have you been shown your guest quarters yet? I’d like to escort you, while we wait for the good doctor to finish her work and prepare to discuss the situation with us.”

"Thank you, Doctor." Spock said, dropping his hand away. "Please do." The halls of the Enterprise were both familiar and unfamiliar to him. He knew his way, and yet, there were some small details on occasion which differed from his own memory of the Enterprise. Plus, it would be presumptuous of him to go to a room that had not been assigned to him as official guest quarters. For all its similarities, this was not his ship.

“This way, Ambassador,” Bones said. “If you’re willing to share, I’d be honored to hear about some of your adventures with the Dr. McCoy of your experience.” He gestured to the door to escort the man out of the Sickbay and to his quarters.


	4. Chapter 4

Shifting on the biobed, Khan was pulled in and out of sleep for a few minutes at a time. But even with such short naps, the augment was feeling rested since Kirk had come to him. He was sleeping, where he had been unable to before. However, in the last ten minutes, Khan had been dreaming about highly oxygenated water, bubbling up in front of his eyes. Though he couldn't feel it, the fears of his dream indicated that it was hot and that it was something he should try to escape. The fastest way of escape of course being to wake up. Opening his eyes, Khan caught his breath and wiped a hand over his face, ensuring that the water was no longer there. 

Jim sensed the moment Khan’s dream turned unpleasant and tried to help pull him toward waking, but remained uncertain if his actions had any effect. Still, Khan blinked himself awake beside him, and Jim put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re safe, Khan. There are no threats here. I promise.” He lightly rubbed in small circles, trying to soothe away any agitation the augment might feel. “We’re in Sickbay. There’s just us here.”

"Yes," Khan said, though took a moment longer to process the truth of it. "A dream." He reflected. "I was having a dream. We are safe. We are in sickbay." Khan took another breath and turned to lay out on his back, with his head turned to the side to look at Kirk. "You stayed with me."

“I promised I would,” Jim said with a warm smile at the other man. “I’m not one for backing out on promises.” He moved his hand to the front of Khan’s shoulder, still rubbing in small circles. “How are you feeling? Think you’ll be ready to face Spock and the doctors again soon? I’m thinking they may want another consultation in not too long.” He lightly explored Khan’s mind to see how he was doing.

"Yes, I have come to learn that you keep your word," Khan said, "Still, it is a strange feeling. I do not understand what is happening to me. But a small, rational voice is saying that I need you, that I want you to stay with me...which is also irrational to me, since I have never had such needs before." Khan frowned, as he admitted further, "I am confused. But I trust you."

“I’ve been told that the first step to solving a problem is to admit that there is one,” Jim said. “And you’re admitting that you’re not feeling yourself is a good first step.” He squeezed Khan’s shoulder and added, “I’m not acting completely myself either. I still was angry at you when I went to visit, even though I was confused, too, but now, it’s like everything that happened before then doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is helping you get well.”

Khan could not offer any answers, to the doctors, to Jim, or to even himself. All he knew were very basic things. Having Jim near was good. Having physical contact was better. The pain and torture he had endured, the echoes still lingered in his mind, but Khan did not need to suffer them as fiercely as he had before. With Jim also in his mind, the augment could exist in a pocket of light, small, but stable enough to have a few normal conversations. Existing without torment, within the refuge Jim Kirk unconsciously provided. 

Jim didn’t frown at the non-answer, but carefully hopped off the bed. “Okay, you and I need some food. Sit up, and I’ll bring you tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, as good as the replicator can provide. Milk to top it off.” He moved to fetch a tray for Khan, hoping the man listened to him. It was up to him to make sure Khan took care of himself while he was unwell. “Here I come,” he said, carrying the tray toward him.

Sitting up on the bed, Khan allowed his legs to dangle over the edge as he watched Jim fetch food from the replicator. The augment had not desired or thought about food for some time, but now that it was before him, it seemed like a good idea. "Thank you." He said, reaching for the sandwich. 

“Here swing your legs back on the bed, so I can set this over your lap more comfortably,” Jim urged. “That’s what these trays are good for. Means you can lounge in bed and enjoy your food.” He nudged Khan to lean back against the cushions. “And your welcome, too. I’m just glad to see you want to eat.”

Awkwardly, Khan draw his legs back up onto the bed. Sitting back as far as possible, with the cushions against his back and so that he was sitting upright, Khan had followed Jim's direction without argument or hesitation. As he traded his sandwich for the spoon to consume the soup, Khan frowned slightly. "Where am I?" he asked, having apparently forgotten. 

Jim carefully made sure the tray was settled safely over his lap and said, “You’re on the Enterprise, in Sickbay. We’re taking care of you.” He placed a hand on Khan’s closest shoulder and projected the memories of them leaving the cell and transporting aboard the ship. “We have a special doctor to help you.” He showed Khan the discussion and waited to see if he would remember.

"Yes..." Khan paused, able to think it over with Jim's help. "Yes, I remember now. The Enterprise," he said, then continued to eat without the worry or confusion of being lost, misplaced, or otherwise unsure of where he was.

“Good,” Jim said and patted his leg. “I’m going to get my own lunch and then sit on the other bed. Alright?” He already began to move as he spoke, headed for the replicator again, coming back with a matching meal. “Do you remember the Doc checking out our minds?” he asked as he climbed onto the other biobed and settled his tray.

"Yes. I remember. Doctor McCoy. Doctor Troi. Ambassador Spock." Khan turned his attention to Jim, and his meal, which mirrored his own. "They are here to help. You are here to help," he said, verbalizing these connections so that they could be confirmed or corrected, as time progressed, or as he became confused again. 

“Yes, that’s right,” Jim said warmly and sent contentment toward Khan as a sign of approval. “Do you feel up to talking to them once we’re done eating? I can put them off for a little while, if you want some time alone, but they’ll want to talk soon, I’m sure.” He sipped his milk and looked at it with approval. “Much better than it used to taste.”

"Yes, we can talk to them, when we are done eating." Khan said, including Jim in this plan of action, currently unable to consider what it would be to do this, without him. Then reaching for his own glass of milk, Khan considered it as he asked. "How did it used to taste?"

“Chalky,” Jim said with a horrible face. “Like nothing that you’d drink willingly.” He broadcast a memory of himself when he first tried it and ended up spewing it all over the floor...right in front of his cute Yeoman. “The replicators have always had trouble with some food, but Scotty’s been improving everything. Don’t try anything from the former South America, though. The sauces are all wrong.”

After Jim made his explanation, Khan then took a sip of the milk. He could not remember for himself what it was or was not supposed to be like, but Jim's memory filled in those gaps. And with it, he knew what was wrong, and therefore knew, this was correct. This was how milk was supposed to taste. 

“Yeah, see, this is good. Healthy, too,” Jim said. He bit into his sandwich and made a noise usually reserved for the bedroom. (Well, maybe not so much for Jim.) “Oh, Scotty made this even better. I have so much love for that man. I may have to let him keep his still. Damn.” He took another bite and just looked blissful. “Do you like the cheesy goodness, Khan?” he asked, unconsciously letting a great deal of his pleasure leak through their bond.

Khan swallowed the milk and set it back down as he began to experience Jim's pleasure of eating. It was never something Khan could recall finding pleasure in. It was simple something that was required. He swallowed again, even though there was nothing in his throat. He looked over to the young Captain with curiosity. "It is good. I am enjoying it," he said, perhaps for the first time in his life. "Scotty is ... Mr. Montgomery Scott. Correct?"

“Yeah, that’s right,” Jim said, encouraged by the recall. “He’s the chief engineer of the Enterprise. Keeps her purring at maximum efficiency, even if he’s also trying to blow her up through experiments to make her engines even better.” He smiled, dimpling a little at the thought of his friend. Another bite made him even happier, flavor exploding on his tongue. “I’m glad you like the food. It’s perfect for when you’re not feeling well.”

Khan had a vague memory of the engineer, but could not pinpoint it. And if he attempted to force it, he would give himself, and Jim, a headache for trying. So Khan picked up his sandwich again, taking bites as Jim did, experiencing secondhand his pleasure with the melted cheese and toasted bread.

“You don’t enjoy food the same way I do, huh?” Jim asked, watching as Khan mimicked him and not feeling reciprocal pleasure. “That’s too bad. Food should be fun, as well as for nourishment. And there are so many flavors. I never get enough of trying new things, especially since I’m constrained in my tastes. Oh hey! You can eat things I’m allergic to and share your sensations!”

"Allergic?" The concept confused him. Surely modern medicine had the ability to cure such things. Or at least, Khan's blood, which had cured Jim Kirk of death, should be able to cure him of other things too, even standing conditions. But Khan could not put his mind to asking these questions, engaging certain parts of his brain was difficult. "I do not understand."

“Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to be confusing,” Jim said and considered an explanation that would make sense, before discarding the idea. “We can talk about it later. Or maybe we can have Bones explain it. That’s always entertaining.” He laughed softly at the memories of his friend ranting in his direction and tried to share them in a way that would make sense to Khan, attempting to show him the fun.

Khan was silent on the subject. Jim Kirk had friends. Khan had ... he had ... they were all gone. Gone. Khan stared dumbly at the residue of the tomato soup around the edges of the bowl. With this thing across his lap, he suddenly felt trapped, tied down, restrained. So he threw it off him, sending it across the room, onto the wall and floor. But instead of getting up to make any further escape, the augment sat still and trembled, emotionally paralyzed from taking further action. 

“Shit,” Jim said and scrambled off his bed, managing to set his tray aside safely. He knew he was in no danger from Khan and went straight to his side. He placed a hand on Khan’s right hand and tangled their fingers. “Not alone,” he said firmly. “I’m right here. And your family is alive. Remember?” He showed them safe, if still asleep. “You’re going to get well and then we’ll figure out what to do. Please. Trust me, Khan. Trust me this time.”

It was difficult to remember, even with Jim's help. His people had been sleeping for so long, it could very well be a memory of them sleeping from long ago. It was hard to tell the difference between sleeping then, and sleeping now. Either way, they were kept separate from him. It was hard to remember that they were alive, when all he felt was the grief of their loss. "I don't remember." Khan said, "Where are they? Where is everyone?"

“Bones and I are monitoring the cryotubes,” Jim reassured him, looking into Khan’s eyes intently. “They’re currently in a secured Starfleet warehouse in San Francisco. I promise that we won’t let anything happen to them. When you’re well enough, we’ll attempt to get you access to see them.” He moved his hand to increase skin-to-skin contact, knowing that helped their communication. “You understand?”

This information took time to absorb, since it was at such great odds of what most of his brain believed. His people were still sleeping, but they were safe. With Starfleet, but not with Section 31. Khan looked down at Jim's hand, feeling the connection of energy and thoughts as seamless and easy as if it were water being poured between two cups. "Yes. I understand. I am unwell. They are safe."

“You’ll get better,” Jim said. “We’re doing everything possible to make you well again, so you can see your family.” He tightened his hand to show solidarity between them. “Just...if you’re ever in need, remember to come to me. I’m here to help you. Just reach…” He demonstrated by stretching with his mind to lightly ping their connection. 

"Yes." Khan looked up meeting Jim's eyes. Curious and surprised, but also confident in their connection that he could not yet explain. "Thank you, for reminding me. I might need you to remind me of these things, several more times, until I am, myself."

“However many times you need,” Jim said. “Are you ready to face the doctors and Ambassador Spock? They’d like to talk to you… It’s possible the doctors would like to talk to you without me being here. Would that be all right? I don’t want you to feel alone, but I’ll still be with you here.” He tapped his head and smiled at him.

"Yes, they may be allowed to return." Khan said. He had rested and managed to eat. His mind swung to moments of being stable and then back to the extreme of hurt and confused, but having been given a break from the others had helped. Though he did not like the idea very much, that Jim would leave. Internally it felt the same as someone suggesting to interrupt or break their bond. The thought was startling. 

After carefully cleaning up the mess and recycling the remains of their food, Jim signalled to Bones that they were ready to see everyone again, and a few moments later, all three entered the room. “We’re ready to talk again, if you are,” he said.

“We are ready, Captain,” Lwanni said in her serene tones. “I should like to propose a few avenues of treatment to you, Khan, for helping to repair the damage to your mind. I believe that is the predominant issue for the moment. Would you like to hear them in private?”

"I will listen ... to all suggestions ... from all voices," Khan said, being rational for the moment as he showed his willingness to listen to Lwanni, Doctor McCoy, or even Ambassador Spock. He was being as reasonable as he could, without pushing himself too far over the edge, one way or another. 

Lwanni glanced at all of the figures surrounding Khan on his bio bed. “Shall all who are currently assembled here stay to hear these suggestions?” Her eyes landed on Jim for a brief second. “Dr. McCoy, Ambassador Spock and Captain Kirk remain purely on your say.”

Dr. McCoy said, “We want to do what’s in your best interest, and right now, that’s whatever you think is.”

"Stay. All of you are invited to stay," Khan said. A small part of him recognized that if he were alone any one of them, events could take an unfortunate turn. While a larger part of him recognized that keeping Jim close by would help keep him stable. 

Lwanni nodded to the augment and said, “Very well. The forced meld that was initiated into your mind has torn apart the connections between the past and present, so you do not have a grasp on where and when you are at any time. The damage is not physical, but rather, a rending of the threads of your thoughts, which is an even more delicate nature. There are several options to consider. The first and one I recommend most highly is that you travel with me to Betazed for treatment in a specialized hospital for damage to the mind. As Betazoids are telepathic, damage such as yours is not uncommon in our medical history. We would sequester you there from confusing outside interactions, and one of our specialists would give you telepathic treatments to repair the connections.”

"That seems ... reasonable." Khan said, looking to Jim, asking for him to confirm. He knew his own judgment was faulty, he therefore relied heavily on what impression he got from Jim Kirk. "Will you be there?" he asked Lwanni, having come to trust her over the thoughts of strangers, at least in the short time of knowing her and her careful presence in his mind. 

“I think we’d like to hear the other options before Khan decides,” Jim said firmly, thinking he couldn’t sequester himself on Betazed for the time it would take to treat the augment. “How long would you be talking for this treatment, anyway?”

“That is more difficult to tell, Captain,” Lwanni admitted. “However, based on prior experience, I believe a hospital stay of up to a year would be prudent to ensure the main damage is repaired.”

“I could not stay with you for more than a few weeks, Khan,” Jim said.

Lwanni stiffened a little. “We would not recommend you stay, Captain. In order for the sequester to work, we would want to wean Khan off of your current connection.”

No, Khan did not like that sound of that. Alone? In a hospital for a year? He had been at the whim of scientists before, without a single ally. It did not make sense to sign up for such a thing, willingly. "What are your other suggestions?" Khan asked, both defensive and demanding. 

Jim soothed as best he could when he, too, was wary of the idea of making Khan fend for himself when he was so damaged. He trusted Lwanni to have Khan’s best interests in mind, but wasn’t sure she quite comprehended Khan as he did.

“If you are against being sequestered, I would recommend that a trained telepathic doctor join the Enterprise to treat you aboard ship. This method may take longer, due to our being unable to sequester your mind from other stimuli. The doctor would have one or two sessions with you a day to work directly on your treatment,” Lwanni said. “We would need to modify Sickbay somewhat for the treatment. The installation of dampening fields will help focus the sessions for both patient and doctor.” She frowned a little in consideration. “It will be unlikely that we can find one of our more senior doctors for this work, as most do not leave Betazed for such long periods. Non-telepaths can be wearing on mental shields.”

"That is also presuming Starfleet will allow you, Jim, to alter the Enterprise, and take on specialists, in order to take care of a long-term patient," Spock reminded gently. As sympathetic as Jim was being towards Khan, it would ultimately be his decision as to whether or not he would be willing to keep the augment on board for such a long period of time.

Khan nodded, comprehending to some degree the weight of either choice. "If these are my choices-" Khan began, his tone smooth and calm, a flicker of his old shelf breaking through, "Going to Betazoid for treatment is the right decision." 

Jim shot a glare at Spock, not really liking the interference, however well meant. And Khan’s response only deepened his displeasure. “What about the connection of our minds?” he asked, not wanting to contradict Khan if that was really what the augment wanted. 

“We shall need a healer to connect to your mind and help shield your mind from his, so that the strain will not harm you, until the link may be dissolved,” Lwanni said.

“Dissolved?” Jim asked with quiet distaste. “I am not sure I like the sound of that.” He was more annoyed than ever and tried to keep the emotion from Khan, even as he asked him, “Is that what you want?”

Khan flinched slightly, turning his head to the side at the implication of dissolving his connection to Jim. It was the only thing that was keeping him grounded, after so long of confusion and near madness. But rationally, he could not keep Jim Kirk with him at all times. Rationally, he had his best chance at being healed on Betazoid. Rationally, he could not remain a parasite that latched onto Jim in order to feel stable. "It is the right decision, is it not?" he asked Jim, then let his eyes drift over the others in the room to read the answer in their faces as well. 

Dr. McCoy looked to Lwanni and asked, “Are there any potential side effects of removing the link?”

She looked uncertain and said, “The link is strong between you, and I cannot say for certain that there will not be some injury done by removing it. There will be at least some temporary pain and displacement, which the healers will help you deal with. There may also be a sense of loss, which will also require counseling. Ordinarily, I would not worry about a link of such short duration as this would be. However, the bond is stronger than many I have seen between pairs connected much longer.”

Khan did not want that. He did not want to feel any more loss. The rational side slipped away, and the man was reduced to silence for a time. His mind twisted and weaved difficult knots as he looked to Jim. I am in your care, brother. Tell me what is right, and I shall do it. I am damaged and cannot trust myself. I trust your judgment, brother. Tell me what is right.

Jim felt the distress and responded in the only way he knew how, with an equal wave of protectiveness and comfort. “Perhaps, we can reach a compromise,” he said. “Until things are straightened out here, the Enterprise is not leaving Earth orbit anyway. There must be a place planetside where the healer could do the treatments. Let’s see how Khan responds to them before dealing with the bond.” He looked to Bones and Spock for concurrence.

"Yes, that would be an ideal compromise." Spock said, "As it would not disrupt your mental bond, and medical treatments can be adapted to Mr. Singh's needs until a suitable, longterm solution is agreed upon and put into action." Spock tilted his head and considered Khan before adding, "It may help that Earth is a familiar place, your homeworld, and you will not be taken from it, without your informed consent." 

Bones nodded and said, “I think that might mitigate the potential damage from severing the connection too swiftly, as well. However, ma’am, you’re the expert in mental links.”

Jim shook his head and said, “With all respect to the doctor, she’s not the only expert in mental links here.” He looked to Spock and asked, “Do you think it would be of any use to have a second opinion from another telepathic species? Isn’t there at least one Vulcan healer on Earth who might be willing to evaluate what’s happened here?”

Spock sighed, understanding that Jim was frustrated with him, with all of them. "I cannot offer you a Vulcan healer at this time, Jim. That is why I recommended and escorted Lwanni Troi here. She has formal training in this area, while I, though half Vulcan, do not have medical training. However, I can offer you my experience and informal assistance, through you, Jim." Spock paused, then cleared his throat before adding. "In some circles my suggestion would be considered taboo, so I understand if you wish to dismiss it."

“Well, it’s not like it’ll be new to either of us,” Jim said, “and I’d like a second opinion of some experienced sort on the link. Especially since I really strongly feel that just dissolving it would be a bad move.” He looked at Lwanni with a friendlier expression. “I’m not trying to cast aspersions on your knowledge and suggestions, Doc, but I can’t help what my intuition tells me...and it seldom leads me astray.”

Lwanni inclined her head toward the human and said, “You feel things very strongly, Captain Kirk, and your loyalty toward those you perceive as under your protection is unshakable. However, I worry that your connection will grow to the point where it cannot safely be severed and you both come to rely on it.”

With his head bowed down, Khan listened to the conversation, filtering in the information as best as he could manage. On occasions a few pleasant thoughts stirred in his head, the concept of home, Earth, for one. But for the most parts, he felt his mouth closed and his eyes down as he stroked his thumb over the fabric of the borrowed clothing. Petting the side of his thumb with, then against the weave of the fabric. A small repetitive action that on the surface perhaps made him look passive and empty, but actually served as a way for the augment to cope, keeping his mind as clear as possible while he listened. 

“I’m willing to take that chance, rather than risk damage to us both,” Jim said firmly. “I believe Khan’s suffered enough in modern times. It’s up to us to make sure that stops now. And if that means he and I are linked for good, well, we’ll cross that bridge when it comes.”

“I do mean only the best for you both,” Lwanni assured. “The type of damage done to Khan’s mind is quite distressing to me, as well. I will look into treatments on Earth.” She looked Jim over carefully. “It may not be unwise to leave the bond intact, as a third option, particularly if the others do not work, is to strengthen the bond until Khan’s mind is secure enough to function properly.”

It was unsettling to watch Khan in such a vegetative state, when Spock knew him to be so much more. And while he had no wish to see the augment returned to his militarized, vengeful state, Spock did recognize that he deserved a chance to heal and start again. It had once been the desire of his old captain, to see Khan and his people start life anew on a planet, to see what civilization they would make for themselves. An opportunity that had failed in his time, and one that had never been given a chance in this one. "I, too, will help make arrangements on Earth," Spock said. "And continue to research long-term options. In the meantime, would you like to attempt small, daily treatments to address immediate concerns within the brain?" Spock asked Lwanni, wishing to give her aid and support.

“That is considerate of you, Ambassador,” Lwanni said. “I would like to hear your opinion on the nature of the bond between the two, if Captain Kirk will permit you to meld with him, as per your earlier suggestions. If it is, as you indicate, close to a marriage bond, their minds are highly compatible. That in and of itself would be most notable.”

Jim lightly took Khan’s hand and asked softly, “Are you doing alright, Khan? Do you understand the current suggestion? I didn’t mean to override your decision. I was worried about the impacts on us both of severing the connection.”

"I understand." Khan said thoughtfully, "I trust your decision. I am in your care." He knew enough, to question his own decision making. At some point, Jim Kirk and Doctor McCoy had started to look after him, when had that happened? Today? Yesterday? Khan could not remember how long he had been here. But he was in their care, and no longer in a prison cell. How long had that been? His concept of time was proving difficult to gauge. 

“With your permission, I’ll also allow Ambassador Spock to meld with me and examine the nature of our bond. I’ve bonded with him before, so I know he won’t hurt me...or you. I’ll ask him to keep it as non-invasive from your end as possible,” Jim said. “But I want to make sure you’re okay with it before I ask him.”

"Yes. Here to help. Here to help." Khan said, frowning deeply. The Ambassador was a different person then Spock that had dug into his own mind. It was difficult to remember that. The Ambassador would not enter into Jim's mind and hurt him, cut away at his brain in the same away he had been attacked by Commander Spock. Jim was safe. He was safe. They were here to help. "I understand." 

The obvious difficulty Khan had with understanding these concepts pained Jim, since he had seen Khan at his most brilliant...and terrifying. He only hoped the augment would come out the other side of this injury with more of a sense of kinship with humans and less of a hatred of Starfleet. He considered himself only one part of that change in that attitude. “Yes, we’re all here to help you,” he agreed. He looked to Spock. “Whenever we have time to do the meld, I’m game.”

"At any time, Jim. If you are willing and feel ready now-" Spock gestured to the door, "We can step into another room for privacy. As I do not wish to upset Mr. Singh with a sight he might associate with violence." Spock said, indicating that he knew to some degree what had happened, and how it might trigger Khan to see Spock meld with Jim right in front of him. 

“I would appreciate the opportunity to speak with Khan in private, as well,” Lwanni said with a nod toward both men.

Jim turned back to Khan, though, and asked, “Will you be comfortable if I leave the room with Spock? I don’t want you to feel abandoned. If you need me, I might not be able to respond for a few moments.” He glanced at the Betazoid. “I also need to know that you’re cool with having the good doctor talk to you alone.”

For the most part, Khan kept his attention on Jim, or their hands. But as the doctor was mentioned, he looked up and tilted his head to the side as he observed Lwanni. "She is good, she was gentle when she touched my mind...I am not afraid. I am safe here. You said. I believe you." He understood that the parting would not be forever, nor would it be forced. No one was trying to rip apart their connection and with it, the only sense of security and stability Khan had. 

“I’m glad you feel safe,” Jim said sincerely and squeezed Khan’s right shoulder. He looked at Lwanni and conveyed with thought that he expected her not to upset the augment. With a little nod at her, he glanced at Bones. “Let us use your office? It’s about the best place for this...and you’re neglecting your other patients.”

The Southern doctor gave him a sallow glare and said, “Fine. But don’t think you’re getting out of a complete examination by me, too.” He gestured to the door. “Ambassador, after you.”

"Thank you, Doctor." Spock said and headed out of Khan's room after a glance to Lwanni, ensuring she felt safe as well, to be left alone with the augment. Quietly, Spock headed into McCoy's office, before he turned to look and address Jim, without Khan clinging to him. "Are you alright, Jim? Are you certain, you are up for this?" he asked, not just referring to the meld, but Jim's position of taking responsibility and care over Khan. 

Jim lifted his chin in that defiant declaration that announced his intention to take on the universe single-handed, if necessary. “This is something I have to do, Spock. I’m not solely responsible for what happened to Khan, but I had my part in it. And if I can help him, than I will do everything I can.” He offered a warm smile at the old Vulcan and took a seat across from him. “I don’t think that’s new to you...Jim Kirks being stubborn idiots.”

"Not at all surprising, no." Spock said with a gentle, almost fond tone of voice. "It is simply a habit of mine to ask, to confirm your course and wellbeing." Spock stepped closer, gently pushing back the heavy sleeves that covered his arms. "May I, Jim, enter your mind?" He asked, keeping his hands a few inches away until he received consent. 

Jim smiled and tilted his head to allow Spock easier access. “I’m ready. Do what you need to do. I trust you. Much more than Dr. Lwanni. I know it’s not her fault, but I don’t know her. And I do know you. After what we’ve shared.” He winked playfully at the old Vulcan, knowing he didn’t really mind. 

"Thank you, Jim." Spock said, then quietly pressed his fingers to the side of Jim's face and also to the back of his neck and skull. Spock was gentle with Jim, not dumping years of history, friendship and emotion into one session, as he did before. This was careful and a much more polite approach, knowing that somewhere was Khan's link to Jim, and he did not want to disrupt it, only examine it. 

On the other side of the meld, Jim relaxed completely at the touch of Spock’s mind to his and allowed the connection without struggle. He could feel the Vulcan exploring his mind and attempted to show him where the link existed, illuminating it in his mind with a strange knowledge he now possessed since being linked to Khan. He hoped his friend would determine that the link was a positive one, something not to be feared.

Spock leaned into the connection. He thanked Jim for showing him the way, but continued to tread carefully, able to observe the woven strands to the connection, without picking at them. Getting a sense of the memories Khan had shared with Jim, there was also a living presence, of Khan actively a part of Jim's subconscious, prepared to reach out for him at any given time. He thinks of you as a brother. As family. Tell me, Jim. How do you think of him? Spock asked internally, knowing that verbal words could be distorted to hide the truth, but the mind would always jump to its first reaction, before attempting to hide it. 

A friend, Jim answered. Someone who is under my protection. A potential member of my crew and family. As soon as his mind reached out for mine, I knew him, Spock. He’s...well, he’s lost. He’s been lost his whole life, even though he never realized it. He allowed his mind to open a little further to let the Vulcan see the whole scope, even as he reached out to lightly brush against Khan and make sure he was still doing alright. 

Spock allowed himself to take in what Jim was showing him. A hint of Khan's youth, and the years between then and now. And as Jim reached out to check on Khan, he sensed some of the augment's confusion, the voids and breaks within his mind, but also his calm with the connection he had with Jim. What else, Jim? How do you know him? You know his pain, but do you know his heart? His intentions? Show me, show me these threads. 

Jim paused and then reached out to lightly ask Khan if such information was permitted to the Vulcan. He did not want to violate Khan’s privacy or his trust in them both. I’m sorry, Spock. It’s up to Khan if he wants to share his heart. Right now, he doesn’t have intentions, exactly. Except to see his family again. 

Spock did not press for more information on this subject. Instead, he was satisfied with the unspoken answer, that Jim had access to this information, but was responsible with it, which was to be expected. But having access to it was key, in his mind. You are not a trained healer, Jim. But you can be more then a bandage that smothers out his pain. Show him the difference between what is past, and what is present. What is truth, and what is brainwashing. 

That’s what I want to do, Spock, Jim agreed. He deserves nothing less. And imagine if he’s on our side! And his people, too. There’s so much we can teach each other. Their minds are incredible...capable of so much. I just want them to have a chance. He projected a sense of sheepishness through the meld, knowing how eager he must sound to the older man.

It is alright. Spock offered his own sense of amusement. There is no need to shout. I understand your passion. But then Spock was quiet for a time, sifting through background information he was getting while also communicating with Jim. Leaning in again, Spock slowly pressed their foreheads together as he followed an unexpected, dim trail that lead him, like a bridge across to Khan, where he could observe the augment, through Jim. But Spock was also careful not to linger and gently pulled away before Khan was aware of his presence there. 

Jim felt a little silly with their foreheads pressed together, but knew that the increased contact helped the connection between them. Did you get what you need? he asked. I could feel you exploring in there. Did you sense what Khan is really like, when his veneer is torn away? He hoped Spock saw enough to be on their side. 

"Yes, Jim," Spock said out loud, pulling back, slowly petting his fingers relax as his hands dropped away. "I have a better understanding now." Spock sat back on the edge of McCoy's desk as he faced Jim quietly, reflecting and pensive for a moment. "It is a marvel, Jim. It is a heavy weight to bear, but you carry it with ease. I had no sense of your bond being a burden."

Jim rubbed at his head a little and asked with genuine curiosity, “Should it be? I know I’ve never tested as being more than psi normal, so I could conceivably maintain a steady bond to someone with innate telepathic abilities, but it’s not like I’ve ever experimented with that. Beyond our snowy planet meld, that is.” He flashed his grin at the Vulcan. “But given my lack of ability, should this be hurting me?”

"Yes, Jim. For a psi normal, I would expect this intense bond to be emotionally and physically draining." Spock said with a slight nod. "When our minds were joined, as you mentioned, it came with a great deal of sudden memory, experience, elation, sorrow...all at once. A mental state, however, which passed. It was overwhelming for you then, was it not? It made it almost difficult to breathe, to experience so much at once. And yet with Khan, you experience it, but it does not harm you. You are deeply connected, and yet, do not drown in the darkness that has incapacitated an augment. That is...amazing, Jim."

“Well, yeah, you threw a bunch of memories at me at once in this huge, rushing wave that I couldn’t control,” Jim said. “You were always in the driver’s seat, and I was just along for the ride. But it’s not like that with Khan. I can feel him in the back of my mind, but it’s not an unpleasant sensation. I know when he’s in pain or afraid or lost and confused. And I just reach out for him then...I don’t understand how. Like I said, it’s just like moving an arm or a leg; I can’t tell you how I tell the part of me to move, but move it does.” He spread his arms, palms up, in a gesture of confusion. “Also...I like having the link. Logically, I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”

"I understand, Jim. That is my meaning. You receive constant information from Khan, memories, experiences, confusion, questions, the communication between the two of you is seamless, without walls. For anyone else, it would be too much to bear. You would drown in it. You would not know the difference between him and yourself. You would go insane, as well. But you instead ... something else has happened. You represent a healthy limb, taking on the weight of responsibilities, while a broken limb is allowed to heal."

“Yeah,” Jim said, brightening at the analogy. “And that’s all down to Khan, isn’t it? His ability to adapt and heal otherwise crippling injuries. I didn’t do anything except be a person whom his instincts told him he could trust. A mixture of our shared blood...and maybe more. I support his mind while it tries to find a way to fix itself. Does that mean if his mind is fixed, the bond might go away on its own?”

"Yes, Jim. There is that," Spock agreed. "I can only speculate. It is possible that the bond will fade in time. But my impression of Khan, is that he will not discard you, as one would a bandage. My understanding of your bond is this, it is a bridge, and you must both mutually agree upon dismantling it, from your own sides, for the link to be severed."

“So, you think better of him now?” Jim asked hopefully. “Do you understand my not wanting to dissolve the bond, especially so soon after he’s learning to trust me?” He wanted Spock to take his side in this matter, so he didn’t feel like the only one with Khan’s back. 

"Yes, Jim. I understand. You are in a unique position, to have his trust," Spock said thoughtfully before adding, "Circumstances have altered Khan from the path I am familiar with. In this vulnerable state, he is not the man I know at all. But he is deserving of a chance, since he entered into this century, without one."

Jim blew out a long breath of relief and beamed at the other man. “I knew I could count on you, Spock,” he said. “You know that I’d never risk the Enterprise. I guess you also know I would risk myself...just like I know you’d risk yourself.” He relaxed back into his chair and glanced at the other room. “Khan seems to be doing alright for the moment.” He turned his attention back to Spock. “What about the bond? Is it like anything you’ve seen before?”

"The connection the two of you have is not something I have seen, first hand. However, there are documented cases on both Betazoid and on Vulcan that show strong similarities. For instance, Jim, for human couples, the odds of having twins is 33 to 1. Whereas for Vulcans, the chances of having twins is extremely rare. As the odds for Vulcans to have twins is 10,941,048 to 1. In these cases, twins are born with such a strong bond, that certain rules and traditions do not apply to them. They do not follow the custom of arranged marriages, as it would be seen as a violation for another to attempt to disrupt their connection. They are completely bound to one another." Spock paused to gauge Jim's interest and believe he did not mind this insight on Vulcans. "There are notable examples, that if one twin is separated from the other...one taking a mathematics class, and the other history, the two are able to communicate to one another, to share their learning and experience. A hive mind, between only two," Spock said, finally getting to his point. "In this regard, I believe that you and Mr. Singh have a similar bond. You are able to share thoughts and feelings with one another, without needing to physically meld, as I do with you."

“So, we have odds similar to the Vulcan twins, huh?” Jim asked, fascinated by this explanation. Most Vulcans were completely reticent to discuss anything having to do with their biology and beliefs. “Even more so, huh, because we’re humans. I’m pretty sure this is unheard of in a species that’s mostly psi null, with only a few individuals known to be higher on the scale.” He considered this with a contemplative expression. “A hive mind...I don’t know if I share thoughts without trying to, though. I don’t feel like he can hear what I’m thinking if I don’t direct it at him. Although...emotions we can feel without trying. Do you believe thoughts are next?”

"It is not flawlessly exact," Spock conceded, "but the similarities are strong. Therefore, I believe it is safe to speculate that once Mr. Singh demonstrates stable behavior as his mind heals, the transfer of conscious or unconscious thoughts will become familiar and commonplace."

“That’s...well, that’s a little more intense than even I imagined,” Jim confessed. “Is that what a marriage bond is like, Spock, or should I ask that question?” He would like some point of reference for the nature of his connection to the augment, especially if it would provide him someone he could speak with about the bond. “I don’t mean to be nosy, but this is far outside my realm of knowledge.”

"It is a logical question to ask." Spock said, showing no offense to it. He was open to talking with Jim about these things, whereas his younger counterpart would unlikely be so willing. Spock had much more experience with Jim Kirk, whereas his counterpart was still learning about the nature of such a friendship. "However, I was never married. So I cannot speak with first hand knowledge of a marriage bond. But for bonded Vulcan couples, it is common, yes." 

“Yeah, that’s too bad. Baby Spocks would have been awesome,” Jim said. “Though, what the the universe getting out of whack and everything…” He frowned a little at the thought and said, “I’m worried about my Spock. What he did to Khan. That’s so far beyond what Vulcans view as okay. He basically raped Khan’s mind and tore it apart in the process. Until I saw Khan, I didn’t really understand what had happened. And my Spock hasn’t seemed at all troubled about it. That’s not normal, is it?”

Spock dismissed the idea of offspring quite easily. But what he did not take as easily, were the actions of his younger counterpart. "His actions are deeply concerning, Jim, I agree. However, I have vowed not to interfere with the choices of my counterpart. His path must be free of my influence," Spock said, showing discreet signs of worry. "It is not my place to question his actions. Unfortunately, Jim, the task is left to you, and how you wish to confront your first officer." 

“Can’t I ask you to interfere?” Jim questioned, eyes wide and pleading. “I don’t want him to get into trouble, but I’m not sure he understands the severity of his actions. And I’m afraid if I tell any other Vulcan...well, wouldn’t they want to haul him back to New Vulcan for treatment and trial?” He bit his lower lip, eyes troubled. “I don’t know if that would be best for him.”

Spock folded his hands together at his front and gave a small sigh. "Commander Spock is your officer, Jim. The decision is therefore yours to make. If you wish me, as Ambassador between Vulcan and Starfleet, to talk with Commander Spock regarding his actions, then I will do so upon your orders." Spock still did not wish to deprive his counterpart the benefits of serving under Captain Kirk, to know his friendship and life-long loyalty to one another, but he also could not force it, if that was not the way events were meant to unfold in this universe. 

“Do you think I should tell his father, perhaps?” Jim asked. “Seriously, I could use your counsel, Spock. This is the kind of thing I’d ask my Spock about, but I can’t do that, obviously. I’m torn. I don’t know what to do. I have to make the final decision, but hearing opinions is helpful. So, honestly, what do you think?”

"Sarek, I believe, would treat the matter as a Starfleet issue, since Spock was on duty at the time. He would therefore encourage Spock to make a statement, admit his crime, so that he might be tried for it," Spock said gravely. "I understand that you do not want to lose your first officer, Jim. So let us also address the alternative. Should Spock not come forward, then it must remain a secret, that you, Doctor McCoy, and Spock all carry, for the remainder of your lives." Spock reflected quietly a moment before adding, "Tell me, Jim. What feels right, to you?"

“Nothing!” Jim yelled and threw up his arms. “Nothing feels right to me. I don’t like that he could just do that to anybody, but I also know there were mitigating circumstances. He was enraged, maddened, even, by the way I died. I saw the footage…” He shook his head and then hung it a moment. “I don’t want to lose him, either, Spock. Somehow, I want this to work out for both of them.” He brightened a little and looked up. “When Khan is well again, perhaps this is really a question for him. Does he want to press charges? I can have someone impartial ask him, like the doc.”

"Jim, if it were me-" He said, indicating that even though that Spock and his counterpart had many similarities, they were indeed not the same person, "Attacking Khan in such a way would have been out of anger and grief. As illogical as it is, revenge, for the loss of my dearest and best friend. For a man whom I love." But he could not speak on behalf of the other Spock, if that was his true motivation or not. "It is still not a sufficient excuse, but it might help you understand why he did this."

Jim colored a little and lowered his head, not all that comfortable with such compliments. “But I bet you would’ve been guilty as Hell later, right? In the moment, the rage would sweep you away, but later, you’d be ashamed for letting yourself do something so fundamentally against everything you were taught. It’s the lack of guilt that worries me, Spock. Maybe he’s just repressing something fierce, but he should have offered himself up to Starfleet justice as soon as he knew I was going to make it.”

"Yes, Jim, I agree," Spock said gravely. "Had it been me, after subduing Khan and getting Doctor McCoy what he needed, I would have come forward. I would have admitted to my actions, upon handing Khan over to the authorities, so that both he and I could be treated for lasting damage. As it would have also allowed Khan to receive a fair trial, while simultaneously being held accountable for my own actions. But that was not allowed to happen. Instead, secrets are being kept. Which although is proving the strength of your friendship, it invites for further corruption, in the future." 

“More bad decisions,” Jim said. “And next time, he may actually kill somebody. He nearly killed Khan. Nearly beat him to death. Fuck. I can’t let that stand, can I? I need to talk to him, and he needs to get help. I wonder if the doc could check out his mind, too. It must be as much a mess as Khan’s, but in a different way.”

"Yes, Jim. It is very possible that Spock has been adversely affected by implementing violence towards another in such a way. He may need medical care, and at the very least, counseling, for his actions." Spock said, standing from the edge of the table he had been leaning against. Walking around McCoy's desk to the food synthesizer along the back wall of his office, Spock paused to offer Jim a drink. "Would you care for a coffee, Jim?"

“No, I think I’ll pass for now,” Jim said. “Thank you, though. I want to keep my mind clear for dealing with Khan. And then I guess I better go deal with my Spock, too. Somedays it doesn’t pay to be Captain.” He sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring at the wall for a moment. “Guess I wouldn’t trade it, though, not for anything. Well...except for Chris.” He sighed and stood. "Think I'll take a little time to clear my mind."

Spock selected a Vulcan juice for himself, which he sipped, before choosing to sit in McCoy's chair. "Of course, Jim."

"Thank you, Spock." Jim exited the room and Sickbay, more torn than he had been when the conversation started. With an internal sigh, he decided that he needed to sit down with the Betazoid healer and have an on-the-record conversation with her about all three of them. And for the first time, he reached for the bond to Khan as a way to calm himself, a check that he had at least one person who believed in him.

You are upset. Are we in danger? Khan asked, almost the instant Jim reached for him.

No, not in danger, Jim reassured gently. Things are just complicated right now. How is your talk with the doc going? Is she helpful? The talk between their minds flowed easily for Jim, just as emotions and images had before. Their bond really was a marvelous thing.

She is good. Khan said, looking at the woman who smiled politely as she left his mind, leaving Khan and Jim to a private conversation. She is showing me a technique, so that when I see the past, I do not experience it as well.

I hope she can help you, Khan, Jim said with real sincerity. Oh, uh, hey, is Khan what I should call you. It feels kinda formal. I’m Jim. And you’re…

Noonien. The answer came without conscious effort. As brothers, as family, Jim would know him as Noonien. Where are you?

Noonien. Jim liked this name and sent that feeling to Khan. I’m just strolling the corridors aimlessly right now. I do that when I need a chance to think and cool off. My talk with Ambassador Spock...it kinda stirred up some hard stuff. Nothing to do with you. He thinks our bond is alright. But my Spock, young Spock...I’m feeling lost myself when it comes to him.

Even with their minds linked, Khan did not fully understand. He was confused, but it also did not help that Jim was confused, or at least conflicted, about his own thoughts. He is your friend? Khan asked, trying to work out the information he was getting from Jim. 

They both are. Just like you are now, too, Jim said, certain of that. He felt bad for heaping more confusion on to Khan and sent a wave of reassurance. I like talking this way. It’s...well, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I hope you like it...Noonien.

Yes. It is a comfort. I feel that you are close, even though I cannot hold your hand. My thoughts ... find clear avenues. That I have difficulty expressing into words when others are trying to speak to me. I know I am injured. But I also know you are helping me. It is a good feeling to have a friend.

Jim smiled to himself at Khan’s words and repeated, It is a good feeling to have a friend. Are you alone now? May I come sit with you again? His feet were already turned back to Sickbay. His brain needed to turn to his current big questions about his and Spock’s statuses, both of them compromised by recent events. 

When Lwanni sensed that we were talking, she left. She is outside the room speaking with the others. I would like for you to come back. I do not know what I am meant to do. Khan said, indicating that the room was very boring, even though the lack of stimulus was good for him, as was receiving privacy. 

Jim chuckled out loud and sent a wave of fond amusement to Khan. Would you like something to do? He contemplated something they could do together, some easy activity that would perhaps calm them both. I have an idea, but it’s silly.

Yes. Something to do. Khan agreed. Though he had no reference for understanding playfulness or silliness, that was something unique to his connection to Jim. He had no sense of it for himself, but from Jim, he understood that it was a good thing. 

So, Jim detoured to one of the smaller recreation rooms and picked up a couple of their adult coloring books and colored pencil sets. He silently vowed to get some new ones later and headed to Sickbay. He peeked into the room and silently snuck by Bones’ office, where he could hear the voices of both doctors and Spock. He entered Khan’s room with a smile and said allowed, “I brought us coloring books. Do you want old-fashioned flying machines or horses?”

"What is this?" Khan asked, looking up as Jim announced the choice. He was happy to see him, but could not articulate it. "You have my horses?" he asked, not entirely making the connection in his brain. 

Jim put that aside for another time and said, “I have pictures of horses.” He set the flying machines on the other biobed and carried the book of horses to Khan. Opening the front page, he showed him truly lovely drawings of horses, just waiting to be colored. “Do you like horses?”

"Yes-" Khan said, turning the pages of the coloring book and brightened considerably. His eyes worked over the details of the images. "I know this one," he said after some thought, "This is a Morgan, and this one is a Saddlebred." He continued to flip through the images. "This book has many fine breeds," he said, speaking with almost childlike interest. 

“I don’t know anything about horses,” Jim confessed. “We didn’t have any of the farm where I grew up.” He hopped up next to Khan on the biobed and looked at the book with him. “Do you have a favorite, Khan? Will you show me?”

"Horses make for good friends," Khan said, flipping through the pages, pausing on a few, then chuckled. "I know this one. The artist did not his neck correctly to proportion. But the ears tell me, this is a Marwari. He is a good horse," Khan said, petting the side of his thumb over the curl of the ears.

“Would you like to color him?” Jim asked and opened the color pencils. He showed them to Khan and said, “These will allow you to make him the color of a Marwari.” He offered them to Khan, curious to see what he would do. He nudged gently with his bond at Khan’s mind to encourage him to try.

The colored pencils represented a variety of bright colors, but most of them were not colors Khan considered appropriate for the horse. Instead, Khan selected black, three shades of brown, and two shades of red. "I understand." Khan said, taking in the sight of the picture once more as whole, before he began. Making small lines in a row, Khan began to color in the image, layering reds and browns over the shoulders, then brown and black over the hindquarters. 

“Oh, you’re good at this,” Jim said and watched as the colors made the drawing come alive. “That’s awesome, Khan. I don’t have that kind of talent. May I join you and color my book here?” He leaned into the augment a little.

"Yes," Khan said quietly, not taking his attention off the image, his finger working the fine detail of the pencils. "What are you coloring?" he asked, though did not take his eyes off his own project. He had never done this before. He liked it. And would give the task his full attention. 

Jim grinned and moved to collect the other coloring book and his pencils. He sat back on Khan’s biobed and pulled out some brightly colored ones. “I have a book on old flying machines, like Leonardo DaVinci’s earliest ideas and the World War I bi-planes. There’s also the first rockets and even the first Enterprise.” He noted how focused Khan was on his coloring and smiled, leaning into the other man contentedly. 

There was companionship in this activity. Sitting close together, talking, but also working on their individual tasks. Khan had a few threads of memory regarding this kind of group behavior. He worked steadily for some time, before speaking abruptly, "I like this very much."

Jim sent a wave of positive emotion toward Khan, so grateful that his idea worked. He could feel Khan’s calmness of mind and simple enjoyment. “I’m glad,” he said and began to color an old-fashioned World War II bomber in neon colors. He wondered if Khan would notice that he lacked the reality that Khan used. He found his own contentment in the coloring, even though he wasn’t as talented as the augment by half.

The augment could sense that Jim was happy. And eventually looked over to observe how Jim was coloring. It did not make sense. The colors were not historically accurate, but Jim was enjoying himself? "The way you are coloring that plane, it would require a neon sky in order to conceal itself. Such planets exist, but that plane is an Earth design."

“Yeah, this would be a terrible way to try and disguise a ship on Earth,” Jim agreed. “But I’m enjoying being illogical with the colors. I’m not talented enough to make it look real the way you do anyway, Khan. Coloring is fun for me this way.” He looked over at Khan’s book and asked, “Does your horse have a name?”

Coloring was fun. Being illogical in coloring was fun for Jim. It was not something Khan had ever considered before. He looked over the colors, and attempted to imagine coloring a horse in purple and pink. It seemed strange. But it could be fun? He considered it. Then looked back to the horse he was currently working on. "I do not know his name. Only his breed. Is he meant to have a name?"

“I thought maybe you would give him a name,” Jim said. “Only if you want, though. He doesn’t have to have a name. He’s good as he is. Are you going to color another picture?” He finished off a strangely colored sky around his plane and smiled at the result.

"Yes, I think so." Khan said, not seeing any reason why they should not continue. It was very good, this silliness Jim had suggested. However, instead of finishing the horse he was working on, Khan turned to the page to another image. "Please color this one. Illogically." He said, giving the book to Jim so that he could observe.

“Oh, alright,” Jim said. “Do you want to do one of the pictures in my book?” He offered it to Khan, even as he settled the horse book in his lap. He knew exactly what he’d do, pulling out the colors to make the horse resemble the one in the Wizard of Oz with an added unicorn horn and wings.

Khan watched as Jim transformed a rearing Lipizzaner into a brightly colored unicorn-pegasus. The horn and wings had not been there; they were not even a part of the drawing! "What is that?" Khan asked, placing a hand on Jim's lap as he watched him color. He was still showing the curiosity of a child. One, that had never done anything like this before. 

Jim rubbed his head and said, “Well, a horse with a horn was called a unicorn and one with wings was called a pegasus...so this is a pegacorn?” He looked to Khan for approval. “Or unisus? I’m thinking pegacorn myself. Her name is M’yerl. Do you like her?” he put some finishing touches on the colors and smiled at the finish product.

"Yes, I like it," Khan said, completely conflicted about how strange and irrational the image was, but also felt Jim's enjoyment for it, even his own. It was fantasy. It was not science, nor fact. It was fun. "How do you know her name?"

“It just feels right for her,” Jim said. “I base a lot of decisions by feeling. It’s called following your gut. It usually leads me correctly. In this case, I think my pegacorn is a M’yerl.” He offered the horses back to Khan. “Why don’t you have another try?”

Accepting the coloring book, Khan left the page open to the page Jim had just finished. "May I keep this?" He asked, as his brain focused on the image. Making new connections in his damaged brain. Creativity. Imagination. Fun. Happiness. 

“Oh, yeah, of course!” Jim enthused, glad to see that Khan liked it enough to want the book. “It’s good to want something for yourself.” He looked at the silly coloring job. “M’yerl and I are glad you like her. And the book.”

"Thank you. Jim," Khan said, finally trying the use of the name out loud, instead of simply a thought in his mind. 

“Anytime, Noonien,” Jim said, also saying the augment’s first name aloud for the first time. “Seriously, anytime. This is the kind of thing friends do for each other. Why don’t you pick another horse to color? Do you have another favorite?”

Khan flipped through the pages again until he found a draft breed. "This is a Percheron. A strong horse. Mostly in grey and white. So I will color her ... illogically." He said, selecting three shades of blue, two shades of green, and two shades of purple. As Khan began, he did not color outside of the lines as Jim had, when he gave the other horse a horn and wings. Instead, he gave the horse green dapples on its rump where none had been indicated in the original line art. 

Jim, on the other hand, decided to color a rocket in a more logical fashion. He, too, felt much soothed by this simple and fun activity, a lot of the stress falling off his shoulders. He decided his next act was to talk to Lwanni about his own status and competence to captain the Enterprise. “Thank you for coloring with me,” he said to break their companionable silence.

"This was a good idea," Khan said, quietly thanking Jim as well. It made sitting and waiting in this room much more bearable to have a small, simple task like this to pass the time, between treatments and questioning. He did not have to speak. He did not have to focus too hard. He did not have to get swallowed up by the past. It was the first thing, in a long time to keep him in a present state of mind. It felt good. And he felt safe to have Jim close by. 

Jim basked a little in the positive emotions from Khan and decided to push a little. “Did the doc recommend anything you might do to help heal?” he asked, moving to a picture of a jet. “I love your horse, by the way. Very colorful.” 

"Only the technique to disassociate from memories, so that I do not re-live them. It is difficult, but I managed to do it in practice, when she was here, and in my mind. We will continue to practice." Khan said, showing an ability to communicate a little better then before, for the time being. "Coloring helps. Did you know it would? It is good to have a task. I enjoy it." 

“I didn’t,” Jim confessed. “It just occurred to me that this was something restful that you and I could focus on and enjoy for awhile. I can find other things for you to do, if you’d like. Nothing that’ll stress you out.” He lightly touched the bond between them in a reassuring fashion. “There are a lot of games and other things you can do alone and with me.”

"Thank you, I would like that," Khan said, finishing up the shading on the blue horse with green dapples on his coat. Khan gave a sort of snort out of his nose as the looked over the nonsense he had accomplished. This was not a real horse.

Jim laughed at the noise and said, “You’re really very expressive when you want to be. Subtle, but expressive.” He looked at the final results and said, “That’s an awesome horse. What’s his name? Cause that totally looks like a boy to me. But I could be wrong.”

Khan felt certain pleasure and satisfaction in hearing that Jim liked the absurd image. The augment had done something contrary to what was usual for him, and Jim was supportive of the results. "I do not know his name. You name him, please."

Jim considered Khan’s creation with all due gravity, before pronouncing him, “Yannick. That’s Yannick. What do you think?” He looked to Khan with a warm grin on his face and in his eyes. He just felt like the name was right again and hoped the augment agreed.

Khan considered this, looking over the image and the name Jim had given it. "Yannick. Very good," he said, feeling satisfied and pleased by this. But instead of going to another page to color, Khan closed the book and looked to Jim. "Thank you," he said, the words sincere, though he was unable to articulate the rest. He was grateful of how understanding Jim was being, while Khan was in his unstable state. Accepting of Khan, regardless of how little he made sense from minute to minute. And happy to have someone to talk to, even if they ended up not talking at all. 

“Would you like to get some sleep?” Jim asked, noting how Khan put away his coloring book. He set a gentle hand on his forearm and squeezed ever so carefully. “I imagine the exercises are a bit tiring.” He studied the other man’s face for signs of weariness and questioned lightly through the bond.

"It is difficult for me to answer you ... I feel that since you have shared your presence, all I do is sleep." It was a sign of course of how comfortable the augment was with Jim, how relaxed and safe he made Khan feel. "Will you sit with me a while? Even if I lay down, will you stay?"

“Yes, of course,” Jim said. “I could read to you, if you wanted. The Enterprise library contains all known Earth literature and non-fiction, as well as the collections of multiple other planets, depending on how open each culture is to sharing. There’s a lot to choose from then obviously. I can choose a favorite of mine, if you like.”

"You will read to me?" Khan found this to be a curious concept. He had always done his own reading for himself, his own studies, research and comprehension. But then again, his brain was not quite fit for such things any more. "Yes, read something you like."

“Awesome,” Jim said and hopped down, collecting the books and pencils to set aside. He grabbed a PADD and returned to Khan’s side. “Please lie down and get comfortable.” Opening the library, he considered a variety of books that he enjoyed and might make sense to read to the augment in his current state. “Dorothy lived in the midst of the great prairies of Kansas with Uncle Henry, who was a farmer, and Aunt Em, who was the farmer’s wife.”

Khan settled on his side, his arm tucked under the biobed pillow, which he used to help support his neck and head. He watched Jim with unspoken curiosity, feeling comfortable and familiar with him, even though he truly did not know him at all. He listened quietly to the story of old Earth, and the region once known as Kansas, prairieland, and endless horizon of grassland and grain fields. 

Jim continued to read and reached the time when Dorothy ended up in Oz. He glanced over to see how Khan fared and if he were, indeed, asleep. “Are you enjoying this story so far, Noonien?” he asked softly. “Shall I go on?” He had not read the Wizard of Oz in years, but the story was already coming back to him.

"Yes, please continue," Khan said softly. "Dorothy has been displaced from her home, and must go on an adventure. I would like to know what happens," Khan said, eyes lightly closed but still awake as he listened. Jim had a pleasant voice, and on occasion, Khan got Jim's imaginings of what he was reading, in order to help build the image in his head. 

Jim smiled at the happiness of his companion and began to describe the Munchkins’ meeting with Dorothy. He continued into the Wicked Witch of the East being crushed under Dorothy's house and her silver shoes. “Oz himself is the Great Wizard,” he read with a smile. He pictured the Wizard in his head, as he lived in his Emerald City.

As Jim imagined the Wizard, Khan began to imagine the layout of the Emerald City. How it must be designed as a structure that held life. How resistant it would be to wind or sand storms. If it would crack under pressure. Or how thick the walls would need to be. Khan imagined how he would layout the city, public services, homes ... It was promising that his brain could still make these connections, as the augment had once been a great mastermind, architect, and engineer. 

Jim grinned as these images began to pass through a bond a bit, too. “You are enjoying this story, Noonien. I don’t know if it describes an Emerald City as complicated as you are designing. We have a long way to get to the city, though. We haven’t even gotten to the Scarecrow yet.”

"Merely a thought, regarding practical design," Khan said, voice warm and relaxed as he adjusted his hold on the pillow. "If it is not a strain on you...please continue."

“A strain? Not at all. This is fun,” Jim said and continued on, picturing little Toto in his head for Khan to see. “Toto did not like this addition to the party, at first. He smelled around the stuffed man as if he suspected there might be a nest of rats in the straw, and he often growled in an unfriendly way at the Scarecrow.” He totally pictured that as vividly as possible to see what Khan thought of his vision.

Khan felt that the dog was right to be suspicious. Bundles of hay and straw do not move of their own accord. It was logical for the dog to think that rats were inside, causing the movement, as that was something a dog could understand, better then aspects of fantasy. Khan could sympathize. After all, like a dog, the augment had been well trained, was protective, loyal, aggressive, and obedient. So he understood. 

Jim giggled suddenly as he felt Khan’s suspicion toward the Scarecrow and approval of Toto and sent a huge wave of delight toward him. He reached out and almost gave the man a hug, before pausing in second. “May I?” he asked and projected what he’d been thinking to the other man.

With a vague understanding of what Jim wanted to do, Khan pulled his head up from the pillow to look at the other man. He could not recall the feeling of a hug, though had a few trace memories of being embraced by his family. But they were so small, there was not enough to piece together. All he had was what Jim was giving him, what seemed to be a good thing. A hug was a good thing. An expression, of feeling. "Yes?"

Jim grinned and leaned in to awkwardly give Khan a hug, though he did so with feeling, arms gentle, yet firm, around his thin frame. He tugged him close for a moment and than let go, sitting up again. “How was that? Do you like hugs?”

Oh. Hugs were amazing. A hug allowed Khan to feel the warmth and pressure of Jim against his own body. The embrace felt secure. Khan sat up and regarded Jim for a moment. "Why did you do that? What made you want to hug me?" he asked, very curious about this thing.

“You are my friend, Noonien, and friends hug sometimes,” Jim said. “Also, I just loved the image you had of Toto and the Scarecrow. It was fun to think of it from Toto’s perspective and agree with his mistrust of the man made out of hay.” He offered another hug, easier now that Khan was sitting up. He’d always been a tactile person and unafraid of the male bullshit that still infected some of his fellows about actions like hugs.

This time, Khan was not simply receptive of the hug, he was engaging as well. Unfolding his arms from where he kept them close to his own body, Khan wrapped them around Jim instead. Then leaned into the young man, his friend. That was a new concept, too. Khan had only ever had brothers or sisters. Friends were different. It was not a title he had ever used before. Hugging this second time, Khan got a better sense of the embrace and decided he liked it very much. It was even better then holding hands. "We are friends," he repeated back out loud. 

‘Yes, that’s right,” Jim encouraged, glad for the returned contact. “You’re a good friend, Noonien. Also, warm. You give an excellent hug.” He allowed the contact to continue for as long as Khan wanted, thinking it good for the both of them. “This is new to you,” he said, considering the augment’s response.

"Yes," Khan answered, his hands lingering against Jim's back as he slowly sat back and pulled his arms away. "I will learn," he assured. "But I like it."

“You’ve already learned,” Jim said with a grin for the augment. “Just don’t go hugging anyone else until you’re sure they’re okay with it. Vulcans usually don’t like skin-to-skin contact, except with their close family and friends. And me, cause I’m an asshole sometimes.” He looked a little chagrined at himself.

"I will take your advice," Khan said, then settled back down on his side, getting comfortable once more. He tried not to think about Vulcans. The augment had very limited experience with them, but had found them to be a formidable adversary. 

“Shall I keep reading?” Jim asked with a little wave of the PADD still in his hand. “You seemed to be enjoying the story, although I enjoy your perception of Toto as the hero.” He grinned and winked at the older man. “Toto is a cute little pooch.”

"Yes. Jim. If you do not mind. I find it relaxing." Of all the images and thoughts in his head, Khan knew for certain, these were fictional. The rest he had difficulty with, seeing them as events of the past or present, if they were true or unreal. 

Jim lifted the PADD again and continued on with the book, which picked up with the Scarecrow telling a story about how he was made. He pictured what the Scarecrow must have looked like in his head and posed it questioningly to Khan for comparison as to what he through the straw man might look like. 

Even if the figure of the Scarecrow was meant to be friendly, Khan imagined something a little more dark. With a sack stuffed with straw for a head, sewn up around the edges and pulled together with twine, Khan imagined a severe looking creature that was unable to demonstrate facial expressions properly. 

“Nooooo!” Jim said in horror and shook his head to clear his mind of that idea. He focused on a sympathetic looking Scarecrow, like the one in the 1939 film or the book. “This is a nice, friendly Scarecrow. He’s going to help Dorothy, not strangle her and skin Toto. Seriously, this is not a scary tale...exactly.”

No? Khan glanced to Jim, accepting the alternative sight. A character that was in fact mostly innocent, having only just been made. And it was not a matter of being unintelligent, but more so an issue of having no life experience. And so Khan accepted Jim's friendly concept of the Scarecrow instead. 

Jim grinned and nodded at the way Khan accepted the revised version, chuckling again at the way Khan pictured an innocent Scarecrow. “The actual crows are a little more dangerous,” he said and pictured them as being very intelligent, just like Khan himself. “I’ve always thought it would be fun to fly.”

"You are flying right now." Khan said with a little scoff. He did not understand Jim's distinction, between flying in space, on a ship, versus flying with the body and muscles of ones own body, like a bird. 

Jim loved the sarcastic tone of the statement and the little bit of Khan’s personality he saw bleed through. He sent his amusement and approval of the little bit of snark strongly to Khan. “That’s not quite what I meant,” he said and showed Khan a few memories of himself leaping off cliffs with a parachute and another couple with a paraglider, along with an imagining of himself growing wings and actually flying.

"Oh," Khan said, considering this for a moment. To transform into something else. To feel the turbulence in the air and be able to navigate it. The augment was quiet however, as images continued to come to him. He had flown once. Out into space. Through a debris field. Jim had been there. Right? Was that real? Had that happened?

“Oh, yes, that was real,” Jim said. “You saved my life.” He carefully replayed the whole event for Khan. “It was pretty exciting, too. But I like that kind of adventure.” He reached out to squeeze Khan’s nearest hand again. “It’s one of the reasons I decided to take on the challenge to join Starfleet.” 

It was real. Khan played over the bits he could in his mind a few times, piecing it together as best as he could without strain. It was real. It was important to know that. "Adventure." Khan repeated back, "You must be bold, with a strong will. Brave. Ambitious." Khan understood these things himself, and therefore, had a better understanding of Jim to have these traits in common. 

“And sometimes a bit careless and headstrong,” Jim said ruefully. “But I’m trying to learn how to balance my actions out to use my reason and instincts in combination. It’s an ongoing effort.” He reached out and lightly brushed his mind against Khan’s again. “See, I have stuff to learn, too.”

Instead of thinking poorly of Jim for this, Khan responded positively to it. He relaxed internally and settled once more. "It is a good thing." Khan said, though seemed to let his eyes close this time. "I think I will sleep now." He said. Though he enjoyed Jim reading to him, his mind was reaching a state where it could rest for a time, which he still needed.

“That sounds like a very good idea,” Jim said, thinking Khan should rest whenever he felt the need. “I’ll be checking up on the Enterprise, but you know how to reach me.” He gently tugged at their connection. “Right?”

"Yes." Khan agreed, turning his eyes towards Jim once more. "Thank you for staying with me." He said, reaching out to touch the back of Jim's hand. He did not know why it did it. As it served no practical function. But neither had holding hands. Except that he liked it.

“Of course,” Jim said and lightly caressed Khan’s hand one more time, before moving to ease some covers over him. “Now, get your sleep. I’ll be back when you need me.” He patted his shoulder once and then squeezed. “Pleasant dreams.”


	5. Chapter 5

As Lwanni and Bones waited outside the door, Jim entered Khan’s room and headed for his side. “Hello, Noonien. Ready for your field trip?”

Several weeks ago, Jim had posed a query to Dr. Troi about the benefit of Khan seeing his family, even in their cryogenic state. She had been hesitant, but after some additional sessions with Khan, believed it might be a good idea to visit. Besides, she agreed with Jim that Khan needed to get out of Sickbay, especially since she had located a specialist to replace her and continue the augment’s treatment on Earth. So, a few days before she was to turn over her patient, she and Jim set-up the visit to see the sleeping augments.

After Jim argued and pleaded and negotiated with Admiral Archer, of course. But by the time that wrangling was done, he’d persuaded the older man to allow Khan not only to visit once, but to have a monthly check-in with his family. Along with his treatments.

"Yes." They were going to leave sickbay. They were going to leave the Enterprise. That was real. Khan had worked hard in the last few days to remind himself, that they would be leaving, and that it was real. He would be seeing his people. But instead of filling his heart with hope, Khan had questioned it also every minute. While simultaneously reminding himself, it was real. So even now, it was difficult for him to be excited about it, but he agreed to go along, until the truth of the situation could break the final barrier in his mind. "We are going, together."

“That’s right. Doc and Bones will be going with us, too, but they’ll just observe unless you need something.” Jim held out a hand for Khan to take, if he wanted, knowing touch grounded the other man. “We’ll check in on your family, so you can see how they’re doing for yourself. It’ll be good for you to get out of Sickbay and off the Enterprise for a little while, as well.” He wiggled his fingers in invitation to the older man. 

"Yes. It will be good," Khan agreed. Though he mostly responded to Jim's unconscious encouragement. As well as being offered his hand in such a playful, but also supportive, manner. This wasn't about Jim dragging Khan along, this was about going to do this together. So Khan reached out and took Jim's hand with a small nod.

Jim squeezed lightly and strolled with Khan out the door, nodding to the two medical professionals, who followed a few steps behind them. They all walked quietly to the transporter room and carefully took their places on the pads. “Are we all ready?” he asked, making sure to include everyone in the words. 

“All set here, Jim,” Bones said.

“On your word, Captain,” Lwanni agreed quietly.

“And what do you say?” Jim asked, looking to Khan with a warm smile.

"Yes. I am ready," Khan said, feeling strangely exposed to be out of sickbay. He had perhaps, started to get accustomed to being in confined, secure rooms. Medical rooms. Security holding cells. So much of his brain was used to being trapped, that former concepts of freedom and independences were very foreign to him. He had gotten used to incarceration, which was a sad state for anyone, let alone Khan.

“Excellent,” Jim said and nodded to Scotty, who manned the controls. “Energize.”

And in a moment, all four of them were inside a drab warehouse, just outside the doors to a large room. There were no markings or indications of any kind of what might be stored there, except that four Security officers were arranged in an arc around them. Each one kept a wary eye on Khan, even as Jim nodded to them. “At ease. We’ll all four be going inside. We have an hour to spend, if we stay that long. Per my agreement with Admiral Archer, you are to stay in the background and allow Khan to interact freely, unless I or one of the two doctors request your assistance or an incidence breaks out.” He nodded to the doors. “Now, please open up.”

One of the guards nodded to the others, and two of them opened up the doors. “Captain.”

Here we go, Noonien, Jim said to Khan through the link and lightly tugged at their joined hands to encourage the augment to move with him. Time to see your family.

Khan held Jim's hand as he stepped inside the storage room. Though his mind remained loudly cautious initially. Until he saw the first cryotube, and the first face inside. Asleep. Not dead. Asleep. Alive. "I know this face ..." Khan said, "I know who this is." They were real. They were alive.

"Tell me who she is?" Jim asked gently and looked at the occupant of the cryobed curiously. The face was a bit obscured behind the ice of the cryosleep process, but appeared to be a middle-aged woman. The bluish tinge of the skin made it difficult to tell much more beyond that, but she had long, black hair that flared around her bare shoulders. "What is her name, Noonien?"

I know who this is. Khan kept saying to himself, while he searched his mind for her name. "Tae Sun," he said after several minutes of contemplation. "My sister, Tae Sun," he repeated, remembering how she used to play the piano, or any instrument she could get her hands on. Remembering, how she spent more time trying to get Khan to smile, then give attention to her own duties. 

Jim could hear some of the piano music in his head and gently encouraged the continuation of the tune. There was a strange quality to the sound, which he believed might come from hearing it through Khan’s memory. “Have you known her a long time?” he asked aloud, encouraging Khan to try and use his mind to remember and speak of his past. “Was she raised with you?”

"Yes. I have known Tae all my life. We were designed within the same facility," Khan said, looking to her with a tilt of his head. Able to speak of these things as a matter of fact, for the time being. He touched the glass, wanting to brush away the frost that obscured his full sight of her. 

You’ll see her outside the tube, Noonien, if I have anything to say about it, Jim assured him through the link. He laid a hand over Khan’s and squeezed. “Shall we look at the next?” he asked aloud, aware of Lwanni and Bones carefully remaining the in the background. “You have a lot of people to say hello to.”

"Yes," Khan said, pressing his hand to Tae's cryotube, as he excused himself from her company. Going to the next one in the row, Khan looked slightly startled for a moment. This was not correct. This was not who was sleeping next to Tae. "They are out of order," Khan said, then laughed incredulously. "Abdula should not be here. He should be next to Faheem." But there, not in the order he had put them to sleep, was Abdula, completely unaware of being out of order. 

“What do you mean?” Jim asked quietly, squeezing Khan’s hand again. “Why is Abdula out of order?” He looked down into the sleeping man’s face and gestured to Bones. “Will you get me a PADD, please?"

The doctor nodded and headed out of the unit for a moment to collect a PADD.

“So, tell me why Abdula should not be here?” Jim prompted of the augment again, studying the face of a younger looking man. He would have guessed the man to be in his twenties, but knew the age of augments could be deceiving.

"This is not the order in which they go to sleep," Khan said, doing his best to be clear, even though it was difficult for him to express. "After Tae, is Jasminder. Abdula is a boy ... he should come later. He should be next to Faheem and Balin. They look after him," Khan said, poorly explaining how things were once done and organized among this family of augments. 

Bones returned with a PADD and carried it over to Jim, who thanked him quietly.

“Alright, we can use the PADD to indicate what order they should be in,” Jim said, pulling up a schematic of the cryotubes arrangement in the room. “You can help make sure they get arranged as they should.” He labeled the first two cryotubes with the current configuration. “I’ll write down the names of everyone in their current order and then, we can put them back the way they should be. What do you think?” He showed Khan the tubes with the first two names entered.

"Yes. Yes, that is good," Khan said, watching as Jim made the notation. In a strange way, Khan was not upset for himself, but on the behalf of his people. Thinking that they would not like to be out of order. So Khan continued to go along. As he saw each face, he was able to remember their name- Jungsai, Zahra, Deepinder. In some cases, only their names were available to his memory, but at the sight of a few others, a few memories surfaced- Michka, Eugenio, Cristofer. Men and women he trusted and cared for. Some, direct family- Eva, Ziva, Janos- all designed by the same creator. Others, from labs in other regions, but joining with Khan and his family in the end.

Jim made notations of each one, aware of how deeply Khan was effected by the sight of all his family members. “See, they’re all here,” he whispered for Khan’s ears only. “And they’re all asleep. Safe. I promise.” Do you trust me, Noonien? He asked with the lightest touch of their minds to each other. I will do everything I can to prevent any harm from coming to your people. 

They were alive. Khan could see that now. It was real. They were asleep. But they were not asleep in the past, they were asleep, in the present. Which meant they were alive. Yes. Yes, he understood. And he would cling tight to this memory. "They are safe here," Khan echoed back. 

But then he started to get confused again, anxious. His people were at his fingertips. He should get them out of here. He should take them away. They needed to wake up. They needed to be free. 

Jim instantly set down the PADD and took both of Khan’s hands in his. He sent waves of soothing emotion through the link, trying to ease the upset in the augment’s mind. Not yet, Noonien. Not yet. You need to get well first. They’ll need you when they wake up to help them acclimate to this time. They’ll be here. They can wait. He hoped that would be enough to calm the man, even as he felt Lwanni slowly approaching, in case her presence would also be needed.

Khan struggled, not against Jim, but with himself. His shoulders rolled back, and he twisted his body to look one way, then another, surrounded by his people. And yet he did not fight Jim, or even attempt to escape his touch. "They're not happy like this...let me...let them go."

They are asleep, Jim soothed softly. We’re monitoring them to make sure they’re all well. There’s been no signs of upset. Would you like to see? He reached for the PADD again and pulled up the monitoring of the cryotubes to show Khan the brainwaves of all of his family. “Look,” he said aloud and offered him the machine. “Look and see.”

Khan accepted the PADD, though his hands uncontrollably trembled until his fingers grasped the object. Sleeping. All sleeping. Steady and quiet. With not even a sign of bad dreams. It took some time, but eventually the augment began to rationalize again. They could sleep, it was alright. They did not know time was passing, only Khan did.

He then remembered a time when he had been unable to sleep. He had been thinking about something important. Something ... he couldn't quite remember. But it had turned out alright, whatever it was. His brothers and sisters, woke the next morning, rested and without the same worry Khan had carried through the night. This was the same. 

“There you are,” Jim said as he felt the augment’s mind settle. He’d watched with worry at the way Khan’s hands shook as he reached for the PADD, glad when the man managed to focus on the screen. “Yeah, they’re all fine. Sleeping peacefully.” He blew out a low breath of relief.

The fragment of memory sparked Jim’s interest as well, but he paused, unsure if he should help Khan pursue it. Are you feeling better? he asked instead. Do you want to show me how your family should be arranged? 

"Yes ..." Khan said, then took a deep breath. He quietly apologized for not making sense, but continued to hold the PADD in his hands. "Yes, I will show you," Khan said, looking at the screen. He paused, then began to arrange the names in groups of two. While in his mind, he imagined them as they had been, asleep in their pods on the ship, stacked, one over the other. Similar to how they had slept as children, in bunk beds, in rows. He arranged the names in an order that only he knew. But he paused at the end. The last one. The empty spot. That was where he was supposed to be. 

Jim moved to watch and noted Khan’s pause at the end. He queried gently and got an impression of a last cryotube in what was now an empty spot. “Oh,” he breathed quietly. That’s alright, Noonien. You’re doing what all leaders must do… you’ve gone first, so that the rest of them may follow you, once you’re ready. He reached for the PADD slowly, hoping the augment would give it to him willingly. “I’ll request permission to have the cryotubes out in this order...and for you to help move them. What do you think?”

"Yes," Khan agreed, "Yes, they should be in order." They might be asleep, but that is how they would want it. That was how they went under. That was how they should wake up. In order. It would be familiar. Khan gave over the PADD willingly, trusting Jim would see to it. But it also did help to soothe him, Khan was doing the right thing. It had always been a lonely position at the top, as their leader. He had forgotten that somehow. But it was true. 

Jim offered Khan a hug, arms open. He also knew how lonely it could be to lead people, to be responsible for their lives. I’m here with you. Here for you, Noonien. Let me help you? Please? He took a step forward, arms still wide in hopes he might accept the contact.

Such affection and comfort was still new to Khan. But he leaned into the other man, accepting the hug. They were both leaders, were they not? These sorts of things were forbidden to them, were they not? Distractions. It was not for them to seek comfort from others. It was their job to support the people in their care. Perhaps, that was why Jim was hugging him now. Khan was in Jim's care. Yes. Khan dropped his head to Jim's shoulder, accepting what Jim had to offer, the promise and protection.

Jim reached up and lightly stroked through Khan’s hair, which had lengthened some since his confinement. “Time to go back to the Enterprise now,” he murmured. “As soon as you’re ready. You did so good, Khan. And next time, we’ll hopefully get to move your family back to their rightful positions. That’ll be something productive we can do.” He kept petting the dark strands, amazed at how soft they were. I’ll protect you the best I can.

This small action was unbelievably calming for the augment. He had never known such touch. But he responded well to it. "Yes," he said, agreeing to Jim's suggestion. "We will go back. To the Enterprise. It is time to go." Khan hummed softly, eyes dropping closed. I trust you, Jim. 

Lwanni and Bones watched this scene with equal parts amazement and worry, though Lwanni felt a bit of reassurance in how much Khan trusted Kirk, a man who would keep his word to the best of his ability. It gave her hope that the augment could find a place in this future.

Good. I’ll do everything I can to help you. What do you think to some food and then some rest? Jim nodded toward the other two people in the room to signal that they were about ready to leave.

Yes. We will go. We will eat. We will rest. Khan confirmed inwardly at he agreed with this plan. His head remained tipped downward, but Khan stepped back out of Jim's arms, before lifting his eyes. "Thank you for allowing me to see them."

“I’m glad we could arrange it,” Jim said. “I think it’s good for you to see them. And us to see you with them, too.” He extended a hand, wiggling the fingers in the way that had become customary between them as an invitation for Khan to take his hand, if he wanted. There was no command there, and when Khan did not feel like it, Jim had learned not to mind. It was good to let Khan make his own decisions as much as was possible, To exercise his damaged brain.

Lwanni secretly (and not-so-secretly) approved of the way Captain Kirk interacted with Khan. She had doubted at first, but the more she saw of their interactions, the more she marveled at the instinctive way the human responded to the augment. Some of that came down to the link, but she knew that Captain Kirk acted unorthodoxly around a lot of people in a way that strengthened their ties. She had begun to wonder if the categorization of Kirk as psi null was somehow wrong.

Khan accepted the familiar gesture and took Jim's hand to hold. His people were alive. Khan would be able to better hold onto that truth now. Alive. All of them. He knew their faces. He knew their names. Beyond that, he could not remember everything. But there was tomorrow. And the next day. Jim said they would come back, and Khan would continue to believe him. 

“Do you think we could go outside for a moment?” Jim asked, looking at Lwanni. “I know I didn’t strictly clear it with Admiral Archer, but there must be somewhere in this building where a few people can just stand on a balcony or something and enjoy some fresh air.”

Both doctors looked at him; Bones with open suspicion. He knew better than to believe that Jim just randomly came up with the idea now. He had no doubt that Jim would magically lead them right to this said balcony.

“I have always been a proponent of the outdoors for healing purposes,” the Betazoid said, with a hint of amusement in her tone.

“Awesome.” Jim looked at Khan. “Do you want to go and look a little at the outdoors? Breathe some non-recycled air?”

Khan pulled his head up and looked to the doctors for their answer, then to Jim. "Yes. I would like that," he said with muted excitement, trying not to sound too eager. He did not ask for permission, since it had been Jim's idea. But internally, it was very clear that it was something that the augment wanted. 

“Sweet,” Jim said and led them all out of the storage room, past the guards and down a complicated set of hallways (obviously memorized, as Bones suspected), through a meeting space and out on a landing, which overlooked the San Francisco Bay and surrounding area. “Voila! Fresh air.” He inhaled deeply. “Marine air, even. And a perfect day for a view...on this side of the Bay, anyway. Looks like SF is piled in with fog, as usual.”

Khan nearly collapsed with joy as the fresh air hit his skin and began to fill his lungs. Air. Sky. Sunshine. Khan hummed, wishing to melt into the ground and lay there. It was not unlike a time when he had been a boy, the first time he and his siblings had gone to the surface, from their underground encampment. They had stretched themselves out in the grass and basked in the sunlight for the first time in their lives. 

Jim grinned at the reaction and carefully let Khan’s hand go. He hopped up on the railing and perched there, legs dangling over the edge into the air below, uncaring about the two-story drop. His head also lifted to the sun, catching the rays as he breathed in deeply. “This is the one thing that starships cannot replicate properly. The taste and feel of sunshine and real air. Fresh and clean in your face. Someday, I hope they get it right because it’s the only thing I miss aboard.”

Following Jim's lead to the edge, Khan draped his torso over the railing, head turned to the side as he took in the sun against his skin. Yes. This was good. His eyes slowly examined the horizon, relaxed and calm as he took in the sight of the city, the ocean, the fog, and the mountains beyond. Yes, this was very good. Khan began to purr softly, feeling a pure, simple joy to be outside.

Jim glanced at Khan and smiled, soft around the edges, at the noise Khan made. He recognized it from those very rare times when the augment was truly at peace with himself and the universe. It’s nice out here, isn’t it? I love this area. Where I grew up was nothing like this. He showed Khan the fields and flats of Iowa, miles of boredom in all directions. I think I spent a whole week doing nothing but staring at the Bay when I first got here. He looked around at the area surrounding them. It’s amazing.

"This is good," Khan said aloud. He continued to soak in the sunlight and the fresh air, not wasting a second of it. Though he did probe slightly at Jim's sight of the world. Seeing things through his eyes, the fields of Iowa and his first impression of the Bay area. Khan still thought of Earth as his home, even though he had been displaced from it for a very long time, based on a decision from long ago, that he and his people would never return. 

This can be your home again, if you want. Jim believed that very strongly. There was room on the planet, in the Federation, for the augments, if they wanted to be a part of it. He would not blame them, after all their leader had suffered, if they turned their backs to the Earth and requested a place of their own. I think you have a lot to offer us, Noonien. You and your family, together and individually. I hope you will decide to stay.

It was difficult to imagine things being anything other than what they were. Khan, alone. The only one of his people to be awake. The rest, sleeping, for hundreds of years, while life on Earth and the rest of the universe carried on. It was difficult to imagine an alternative, because it was difficult to hope. The brilliant part of his brain that would have made these plans to give his people a wonderful future, was damaged. He could not make the complex plans for his people, or for himself, as he once had. It was enough that he got through each day. So Khan had to imagine it through Jim's eyes. They could stay on Earth, they could have a home.

Jim knew how Khan struggled and wished he could just fix the part of him that was damaged. He believed the other man was improving, but it was a slow, incremental process. “Hey, Doc,” he asked the Betazoid, “will Khan’s future treatments allow him to get outside more?”

“As Ambassador Spock has managed to find a suitable clinic on Earth for Khan’s further sessions, I believe there will be an opportunity for it,” Lwanni answered. “Indeed, I will recommend it as beneficial. As it so obviously is for you both. If Khan desires it, of course.”

Again, it was not a question Khan thought to ask for himself. But as Jim asked it on his behalf, Khan looked up to give his attention to the answer. Yes. He would be allowed outside. No longer locked away, cut off from all life. "Yes, I would like that," Khan confirmed, then lowered his head again to bask in the sunlight before they had to leave this place. 

Lwanni smiled and nodded to the augment, although his attention was elsewhere again. “Than I shall recommend it. Captain Kirk, I am sure you will do you part to ensure that all due permission is given.”

Bones, who had remained quiet for most of their trip, spoke up now, “With both of our recommendations, I’m sure that permission won’t be that difficult. Besides, Admiral Archer is on the right side on this. And we can show positive results for your treatments.”

Yes, you are getting better, Jim said to Khan through their link. Have you noticed? 

The truth was, Khan could not see his own progress as the others did. He barely had any relevant memory of the hours, back to back, that turned into days and weeks, where he simply sat on the floor of his cell, simply existing. It had been a strange time, that had been real, but Khan had been disconnected from.

Still, he was enjoying a few moments of life now. Surely that was a difference. If you say so. Khan said to Jim, trusting that he had it right. "Where will I go?" Khan finally asked, piecing together his understanding that he would be treated, somewhere, on Earth. 

“There is a small clinic in the mountains not far from here,” Lwanni said. “It has special accommodations for those who require treatment away from the stimulations of the world. You will visit daily for the first few weeks and slowly taper down your treatments until you do not require them anymore. Another Betazoid doctor will come to work at the clinic, and you will be one of her patients. I know her well and trust you to her care. She will also be working with others at the same clinic, some who live there. Captain Kirk will attend some sessions with you and not others, as we do now.”

“You’ll still live on the Enterprise,” Bones said. “And I’ll remain your primary care physician, as long as you still want me.”

“And the clinic is surrounded by redwoods,” Jim said. “It’s an old lodge or something...really beautiful. Ambassador Spock was pleased when he discovered that you could attend sessions there. I’m hoping you and I can take walks in the woods together sometimes.”

Khan listened to each speak in turn, but also listened with his eyes, quietly observing the truth of their words. They were being genuine about their investment in his care. It had been some time since Khan had been able to use this part of his brain. So in the end, he nodded. "Yes. Thank you for making these arrangements. I understand. You are here to help," he said, reverting to this repetitive speech to communicate his acceptance of the decisions being made on his behalf. "This will be good for my needs."

Jim chuckled softly and said, “Yes, it really will. I hope the new doctor is as good as you, Doc. We’ll miss you when you go.”

Lwanni inclined her head to the captain, remembering how they had not gotten off to the easiest of starts. However, the human had convinced her that the link between himself and Khan was beneficial to both. “I would not go if I did not know I was leaving you in excellent hands.” 

“We’ll all miss you, ma’am,” Bones said with his most Southern courtesy and a hint of real regret.

Bones is totally crushing on your head doctor, Jim informed Khan with internal humor. Too bad she has to leave soon. Aloud he said, “Yeah, we hope you can drop by and visit us sometimes, Doc. What do you say, Khan?”

"You have been kind and gentle, Lwanni. I have come to accept your care, just as I will accept your decision, now." Khan was uncertain about starting over with someone new, but everyone else present seemed confident that it would be alright. Also, a small part of him did wish she could see him at his best, but did not say so, as that part of him was so small it was difficult to give voice to. 

Lwanni stepped up to Khan and said, “I have seen much improvement in your mind and believe that you will recover fully over time.” She held out her hands in front of her, offering in a way similar to Captain Kirk, but without the endearing finger wiggle. That was for them alone. 

Stepping closer, Khan accepted the offer, taking both hands as if he were receiving a gift. "Thank you," he said, showing no resistance to her or the gentle ways she would slip into his mind. 

Lwanni squeezed his hands and asked him telepathically, How are you feeling right now? Do not think hard on this, but answer with the first word that springs to mind. She held his gaze, her own eyes warm and clear. 

Happy. I am happy to be outside. Khan answered, lightly holding her gaze. And happy to see my people, with my own eyes.

Good. That is the first time you have self-identified with me as happy. You are improving. Now, do you know what you would like to do for the rest of today? Remember, just tell me what comes first into your mind. Lwanni often performed these small checks to see just how much Khan’s mind would handle at a time without turning to Captain Kirk for support or guidance. That was why she demanded the first thing.

This time, however, Khan hesitated. Jim said we would return to the Enterprise. Eat. Rest. But that was not necessarily what Khan wanted to do. Now that he was outdoors, he wanted to lay in the sun, until it disappeared into the ocean. Though that did not seem like something that would be allowed.

Lwanni felt the hesitation and dared to press, aware of Captain Kirk’s curious eyes on them, probably sensing a great deal through the ever-strengthening bond. You did not say what first came into your mind, did you? She asked gently. There is nothing wrong with telling me, whatever it may be. Please. What would you like to do?

Indeed, Jim could feel a bit of worry leak through the bond and tried to soothe Khan with a wave of support. He knew Lwanni and Khan were speaking to each other, but she could shield her thoughts from him. Some of Khan’s did get through to him, but not enough to understand the discussion.

Khan hesitated again, as if waiting for the right answer from Jim. The right answer that would not get him into trouble. But eventually he did answer for himself. I want to stay in the sun. I do not like to be closed in. 

Lwanni nodded and turned to Captain Kirk, “Captain, do you believe it would be too much trouble to get permission to have an outdoor picnic and allow Khan to take a nap outdoors?”

“Uh. Well, I can try,” Jim said and then grinned, wicked and bright. “Want some more time outside, huh?” he asked Khan. “I bet I can talk old Archer into that. Just give me a few.” He hopped neatly back on the landing and walked inside, flicking open his communicator. “Hey, Bones,” he called back, “get in here and arrange for a nice picnic with the Mess. Make sure you get lentils.”

The doctor trailed after his friend and Captain, muttering to himself, but also pulling out a communicator.

Lwanni looked back to Khan and said, “See, sometimes it is good to say what you want.” 

Khan watched as Jim and McCoy moved into action, making his unspoken wish a possibility. "Thank you," he said quietly to her. He had truly forgotten how to ask for things. In prison, he could not ask. With Marcus, he could not ask. And before then ... he could not remember. 

“You should also thank them when they return, victorious, as your captain will never allow the good Admiral to say no to his request,” Lwanni said, mischief in her voice. “You have a devoted guardian there. You could not have asked for better.” What is the first word you associate with Captain Kirk?

My Captain. Khan thought of Lwanni's phrasing. Perhaps it was accurate, as Khan did respond to Jim's lead, even though he never gave orders, only suggestions. Khan nearly pulled away as he could not fight back the instant association. Love. He loved Jim, as a brother, as a friend. Someone he felt would remain loyal to him, and in turn deserved his loyalty. Love, for a man who had no obligations to to care for him, but did so anyway. 

“Good,” Lwanni said. “That is good. It may be hard to believe now, but when you are fully healed, I believe you will also be a better man. Someone more able to live in this future.” She glanced back as Captain Kirk waltzed back out, there was no other word for his jaunty walk, and smiled at his obvious triumph.

“There’s a small park near the facility where we can stay until dark, if you want,” Jim said. “And Bones is ordering a small feast. We’ll have to have a few Security present, but they’ll be folks from the Enterprise, so no worries there. Are you up for walking a little ways?” He addressed the question to them both.

Khan gave a small nod to Lwanni, acknowledging her words. But the corners of his mouth began to curl upwards as Jim returned to them, almost smiling. "I would like that very much. Thank you. Jim."

“As would I, Captain,” Lwanni said. “I shall accompany Dr. McCoy.” She released Khan’s hands and with a small nod to him, headed for the indoors. She patted Captain Kirk’s shoulder as she went in.

“All well?” Jim asked, extending a hand and wiggling fingers playfully. “That seemed like a very serious discussion.”

"Yes, I am well," Khan answered, reaching for Jim's hand in return as he went to him. "I know what she does is important and good for me. But I do not always know how to answer." Khan gave a little squeeze of their hands, before saying again. "Thank you for today. It is a gift ... that seems ... like fantasy." 

“Well, we need it to feel more like reality, but I getcha,” Jim said. “You’ve been cooped up for too long. Now, we’re going to walk about six blocks to a park near the warehouse. Admiral Archer made sure it was clear, so nobody freaks out or anything. We can have our picnic, take a nap, play on the playground, whatever we want until dusk. And we’ll walk slow, so you can enjoy it. If you want to pause to look at anything, just let me know.” He glanced at the building, where Bones and Lwanni waited. “We should try to let them have some alone time, too.”

Khan listened and nodded as Jim spoke. But in the end asked, "How do you know that your friend likes her? Is it mutual?" He was not as perceptive as he once was. But hearing and seeing things through Jim's eyes helped. 

“I’m not as sure about the Doc,” Jim said. “Betazoids are a bit flirtatious by culture. Bones, however, takes these things very seriously. I wish she was sticking around for his sake, as well as yours. I haven’t seen him like this since Carol left for a post with Starfleet Intelligence.” He sighed a little, regretting that she’d left his friend high and dry, too. “Oops, I think they’re ready. Are you ready to go?”

"I like her too." Not the same way that McCoy did, but as someone he had come to trust. He was comfortable with her constant presence, as he had become comfortable with McCoy always around too. He gave a slight nod and started to walk with Jim so that they could head out together. I think I am confused. Why is she leaving? 

She is needed on her homeworld. She only came ever for the short term, to help assess your condition and get your treatment started. Jim gently led the way, hand tangled with Khan’s, as he made his way out of the building and down the street outside. He felt Bones and Lwanni following close behind them. Do you want to ask her to stay?

Her people need her? Khan could relate to that feeling, that pull of influence in which he would answer the call of his people, first. I understand. Khan held firmly onto Jim as he lifted his head, observing the structure of the building as he never had before. 

Jim smiled at the truth behind the statement and said, She’s a very important healer on Betazed. That she came all this way to help us out is pretty amazing. I’m trying to figure out something I can give her as a token of her time here to say thank you. After our initial disagreement about the bond between you and I, Lwanni has been nothing but understanding and helpful to me. And you like her. I can tell.

We are fortunate. Khan had a better understanding now, she did not have to come, give up her time for such a strange man and his strange circumstance. But she did. Yes. I do like her. Khan did not associate any pain with the way she entered into his mind. Even if she touched upon troubling memories, she would often help mute them so that Khan could remain focused during their healing session. 

You should tell her before she leaves. I think she’ll be glad. Jim squeezed their joined hands and continued the slow stroll down the streets, turning left at the second intersection. We are going to Sycamore Park. It’s not very big, but there are trees and grass and a place to eat a picnic. Do you remember having any picnics, Noonien?

No. I do not know picnics. What are the rules? Khan asked without meaning to, as the walls in his mind were let down while he took in the sights of the city and their walk. 

Jim stifled a chuckle, but sent a wave of good humor to the augment through the link. No rules, Noonien. A picnic is an outdoor meal. We’ll spread out a tablecloth on the ground and sit on it and eat together. I heard Bones order all kinds of things. He wants to get some more meat on your frame. You’re still too thin. Just rangy muscle. He turned right now, following a narrow, brick path between two high fences. At the end was an open area, where trees and grass were already visible.

Khan was getting excited now. The terrain under his feet was imperfect. Not metal hallways of a starship. Not poured concrete hallways of a prison, or even sidewalk. This was brick. And little shoots of grass were rebelling and sticking out between the cracks. And ahead was an entire landscape of grass and trees. I want to go there. His entire body and mind said, urging them forward. 

Jim sped up a little at Khan’s eagerness, happy to oblige him in this small way. Besides, it was good for the augment. In fact. “Want to run?” he asked aloud. “We can run there as fast as you want. Though I may have to let go of your hand because I’m not as fast as you.”

"Run-!" Khan agreed quickly and began to run towards the park. Eyes blown wide with excitement. Everything else in his mind drifted away. He did not consider how it might upset the security guards, for him to start to run suddenly. Nor how it might concern the others if he got too far ahead, and out of their sights. There was only the augment, rushing forward towards the green of earth, and collapsing just as suddenly, face first as he pressed himself into the thick grass. This was good. 

“It’s alright!” Jim yelled the moment Khan zoomed ahead, even as he picked up his pace, too. The augment easily outpaced him, but it was only a moment later when Jim collapsed beside him, laughing like a lunatic. “Oh, you loved that so much! We need to get you some exercise! I’ll figure something out!” He allowed himself to roll in the grass, staining his uniform everywhere.

Lwanni and Bones strolled up at a much more controlled pace, eyeing the other two with equally amused and wry expressions. But the doctor pulled out his communicator and ordered up their food without comment.

"Yes-" Khan sighed, the side of his face pressed against the grass. "Doesn't this smell good?" He purred again softly, completely overwhelmed, in a good way, to have fresh air, sunlight, and now grass. 

Jim laughed again and inhaled the freshly mown lawn scent with a smile. “Yeah, it’s perfect. I’ll leave you to wallow here, while I help Bones set up our lunch. I’ll call you over when the food is ready.” He reached out and stroked Khan’s back a few times, just the gentlest touch. “Just enjoy your sun and grass until we’re ready, alright?”

"Yes-" Khan said, but purred again, this time when Jim gently stroked his back. As Jim got up to go, Khan spread his arms up and down along the cut of the grass, petting it and drawing the scent in deep. How could he have forgotten the smell of grass? It was wonderful. He rolled around in place a few times, basking happily to be outside. 

Lwanni watched Khan’s contented actions and said to both men, “There is something very primal about some parts of his nature. I believe that has much to do with his augmentation. He has more the appearance of civility than the actuality of it.”

“Yeah, that fits,” Jim said, setting out a bunch of napkins and silverware. “There was always a well of terrible emotion beneath a thin veneer of control. And when it snapped…” He grimaced in memory of the way Marcus’ head cracked like an egg.

It was more than fair to say. In a time when designer pets were popular, Khan and the other augments had been developed to be what their creators desired most. Just as some engineered house cats with leopard spots, or family dogs to carry traits of previously extinct breeds, the augments were made in a lab. But just like the designer cats and dogs, the augments were no less wild.

Khan rolled over onto his back, arms out to either side. He smiled a little as a light breeze cut across his body. Earth. He had missed it.

“Lunch is ready!” Jim called as they set out the final plates. He watched Bones help Lwanni take a seat with an internal smile and turned his face back to Khan. Come along now. You can go back to rolling and basking once you’ve had your lunch. There’s too much food here for just the three of us, and you need some more sustenance. He almost hated to break into the augment’s delighted actions, but food was important for healing the other man, too.

Khan turned and rolled over as Jim called out to him. He looked to the others as he sat up, then headed over to join them. As he walked over however, Khan used the back of his hand to lightly brush away small leaves, twigs and dead blades of grass from his clothing. By the time he was a foot away, Khan was presentable once more and took a seat among them. He looked to each in turn, showing no apology for his behavior just moments ago, only gratitude. "Thank you for this."

Jim patted him on the shoulder and said, “You're welcome. This is nice for us, too. We don’t usually get such a peaceful afternoon of rest. Now, you take your food first. I want to see you eat as much as Dr. McCoy has been asking you to.” He looked expectantly at Khan to begin.

“You should help yourself next, ma’am,” Bones told Lwanni with all of his charm showing. “That’s only fair as the prime doctor.”

“Do you not mean the senior doctor, Leonard?” Lwanni teased, pleased when the strong cheeks colored.

“Not at all, ma’am,” Bones assured, though she dwarfed the two Starfleet officers in age.

See, there they go again, Jim thought to Khan. We’ll have to give them some time to themselves.

Khan observed the two together, but turn his gaze away when Jim said they should have time to themselves. Were they flirting? Was that how it worked? Khan considered it lightly, but such thoughts began to give way as he turned his attention to eating. A small bowl of soup. Half a sandwich. Crackers and dip. And something that looked like a cold salad with grilled vegetables. Khan had never desired this much food before, but being outside helped with his will to live, and therefore, the things that were important to life, which included eating. 

Jim waited for Lwanni and then grabbed a full sandwich, some potato salad, a large apple and some juice for his own lunch. That’s a good sized lunch, Noonien. Is the soup tasty? I haven’t gotten any yet, but I will if you like it. He eyeballed the lentil soup, which he had suggested, but was waffling about eating now.

Khan had arranged each bowl and plate just-so in a small half circle around himself. It took a few minutes before Khan was ready to try the soup, but when he did, it was met with approval. Yes. It is good. He answered Jim through their link, but looked to the other man with a small question, You are no longer hungry? Are you unhappy? 

Jim lightly bumped his left shoulder into Khan’s right, a friendly gesture, which he projected through the link. Thank you for looking out for me. I am hungry. I’ve grabbed a bunch of other stuff to eat. I guess I’ll snag some soup, too. He served himself from the special tureen and took a slurp. Yeah, that is good. He beamed suddenly at Khan, all warmth. It’s a really good sign that you're showing worry for me, too. I’m totally happy right now. Can you feel that?

Yes. Though Khan was still happy from being outside and laying in the grass, so what Jim was feeling was a little more muted to his senses. He could not necessarily tell the difference between the both of them. But only knew, for a brief moment, that something had changed for Jim. Yes, I think that is you... Khan expressed his uncertainty as to whose emotions he was feeling. 

You’re so happy that you’re overwhelmed a little by it. Jim felt very content with that result and sipped more of his soup. He eased himself sideways so he could face Khan and let Bones and Lwanni have a modicum of privacy. So, it’s obvious you enjoy the outdoors. We’ll aim to get you outside more. But when you are on the Enterprise, do you think working in the botanical gardens might be good?

Gardens? Khan thought on this with ease. "Yes, I would like that," he said out loud, while his brain imagined an entire deck to the Enterprise devoted to natural resources, deep in space. A garden, trees, Terrestrial and non-Terrestrial plants, filtering the re-circulated air to make it fresh. 

Both doctors glanced at them and then shook their heads with nearly identical smiles. They went back to their own quiet conversation. 

“I think it’d be a great idea. We can have you work with Sulu. He knows everything about plants. Just don’t make fun of them...or him,” Jim said, dimpled and full of mischief. “I bet the two of you will have long, detailed discussions about their properties and the best ways of caring for them, while I just try not to kill them with my horrible brown thumb. If I weren’t captain, Sulu would have banned me from there a long time ago. As it is, I’m not allowed near any of the rare stuff.”

"A brown thumb?" Khan tilted his head and smiled a little at Jim. "You are good with me. I am rare," he said, saying it as a point of fact, not as a matter of being boastful about who and what he was. And since it was not meant as something to debate, as it was intended as a compliment, Khan returned to eating, dipping the edge of his sandwich in the soup to soak up the extra broth. 

Jim fought off a bit of a blush, though his insides filled with pleasure at the words. “Fortunately for us both, you are not a plant. However, you’re right, you’re very unique. And I’m glad you think I’m good with you. I try.” Emotions gave him hives, so he stuffed his mouth full of sandwich to cease any babble. But internally, he said to Khan That means a lot to me, Noonien. I want to be able to help. 

Having the link between them, Khan recognized that he had embarrassed Jim slightly by this statement. But it was not something to apologize for. Khan hummed softly, pleased by the exchange of good feelings between them. So he left the good feeling alone, and said nothing more. Instead, he continued to eat lunch until he was done. And then with a stretch of his arms and back, Khan laid out to rest on his back, eyes soaking in the blue of the sky above, 

Jim smiled softly at the augment, feeling his warm contentment as if it were his own. Reaching out, he lightly stroked the black hair that fanned along the ground behind him. He wanted to hear the soft rumble that indicated Khan’s total relaxation and contentment with his current state. That was what was really rare. In fact, this was the first time Jim thought he’d sensed complete happiness from the augment. Take a nap? 

Lightly closing his eyes as Jim reached over, Khan sighed deeply as he relaxed his body into the ground. Yes. I think so, Khan answered, comfortably warm in the sunlight and the park grass. Stay with me for a while? he asked, a soft rumble resting in his chest with each breath. 

I’d like that. Jim shuffled closer so that stroking the softly hair was not a strain on his arm. He folded his legs in front of him and simply basked in the warmth of the sun, the easy motions of his hand, and the contentment that bubbled up from inside himself and through his link to Khan. There was a joyous feedback loop going on right now, and he thought he could easily become lost in its seductive sensations. I’ve never shared anything like this with anyone before.

As Jim shifted to sit closer while stroking his hair, Khan began to purr softly. The touches and close proximity allowed Khan to sink deeper into the repeating feel-good loop. Living in this moment, Khan was completely happy. Neither have I. Khan confirmed. But I like it.

Can you remember who you were closest to? Jim asked and so it was not a one-sided affair, he showed Khan visions of his older brother, Sam, and the children on Tarsus (without the unpleasant associations), and then Bones. And of course, the Enterprise herself, who was as a living being to Jim. Finally and without conscious thought, he showed Khan himself.

Khan considered this question, even as Jim offered examples of his own. There were brothers and sisters that were older then Khan, like Sam had been to Jim. And there had been those Khan counted on the most, whenever they worked together, or fought together. I cannot remember. I cannot decide between them, Khan said, opening his eyes to look up at Jim briefly. 

That’s not a bad thing. You have a lot of friends. That’s good. Jim was silent for awhile longer. I almost am envious of your family, Noonien. I’ve never really had a blood family. My brother ran away when I was little, and my mom was always out in space. Not that I blame her. She gave me her love for the stars. I think you’re my first real blood family.

Khan listened carefully, understanding a hint of sadness to it all, even as Jim spared him the full picture of it. You are the first to share my blood. I am happy to call you family, Khan said, then attempted to explain that none of his brothers or sisters shared a father or mother. They were family in the sense that they were designed together, lived together, survived together. 

Jim smiled at the strong sense of family Khan got from those not technically related to him. Yes, I understand. That is how I feel about my crew. They are my family, too. Like you told me. He pictured Khan in the brig, asking him what he would not do for his family, a single tear running from his eyes. He also admitted, through the link, to the strong, emotional way that had hit him. He believed the augment in that moment, believed him about everything he’d said about Marcus and Starfleet.

Shifting closer, Khan rested his head near Jim's thigh as he settled on his side. He sighed softly and gave a slight nod. Yes. I understand. He agreed as well, then placed a hand on Jim's knee as he closed his eyes again. It was upsetting to think about, but Khan had made some progress, as the memory did not instantly trigger him into a darker state. 

You can put your head on my leg, if that’s more comfortable. Jim smiled at the way Khan scooted ever closer to him and tugged gently at the other man. He liked how the augment trusted him, so much that even memories of their more difficult past did not arouse angry responses. After your nap, maybe we can play on the jungle gym. He projected an image of them both hanging upside-down.

Play? Khan smiled, taking Jim up on his invitation to use his lap as a pillow. Yes, we can do that. He said, finding rest and comfort to be outside and know that the other man would look after him. No one was coming for him. No one was going to hurt him. He could sleep, and not worry about what he would wake up to. 

Yeah, I know, I’m a big kid. I still love playing. And jungle gyms are awesome! Jim shifted to let Khan rest more comfortably. But after naptime. We need to let the food settle a bit. And he wanted to just enjoy the way they curled together so naturally, Khan’s head in Jim’s lap.

Thank you. Khan slipped back into a comfortable mental silence. His mind eased away from reality, except for the warmth of the sun and Jim's touch. Everything else fell away so that he could sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Dressed in Starfleet formal, a black uniform with his rank on his shoulders and cap under his left arm, Commander Spock stood outside the Captain's Ready Room. There were no ceremonies today, no public events, and therefore, no cause for Spock to wear such rigid attire, except that he deemed it appropriate. In his left hand, Spock held a PADD that had currently reverted back to a black screen, having powered down while not in use. But on it where contents he intended to show his Captain and friend, Jim Kirk. And so, he lightly touched the panel on the door, asking permission to enter.

Jim looked up from his endless reams of forms to sign with a grateful smile at being reprieved for a moment. “Come,” he called and smiled even more when Spock stepped inside. “Spock!” He stood to greet him, coming around his table. “What can I do you for?” 

"Captain," Spock said and used the PADD as a barrier between them, thrusting it out to offer it to Jim. "This is my formal request for a leave of absence from the Enterprise. I require your signature," he said, getting right to the point, unable to remotely share in Jim's pleasant mood. 

“Uh. Okay.” Jim took the PADD and glanced at the contents. “So, tell me what you’re going to do with your leave of absence.” He lowered the PADD, not wanting to just read about it. He hoped and feared the reasons for Spock’s sudden request, but felt it best to hear it from his friend. “Sit. Sit and talk to me, Spock.”

Spock made strong eye contact with Jim, then glanced down to the PADD he had given him. Why did he not simply read it? The request was well written, articulate, and to the point. But no, Jim Kirk preferred social interaction. Removing the cap from under his arm, Spock moved to sit down as Jim had requested. "I intend to travel to New Vulcan, Captain," he said at first, before sharing the truly private heart of the matter. "Once there, I will begin to receive counseling and engage in healing meditation to address my role in assaulting Mr. Singh." 

Jim let out a small breath at the news, but nodded at the same time. “I hope you will be able to find resolution for your actions, Spock. I think they’re right for you, but it doesn’t really matter what I think. I’m glad you’re doing what you feel is best for you. You are, right?”

"The events that have transpired are highly disturbing, Captain," Spock said, hands folded on top of his cap which lay in his lap. "Actions, which have gone unchallenged by Starfleet, or even you, my Captain," Spock said, showing no emotion as he spoke, even though it was there, tightly wound just under the surface. "Far worse was my willingness to ignore the violent and morally repulsive action I took in a time of powerful emotion."

Jim frowned at the words aimed at himself and said quietly, “I make no excuse for myself, Spock. I have done what I felt was right...let you decide what action to take in the face of your attack on Khan. Perhaps it was the wrong decision as a Captain, a member of Starfleet. But it was the only decision as your friend. You needed to determine if what you had done was wrong, given the situation and your emotional state. I wanted to kill Khan with those torpedoes, and you acted as my conscience. But you let me make the choice. It was only fair and right to me to let you do the same.” He put a hand on Spock’s shoulder. “I want you to be well, too.”

"It was a decision of conscience I was far too slow to acknowledge, Captain." And for that, Spock had a great deal of counselling he needed addressed, along with the rest. At the touch however, Spock tilted his head and regarded Jim quietly. "In five months, my wellness will be re-evaluated. At which time I might need to extend my leave of absence, or request for my position to be reinstated. Pending your approval." 

“Whichever you need, you’ll have my approval,” Jim assured him. “Will Uhura go with you to New Vulcan? I’d like to think you’ll have some kind of support, and I’m happy to back her decision to do so. There’s a lot of other work she can do there, too, while the Enterprise continues to be repaired. I mean...if you both want.”

"The request I have made, is regarding my own absence, only." Spock was not considering Uhura's presence or absence as a factor for his counselling. It was a human response, to want friends and family close during a difficult time, not a Vulcan one. 

Jim refrained from rolling his eyes at his obtuse friend and hoped that he and Uhura had at least talked it over. “When do you leave?” he asked instead, hoping he might have time for at least one last round of 3d chess before his friend disembarked.

"Within twelve hours of your signature, Captain." Spock said, having made arrangements to be treated almost immediately upon arrival to New Vulcan. 

“Than will you have dinner with me tonight, before you go?” Jim asked, lifting the PADD back up so he could sign. “And remember to call now and then? Your human captain worries illogically about everything and will need to hear from you.” He looked at Spock with his intensest gaze. “After all, he hasn’t forgotten that his death is the reason you got so upset in the first place. It’s a humbling thing.”

It was deeply touching to the emotional side of the half-Vulcan. Jim Kirk still wanted to be friends with Spock and was honest in his expression of concern and care. Whereas Spock understood his actions to be horrific and criminal in Vulcan society, Jim showed no sign of sharing this viewpoint. "Yes, Captain. I will be in contact, when it is appropriate," Spock said and stood. "And will join you for dinner, before I leave."

“We’ll share some vegetarian food, and I’ll beat your ass one more time at 3d chess,” Jim told him. “It’ll be awesome. But uh, hey, don’t just leave contact to the appropriate, yeah? Think of me pining for my second bestie and First Officer. Right?”

"Thank you, Jim," Spock said informally, then added. "I will miss you too." A phrase he knew Jim had waited for him to utter on more then one occasion, but never did. Until now.

“Just concentrate on getting yourself well so you can come back again,” Jim said. “And let me do the worrying for you.” He handed the signed PADD back to Spock. “I’ll see you at 1800 hours in my quarters.”

Tucking the cap back under his arm, Spock accepted the PADD. "Yes, Captain." But there was quiet relief in his voice, he was dismissed, not out of anger, but out of care for his wellbeing. Soon, he would be treated for his own emotional instability and the role he played in another man's trauma.  
~~~~~~~~~~

Since his untimely death and resurrection from radiation poisoning, Jim found in himself a deep well of patience that hadn’t seemed to exist before. The last few months, he should have been chomping at the bit to head out on the five-year mission, but instead, he hadn’t minded the the slow repair of the Enterprise and the even slower healing of Khan. He did not want to rush either, instead willing to take the time to make sure both were cared for and made properly whole again.

Of late, Jim could see the definite improvement in Khan as much as in the Enterprise. His new doctor from Betazed, Te’anna, had taken great strides with him and a few weeks ago, recommended he be given a project of his own, something simple to focus his mind on. But if possible, also something that would give Khan a sense of pride in his work and give back to the Enterprise. 

So, after a consultation between Khan, Jim, Te’anna, Bones, and Sulu, they devised a pair of projects in the Enterprise’s botanical gardens- one to grow rare plants sacred to the Argelian culture and one to grow a variety of fresh herbs and vegetables. Sulu gave Khan two large plots in the gardens to work in, along with seedlings, seeds, soil, water and fertilizer, but otherwise, Khan was allowed to plan, plant and tend for himself. Indeed, Khan was allowed to walk alone between his Sickbay accommodations and the gardens for himself everyday to check in on his plots and do any tending. 

Today, Jim had decided to take his lunch break with Khan in the gardens. Their bond had now grown to the point where they could speak over long distances without strain, and Jim felt Khan’s emotions with no effort at all. Te’anna was also working with them both to learn how to shield their minds from each other, if they wanted. She felt that was particularly important for Khan, since he might not always want even Jim to hear him.

May I join you in the gardens? I’ll bring lunch, too. Jim was already heading his way. 

Yes. I was unaware of the time. Khan answered almost immediately. I would like to show you my accomplishment for the day. As Khan had spent the better part of five hours bent over a delicate tree. The name of the tree roughly translated as 'Father's Light', though the tree itself featured black bark and black nettles. It was a rare and in some sects, considered a sacred tree. And over the course of the morning, Khan had come to respect why it was so special.

The black tree grew in soil composed of limestone, talc, and quartz. The mixture was a chalky white substance, that required great care to maintain a balanced compensation of the minerals. Furthermore, it had to remain dry at all times, and so Khan wore gloves, so that he did not spoil the pH with even the oils from his hands.

Awesome. I’ll pack our favorites. Be nice to get away from the ongoing repairs for an hour or so. And I want to see what you’re doing. Those little flashes of a funny-looking shrub are intriguing. He deliberately used a slightly derogatory description of the tree, hoping to get Khan to defend it from him. That was something the augment would not have done only recently, but might do now. A hint of his recovering personality, Jim hoped. Also, he just liked to tease his friends. He always made it clear when he was teasing with Khan, which he did so now by projecting a silly looking image of a black, scraggly shrub, making it clear that he was not serious.

Your sight of it is wrong, if you think it is funny looking. Khan began to correct Jim. He did not share the faith of those who considered this tree to be sacred, but he did not need to in order to respect it. It was valuable, without his need to believe in any spiritual association it might hold for others. The tree is elegant and delicate. I would like to see what sort of plant you are able to grow in such harsh soil.

Jim giggled to himself at the scolding and sent a wave of both contriteness and cheer to Khan. Good for you, Noonien. Don’t let me mock your plant. It is pretty cool. He went into the Mess and collected a nice picnic for them to share in the gardens. He made sure to snag two of the Chef’s fresh fruit tarts, since Khan seemed to enjoy them, too. With an eager step, he carted their goodies to the Botanical Bay, projecting his eagerness to Khan the whole time. Are you with your plants?

Yes. I will take a break when you arrive. Khan answered, as he was in the middle of drawing traditional symbols in the white sand under the black tree. He had worked on other projects over the last few days, but some required a wait period before he could continued. And this one had been on his mind for some time, before he finally decided to start working on the project. 

I am nearly there. I have a blanket to spread out. Choose a place for us to sit? Jim entered the gardens and headed for the area where Khan had the plot for rare plants set-up. He carried a large basket for their food and waved hello as he got into sight of the augment. “Hey, Noonien!” he called, knowing there was nobody else around to hear him use Khan’s first name. 

"Hello, Jim," Khan said with a little smile, feeling that the greeting was somewhat unnecessary, considering that the two were generally in regular correspondence with one another throughout the day. "There is a stone bench we can share. But I wish to show you this first."

Jim set down the basket and blanket and headed over to his friend, kneeling beside him and keeping a safe distance from the plants. He did not want his notorious brown thumb to cause harm to the rare trees. “What have you been up to, Noonien?” he asked softly. He surveyed the area with real interest. Looks like you’ve been busy.

"Under the basin of this display-" Khan began to explain in reference to the black tree and the white sand that surrounded it. "Is a heating element, which maintains the temperature of the soil. It stays constant, until I program it to simulate the additional head of mid-day." Khan said, then adjusted the temperature from a PADD he had linked in to several of his garden plots. And so, as the soil heated up, the branches of the black tree suddenly lifted and pointed straight up, as if it were an inside-out umbrella. And under the arms of each branch, newly exposed were iridescent blue markings, made all the brighter against the black bark of the tree.

Jim listened with great interest and delight to the black tree project that Khan was in charge of and showed deep commitment to. “You’ve done an amazing job, Noonien. They are truly delightful trees. What is the purpose of the blue marks, do you know?” He eased over to his side to look at them more closely, without actually approaching the tree at all. 

"Culturally, it is when you are meant to pray or give an offering to the tree to represent a trouble or a wish you have. Scientifically, the tree is breathing out- expelling excess heat, to cool itself off." Khan said, then changed the temperature once more, keeping it steady so that it could remain in a state more common to its daily living, if it were still on its homeworld. 

“Oh. What kind of offering would be appropriate?” Jim asked, thinking that was a nice tradition. Besides, it might be beneficial for Khan to see that his trees were being taken seriously by someone on the ship. He leaned into the augment without thought, sending him a wave of friendly feeling unconsciously.

"An object, or a handwritten note. Things of that nature." Khan said, looking to Jim curiously. "It is not necessary that you leave anything." Khan said, anticipating that was the reason behind Jim's question. Petting a hand to the center of Jim's back, Khan then suggested, "You have seen what has occupied me for the day. Let us eat lunch, now, together." 

“But I might want to leave something in offering,” Jim said easily. “I can think of some very important things to wish for.” He looked at Khan with a soft expression. “But yes, let’s eat now. I brought some sandwiches and chips and vegetables and fruit tarts...and some water, of course.” He leaned into the touch gently and smiled at his friend brightly. 

"What would you leave in offering?" Khan asked as he pushed up from the ground to stand. He casually offered a hand to Jim, not because he needed it, but because he was polite.

Jim took the hand and allowed Khan to basically lift him easily to his feet, loving the man’s strength. “I’ll have to think about that,” he said. “Do you know what kind of things are left traditionally?” He stretched his back and went to pick up their picnic basket, leaving the blanket as unnecessary. “I know on Earth food or flowers were common to leave in offerings to the Gods. And candles as votives…”

"Traditionally, I believe handmade figurines or totems are common. Along with notes and crafts. Nothing perishable. It must withstand the elements and the forces of time." Though he quietly admitted to Jim that he did not have first hand experience with such things, his answer was based upon the research he had done before he had begun the project. 

“That’s pretty cool,” Jim said, setting out their food as he took a seat on the bench. He patted the seat next to him in invitation for Khan to join him. “I’m not very good at art. I hope the tree doesn’t mind funny looking totems. I’ll do my best to make it not too embarrassing.” He offered Khan a half of an egg-salad sandwich. “Chef makes these special for me.” 

"It is not a matter of artistic quality. It is a matter of what effort and thought and prayer you put into the object." Khan said, accepting half of the sandwich. He held it up and gave it a sniff. "Why ... what makes this special?"

“It’s an old Kirk family recipe,” Jim said. “One of the few things I still have of my father’s is an old recipe book from my grandmother. I never knew her, but she sure knew how to cook. And she lives on through her recipes, some of which I gave to chef to make for me and others.” He took a big bite and chewed contentedly, humming under his breath, even as he reached into the basket and pulled out a bottle of lemonade.

"Ah. It is a comfort food," Khan said, attempting to understand. A sandwich was more then a sandwich, in this case, when there were pleasant associations with family connections. Khan did not know about these things firsthand, but was getting some insight, through Jim.

“Also, they taste delicious,” Jim said. “I am not sure if there is anything different about the Kirk recipe from other recipes, since it’s not like I’ve researched stuff like that...but this is delicious.” He repeated the word with added emphasis and took a huge bite, letting egg splurt out the opposite side of the bread. “Mmm.”

Khan however was a little more clean to his approach to eating. He started on one side of the sandwich, working his way in, without putting too much pressure in the middle, but held the edges pinched closed so that there was no mess. "It is good., Khan agreed mildly. But when it came to food, it was difficult to get the augment to commit to feeling much more then that. Food was an energy source, a necessity. He did not share a passion for it, as some did.

Jim snorted and translated that into a feeling for Khan, too. Food is something else to enjoy in life. Flavors of all sorts to delight the tongue. He opened the lemonade and poured them each a glass. And that might be something new you can consider learning. You never even thought about it before. How about now?

Khan was uncertain as to how he would learn to enjoy food, but listened to Jim all the same. I do not know. He continued to eat the sandwich and the vegetables Jim had brought for them to share. 

Jim leaned into Khan and sent a wave of support. I just want you to be happy. Small things make me happy. Like good flavors. He paused and considered the next words between them. I once didn’t have enough food. After, when I was well again, I learned to appreciate it even more than I had before. I learned to really savor the tastes of everything and to explore all the different cuisines that cultures have to offer. Food is something we all share.

As Jim revealed a hint of his past, Khan found this to be utterly shocking. Jim was a Federation Citizen. A great part of their accomplishment as a global and interstellar society, was that citizens within the Federation were cared for. There was no such thing as poverty, or malnutrition, or those in need of medical care. It was equal, and provided, for all. Khan frowned as a twinge of anger began to rumble in his mind, how could this have happened. 

Jim soothed Khan with a gentle wave of good feelings and said, It was an isolated incident. Terrible, but the fault only of the ones in charge of the colony I lived on. He leaned into him and lightly bumped their heads together in companionship. Thank you for wanting to protect me even from something so long ago. You’re a good friend, Noonien. He pulled out an apple and crunched into it, projecting his delight.

But the feeling lingered. I do not like it. He set his meal down so that he could use his hands, placing one on Jim's shoulder and the other on his knee. It should never have happened. Even if it did mean Jim appreciated food all the more, it was not a worthwhile trade off. 

No, it never should have happened. It was a tragedy that had no excuse. Jim leaned more into Khan and accepted the gestures of comfort the augment extended, while also trying to offer some of his own. When you are well, I’ll tell you the whole story, if you want me to. But one thing it taught me...people are resilient. I believe you’re going to be well again because you’re strong and you’ll find your way. 

Khan stroked his hand down Jim's shoulder and over his arm, considering this. Yes, he would listen to Jim's story one day. But he would also continue to be angry on his behalf. Even though Jim was trying to soothe him away from feeling such things. But additionally, he believed Jim. Khan and his people were nothing if not resilient. They would find their way in this future, eventually. 

Jim tangled their fingers, squeezing gently. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry. I should have found a better way to explain about why I love food so much. But I’m glad you believe that you’re going to be alright. He could sense that determination through the bond. Have you been enjoying your projects in the garden?

Khan allowed the subject drop, for now. Though it was also a clear indicator that he was getting better. He was defensive and protective of those he cared about. Which included Jim Kirk. Khan would have gathered him up in his arms and shield him from anything, in that moment, if it came to it. But there was no need for such extremes. Not now.

"Yes. Tomatoes will be the first ready for harvest. With strawberries and zucchini, soon to follow." He answered out loud, while he kept hold of Jim's hand. 

“I wish I could eat strawberries,” Jim lamented, also aloud. “But at least tomatoes are awesome. Best as ketchup or sauce on pizza.” He favored Khan with his most brilliant smile, eyes crinkled at the edges. “I’d like to see those, too, if you have time to show me. How are the rest of the plants coming?”

"I have a plot prepared, to grow lilies. But have not planted the bulbs, yet." Khan said, "There are a few rare species of flowering plants and shrubs that Sulu has given me, however, sowing them from seeds had been untried. So I wish to ensure that I will meet their needs, before I begin." 

“You’ve been enjoying your projects here, haven’t you?” Jim asked, wanting to hear verbal confirmation of what he felt. He really liked the new therapist and her ideas, which seemed to be moving Khan along the path to healing in a steady fashion. “I want you to enjoy yourself even while you work to help yourself.”

"Yes, Jim, I enjoy working in the gardens." Khan admitted to this part with ease. Though struggled somewhat to verbalize the second. "It feels good, to have the trust I am allowed ... to come and go from the gardens, and my room in medical."

There is no reason not to trust you. I know your heart, Noonien, and you are a good man. Jim believed all of those things completely and had already determined to put his career on the line to prevent Khan from going to jail for what had happened during and after the crisis with Marcus and the Vengeance. It would be a stretch, but he had a strategy planned.

But for now…

“Would you like to go for a hike with me, just us, in Yosemite?”

"Yosemite?" Khan repeated back, perking up. "The world heritage park?" The landscape was quite famous and had remained protected for hundreds of years. "That is something we can do, together?"

The answer increased Jim’s excitement for the idea, and he nodded eagerly. “That’s right. Only so many permits are granted each year for use of the park, but there are special exceptions that I applied under. I have all the permissions and everything to go next week for four days and nights. It’s just about perfect weather right now, and the waterfalls should be running at their peaks. What do you think?”

"Yes, Jim. I would like that." Khan said, showing some shock that such a thing was possible. "I have never been, but it is an experience I desire." There was gentle strength to his words, while the back of his mind began to imagine the two of them traversing such an environment. "Just us?" he asked, to confirm. 

“Just us,” Jim confirmed and patted Khan on the nearest shoulder. “It’ll be awesome. Sulu and Chekov have insisted on helping me pack. Sulu wants pictures of a bunch of different plants, so I’ll need your help for that. You remember them much better than I do.” He also had some definite ideas of what he wanted Khan and he to do. “The historic trail system is kept up, and everyone’s asked to stick to the trails, but they go all kinds of cool places.”

"Good," Khan said with warmth to his voice, usually an indicator that he was only a few steps away from outright purring. "I am happy to join you, Jim. Such wilderness is exciting to me."

Jim heard and felt the happiness and lifted his free hand to caress Khan’s hair, an action he enjoyed (and happily, Khan seemed to enjoy, too). This also often led to the rumble that seemed associated with augmented delight, so he felt less intrusive than he might have otherwise. “I’ve never been before. It’s on my list of places to see on Earth. There are a lot of them still.”

Khan met Jim's eyes fearless and sharp, but soon lulled into something much softer as Jim stroked his hair. It was an affectionate gesture for just the two of them. Khan could not remember when it started, but he knew they both had come to enjoy it in their own way. "Thank you for asking me, Jim. I am honored to accompany you." He said with a purr to his voice, smiling a little. 

“We will have so much fun,” Jim said and listened to Khan with a pleased expression. “Maybe we can work out what we want to carry with us and everything? What do you think?” He waited for Khan’s response, doing his best to erect one of the shields the doctor taught them, so he didn’t accidentally influence the other man.

"Yes." Khan agreed. "We should organize our supplies. Our meals for each day. And the route we want to take." Khan said, looking forward to this and planning out their adventure. 

Jim dropped the shield in time to flood Khan with his own excitement and good feelings about the trip. He had hoped that the augment would like the idea, but the reaction was better than he anticipated. Also, the way Khan wanted to plan and organize was a good sign of his healing. “How about we start over dinner tonight?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said with a smile. He did not argue against Jim when he put up his mental shield. After all, they were both supposed to practice it. But he preferred the connection, so when the thrill and excitement came rushing back into his mind, after being blocked off, Khan was happy for it. They were in agreement. 

Jim also relished the renewed connection between them and Khan’s excitement about the idea. “We’re going to have so much fun, Noonien. Maybe we can see a cougar. I’ve always wanted to see one of them. I bet you could track one...but we should stay on the trails.” He sighed a little bit and fished out some chips to share. “Want to take some wildlife checklists?”

"It was my understanding that cougars were shy. But perhaps not in the park, in a place they have come to call home for hundreds of generations." Khan was looking forward to seeing any of the animals in the wild, including the historic landscape. "But I agree, we should document the animals and species we do encounter."

“Sweet,” Jim said and crunched on chips, before waving them before Khan. Want to go for a stroll around the Enterprise with me after my shift? I’ve been wanting to catalog all of her repairs for myself and was thinking starting from the top and working my way down would be the best way to really see everything for myself. It’s a better way than just reading reports.

Khan took one of the offered chips, but did not eat straight away. The augment felt some anxiety about this, meeting and seeing the crew of the Enterprise, rather then seeing wild animals on Earth. I do not think my company would be appropriate. 

I’ll be with you the whole time, Jim assured him. It’s time for you to start to be seen by the whole crew. You know you walk between here and the Sickbay all the time now. The crew needs to get used to you, too. You’re not a villain, and I want everyone to also see that for themselves. It’s always best for people to learn for themselves, instead of just hear.

No, Jim. Khan said, probably for the first time since the became linked, that he said no to the other man. You are asking me to walk with you, around the Enterprise, to check in on repairs, from damage that I caused. That is not where I should be seen at all.

Jim blinked a moment, wishing Khan had not said no, but then felt a wave of pride at him for saying no. He wanted to argue, had the arguments already on his tongue, but pushed them down, leaning in to give Khan a hug. Alright, if you don’t want to. But don’t forget that Marcus did the lion’s share of damage. He’s the bastard I blame for everything.

You are unique in that perspective, Khan said, but leaned into the hug, seeking some comfort. It felt strange to disagree, when so much of what they experienced, was shared. He was thankful to Jim for not pushing him. Forcing him. He wasn't ready. 

Others are coming around. People don’t change overnight. Jim slid over so they could rest against each other a bit as they ate. Sulu and Bones don’t blame you anymore. They’ve come to understand the pressures you were under. The choices you and I both made. He paused a long time, before adding aloud, “I’m sorry for having Scotty shoot you.”

"I do not remember it." Khan said, resting the side of his head on Jim's shoulder with a sigh. While he had made great progress in the last few months, there were still things that were blocked or twisted in his mind. Events that were not quite clear. 

Jim made a noncommittal noise and said, “When you do, I’ll apologize again.” He reached up to rub the back of Khan’s neck, massaging at the tension he found. “I wanted to get it off my chest.” He continued to eat his sandwich, letting Khan again take his own time with his feelings. Do you want me to tell you how the Enterprise is doing, once I finish my rounds?

You had a reason for it, I imagine. Khan said, not feeling threatened by what Jim had done in the past. After a few minutes, Khan pulled his head up and returned to eating a little more, looking at the garden and the other plots that were being grown there. Yes, Jim. Come back to visit me when you are done. 

I think if I time it right and go just as my shift ends, I can be done and meet you for dinner not too late. We can talk about Yosemite and the Enterprise. What do you think? Jim again worked not to let his own emotions or thoughts leak into Khan’s and influence his decision. It really was conscious effort to keep their minds apart now. Their bond continued to strengthen, and both Bones and Te’lanna now thought the link healthy for them both for the present. The future remained a bit unclear.

Yes, Jim. I would like that. Khan answered warmly through the link. There was no lying to one another like this, not that Khan had any intention of concealing himself with Jim. He trusted him and their connection. Even if you run late, I do not mind. I enjoy your company.

I like your company, too. You’re good to be with. Jim crunched more of his apple, which remained one of his favorite fruits. He thought of the day with the Kobayashi Maru and grinned internally, knowing Khan would feel it. I’ll try not to be late through. That’s just rude.

Even though it was not a direction conversation, Khan sensed Jim's pleasure and sense of accomplishment for a moment in the past. As well as concern, for the Vulcan, in the present. He did not know how that two concepts were related, but sensed that they must be. Call me, then, if you are kept late.

I will. Do you have any appointments today? Jim segued to asking about Khan’s therapy, not asking for details the augment might not want to share, but just trying to keep abreast of how everything was going. Progress did not mean there were not bumps in the road, and Jim liked to try to head them off if he sensed Khan was nervous or upset.

I had my session in the morning. The rest of the day is mine to spend as I wish, Khan confirmed. The progress was steady, and there had been no trouble for a few days now. 

Jim smiled and nodded, feeling the truth of the statement and of Khan’s belief in his improvements. Has she recommended anything more? The gardens were pretty new, so Jim felt it unlikely, but he’d been surprised more than once by the new doctor. In good ways.

She has said, that I should continue to find hobbies and interests, as a way to spend time. Outlets, so that I do not feel trapped. And ways to express myself, even in anger, that do not immediately bounce back, inwardly.

Jim nodded in comprehension and agreement with those ideas. When I get angry, I try to find a place I can be by myself and just let it all out. Screaming. Throwing things. Swearing. Jumping around. Just expending as much energy as I can until I wear off the initial rage. That usually lets me clear my mind to think things through. There’s some rooms you can reserve on the Enterprise for doing hobbies and stuff. I have one I can reserve with just a command, and it gets stocked with clay balls. And I throw them around and smash them everywhere. After, I clean up and recycle them and they make me balls for the next time with the same clay.

That sounds useful. But I find it surprising that you would need such a raw outlet. Is it something you need often? Khan wondered if it had something to do with Jim being Captain. And that even though he considered many crewmembers on the Enterprise his friend, there were certain things he could not talk about with them, and therefore had no way to purge himself in certain ways.

Not too often, thankfully. Sometimes, when I have a tough choice facing me, I find working off the emotions leads to more clarity of the mind. Jim leaned his head into Khan’s to lightly bump them together. You know better than anyone how I feel about stuff. Captains have to be more controlled than I would be normally...much more. I’ve toed the line of appropriateness more than a few times already in my role, I can’t afford to really lose it.

It is an important image to maintain. I understand. Your people must feel confident with you, even if the situation damages their own confidence. They can always look to you, when they need it. Khan gave a small nod.

Jim figured that the augment spoke from experience, even if he didn’t remember it completely. Also, sometimes I just enjoy acting as I feel without any constraints. But one cannot do that in company, except perhaps one’s closest friends. Like you. He enjoyed the idea of he and Khan hurtling things at a wall and pictured it for his friend.

Khan chuckled at this image. But was also pleased to be included as Jim's close friend, someone he trusted with this private side of himself. Though he also knew, if Khan were to throw things around, he would be called wild and feral, whereas if Jim were to do it, it would be called letting off steam. Thank you, Jim. Khan pulled back at last, deciding he had enough of lunch and wanted the fruit tart dessert now. 

Jim sensed the desire and looked over the amount Khan had eaten. “I guess you can have dessert,” he said and pulled out one of the tarts to hand to Khan. I wish you would eat more. You’re still thinner than you should be. And you let me eat too much cause I hate leaving leftovers. But he still handed over the tart and the fork to Khan, grinning at him.

"I am sorry," Khan said with a little frown, "if my eating habits are affecting you as well. It is not intended," Khan said, but accepted the tart and placed it on his lap to begin to eat. 

Jim felt the genuine remorse and sent a wave of apology for blaming Khan for anything. No, it’s not true. I’m just bad. You’re not to blame at all. I just want you to eat for your sake. You’re all whip thin muscle and bones. And I know your metabolism runs wicked fast. But I also know you can’t force things. He finished off his sandwich and pulled out his own fruit tart. 

I do not understand. You are not bad. Khan hesitated, fork in hand. Looking up to Jim, still with a little frown. I do not understand. What do you believe I am doing wrong? 

You’re not wrong, Noonien. I just wish you ate more. I want you to be as well and strong as possible. You are not bad either. Jim leaned more into him and projected even stronger positive feelings toward Khan. I worry about my friends. And we’re trying to build you up to your top shape again.

Oh. Jim worried about him. I find going through the motions, straining. It is difficult to be motivated. I do not feel it is worthwhile to spend so much time dedicating to eating. There was no rational reason behind this feeling. And it likely had everything to do with the way he was raised. Work was important. Luxuries were distractions. There was nothing useful or practical about indulging in something that tasted good. I will learn. He said, hoping that would help ease Jim's mind. 

Jim hummed aloud in contemplation and said, “Maybe your therapy can be of help. You don’t have to learn to enjoy eating the way I do, but you might be able to learn it as something worthwhile and important. That should help you eat as much as you should.” He lightly pet Khan’s hair a moment and leaned into him again. Of course I worry about you, Noonien. That’s just part of what friends do.

Khan nodded slightly, accepting Jim's care and the affection he showered by petting his hair. He said nothing, and his brain went still and quiet for a moment as he relaxed at the touch. Then after a time, Khan started to eat the fruit tart as he had intended.

Jim moved his hand so he could eat his own tart and let Khan have his peace. Companionable silence settled between them, before Jim asked aloud, “Do you notice my fruit tart is different from yours?” Per the therapist’s recommendation, he randomly tested Khan’s observations and how much he paid attention to his surroundings. Ordinarily, the augment would be alert at all times.

But on occasion, the link between Khan and Jim meant that he saw no difference. Their sight and experience of things were the same. Khan paused a moment. Before his mind had been scrambled, he would have known and noticed these sorts of things straight away. But now it took some effort. "You do not have strawberries." 

Jim smiled and nodded. “I thought you would like them, but I can’t eat them because of my allergies. But the rest is special Jim safe tart.” He took a big bite of crust, eyes closed in delight. Again, he projected his emotions to Khan very deliberately in order to help his friend feel what it was to enjoy food.

Khan briefly thought it was a shame that Jim could not experience these forbidden foods through Khan. Especially since he still did not understand why Jim could not have them to begin with. "I do like it. Thank you for bringing lunch." 

“Thank you for sharing it with me, Noonien,” Jim said, speaking his given name aloud. “This is a nice break for me, away from the Bridge. Not that there’s much going on right now, with being in dock. We don’t have a full crew yet, but I’m working on the manifest. There’s a lot of people who want to be on the five-year mission upcoming. It’s going to be hard to make some choices.”

"Do you get to pick the crew yourself, or does Starfleet assign them to you, without your input?" Khan asked, making conversation on the issue he knew little about. His experience with Admiral Marcus and Section 31 was not exactly traditional, so he was only now learning how things were meant to be run. 

“They send a series of recommendations and requests to me, and I get to vet them, as do the heads of all of the departments. They go first and send me their candidates, ranked in order,” Jim said. “I then get the last word on who gets to join the crew. Sometimes, there are hard choices. I am trying to increase diversity on board, so I’m taking that more into consideration.”

"That is good, Jim." Khan said. The augment felt very strongly about this, as his own people were quite diverse in both their skills and abilities as well as the genetics and regions they represented, from old Earth. If Starfleet was truly meant to represent the diversity of cultures and species, then they needed to start showing that representation on their starships, as they reached out to new civilizations, to show by example that all were welcome.

“It’s also difficult,” Jim admitted. “I wouldn’t mind a second opinion on some of the potential candidates whom I’m having some difficulty deciding between.” Your opinion. I think you are a perfect, impartial judge.

Khan hummed fondly at being invited in this way, and looked over to Jim, taking a break from the last few bites of his tart. "Yes, Jim. I would be happy to look through the options, with you." 

Good. Thank you. It will be a nice exercise for that oversize brain of yours, as well as a way for me to get some more excellent feedback on the final decisions. By the time they get to me, we are down to the really difficult choices. It’s always hard for me to cut the last few from the crew, knowing how much it might mean to them. Jim allowed the savory tart to soothe his moment of discontent. “I’m sure you had to do that sometimes, Noonien, even if you don’t remember it exactly.”

"Yes, I imagine I did," Khan said. It was true, he did not have a clear sight of it, just a sliver of memory that suggested to him that he had made some difficult decisions when it came to his people, and...and people who were not his people. Humans. In his care, perhaps. But the memory was far too fuzzy and trying to focus on it did not help clarify anything.

Jim nudged him lightly and said, “It’ll come back. Things are getting clearer every day. I can tell. And I think your visits to see your people help a lot, too. You always seem a bit more focused the rest of the day and the next day or so after.” Maybe helping me will be of some aid to you, too.

"Thank you, Jim. Yes. I agree." Seeing his people did help Khan, every time he saw their faces. He could remember past interactions with them, conversations, events. Sometimes he only remembered the same ones over and over again, but often his memory expanded and he remembered new things.

We can see them in a few weeks. I know you wish it were more often. I can talk to Admiral Archer about that, if you want? Jim now considered the gruff old human a good friend, very different from Christopher Pike, but with some of the same spirit. “Archer has been trying to persuade me to take a dog with us on our 5-year mission.”

I will never decline an opportunity to see them, if you are able to arrange it. Khan felt satisfied by what he had already been allowed, but more was always better. "Why a dog? Why not another animal, or group of animals? For what benefit?" 

“He’s a total dog nut. That’s how Scotty got in trouble with him. Accidentally sent his beagle to who-knows-where.” Jim shook his head ruefully. “Poor doggie. Scotty really does need a monitor. Admiral Archer thinks dogs are a good way to keep morale up. I’d prefer cats myself. They’re not as messy.”

"Yes, I suppose. There are many documented cases of animal companions being useful for long journeys, and as a means of relief during prolonged exposure to stress. But if there is to be an exception to having dogs, then there must also to an exception to having cats or other companion animals, including non-Terian." 

“I know. And that could get tricky,” Jim said. “I’m not sure we’re ready to have pets aboard yet. But there’s still months before the trip, so I’m going to think about it and see if I can put together some rules about allowing pets on the voyage. Maybe that’s something else we can brainstorm together?”

"It seems, in my opinion, something more suited for scientific vessels. Ones that include families for colonization. Not that the Enterprise isn't a scientifically equipped vessel, that is not my meaning. The ship is designed for first contact and exploring new regions of space. Not, returning to known areas. In safe and stable environments." Khan said, "But we can address the issue together, if you wish. And it would be nice, I imagine. A comfort, a reminder of home, just as a garden is to some."

“Another important, but not life-threatening, issue to consider with all due gravity,” Jim said with a warm smile. “Hey, if you’re done, I’d love to see the rest of your work in the garden. I’ve still got a little time before I need to report back to the bridge. And I know you’ve been hard at work these past weeks.”

"Yes, if you would like," Khan said, and stood with a small arch and stretch of his back. He waited for Jim a moment before leading him around to the boxes he was looking after. "There are tomatoes, here. This is the start of a lemon tree," Khan explained, indicating to what looked like a small twig sticking out of the soil. "Also, lily bulbs and ... yarrow and echinacea." 

“Imagine that the little stick is alive,” Jim murmured, looking down at it closely. “But I see the buds. How big will it grow, Noonien?” He knelt to examine the small plant, loving that the Enterprise had room for such gardens, for trees and small plants alike. 

"This specific breed of lemon tree has been engineered. It will be four feet, when it is fully mature." Khan explained. "It will flower and pollinate this year. But will not start to produce fruit, until next year." Khan was planning the tree for the Enterprise, for the long term.

“Baby lemon,” Jim said, obviously pleased. “And fresh fruit so soon. Awesome.” He moved to examine the area of the bulbs. “How soon until the lillies come up? Did you plant any of the wild species Sulu collected?”

"Yes. Indeed. The first blooms should be opening in three weeks," Khan said, pushing his hands into his pockets. There were other sections of the garden that were not his to touch, but he still liked to look at them. And often thought about their journey through space, where few humoids had gone before, let alone native Earth species of flora. 

Jim stood again and turned to face Khan. “You’re doing a fine job in the gardens, Noonien. Thank you for all the hard work.” He reached out both arms in a request to give his friend a hug. I’d like to hug you, if you’ll allow. I’ll carry it with me when I go back to the bridge.

Khan pulled his hands out of his pockets as he faced Jim. Yes. Alright. He offered his permission through the link shared between them, but also his pleasure for the same.

Jim stepped in and wrapped his arms around the augment, holding him tight. He rested his head against the softness of Khan’s hair and breathed in his warm scent. He allowed himself to linger for a long moment, just offering friendship and caring. When he finally stepped back, his smile was bright and made his eyes shine. “This has been awesome. How much longer will you be working in the garden?”

Thank you, Jim. Khan hummed softly, enjoying the hug as the two of them held each other for a moment. "I will stay for an hour or two more. Then return, to wash and rest." 

“I’ll see you for dinner,” Jim said. “I promise something good.” He saluted his friend playfully. “Thank you for lunch and the tour. I’m excited to see how the plants all come out in the end.” He regretfully headed back to collect the remains of their lunch for recycling. “Don’t be afraid to comm me if you need anything!”

"Yes, Jim. Thank you." Khan stood politely as he watched Jim gather their things, in order to head out and return to his duties. "I will see you later, this evening."


	7. Chapter 7

Jim paused at the top of a rise and took a few deep breaths, drawing in the fresh, clear mountain air and savoring the slight burn of his lungs. He turned back to look at his friend with a warm smile. “We’re almost to the Mariposa Grove now, according to the tricorder.” He held up his instrument, which had maps of all of the trails in the park. “Another half-mile basically.” He bounced a little on his feet. “I love sequoias. Muir Woods is one of my favorite places, but it’s so close to San Francisco that it’s always busy. There may be a few people at Mariposa, but nowhere near as many.” He took out his canteen to take a quick swig.

They had set-up their base camp at what was once the South Entrance, where there was a legal camping area. After a night there, they would hike and sleep on the trail. But for this first day, they were off to see a few things from the campground. 

There were difficult trails to take, but today would be a moderately easy one. And it was a good thing. Not because Khan was out of shape. Far from it. But being outside was still so exciting for him, that he sometimes moved slow. He stopped to examine ferns, or pet his hand over patches of moss. There were so many sights and smells to take in. And he loved it. Khan glowed with pleasure, since the moment they arrived, and the feeling had not let up yet. "Look, look, look-" Khan whispered as he caught up, pointing to kicked up dirt along the path. "Rabbit prints."

Jim could just discern the dirt and had no idea how Khan knew them to be rabbit tracks, but took his word anyway. He dialed up rabbits on his tricorder and read off, “White-tailed and black-tailed jackrabbits and the Mariposa brush rabbit seems to be what they have here in the park. The jackrabbits are about twice as big as the brush rabbit.” He scrolled through the information. “Brush rabbits were once pretty rare, but their populations were always good here in the park.” He looked at the marks again, squinting at them with obvious difficulty. “Can you tell which kind of rabbit this might have been. Noonien?”

Khan crouched down and attempted to show Jim what he saw with the spread of his own hand. Showing the print and the length to the next one. "The stride is small, as are the prints themselves. I would say it is a Brush Rabbit. Or a very immature jackrabbit. But this is not the terrain for them. We will find jackrabbits at a higher elevation." 

“That’s brilliant, Noonien,” Jim praised warmly and bumped against his mind companionably, a rush of friendly emotion. “You see so much more than I do. I’m a little jealous, to be honest. But also glad that you already love this place so much. Do you want to keep going? The sequoias will really impress you. Have you ever seen one before?"

"Yes, of course. We will keep going," Khan agreed, pressing a hand to the center of Jim's back, encouraging them to keep moving forward. "My experience with the trees native to this region is extremely limited. From history book photos, nothing more."

“So this is a chance to see a ton of stuff for the first time,” Jim said happily. “I’ve never been here, either, though I’ve seen some of the plants and animals before.” He straightened and stretched himself to the sky, before heading down the trail again. He continued the slow pace to allow Khan to explore to his heart’s content. “Can you scent the wildlife, too?”

"Some ... I cannot tell them all apart. There is much to take in. But I do know there are no predators. At least not in the immediate area." Predators had a different presence, but the animals along the path they were on were small, or herbivores. 

Jim chuckled and said, “There have been no attacks on humans by any of the predators here in years. In fact, historically, most of the interactions between people and animals have been from deliberate feeding of the bears in the distant past. That made them a bit forward in interactions, and sometimes, people would get attacked. But nothing like Yellowstone, where a lot of the tourists would get gored by bison when they tried to pet them.” Jim paused and looked back with a goofy smile. “I’ve always wanted to see a bison in the wild.”

I am certain it was that sort of thinking that got them gored in the first place. Khan gave Jim a sideways look. I hope it is not your intention to seek out a mountain lion in the middle of the night, because you want to feel the softness of its fur, or something foolish like that. 

Jim snorted at Khan, but gave him an amused look back, mischief in his eyes. Well, their fur does look soft in all the pictures. Aren’t they just big, friendly pussy cats? 

A big fluffy cat that might not want to be handled. A big fluffy cat that has claws the size of our hands. The damage they would be able to inflict wasn't something Khan let slip from his mind, to Jim. He managed to shield him from that thought, at least.

Jim chuckled to himself and said aloud, “I promise not to get too close to any of the wildlife, Noonien. They are called wild for reason. And after so many years with so little contact with people, we need to make sure none of them...or us...falls back into old, bad habits.” Also, I would never get that close to a bison. Those things can take on small shuttlecraft. 

The two walked along barely a few yards more before Khan stopped them. "Look," he said, keeping his movements slow, wanting Jim to follow his line of sight. Further in, grazing while they leisurely walked, was a small family of deer among the trees. Three, for certain. But Khan kept his eyes out for further movement. 

Jim smiled and sighted them with his ocular lens, taking a few quick holophotos. They’re very elegant, aren’t they? Ready to pronk away at the smallest sound. Think they’ll see us, Noonien? We’re not that far away.

They keep dropping their heads to eat. Which indicates to me that they have not seen or heard us yet. At the sight of the family of deer, Khan reached his hand out for Jim. It was not with the same need he had while during certain medical sessions where he needed to be reassured. This was different. On occasion, without reason Khan knew to recognize, the augment would reach out for Jim, wanting to hold hands, or even ask for a hug from him. Asking, was new for him. But after living isolated for so long, the touch of skin was something Khan was learning to appreciate, and sometimes crave, now that Jim had introduced the concept to him. And so, seeing the deer, Khan reached for Jim, his family. 

Jim sensed the need in Khan through their link, though it was not a coherent thought, per se. He took the outstretched hand gently in his own and squeezed carefully, seeking to reassure with touch. He was there, yes, there for Khan. The augment did not need to worry about that. Jim would stay close. His own reassurances to that effect were passed along back to the other man, although they, too, were not as coherent thoughts, but more as emotions, feelings along their open minds.

Should we stay still and let them move back into the trees before moving on? We can watch them for long that way, too.

I do not mind waiting here a few minutes. Khan agreed, his eyes forward on the deer. Animals were so very interesting, Khan had to admit to himself. Though he also could not remember the last time he saw an animal in such a natural setting. His focus relaxed on the tan of their fine hairs and how some muscles were obvious to their strength and speed. All the while, he kept Jim's hand clasped with his own. 

Jim watched them with equal interest, already making a check mark next to mule deer on his internal list. He was not kidding about keeping a tally of all of the wildlife they saw in Yosemite. With the augment’s senses in their favor, he hoped they might tease out a few unusual ones. If we’re really lucky, we’ll catch sight of the wolves that are their natural predators. I read that they’ve never gotten back to historic numbers, but there are a few packs in the park. You could smell them if we found traces, couldn’t you?

Yes. I would know if there were predators nearby. There are none here. Khan said again. They would have to go deeper in, before seeing anything larger then the deer, or more dangerous. We might hear them at night, and still not see them. 

Well, I could settle for listening to them talk to each other on the night breezes. Maybe we can join one of the hikes where they sing back to them. Would you like that? Jim watched the deer vanish into the treeline and stood, moving forward again, but holding Khan’s hand this time. He really did want to get to the trees, though he still moved slowly to let Khan, see, hear, smell and touch his fill. That was, after all, the main reason for this trip.

We can try. Khan answered with some amusement, thinking of what that might be like. But that internal humor dissolved into enjoyment and desire. Everything about this trip was very satisfying so far. Even if he did slow them down on occasion, because he wanted to examine patches of moss, or animal prints on the ground.

Jim chuckled to himself and pictured the both of them howling at the moon in an attempt to ‘converse’ with wolves. He paused contentedly at every point that Khan found something he wanted to see, waiting for the augment to be ready to move on. But suddenly, he said, “Oh, there’s the Fallen Monarch,” and began to hustle up the trail, still keeping hold of Khan’s hand. “The root mass on the end is over fifteen feet across in all directions.”

"Oh, how sad." While the other redwood trees in the surrounding area had the red, almost furry bark to them, the fallen tree was grey and dead, and had been for hundreds of years. And yet, here it was. Too big and too stubborn to simply rot away.

Jim reached up and lightly patted one of the massive roots above his head, saying, “It’s not sad, Noonien. This tree lived a long life. And since it fell, the trunk has provided food and shelter for a lot of other creatures. Part of the cycle of life, right? Nothing lives forever.” He urged Khan to stand in front of the roots. “Let me take a holopic of you. One of the millions that have been taken from this spot.”

"Yes, of course." Khan agreed thoughtfully. He placed a hand on one of the roots still jetting out, fractured and frozen in time from the moment it had fallen. To his eyes however, it looked frozen in its last minutes of life, painful and traumatic. As the roots were reaching out in all directions, as if in its final moments it had tried its best to hold on, to anything it could. Though logically Khan knew that was now how root systems of trees worked. He still could not help the feeling that standing here, he was seeing the massive tree at it's most vulnerable, at it's death. So Khan did not stand there with a smile, or in a funny pose. He stood politely, perhaps even mournfully by the large tree.

Jim felt all that and smiled internally at the respect Khan had for life, even that of a tree long dead. He took a quick photo and moved on. “Well, let’s see the others. There are lots of this trees relatives and friends still alive. And many of them thousands of years old. Why look, here is the Bachelor and the Three Graces.” He chuckled a little at the old-fashioned name, though he understood where it came from. “I love the bark. So red. And beneath our feet are their roots, not very deep under the ground at all. Boggles the mind that they can support such a massive trunk.” He looked up and up at them.

"Yes, it is true their roots do not go very deep. But they go outwards-" the image came naturally, seeing the trees use their root system like hands, which they held and intertwined with their nearest friend. "Linking and twisting with the roots of the other trees, which makes them a single unit against storms ... winds and floods. They hold fast, to each other." Khan pressed his hand over the red bark of the tree and smiled, delighted by the fuzzy texture. "It is easy to image these trees in a prehistoric time, when everything was much bigger. And while many animals died off or evolved into something smaller ... these trees stayed, just as they are."

“They’re a big family unit,” Jim said. “Makes it dangerous, though. When one falls, it can pull the rest with it. Guess that’s always the danger of family, though, huh?” He moved closer to the ‘Bachelor’ and put a hand on the trunk. “All the history this tree has lived through, strong and stalwart and quiet for all its life. Makes a puny little person feel quite insignificant, really. If this tree could speak to me...to us...what would it say?”

Khan had no answer for this question. But did find it interesting that Jim felt small, under such a tree. Instead of feeling small, deep in space, among the stars. Khan remembered, well, nearly remembered, that feeling, leaving Earth for the unknown, to travel out into the universe, one small sleeping ship, looking to take root, somewhere. 

Jim felt the uncertainty and curiosity and turned his head over one shoulder to smile at Khan. “Humanity has changed so much in the years this tree has lived here, sprouted from one tiny seed. That’s as amazing as anything I’ve had the privilege to see in the stars.” He rounded up one of the tree’s enormous cones and held it up for the augment to look at. “They open only during fires, which are necessary for their seedlings. Imagine relying on something as destructive and fragile. And for years, humans messed with fire regimes, and there were almost no seedlings.” He looked around them at the small trees. “Look pretty good now, huh?”

"Yes. It is marvelous." Khan said with genuine awe and respect. He looked up, unable to see the top, through the branches, then to the cone with continued reverence for the life cycle of this single species represented among the billions of forms of life on Earth. "It is good to see that such care has been made, to see them protected."

“Well, Yosemite was something known to be special from a long time before either of us were born,” Jim said. “What’s amazing is that the parks were taken care of throughout the hardest years, like the Eugenics Wars. You knew the augment who ruled this continent...he was supposed to be one of the worst. But for some reason, he never touched most of the places that had been designated parks. I don’t know why… he sure made a mess out of a lot of other stuff. Of course, the human population of the continent collapsed during his reign, so maybe he didn’t need these places for anything.” He wrapped his arms around the tree for a hug. “Maybe this place is just lucky.”

Khan held no notions of something or someone being lucky or unlucky, so he did not believe this. But he was grateful that this place still existed, regardless of the reason why. Khan pressed his hand against the tree as he asked, "I knew him?" Any memory to do with violence, Khan struggled the most with.

Jim tilted his head and said, “Well, actually, I’m not sure. He was raised in a different place from you, according to the history books, and your kingdoms were oceans away from each other. I don’t think you supported his reign. But when he got into a war, it was with the augment who ruled the former European continent...as well as the ruler of the former South American continent. It was all pretty awful.” He frowned a little and shook his head again. “But the history of the time is a bit obscure. A lot of humans couldn’t read or write anymore, as education was banned in most of the world. Took a long time to catch up to the general population.”

"I do not remember," Khan said with a little frown as well, sharing Jim's moral outrage. And to be fair, this was not a matter of conveniently not remembering something Khan had done wrong. In fact, had he been able to remember, he would know that his Empire had lasted a lot longer and was much stronger than the rest because he had run things differently. Those from the lowest social class were pulled up, and those from the highest, were pushed down, so that everyone was equal. Which included ensuring that his people were educated, in order to meet the high standards of the Empire he wanted to build.

“When you do, a history of the time from somebody who was there might be a good idea,” Jim said, showing his faith that Khan would regain his mind and memories. “But only if you want to, of course. Nobody will push you to do something you’re against.” He set the cone back from where he’d picked it up and headed to stand next to the other man, extending a hand to him. “We’re going to make sure your second chance works out for you.”

"Thank you, Jim." Privately, or not so privately since Jim often shared Khan's thoughts, scattered memories, or emotions, Khan felt (at least in his current state of mind) that had he been successful in building his Empire on Earth, it would have naturally evolved into something much like the Federation. Khan happily held Jim's hand, and felt a calming sense of pleasure to know that Jim was honest in his belief and support.

“Come on, not much further up is the largest tree in the grove- the Grizzly Giant. It’s twice as wide across as the Fallen Monarch. Isn’t that something?” Jim headed slowly up the trail, humming under his breath contentedly. He steered off the trail a little to look at some small flowers that grew as a kind of ground cover. “There’s not a lot of plants that grow under the trees. Maybe they get shaded out?” He paused to take a holophoto.

"Yes, I imagine that the smaller plants would need to do well with minimal sunlight, and the cool moisture of the evenings." It was perhaps why the moss thrived, as did the different species of ferns. But flowers could be delicate, so it was impressive to see them here.

“It’s amazing how every species on the planet can find a specialized place to live,” Jim said and showed Khan the picture, before putting the PADD back away again. “A place for everything, and everything in its place.” He took Khan’s hand to lead him onward, moving up the trail through the redwoods. He moved his head all around, looking at the trees on all sides, smiling at the beauty of the place. A sudden pounding sounded throughout the grove, and he slowed to look around. “Sounds like a woodpecker.”

"Yes." Khan agreed with Jim's assessment. "But I do not see it." He said, tilting his head up, looking from one tree to the next. "Do you believe-" He asked after a moment, "that there is a place for my people, in this future?" He asked, needing to hear it from Jim's lips, once more.

“I do,” Jim said firmly, projecting certainty through the link. “Whatever happened in the past is long over, and it’s time for everyone to put it behind them and move forward. There are a million places in the universe where your family can fit in. We’ll find something for every last one of them- together or alone to their liking.” He squeezed Khan’s hand. “For you, too. I promise.”

Khan turned in place to face Jim. Lifting his hand, Khan kissed the top of it. He did not know why. But it was an old fashion gesture of respect. "There was once a time, when wolves were nearly extinct in some regions. And so populations were reintroduced. And they thrived. But in some circumstances, their success, meant the near-extinction of other species." Khan paused a moment, looking Jim in the eye. "This is my concern."

“You really believe that your family won’t be able to fit in comfortably?” Jim asked softly. “That there will be strife with others?” He considered this for a moment and then nodded a few times. “When you’re feeling better, we can work together with the Federation Council about how best to awaken your people and introduce them to the modern times.” He glanced down at his hand, where Khan had kissed, and smiled a little.

"These are questions I cannot yet answer. I do not know. I do not want there to be ... anxiety, between augment and human, or any other race, for that matter. I do not wish to see events unfold as ... a means to compete for dominance." It would not end well, if that were the case. 

“We’ve learned to overcome our need for dominance for the most part,” Jim said. “Marcus was an exception, despite the group he built around himself. And humans won’t try to do this alone. The Federation is built from many species and working together, we can figure out the best way to work with your family. We won’t let this go wrong for them the way it did for you. All eyes will be on the process this time. There won’t be anymore hiding in the dark.”

"That is-" Khan sighed deeply, some peace one more returning to his healing mind. "a great relief to hear you say that, Jim." Of course Jim knew that through the bond between them, but Khan had said it anyway. As long as the world his people woke up to was not the world Khan had been forced into, then the future was promising. 

Jim did not ask this time, but stepped in and enfolded Khan tightly in his arms. “I wish things had been otherwise for you, Noonien,” he said, sending a blast of regret through the bond. “I wish I had known of your troubles so long before we actually did met. I wouldn’t have stopped at anything to try and make things right. Maybe I would have made a mess of things...but it couldn’t have been as much of a mess.”

"Thank you, Jim," Khan said with a light purr. He had grown quite fond of Jim's hugs, and the feeling of emotion that transferred between them where there was so much skin contact. Pressing a hand to the center of Jim's back, Khan embraced the other man, breathing calmly as they stood there in the old growth forest. "I know that now. And I believe you."

Jim nodded and continued to hold Khan, feeling very at peace with the world in this moment. “Thank you, Noonien. That also means a lot to me.” He stepped back and looked up into Khan’s face. “You are a good man. You deserved so much better than Marcus.” He lightly patted his shoulder and sent a wave of warm feeling.

For a moment, as their eyes locked, Khan imagined how events might have unfolded if Jim had been the one to find him and his people. So much would have gone differently. Of course it would not have been a perfect first meeting, as Khan would have been defensive and protective of his people. But he felt...Jim would have been understanding. Still, there was no point in thinking about it too deeply. There was no undoing it.

"You are here for me, and my people, now."

“You got that right,” Jim said. “And right now, we are in Yosemite at the Mariposa Grove, about to see a tree that’s seen your history, my history and the history long before that. How cool is that?” He caught Khan’s hand and continued their way up the trail. “I was thinking that might be a good place to eat our lunch, too. It’s been nice and quiet out here, which is perfect for a nice picnic for two. What do you say?”

"Yes, we could stop to eat and rest." Not that they needed rest, since their hike had been at a relaxed pace. It was more a matter sitting down and taking everything in for an hour or two, soaking it in. And for a moment, possibly, feel apart of it all, instead of just a visitor.

“If we’re lucky, we might see some more wildlife, too,” Jim said. “And on that subject, what would you think of going on a night hike? There’s a few spots where you’re allowed, wearing night vision goggles to allow you to see your way and hopefully catch some of the animals that only come out at night. What do you say?”

"Yes, that could be quite exciting." Khan said with a little grin. Even if they ended up not seeing any nocturnal wildlife, walking around the protected site at night would be a thrill of its own.

“We’ve just gotten here, and I’m already wishing for more time,” Jim confessed. “There’s too much to do and see for such a short trip to be enough.” He glanced over at Khan and added, “And I think it’s already been good for you. You seem very content in yourself here, with nature. Even happy. I’ve never felt so many happy emotions from you over such a sustained period of time before. How do you feel?”

"Good. I feel good, Jim," Khan said, then attempted to explain further. "Earth has always been my home. Even if technically I have lived longer in space, then on this planet. But I have always understood the behavior and laws of science and nature, more than that of mankind. I am enjoying being here, a great deal."

“So, more outdoors. I knew it!” Jim hopped in the air and pumped his free hand in self-congratulations. “Maybe we can get you more permanent quarters planetside for the duration of your treatment. I can beam to the Enterprise when they need me. Things aren’t too hectic right now, so I don’t have to sleep there every day. And what with Archer’s hard work on rooting out the rest of Section 31, you should be safe. Hey, maybe you can even use the Kirk farm. It’s empty right now. Out in the cornfields of Iowa. Nearest neighbors are miles away. What do you think?”

"Iowa?" Khan prompted. He was educated, but also generally unfamiliar with this continent. "What is it like there? What sort of farm is it?" And would it be strange, for Khan to live there? That somehow seemed to imply, to his mind at least, a very intimate relationship. Though having a link between their minds was indeed intimate. Khan did not know what to think of this.

“Well, the former state thereof,” Jim said with amusement. “I’m not sure when the state names were reinstated, but it’s like a way to celebrate the past, I guess. Iowa is in the middle of the former United States. It’s not much to look at, mostly agriculture and prairies. The Kirks have had land out there since not long after the Eugenics Wars. They weren’t much interested in meddling in the affairs of the world for a long time. Just raised corn and kept to themselves. But it’s still in the family. Belongs to mom and me, now. We’re almost never there, so we have someone who leases the fields and looks after the house, but it’s still the Kirk farm.”

Khan listened and got a sense of the landscape through Jim's own sight of the area. There was little variance, and from the ground, looked flat, agriculture fields repeating in every direction, diminishing somewhere on the horizon. Khan felt that it must be nice for Jim, to know he had this home to go to, if ever he wanted. A place with history, passed down over the generations. "I would be happy to see your family home, Jim. If you are truly willing."

“I guess it is nice to have a history...and to know it will also continue. My brother, Sam, has two sons, so I’m off the hook for that,” Jim said with a light chuckle. “They live off Earth right now, but I think Aurelan will bring them back in the end. Especially because there’s a third on the way, I’m told.” He shook his head a few times. “Never figured Sam for a family man, but that’s exactly what he’s become.”

Khan gently questioned why it was that Jim thought that of his brother. Why he was not a 'family man'? Was that Jim imprinting his own beliefs on his brother? That Jim was not interested in having a family, and therefore believed his brother not to want one too? The questions were implied, but not directly asked, as Jim seemed to have no interest in carrying on this sort of family tradition, and therefore, it would be rude to ask him about something he was disinterested in.

"Is it your preference, to live off-Earth as well?"

Jim felt the curiosity and smiled at Khan warmly, not at all unhappy to answer. “My brother ran away from home when he was 16. He swore he was going to just wander all his life and then he met Aurelan when he was 20 and that was it. She calmed his urge to run and helped him settle down and decide what to do with his life. The next time I heard from him, which was after I joined Starfleet, he was married with one kid and another on the way. So, I guess you never know what might happen, huh?” He looked around the beautiful spot they were visiting and said, “I just want to be part of something bigger for as long as I can...but Earth will always be my home.”

It seemed that while Sam had intended to wander and run wild with his life, it was Jim who was actually living that lifestyle. "Yes. I understand your meaning," Khan said, continuing along the path with Jim. There were many follow-up questions Khan could ask, as to why Sam ran away from home, and if Jim had done the same. But generally for children to choose such extremes in terms of their own safety and wellbeing meant that being alone and on the road was safer than home. Which could lead to dark and unwanted memories for Jim. 

Now, there was concern, and Jim smiled at the feeling, sending sincere thanks back in Khan’s direction. He looked around them and said, “There’s so much just on Earth to see. But I think I inherited a love of the stars from my parents. My father was a rising star in Starfleet before his death. He made it to Captain, though. I like to think he’d be proud of me.” He leaned into Khan a little and projected a picture of his dad, as he’d seen in holovids and pics, blond and handsome, much like Jim himself. 

"You were much alike." Khan observed; they looked like brothers, the way Jim showed him. "I imagine you would have been good friends, too, able to talk about Starfleet and ships...in the way that some families talk about sports or religion. Something to bond you closely together."

Jim hung his head a moment and allowed himself that small spark of regret he knew would never completely fade. It was possible to mourn someone you had never known, when it was a parent. “Shaped my life. Being born in space kinda changed my DNA a bit because of the exposure to radiation and stuff. You know...I’ve never figured out what mom was even doing out there at nine months along.”

Khan frowned slightly to see Jim bow his head like this. "We do not need to talk about it further. I did not intend to offend," Khan said, giving Jim a way out of the painful subject. 

“Offend? Not at all,” Jim said and lightly squeezed Khan’s hand. “I don’t mind telling you about it. You’re good to talk to, Noonien. I’m not sure it’s right of me to burden you with my crap, though. You’ve got enough to worry about.” He lifted his head back up, eyes bright again. “And this is a good place to talk about your cares, in a way. Like you’re unburdening it to the trees. They can handle it.”

"I do not consider your words a burden, Jim," Khan said, keeping his eyes on his younger friend. "We have mentally bonded, through my coping mechanism, but it still takes time to get to know one another, learn and embrace who we each are."

“Do you...embrace who I am?” Jim asked, intrigued by the concept. He felt close to the augment now because of the mental link and wanted to believe that he would accept the other man when he was well, too. “That we’ll be close even when you’re well. I want us to be.” He frowned a little, forehead wrinkling.

For some reason, Khan did not share this concern. With some amusement, Khan lifted his hands and smoothed two fingers over Jim's forehead, as if his skin were clay he could mold and manipulate, rubbing the frown lines away with a little smile. "Yes, Jim. I embrace who you are. You are a Starfleet Captain. An adventurer. Someone well regarded and loved by his crew. You are the protector and defender of my people, and other many other races of people. And you have a past, that I am learning about, also."

“Some of my past is kind of embarrassing,” Jim said and pressed into the strong fingers, unafraid of the augment. He showed Khan a few images of himself in jail, often drunk or just off a bar fight or both. They were not things he was proud of, though he refused to let most people know how much they bothered him now. At the time, he’d been too far gone in self-pity to care. But now, he saw the actions for the cries for help they were and felt even more grateful to Christopher Pike for ‘rescuing’ him. Now, he wanted to pay that forward, including to Khan.

Khan continued to rub his fingers over Jim's forehead and temple, smoothing the skin gently over the skull as he took in the images Jim offered him. "Your past does not deter me, Jim. I do not think less of you, for these low points, you feel shame for."

Jim sighed and leaned even more into the touches. “That feels good, Noonien,” he murmured. “I could just forget about hiking and let you give me a facial massage.” His eyes were firmly closed, bad thoughts and feelings drifting away under the soothing fingertips. He knew he must be projecting a blissful enjoyment through the link to Khan and added some amusement at the notion that Khan could enjoy the massage, too.

"Good," Khan said softly, turning the gentle touches into a light massage. Do not worry. Khan worked his fingers from Jim's temple, down the side of his skull and jaw, just behind his ears, where he began to massage the base of his neck. You are my friend. 

Jim groaned low in his throat and nearly melted where he stood. Khan’s fingers were relieving what was left of his tension, and he could feel his body just settle in response. His insides warmed, too, at Khan’s declaration of friendship, and he opened his eyes to squint at the other man. You’re my friend, too, Noonien. You’ve made my life, which had gotten to be pretty awesome, even better. I’m sorry it took you being unwell to do it, but I feel lucky to know you like this.

Thank you, Jim. I do not entirely remember how I was, before. But I am glad that we are friends. And I hope, you are able to accept me, as I am now. Khan felt Jim relax under his fingers, but slowly ended the massage so that Jim did not collapse to the ground in front of him. 

Jim swayed a moment and then smiled goofily at Khan. “That was awesome. I think my legs are nearly mush.” He blinked a few times and then stretched his whole body, reaching up tall to the sky. “Alright. Perfect. I think we can keep going.” His stomach rumbled once, and he dropped a hand over it. “That part of me is feeling left out.”

Khan hesitated as he dropped his hands away. "They we should keep going, so that we can have our picnic. There is nothing else I do can for your stomach," he said, offering his hand politely, not that they always needed to be joined, but he was quite fond of it just the same. 

But Jim stepped forward and gave Khan a warm hug, wanting to properly thank him for the massage. “Later, I’ll give you a foot massage. After all day hiking, it’ll be nice.” He took Khan’s hand now and continued up the trail. “We’ve been dallying before reaching the Grizzly Giant. The largest tree in the grove. Well over two thousand years old now.” He hurried a little more now, both hunger and a desire to see the ancient redwood spurring him on. He knew the augment would have no difficulty keeping up. His illness wasn’t to his physical body, after all.

Happy to match Jim's enthusiasm, Khan moved along quickly. Though they were not in so much of a rush, to miss the other sights of the forest. But soon they found themselves exactly where they had planned. "Each of these trees are stunning, but it is obvious when you come across one of the true marvels on the path," Khan observed, taking in the sight of the giant tree. 

“Oh yes,” Jim said and looked up and up and up at the Grizzly Giant. He pointed at a branch that was larger than most of the other trees in the area. “I wish we had an old fashioned diameter tape to measure the trunk. It’s supposed to be over 30 feet in diameter.” He looked up the tree again and then at Khan. “I bet if you wanted you could climb all the way to the top safely.”

At this implied challenge, Khan looked over the tree, quietly mapping out a route he would take to the top. "Yes-" Khan said after a moment, "I could, very probably. But I won't. I will leave the Grizzly at peace." 

“I don’t think your presence would bother the Grizzly Giant,” Jim said. “Much like an ant scrambling up the pant leg of a human’s trousers. But I’d spend your entire trip to the top worrying about you falling, so you’re not going to climb. Although, you’d look amazing doing it.” He moved to find a seat beneath the behemoth and tugged Khan gently along with him. “Shall we have our lunch here?”

"Yes, Jim. This should suit us just fine." Khan said as he sat down on the ground as well. It was still a little strange to think of anyone worrying over him. Even though that was exactly what Jim had done, since discovering him in his cell, a complete mess. 

“I feel rather well protected from everything under the Grizzly Giant. It’s hard to imagine any harm befalling us while we’ve got the tree to tower above,” Jim said and removed his pack. “What did you pack for yourself? I’ve got a cheese sandwich, some taro chips, an apple and some carrots for lunch.”

"Water. Mixed nuts and dried fruit, which you are not allowed to have-" Khan announced as he pulled the snack sized portions out of his own pack. But instead of eating, Khan took this time to stretch out on his back, laying in the dirt and underbrush beneath the giant tree. 

“That’s not very much,” Jim observed, even as he took a large bite of sandwich. “It always worries me how little you eat.” He directed a smile at the augment and then looked about himself with deep contentment. “Guess it would be useful not to need to eat as much. Though I do love my cheese.” He took another huge bite of sandwich. “Cheddar and jack on sourdough with some vegetables and a bit of mayonnaise for a perfect blend. No need for meat at all.”

"I will eat a proper meal when we return to camp for the evening." Khan said, attempting to be reassuring. His body processed proteins and calories at a much more efficient rate, but aside from that, had never really learned to enjoy consumption. For humans, over the generations, meals were designed and planned out with great care, for the love of the taste. But for Khan it was still a means to an end. It was necessary. Just like breathing air. He did not favor it, or take specific pleasure in it. It simply was.

“Yeah, I know. I need not to bore you with details of my meals, just because I enjoy eating so much,” Jim said and munched on one of his carrots. “I guess I just refused to let anything permanently damage my love of food.” He lifted his apple and took a huge bite. But at least you can share in my enjoyment through the link. And the flavor? Does that get conveyed at all?

"I know that you enjoy it. The flavor is for you to experience, not for me." Khan said simply, lightly closing his eyes as he basked lightly under the shade of the giant tree and its surrounding brothers and sisters. 

“I can feel your enjoyment, too,” Jim said. “This is almost like a religious experience for you, isn’t it? I mean...you’re reveling in this place.” He looked around them with a warm gaze and enjoyed the scenery around them. “And why not? It’s an amazing little piece of the universe. Think of all the places that exist everywhere...and none of them are the same as this one.” He looked back and up at the Grizzly Giant again. “I’ll never make a poet…”

It was perhaps quite accurate to compare Khan's enjoyment as a religious experience. It was very important to the heart of him. And reminded him of his first, truly happy memory. "Jim...may I tell you of an event from my past?" he asked, showing sensitivity regarding the topic. 

Jim lit up inside and practically felt how his excitement vibrated through their bond, but managed to keep his expression calm, but happy. “I’d like to hear anything you want to tell me, Noonien. That’s just part of being friends.” And I’m glad you’ve remembered something of your past that you want to share.

"We sabotaged and escaped our compound. It was the first day any of us had been to the surface. When we hit the tree line...we couldn't bring ourselves to go any further. Not that we were tired or injured. When we entered into the grove of trees...we just, stopped." Khan said, lightly closing his eyes as a few streams of sunlight washed across his face. "It felt good."

Jim smiled at the memory, the image in his mind of a young Khan, surrounded by his family. “Yeah, I can understand. When I was a kid and needed to escape, there was an old elm tree I used to climb to its highest branches...of course, I wanted to be close to the stars.” He looked back to Khan and reached out to lightly tug at his hair. “How long did you stay in the trees?” Did you all get caught because you loved your first real view of the outside?"

"There were only thirty of us, then. But we were strong and well trained. And we had no intention of going back. Not after our first night under the stars. We spent ten days there, before we moved deeper into the forest and the mountains. We ran wild for along time. I think we were happy, then. I was." 

Jim laughed softly in delight at the idea and said, “I bet you could just march into these mountains and live here successfully forever. The wild man of Yosemite. You could grow a foot long beard and hair down your back and wear clothes made out of natural materials.” He stroked Khan’s hair for a moment and then paused. “Maybe something like that wouldn’t be so bad for you, really…”

Though a beard and long hair would be traditional for his Sikh upbringing, what Jim was describing was more of a man from the stone age. And Khan had been engineered to be a modern man. In the end, he was a strange balance of wild and modern. Khan purred softly at the gentle strokes as Jim pet his hair. "Yes, I could. But I have no desire to be alone," he admitted, having been on his own since Marcus woke him up and isolated him. 

“Yeah. I don’t like to think of you alone, either,” Jim confessed and continued to stroke the soft black hair. “But I’m thinking that maybe you and your family would benefit from some time in the country, especially right after they wake up. The idea of having you living at the Kirk farm makes even more sense to me in the short term…” If you like the sound of it, of course.

"Yes, Jim. I think I would like that," Khan said, opening his eyes and turning his head to look at Jim with a small, subtle smile. 

“We’ll talk to everybody about it when we get back,” Jim said with a square jaw that spoke of stubborn determination to get what Khan wanted and needed. “Not that it’s as pretty as it is here, but outdoors, fresh air, lots of plants. You could even so some work in the gardens and fields, if you wanted.” He pictured Khan in bib overalls and an old-fashioned straw hat and snickered.

Khan gave Jim a friendly scowl at the image of himself dressed in such a way. "I will work your farm. And explore the sights you did, when you were a child there."

“Just don’t get into as much trouble,” Jim said, picturing himself sabotaging one of his step-father’s ‘tractors.’ The machine had turned on, zoomed out of the barn and promptly fallen into about fifty pieces in the middle of the barnyard. The memory still made Jim grin to himself. Some things, he would never be ashamed of.

"If there is trouble, I will not be the instigator of it," Khan said and finally sat up to drink water from the container he had carried in his pack. "As, I will not have anyone to rebel against, as you had."

“Nor my streak of mischief?” Jim asked, trying to picture the augment acting as dumb as he had. “You’re just as stubborn though. We put any mule to shame.” He deliberately pictured the two of them having a debate with a long-eared equine, just to see Khan’s reaction.

Khan smiled openly at this concept. "Mules are lovely. They walk a fine line between stubborn and patience. The result is often the same, either way." Khan picked out a few pieces of dried pineapple, then drank another mouthful of water. "Do you have livestock on the farm?"

“I’m not sure,” Jim admitted. “I haven’t been there since I joined the Academy. We’ll have to find out. We can always lease some horses and allow some cows to board there, if you’d like some animals to work with and be around. There are always barn cats, of course. They’re essential to keep the rodents down to a controlled level.” He remembered some of the aloof cats who had lived there during his childhood.

"The land is yours. But if it is acceptable to have animals there, I would enjoy their company," Khan said, snacking lightly. Eventually it would be a concerning, even troubling through to know their link would be tested, as Jim returned to the Enterpise, and space, while Khan remained behind. It was difficult to think of being parted in such a way, as Khan had become quite accustomed to Jim as a fixture in his life now. 

Jim nodded and said, “I’ll have to look into horses for lease in the area. We can let you choose.” He chuckled. “I haven’t ridden in years. I always preferred mechanical steeds, like my motorcycle. I miss her.” He pictured himself taking Khan on a crazy fast speed through the country roads on her back. “Well, I’ll have to get another one to show you the territory.” He popped another carrot in his mouth.

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, pleased that Jim suggested these things. As it implied that Jim was still ready to make time for him, regardless of what the future held. But the truth was, they should not try to make too many plans just yet. A few shared ideas between friends was good, but not too many promises. Khan still had a different path to walk first, once his health improved to the point that they could have a retrial and free his people. Then they could make decisive decisions regarding their future, then. 

Jim felt a hint of worry and tried to reassure. “You are getting better,” he said, decisive now about that fact. “Your mind is stronger all the time. And if you’re not exactly like the man I met before….I think you’re more like the person you should be. Does that make sense?” He looked over at the augment, crunching on some apple to stop from saying more for the moment.

"Yes, Jim. I understand your meaning. When you knew me, I was angry, all the time. But before...when Earth was first my home, I did not have such anger. I was driven, yes. But it is not the same thing." Khan looked to Jim thoughtfully, "With you, I do not have that anger any more." 

“Do you remember more about us meeting...before?” Jim asked, looking at him with big, almost wounded eyes. He wanted Khan to get well, but worried a bit about the way some of those memories might affect him in the end. When Khan did get all his memories back, he planned to be there to explain everything that had happened from his perspective. He hoped that might help explain to Khan his choices, good and bad.

"I do not recall our first meeting. But I do remember Doctor McCoy taking a sample from my arm. Though I do not recall why. I remember the room, but do not remember what was said," Khan said, as these things were not entirely clear to him. 

Jim nodded and said, “Clearer, but not all there yet. It’ll come. When it does...please remember that I didn’t know you, and one of my best friends had died, and that Marcus played me. I wasn’t at my best. Fuck. I was barely thinking with my head at all. I’m not proud of myself. I’d do it all over again, except that somehow, it brought me here...and I wouldn’t want to lose that. Alright?” He looked into Khan’s face with a firm expression.

"Yes, Jim," Khan said, aware of Jim's worry, though did not know how to soothe his concerns, without all the information. There was surely blame to pass, to all sides. But he could not remember it. "You are my friend now. That is what I know. And when I remember fully how events unfolded, I will not forget it. You are my friend," he said again. 

Jim’s shoulders slumped a little, before he surged forward to hug Khan. “Thanks. You’re my friend, too. One my my best friends. I’ve never made friends easy. And I guess I didn’t make you as a friend too easily, too, huh?” A sheepish smile appeared on his face, followed by rueful humor through their bond.

Khan hummed softly as he bowed his head down, mouth close to Jim's shoulder as his arms unfolded to hug the young man in return. The exchange was most welcome. "Thank you," he said after a deep breath and smiled to himself as well. 

“Nah, I’m getting as much from this as you,” Jim said, not wanting Khan to think he had to be thankful for every hug. He rested his head against Khan’s for a moment before pulling away again to smile at him. “Want to sit here for a little while longer before we continue? This is a lovely spot. And I wouldn’t mind a chance to loll in the shade.” He flopped back into the duff with a little sigh of relaxation. “It’s a lovely place to just..ruminate.”

However, Khan was thankful for every hug. But he would try not to make Jim uncomfortable by always expressing his gratitude for such basic human contact. Khan smiled a little, "Yes, I do not mind either, Jim," Khan said and then laid back once more, settling comfortably against the ground. 

“Sometimes, even I need to just find some time to rest and relax,” Jim said with a little yawn and wriggle closer to Khan. “I’ve always been on the move. Running here and there. Never satisfied with being still. Even now, I am a little eager to get the Enterprise back into the stars...but she needs her rest and recuperation, too. And so do I. Sometimes, I still don’t sleep well.”

With his hands resting by his sides, Khan reached out to take Jim by the wrist. There was no demand in this action, just a simple and quiet way to maintain their closeness. "I understand, Jim. You are restless. You feel that your life is only worthwhile, if you fill it to the brim. Constantly on the move, doing or achieving, something. Rest, does not come easily to you. I understand this, Jim. Even though it is a work ethic not represented in my current behavior. I have accepted that rest is important. And that sleep can be restful, when someone I trust is nearby." 

“Yeah...I think being here, with you, out under the natural sky, may be a good place to sleep,” Jim said. He turned his head to look toward Khan with a question in his eyes. “Do you have nightmares, Noonien?” He turned his hand so his own fingers could rub gently at Khan’s adjoining wrist. “Things that won’t allow you to sleep?”

"I used to, Jim. All the time," Khan said, admitting to this fact without shame. Perhaps to some it would be considered a weakness, but Khan accepted and expressed it as something that just, was. "But since the establishment of our link, I have not." Khan shifted slightly to hook his arm under the back of Jim's neck, positioning it like a pillow for the other man. 

“Do mine bother you?” Jim asked. “I still wake up in a sweat sometimes, remembering...well, remembering the warp core. But mostly, I run myself so much that I sleep pretty well when I do go to bed.” He shifted his head to rest even more comfortably on the strong arm.

"I have no memory of your dreams, good or bad," Khan said with a slight tilt of his head. He wondered if Jim experienced his dreams, or if their dreaming subconscious remained separate. Then again, Khan had very little sense of his own dreams. All he knew, was that with Jim around, he slept well. He was able to find rest, without feeling someone or something was going to come after him the moment he closed his eyes. 

“Well, I’m glad I’m not disturbing you and the link has made your dreams easier,” Jim said. “Maybe I’ll ask the Doc why that doesn’t seem to cover me the same way.” But it obviously didn’t concern him much in the moment, as he projected nothing but quiet contentment at his current state. “Tell me this idea wasn’t awesome.”

"It was a very good idea, Jim." Khan said gently. "Thank you for thinking of my needs, in such a way." Eventually, Khan would regain his memory, fully. The good and the bad. But for now, this separation from Starfleet was a small mercy, while simultaneously forgiving the establishment, while he was treated.

“I’m just glad you’ve taken to this place so well,” Jim said. “And we’ve barely even begun exploring. There’s a ton of other things to see and do. Just not enough time to get to it all, unfortunately.” He let out a low sigh. “Alright, we get fifteen minutes to laze here and then we have to get up and keep going. The tunnel tree is ahead, and I don’t want to miss that. We’ll take some holopics for sure.”

"Yes, Jim," Khan said with a deep breath, followed by a relaxed sigh. To the augment, the entire experience was exquisite freedom, whether they laid out under the branches of the giant trees, or hiked the mountains for every minute they had permission to be here. 

Jim forced himself to fifteen minutes of silence, just enjoying the strong presence of the augment, the scent of the trees, the light breeze that made the temperature perfect, and the general pleasant ease of his body, especially where Khan’s arm cradled his head. But when his internal clock ticked off the last minute, he let out a low sigh and sat up, stretching. “Alright, enough being lazy. Let’s keep going.”

As Jim sat up, Khan pressed his hand to the flat of his back before Jim was completely out of reach. Then with another deep breath, Khan forced himself to his feet, brushing off bits of dried needles and dirt from his pants. "I shall continue to follow your lead, Jim." 

“That’s what I like to hear,” Jim said and brushed some of the detritus off his own clothes and putting away the remains of his lunch. “Did you manage to eat anything?” He peered over at his friend suspiciously, looking for a sign that he’d munched at least some of his food. 

"Yes, Jim. I snacked enough for now," Khan answered, pulling his own small pack onto his shoulders one more. You are a natural leader. Khan observed. Long before Starfleet. It is so much a part of your personality, you probably do not even realize it. 

Jim made a deprecating noise, but unbidden, the image of Tarsus IV suddenly entered his mind, only to be firmly shoved away. “That’s nice of you to say, Noonien. I want to be worthy of the chair now. I still don’t have near as much experience as most captains, but what I’ve got is pretty intense.” He stood and offered a hand to Khan. “And I think my work with you is helping me mature.”

"It is more than a uniform, or the Captain's chair." Khan said, taking Jim's hand, always finding some peace in accepting the contact whenever it was offered. "I am not a weak man, but you have leant me your strength, so that I might heal and be whole, once more. I have seen you do it for others, as you have done for me. You protect those who are in your care, to the best of your ability in every single case." 

“I try to get to know everyone on my ship,” Jim said softly. “There are a lot of people, but I want to talk to all of them...at least once. And know all of their names. It helps with making sure that I remember to take all of their lives personally and seriously. I hate losing anyone.” He leaned into Khan. “And you’re included, of course. I’ll make sure to know all of your people, too.”

"I know, Jim. I know it is important to you. That is why I said it." Khan kept walking along the path with Jim. A gentle breeze picked up on occasion, keeping the temperature cool, while large branches above them slowly bowed and groaned. 

Jim suddenly picked up speed and said, “Oh, hey, there’s the tunnel tree! Did you know that they carved that out in 1895 for stagecoaches to drive through? How crazy is that? They used to let cars go through it, too, in the bad old days. Not for years, of course. Just hikers. We’re allowed to go through and climb on it! Come on!” He burst into a trot, eagerly tugging at Khan’s hand.

"I am surprised, carving into the tree did not kill it." Khan observed, keeping up with Jim at a light jog until the were near the base of the tree. HE pressed his hand over a section that had healed over the scar of itself, marveling at how it had survived. 

“Some of these trees that were driven through were burned through by fire, but the tree survived on either side of the hole. There are some that are mostly hollow on the bottom,” Jim said and patted the trunk. “I wonder when the last fire happened here. They used to deliberately set small fires to mimic the more natural cycles.” He began to climb, scrambling up like a monkey.

Khan began to examine some of the scarring on the inside of the tree, looking up and into the hollowed out section. But as he circled the base, he paused to watch Jim expend his energy to climb. "It is an interesting perspective, to see the tree from the inside." Even if it had originally been intended as a tourist novelty. 

Jim got ever higher, utterly fearless in his climb. He glanced down at Khan and waved. “Aren’t you coming up, too?” He didn’t pause longer than that, though, getting ever higher up the magnificent tree. He dangled for a moment from one limb. “Wish I had a tail to help, too.”

"Yes, in a moment." Khan continued to walk around the base, one hand on the tree as he kept his eyes up, on Jim as he climbed. After a few minutes, Khan finally decided on his own path and began to pull himself up, careful with his footing and where he clung on, so that he did not tear the bark from the tree. "I thought you were against this idea." 

“Which idea? Climbing?” Jim asked and grinned cheekily at him. “Nope, that was all you. Besides, this tree is the one people are allowed to climb, if they want, because it’s been altered for years.” He scrambled a bit higher, moving with the ease of the best of the primate ancestors. “No way I can make the top, but I can be respectable.” 

"Hm." Khan grumbled quietly, until he made it to his limb of choice. Though Jim was still ahead of him, Khan choose to settle, with his legs dangling, catching a view of what it meant to be so tall.

“What’s that noise for?” Jim asked, amused and projecting that clearly through the link. He swung himself up to sit on his limb, as well, looking around them. “See anything with that improved eyesight of yours?”

You were the one who insisted on playing it safe, Khan said, though kept his eyes forward on the treetops and the mountains beyond. "Two birds of prey. Eagles or hawks. I cannot tell from this distance. Northwest-" Khan pointed, wanting Jim to follow his sight of the birds in the distance, making large circle patterns in the sky as they sought out prey.

Since when do I play anything safe? I mean, really, you know me better, Noonien. Jim pulled out his ‘binoculars’ to view the birds. “Oh hey, those are bald eagles. Cool. Must be some water out that way, I guess. They are pretty magnificent. Used to be the symbol of the United States. You can see why they chose them. Hope we get to see one closer up.” 

"Bald eagles-" Khan frowned slightly, having never seem them before. In his time, they were an endangered species. And aside from that, he only knew them to be scavengers. But to be fair, there were a lot of animals in this region he was only familiar with through text and scientific documentation, rather than first hand experience. 

“Here, I’ll drop you the glasses so you can have a look at them,” Jim said and dropped them so that Khan could catch. “Their populations rebounded again after the end of the wars. They’re tough birds. A few centuries of being left alone and they’re almost to historic levels.” He waved his PADD in the air. “According to my information, anyway.”

,

Khan caught the binoculars and adjusted the digital lenses to his eyes. Then found the birds again, this time much clearer, and much closer. To his bare eyes, they had simply looked like black silhouettes against the sky, but now he could see the detail of their white feathered heads, and while tail feathers. He watched the birds for a few minutes, before looking to other distant points, enjoying the refined and sharp view of objects that were dulled to his eye, unaided. 

“What do you think of them?” Jim asked, though he could feel the man’s interest in the birds. “I am interpreting the silence as pure enjoyment, just so you know.” If he squinted in the direction Khan had pointed, he thought he could make out little black squiggles that were the birds. But he was probably fooling himself.

"They are quite sizable animals." Khan said, then after a few minutes, took a break from looking. He climbed up a little further in order to hand the binoculars back to Jim without risking to drop them from this height. "Thank you for letting me look."

“Anytime. Seriously. Just ask me if you want to use them. Shall we go up any higher or head back down?” Jim looked up the trunk and nearly vibrated with eagerness to go up a bit more, at least a few higher branches. But he waited for Khan to make the choice, turning back to him for the final decision.

"Yes, go on-" Khan said, sensing Jim's eagerness to keep going, to keep pushing himself. Though Khan would be keeping a close eye on him, not intending to allow the young Captain to fall and break his neck. 

“Awesome!” Jim put away PADD and camera and began to ascend again, hands and feet moving easily against the red wood. He ascended to the next branch, which was thick and required a bit of swinging to get on top of. “Whee!” He let himself swing in a loop and then continued right on, not at all deterred by the heights. “Come on, Noonien!”

"I take back all the nice things I said," Khan said, though his tone was clearly affectionate. "You are a child," he scoffed, climbing after Jim at his own pace. 

Jim pouted and sent sad thoughts down to Khan, even as he ascended to the next branch. “You’re so mean to me, Noonien. And I thought you were my friend.” But his thoughts and feelings were playful, too. “Sometimes, it’s good to be a bit of a kid.”

Except that Khan had no experience in this area, and only had Jim's example to go on. "I am your friend," Khan said, understanding that Jim was teasing, but still needed to assure the other man on this point. 

Jim stopped at the next branch and smiled down at Khan, knowing the augment needed some reassurance. “You’re my friend, Noonien. And I’m your friend. Teasing is part of how I show my friends how much I like them. But I think you know that about me by now. I’m terrible like that.”

"Yes-" Khan said, looking up at Jim with a curious smile. "I do not always understand it. But I know you do it." He continued to climb again, only to pause on the next branch. "You are not terrible." 

Jim waved down at Khan and said, “Thank you, Noonien. Thanks for putting up with the teasing, too. I know you find it strange. I live for the day when you make fun of me, too… like calling me a child! Or grumbling at me. I love that. It’s so...adorable.”

Khan narrowed his eyes at the other man as if he were hard at thought, trying to figure him out. "Adorable?" he asked indignantly. "Your words do not make any sense." 

“You are!” Jim exclaimed and scrambled down to the branch Khan sat on, finding purchase easily on the wide wood. “That’s a good thing. Honest.” He leaned into the older man and smiled his most appealing expression, eyes used to great effect. 

"How do you do that?" Khan asked with an amused smile. He reached up with his left hand pet the back of his fingers against Jim's face, just beside the corner of his eye. "You capture this certain expression...something innocent, like a puppy, but it's joined with the impression, that I should believe, whatever it is you just said. I do not know this technique, but you are quite good at it." 

Jim snickered a little and leaned into the gentle touch, eyes closing. “Do you believe me, Noonien? Cause you should. I’m completely trustworthy. You can feel that.” And he sent a wave to truthfulness to Khan, indicating that he thought Khan’s adorableness was a good thing.

"Yes, Jim. I do trust you. And I do believe you, though I do not understand it, as it is not something I would traditionally be prone to believing about myself. But when you say it- and when you look at me like that...I trust you even more. I cannot explain it. The response is not rational." 

Jim lifted his hand in return to run over Khan’s left cheek, the touch gentle. “To me, you’re approachable and kind and the way you allow me to just be me means a lot. I’m glad that I seem to be good for you, too.” He dropped his hand after another second and just smiled at his friend. “Even if I do make you irrational.”

For a moment, Khan's brain went quiet as it was soothed, responding to the way Jim touched him. His mind attempted to reboot several times, but simply settled on a basic, instinctive response. Yes. Khan stared at the way Jim smiled, fixated on his eyes. And for the first time, Khan blocked Jim from his thoughts, shielding him from the irresponsible urge to kiss him. 

Jim blinked and looked surprised as the augment shut the connection between them without warning. “Did I insult you?” he asked, worried by Khan’s reaction. “You haven’t put up a block like that except when Doc ordered you to practice.” In fact, the Betazed had complained about how Khan did not strengthen his shields enough.

"No, Jim. You did not insult me," Khan said, and touched a hand to Jim's shoulder, let then it slowly slide down his arm. "But I understand why you would be concerned. I have not blocked my thoughts from you before, unless ordered to. And I only did so now, so that I would not embarrass you." 

Jim looked puzzled and then smiled a little again, the sides of his mouth just curling up. “Embarrassing me? After everything I do to embarrass myself? But, uh, whatever you thought might embarrass me...thanks for trying not to let it. And hey, it’s totally your decision what’s private, right? Like we talked about with Doc. I was just surprised cause you’ve never done it before. And worried that I did something wrong.”

"No, Jim. You have done nothing wrong. You are my friend. And I am enjoying our time together, here," Khan said, before finally dropping his hands away from him completely. "Should we head back down?" he asked, steering the conversation away from what would remain unsaid. 

“Sure! You want to go first?” Jim asked, curious about what Khan was hiding, but willing not to push. “I’ll be right behind you.” He waved to the trunk to gesture for the augment to begin. 

Khan gave a simple nod, then headed down first. Though as he headed down, he kept his eyes up, on Jim just as much as he let his eyes look down, to see where his next step would be. He wanted to make sure Jim made it down safely, and was therefore, prepared to catch him at different stages of the climb, should Jim lose his footing or grip. 

With a continuing lack of fear, Jim scaled down the tree after Khan, careful not to knock down things on his friend. He did swing on a few branches though, unable not to show some youthful exuberance. Well, some craziness anyway. As he was hanging upside-down from one branch, he laughed like a maniac. “This really is awesome, Noonien.”

Khan pushed himself off the tree and jumped down the remaining ten feet so that he did not scrape his boots into the redwood bark near the base of the tree. Once on the ground, he looked up at Jim with a tilt of his head. "I would call you a monkey, but there are no primates natives to this continent." Khan said, finding Jim's upside down grin a strange sight. "Come along."

“I can still be a monkey!” Jim said and began to make a bunch of silly monkey-type sounds and swinging around even more. But he pulled himself upright after a moment and climbed down the rest of the way, jumping only the last few feet in deference to his humanity. “Shall we continue up the trail or head back for now?”

"I would like to head back to camp." Khan said, speaking his own wish, clearly, without Jim's influence in his mind. "Today has been good. Casual. Unrushed," Khan said, offering his hand and lightly wiggled his fingers in the inviting way Jim used to do for him. "I want to settle in enjoy the evening sunset and get a good sleep before our hike tomorrow."

Jim laughed his delight as Khan beckoned him with the same playful gesture he liked to use and took his hand unreservedly. “Sounds like a good plan to me! I’ll roast us some hotdogs tonight, and make smores, too. It’ll be a perfect camping meal!” He lightly squeezed the offered hand. “Lead on, MacDuff!”

Though Khan understood that Jim was being playful, he did not understand the meaning of the title that was not his own. "Why did you call me that? What does it mean?" He asked with a slight frown, feeling confused by Jim's clear sense of playfulness and something that did not make sense to him. 

“Well, it’s actually a mistaken quote from Shakespeare,” Jim confessed with another laugh, eyes bright. “The line is really ‘Lay on, MacDuff.’ But all it really means is that I will follow you. You can be captain for this hike.”

Still. Khan gave Jim a sideways look. That was not his name regardless of the intended quotation. And it seemed foolish to lead, when it was the same trail they had already hiked. There was no leadership qualities required. But Khan understood that Jim meant well by it all and so simply kept hold of his hand as they headed back down the trail again.

Jim felt relieved when Khan allowed him to sense his amusement, even though it was mixed with a great deal of confusion. “I know, I make no sense. I’m just a doofus at heart...but it’s good for me. I think there are things I wouldn’t have survived without my sense of humor.”

Khan was personally unfamiliar with this coping mechanism. But had seen it in play a great deal with Jim. "You are happy. So I see no harm in it."

Jim hopped a couple of times and hugged Khan, before letting go, suddenly putting on a dash of speed, and pulling at the augment. “Let’s skip!” he pronounced and broadcasted an image of Dorothy and her companions on the yellow brick road.

"I don't-" Khan lightly jogged after Jim, watching him nearly leap in place, while propelling himself forward. That was the least energy efficient mode of transportation he had ever encountered. Khan let go of Jim's hand, so that his arm and by extension, his shoulder, did not get lurched forward every time Jim sprang into a new skip. 

Jim stopped as soon as Khan let go and turned a pout on him, before it blossomed into a cheeky smile. “Not your style, huh?” He returned to Khan’s side and offered his hand again. “Won’t do it again. Promise. Even though it’s a ton of fun!”

"You can do it, if that is what you wish." Khan said, sometimes very unsure as to what to do with Jim's unfocused energy. Except that it was focused, but in strange ways Khan did not know how to react to.

“It’s not as much fun to do it alone,” Jim said and leaned into Khan. “You never get any urges to do something silly or unexpected? Just act out of the ordinary?” He squeezed Khan’s hand once in camaraderie, demonstrating that he did not hold any kind of grudge toward the augment for being different from him.

"Yes. Some urges," Khan admitted, "But it is not something I indulge in." Though he had rolled in the grass when Jim first took him to that park in San Francisco. That had definitely been an out of the ordinary urge in his behavior. 

“Why not?” Jim asked. “You know I’d never judge you. I mean, talk about people in glass houses.” He laughed a little at himself, eyes twinkling at Khan. “There’s nothing wrong with being different.” He lightly bumped shoulders with his friend.

"Yes, Jim. I appreciate that," Khan said, giving him a sideways glance and a little smile when Jim purposefully bumped into him. "But I would consider it unproductive, for me to act foolishly." 

Jim made a face and said, “Well, that’s kind of unfortunate. I don’t understand how you can put up with me, if I’m always being unproductive.” He allowed a bit of sadness leak through the bond.

"I accept it, with you, Jim," Khan said and gave their hands a firm squeeze. "When you behave irrationally, it is still a part of your personality and the way in which you interact with others. For you, it works."

“Hmmm. Thank you,” Jim said after a moment of consideration. “So, it’s not natural for you to act silly or irrational, and I shouldn’t push you. I understand. You don’t mind if I continue to tease you, I hope. I don’t know that I can stop doing that, honestly.” He offered a winning smile to the augment.

"No, Jim. I do not mind. I understand. It is a sign that you consider me a friend." Khan had no intention of asking Jim to stop. It simply wasn't Khan's personality to follow the same way of behavior. 

“Yeah. I do,” Jim said. “How would you like to relate and act with your friends?” He urged the augment not to think about the answer, but merely to say what came to mind. He thought that answer some things naturally might help Khan recapture himself.

Though Jim was looking for an organic response, it did take Khan a few minutes to remember a sight of himself among his people clearly enough to answer. "We work together ... and when we learn something new, we share it with the others," Khan said, half remembering the sight of several of his people gathered together. Though he did not remember what they were working on specifically, he could remember who was standing where, and those who preferred to work closer with friends, then by themselves. "Is that what you mean?"

“Those are good things,” Jim agreed with a nod. “Teamwork and sharing. Important for the crew of a starship, too. We wouldn’t get anywhere if we didn’t work together and make sure we all learn from what we do.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I’m not sure that’s what I meant...but it’s cool.”

Khan considered, then tried again. "We stay close to one another. Protect those who need it, until they are well again. As you have done for me." Khan struggled with this question. The augments were close to each other, but a lot of their interactions were still very formal on the surface. "I don't ... I do not think I am answering you the way you want."

Jim pressed against him and said, “Doesn’t matter. Those were good answers. You show your friendship by being loyal, trustworthy and caring. I think that’s what you’re saying. And you definitely show those things to me, Noonien. You’re a good friend.”

Khan smiled a little, relieved. He was quiet for a few minutes of their walk, happy to hold hands as they navigated the old growth forest back to camp. A small headache pressed into the back of his mind. "You hit me," Khan said abruptly, his features somber. "I surrendered to you. And you hit me," he said, remembering this clearly now. But even as he said it, Khan did not let go of Jim's hand. Instead, he made sure to interlock their fingers, not letting go of what they had, simply because of this memory. 

Jim’s mind stuttered for a moment, and he froze in midstep, before forcing himself to go on. “Yeah, I did that,” he confessed softly. “And you just stared at me with these cold, calculating eyes, not even a bit disturbed. Just your hair got a little messed up. And I was so angry at you, Noonien. I wanted to kill you…” He hung his head at the memory. 

"You were being attacked by a Klingon patrol," Khan said, repeating this back without emotion. "But in the end, I surrendered myself into your custody." Khan stopped and turned to Jim now, head tilted to the side. "You are still my friend, Jim. That has not changed. But I remember more of that day, now."

“It matters to me that you remember, Noonien,” Jim said, “and that you understand what happened between us. Do you remember how you felt, what you were thinking?” He reached out with his free hand to gently pat Khan’s opposite shoulder. “Can you tell me?”

Khan searched Jim's eyes for a moment before putting his answer to words. "Yes. I felt relief that my people were not dead, as I had previously thought. That I needed to get aboard the Enterprise and be reunited with them, at all costs." Khan blinked twice before adding, "When you stuck me, it was an abuse of your authority, as I had surrendered to you. But that was no surprise to me, as it was what I had come to expect from Starfleet officers. However, the reaction of your crew implied that it was not traditional behavior on your part. Which suggested to me, despite your actions, that you might not be a cruel as Admiral Marcus." 

“It was wrong of me,” Jim agreed softly. “I shouldn’t have been in command. I was compromised by the death of Chris. You killed him, Noonien. I watched you attack us. I didn’t know you had killed him until after...but you tried to kill me, too. But I heard Uhura call me ‘Captain’ and knew I needed to stop. I needed to remember my responsibilities. It was what he would have wanted.”

"Yes, Jim. It had been my intention to kill everyone there. Though Admiral Marcus was my primary target," Khan admitted, looking at Jim quietly. He let their fingers untangle and his hand fall away. "We do not need to discuss it further." 

“We can’t change how we got here,” Jim said, “but it’s too late for me to ever think of you as anything but a friend.” He reached out for the other man, hand in the air for him to retake, fingers open wide. “By remembering, you can learn to understand, too, like I did, about everything that happened. I dealt with it badly...until the end.” He hung his head and allowed himself a bit of a shudder in memory, not letting the bad feeling leak into Khan’s mind and pollute his thoughts.

Khan watched the subtleties of Jim' behavior and recognized that Jim was shielding him from darker thoughts. He nodded once and took Jim's offered hand, holding it again. "Thank you, Jim." Khan said, paused, then added, "I know I owe you a personalized apology. But if you can wait until I have a clear mind, with all the information, I believe it will be much more meaningful." 

The reassuring grip encouraged Jim to raises his eyes back to look at Khan, a smile hovering at the edge of his mouth. “It means a lot that you even think you might owe me an apology,” he said. “And thank you for telling me...about remembering. I’m glad things are coming back. But-” and here, he squeezed Khan’s shoulder more firmly “- I also think we should make you some more new memories. Good ones. What do you say?”

Khan eased somewhat, now that Jim was making eye contact with him again. "Yes, Jim. You already are helping me in this area. Today has been a good day," Khan confirmed.

“That’s what I want to hear,” Jim said with open warmth, both through their link and in his tone and stance. “It’s not over yet, either. Still have that campfire dinner I promised. And I’ll regale you with a few campfire stories, too! No camping experience is complete without them.” He patted Khan’s shoulder and began to walk again, hands securely together so they remained side-by-side. “Ghost stories are best. Nothing like a fire, the night sky, an owl hooting in the background and a good ghost story.”

"Is that traditional?" Khan asked, but also playfully inquired, Have you also provided an owl? To make calls in the night while you speak? He doubted that this was what Jim meant, but wanted to ask an easy question, after bringing up something that had been difficult for Jim to talk about. 

Well, I was thinking that this park must have some owls. Maybe you can scare one up for us with your amazing ears and eyes. You can always lead me by the hand through the dark. “And yeah, it’s totally traditional. I can tell some of the classic yarns, since I doubt you know them.” Jim practically buzzed with excitement at the notion.

"Yes, Jim. I look forward to it. I would like to hear the sort of stories that are told in the dark of night, over campfire," Khan said, relaxing a little, to experience his excitement for their evening.

“Excellent. I will try to choose the finest in campfire stories for your premiere night,” Jim said solemnly. “There are some doozies. I bet you don’t scare easy though. You don’t seem to me to be the easily scared type.”

"No. I do not scare easily. Is that the intention of the stories?" Khan asked, finding this strange, but interesting. 

“It’s part of the fun,” Jim said. “The chills up and down your spine from a good story of horror. The night all around you, from which anything might emerge. And your storyteller making sure to give all the right emphasis.” He nodded again with great emphasis. “So, it’ll be up to me to make sure that you enjoy the stories in all of the right ways.”

"Oh." Khan was uncertain if he could pretend to act scared, for Jim's benefit, but he would listen to the stories and be engaged by them at least. "I am looking forward to it, Jim."

“Excellent! We should reach the campsite just in time!’


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Khan and Jim have a truly wild encounter.

On the third night, after spending a full day hiking in the shadow of granite peaks, across meadows, and even bathing in an alpine lake, Jim and Khan set up camp before the sun started to set. Throughout the day, Khan showed Jim signs of mountain lions, bears, and even wolves. He could tell not only where they had left their markings, bu how many there appeared to be, and how long ago they had passed by. Together, they had managed to cross larger animals off their list as they had hiked, but these had been their only indications of large predators.

Jim loved how much Khan saw in the wilderness and how he shared it so Jim could see it, as well. Some of it, anyway. He couldn’t scent the odors the animals left behind, many of them deliberately, but he could see the prints, scratches and other visible traces. Though he wished some of the actual animals were also around to be seen.

He had high hopes for the night in that regard, however, since they had a permit to set up camp in the area of the most active wolf pack. And their permit allowed them some wolf calling, if the packs were not already howling that night. Their campsite was within an easy hike of a ridgeline from which to set up for to listen to and (if they were lucky) view some of the wolves. 

After finishing setup of their tent, which would be the only one in the area for the night, he packed them dinner and then strung up the rest of their food in a tree to wildlife proof it all. “Want to head up, Noonien? There’s about an hour to sunset. Should be plenty of time.”

"Yes, Jim. I am ready to go," Khan answered. Though because this area was home to large predators, Khan had made a point of relieving himself earlier, on a few nearby trees, to mark their camp was off limits. 

Jim had thought nothing of Khan discreetly going into the woods to relieve himself and would have been startled (and amused) by some of the reasons behind the actions. He handed over the augment’s pack to him to carry, pulling on his own. “I’m so excited. This is our best chance to see some of the wolves. At the very least, we should hear them. Reports are they’ve been active all week. So we’ve got a good chance, at least.” He grinned over at Khan as they headed up the trail toward the ridge.

"Yes, I agree. The documentation you supplied indicated that there are several healthy packs in the park. I, too, would like to catch a sight of them, and experience firsthand the sound of their song to one another." Khan buckled up his pack and kept close at Jim's heels as they headed up.

Jim bounced a little as they climbed, excitement giving him extra energy, even after their busy day. “I’ve got the digital telescope in my pack, which has a night vision function. Man, I so hope we get to see one of the packs, at least. Even just one wolf. And you do a few of the wolf calls. That will make everything just that much more awesome, too. We’re supposed to have a good moon. Not full, but close.”

"We shall see, when we get to the ridge. But I shall attempt one of the wolf calls, if you want me to. However, I cannot vouch for the translation," Khan said with a little smile, encouraged by Jim's enthusiasm. 

“Translation?” Jim asked in amusement, but also with some question. “You have some idea of the vocalizations of wolves? Like what they mean? Can you attempt to match some of them?” He reached out to lightly bump his fist into Khan’s arm. “I’d love to hear that, too. Like the mating cry of the wolf, interpreted by Noonien.”

"That is my meaning. I will be uncertain as to if what I am saying is correct, or not. I can mimic what I hear, but if my inflection is wrong, I might be saying something completely inaccurate," Khan said with a tilt of his head. "Do you intend to try your hand at a howl?"

“Oh, you bet I am...even though I’ll be speaking total gibberish. They’ll think some wolf has gone crazy or something,” Jim said with a laugh. “I don’t have any ability to mimic what I hear. But it’s not going to stop me from trying.” He lightly bumped his shoulder to Khan’s, knowing his good mood was infectious.

"Yes, I can tell," Khan said gently. As they neared the ridge, Khan paused and listened. "Eagles," he said and then pointed to the tree line opposite. A couple called to one another in the late evening, clearly making contact before heading to their nest for the evening. 

Jim lifted his binoculars and studied the birds in them for a long moment. “They’re pretty awesome. Mate for life, too. Smart birds. Want to see?” He held them out to Khan for his use. “You can really see them, much closer than the first time.”

"Thank you." Khan watched the birds circle one another several times before they jointly headed into the trees, where he lost sight of them. It was a treat for the augment, to see such wildlife.

“I don’t mind seeing them a bunch more times. Wouldn’t mind seeing a golden eagle or two, either,” Jim said. “But for now, we’re going for wolves.” He looked to the top of the ridgeline, which was getting closer with every step. “It’ll be fun to be able to sit and eat our dinner up there, too. Just admire the view for awhile. We’ll be looking at a part of the park that’s never had much human use, compared to like the valley. So, it’s in amazing condition.”

"Wooolves-" Khan said, calling out to Jim playfully as they hiked. "Going for wooolves," he said again with a chuckle. He was happy that this park was so well cared for and that the land had been set aside and protected for so long. Even though the human race had ambitions that led them to the stars, Khan felt it was important to keep these threads strong to their past and to the land.

“Wooolves!” Jim agreed with an equal howl and then nearly pounced on Khan in delight that the augment was taking part in such ridiculous behavior. “I’m rubbing off on you in a terrible way. I’m so proud!” He threw back his head for another playful howl and sped up, trotting up the trail now.

Perhaps it was a little of Jim's influence. But it was also the side of the augment that was capable of purring or growling, that was fierce and territorial. The part of him, that only slept when he was certain he was safe and had urges, like rolling in the grass. The side of him that he was not always honest about, but was there nevertheless.

Khan kept after Jim, following his heels until they reached a suitable vantage point. With some daylight left, pouring into the valley below, Khan sighed happily, feeling well connected to the environment. 

Jim scrambled along the ridge until he found a spot by which they could see everything and set-up for dinner comfortably. He put down his pack and pulled out two small objects that could be folded out into seats for them, along with a small, fabric stand for their food to rest on. He also pulled out the telescope with a nightvision lens and set it up for their use. After a few moments, he stepped back and looked over their spread. “What do you think?”

Khan felt that the sort-of-chairs and the sort-of-table was unnecessary. But also recognized that Jim had carried it and therefore, had wanted it for the both of them. As a sort of treat, perhaps. "Very good, Jim," Khan said and removed his pack from his shoulders, setting it down. "This is a good spot for us to enjoy the sunset and to catch a glimpse of wolves, if they allow us."

“If we’re lucky,” Jim said. “But even so, this is an amazing view, and we’ll have the sunset and the stars and a nice dinner and good company. What more can anyone ask for?” He removed his part of dinner from his pack and said, “You should have the rest of the food and some drinks. We don’t have to eat now, but we can set everything out.”

Khan nodded, accepting Jim's suggestion. Opening his pack, he set out the sealed containers and pouches of drink and food. And though made no move to start eating, he did sit. "This has been good for me, Jim," Khan said after a few minutes. It had been a break from medical treatment, the modern life on Earth and of Starfleet, or concerns of the future. "Thank you, for this gift. I hope it has been good for you, too."

“You know it has. You can feel that through our link, right? This is as much or more fun than any trip I’ve taken in a long time,” Jim said. “I’m glad you’re enjoying your trip, too. We all need to get away from the daily grind sometimes. And treatment takes a lot of different forms. I’m just glad you’re enjoying yourself and feeling better all at once.” He shot a glance over his shoulder at the setting sun and nodded a few times. “Almost done.”

Khan glanced to the horizon and the sunset before them. "Yes-" Khan said slowly, "Is something meant to happen as soon as the sun drops out of sight? Do you suddenly expect the wolves to take that as their cue?"

“I don’t think so…” Jim said slowly. “But what do I know? Maybe they just appear out of the woods like magic.” He grinned at the idea, sharing the image with Khan of a pack of wolves just mystically appearing. “A lot of wildlife does start to stir at dusk, though, so if we keep alert, we might see other animals, too. And this gives us time to enjoy our dinner and really relax for awhile.”

"Yes, of course," Khan agreed and then finally took a seat. Lifting his head, he turned his eyes towards the horizon once more, watching as the shadows became darker and darker. Though once it set, there would still be plenty of remaining light for Jim to see for a while, unaided. 

“Want to eat now?” Jim asked, gesturing to their food. “Or wait until after dusk? It is nearly 2000 hours. I always lose some track of time being planetside after long periods on the Enterprise. Especially when the sun sets late.” His stomach rumbled a little. “I’m voting for eating now…”

"Yes, Jim. Alright," Khan said and looked to his friend. Opening up a few of the containers on the small table-like setting, Khan sorted them by the ones Jim would primarily eat, and which Khan would eat from. Then starting to nibble, Khan relaxed as he looked out over the valley below, feeling that he could spend hours simply sitting here, observing the world.

The night fell slowly around them, even as they shared their dinner, each eating out of their containers (and Jim sometimes sneaking something out of Khan’s). And as the shadows spread and the moon rose, there was a definite increase in activity in the landscape around them. Jim could detect some new sounds, but strained to hear them. “What can you hear, Noonien?”

"There is some movement. An owl, not making any calls, but making kills," Khan said, putting away the leftovers in his pack, though continued to drink from his container of water. "Something the size of a deer, breaking small branches as it runs, but I imagine the deer as settled and asleep by now, so it must be something else."

“There’s a ton of possibilities,” Jim said. “Though most animals are quiet and would try not to make noise. It’s too small for a bear? They don’t really worry about noise. What worry does a bear have? I would love to see another one of them. The one yesterday moved so fast I only got a glimpse of her rear.”

"It could be a small bear." Khan agreed, "However, I am more inclined to think that it is a predator rushing to make a kill, or perhaps I am right, a deer, or even a bighorn sheep, fleeing recklessly." Khan paused a moment, "No ... the sound of underbrush breaking has not moved on. And now I hear a strange sort of grumbling." Khan stood and looked down from the ridge, zeroing in on the information his senses were collecting. "A badger. Digging up earth and tearing open a fallen log for grubs...where are your binoculars. I'll show you." 

“Grumbling? Like you?” Jim teased lightly, even as he excitedly grabbed his binoculars. “Where are you looking? Badgers aren’t seen often.” He moved to Khan’s side, eager to see the new animal. Especially since they were not that common, even now. “No wonder he’s making noise. Badgers are fearless. They’ll take on anything. Even grizzly bears, where their territories overlap.” 

Khan guided Jim's gaze, so that he could see the badger on the steep slope. A rockslide, likely within the last year, had pulled down many trees and reformed a section of this terrain. Here the badger dug at the earth and ripped at the dead wood, breaking it open to eat the the bugs within. "Indeed. There is a great deal of power in his movements, for being his size." 

“Oh. He doesn’t look so fearsome from here, does he? In fact, he’s kind of cute. But look at him work those claws. I wouldn’t want him using those on me. He’s really tearing those logs apart. Want to see?” Jim offered Khan the binoculars so he could see the badger close up. “This trip up here is worth it just for this. Badgers are even harder to see than wolves.”

"Thank you," Khan said quietly as he took his turn to view. The markings were handsome enough, and the badger kept his body low to the ground, even as he worked, then paused to snack. Then having apparently gotten all he could out from the peeled back bark, the badger started to head down the slope, though stopped a few times to catch moths out of the air and push them into his mouth. Giving the binoculars back, Khan allowed Jim to see the rest of his movements, while he continued to dig up food for the night. 

“Another for the list…” Jim trailed off and lifted his head high at the faint, distant sound of a howl. “Was that? Did you hear that?” He turned his binoculars in that direction and looked in vain for any sign of the noisemaker. “Did I imagine that?” he asked as the noise was not repeated. He looked toward Khan for confirmation.

"No, you are correct. I heard it too. But it was not long enough for me to isolate." Khan turned his head to one side as he listened. The night remained quiet. And so, Khan risked an attempt. After a deep breath, he called out, "AhhhROOO!" As if he were attempting to make contact with a stranger, to say hello.

Almost in instant response came a series of howls in the same direction, still distant, but definitely louder than before. Jim moved to the telescope and turned it toward the sounds, trying to find any sign of the callers. “Keep going, Noonien! They liked what you had to say. See if they’ll continue to sing for you. You’ve got a whole pack going now.” And indeed, there were at least five distinct, blended voices raised together in the night air.

Khan smiled freely and placed a hand on Jim's back, not wanting him to leave his side while he attempted to make contact with wolves. Again Khan breathed deep before he attempted again, "Ah-HA-RROOO OOOhhhhaa!" Khan said, in greeting back with the wolves that had answered him. 

Jim’s grin notched up another level at the complex noise that escaped from Khan’s throat in answer and greeting to the wolves. Especially when the answer came back with even more enthusiasm. “They like what you’re saying to them,” he said, still scanning for a view of them, but delighted by the sound alone. “Shall I try a few notes, too?”

"Yes, go on, Jim. Introduce yourself." Khan said warmly. It was exciting to make these called into the night, and to find that whatever he said, prompted further conversation from the wild pack. "I know you have the urge to."

Nodding once, Jim took a deep breath, threw back his head and called, “Awooo-OWOWOOEEE!” He sputtered to a stop, laughing at himself for the ridiculous sounds he made. 

Indeed, the response seemed confused, a series of shorter howls and barks and yips, as if the wolves were trying to figure out what was going on. This caused Jim to look at Khan with more than a hint of amusement. “I don’t think they know what to make of my call.”

Khan however continued to smile, "I agree, but go again, if it felt good to do. I will join you." Khan offered, feeling that their two voices howling in the night at least made for interesting conversation. 

“All right,” Jim said and took another long breath, before attempting his own call again. “AHHHWOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo! Awwhoooooaaaaa!” He leaned into Khan as he made the call, even as his head fell back, chin straining for the stars and the moon, which was risen higher in the sky.

Khan gave Jim a chance to howl, before joining him, bringing the tone up so that the sounds were complementary in the air. "OoOOOoowwooOOOOOO! RraOOOOahhh!"

This time, the answer was very emphatic and long, with a chorus of echoing howls, which now came from multiple sides and to Jim’s ears, multiple packs. He wondered what they were all saying. “Do you think the noises are getting louder, Noonien? It seems to me there are multiple groups responding, too. Responding to our little pack. The Enterprise pack.”

"Yes, they seem to be curious," Khan said with some hesitation, now looking away from the valley, and instead now towards the ridgeline they had climbed. "They are getting louder, because there is another pack, getting closer." He said, his hand curling into the fabric around Jim's shoulder, now being extra certain Jim remained close. 

“You mean, up here?” Jim asked and looked toward the ridgeline, where Khan’s attention was. “LIke there’s a group approaching from close?” He strained his eyes and ears in that direction, trying to detect what seemed to worry Khan. 

"Yes, that is what it sounds like, Jim. They must be neighbors to the first pack we encountered, drawn in closer, by our calls. Perhaps we should pack up our things," he said, feeling that it was better to be cautious in this situation, should they need to move, or make a stand. 

Jim frowned and said, “We are going to get quite a scolding if we upset one of the packs,” and moved quickly to begin putting away their things. He glanced over his shoulder at Khan. “You keep an eye out, while I pack.”

Another series of howls sounded, as if both packs were searching for the now silent strangers. And this time, one set of calls was definitely coming from the ridge and approaching fast.

"Yes, Jim," Khan said, taking this order easily. It had been good fun calling to the wolves, howling and singing their song. But now Khan wished he knew how to say: sorry for bothering you, we are passing through, or, we are not a threat. But he did not call out again, as it would only further give their position away to the pack trying to locate them. "It is at least a small comfort-" Khan said softly, eyes watching the ridgeline and the path they would take back down. "Wolves do not call to one another, while on the hunt. They do not call to the enemy. So for now, we are being treated like two strays that have wandered into their territory." 

“I had no idea they might actually believe we were wolves,” Jim said with a light laugh, even as he folded their chairs back up to put in the pack. “You’re an overachiever in everything, Noonien. Even howling at the moon like a wolf.”

There was a few barks from close-up now on the ridge, at least some individuals of the nearer pack approaching them. And the distant pack still howled now and then, as if testing to see if they might get another response.

"Easy-" Khan said very softly, catching sight of a pair of eyes in the dark. "Jim ... stand behind me, then stop moving," he said as the eyes disappeared, then were visible to him again a moment later a few yards further to one side of them. "Do not run." He stood his ground as the curious pack finally caught up with the two who had been making such interesting calls in the night. 

Jim froze, though he carefully removed their emergency transporter signal from his pocket and stood ready to use it. He watched as the bushes in front of them rattled and then parted slowly.

A large, black wolf stepped out from the bushes, large yellow eyes locked on the pair of humans. He scented the air, a little confused by the smells. These were not the intruder wolves the calls had indicated, but something far more complicated indeed. One smelled like human, which was generally a scent they all avoided, although they seldom encountered it. But the other...there was a clear odor of alpha there, mangled up in human and other creatures, including ones the wolf did not know. But there was threat there, in the presence of an alpha. He raised his lips and snarled, exposing his teeth.

"Easy-" Khan said a soft growl to his own voice, watching the wolf examine them. But he did not give up his ground, nor take more of it. "You will not move me." He growled again, but was careful to keep his tone low, in no rush to start a fight with this alpha, nor his pack. Two more wolves came into view, though they did not show the same threat displays as their leader, they were watchful and wary of the human-like strangers. 

“Oh, this is so not how I imagined this,” Jim mumbled from where he remained stilled behind Khan. “I have our emergency beam-out, so give me the word if you want to use it.”

The alpha heard the growl and puffed himself up as big as possible, trying to look threatening. He did not want to take on these strange creatures, either. But the weird alpha had totally issued him a noncompliance warning. He continued a soft growl, body ready, but also not making the first move.

I intend to follow my instinct, Jim. If it does not prove favorably, then yes, beam us out. Khan answered Jim before deciding upon how he would act with the wolf. Softy now, Khan called out to the pack, "Raroo ooo ... ahh-ooo ..." The sound was different than his calls from before. It sounded much more like a pup, lost and calling out to others.

This immediately invoked a response from one of the females, who yipped and huffed at him, as if you say: you fool, you are not lost, I see you. Come to mother. This caused some confusion among the ranks. 

To aid his case, Khan slowly lowered himself to the ground, so that he was no longer towering above the alpha wolf and his pack. “Brother, let us be friends. Peace. You have a good family,” Khan said with a low purr, his tone a strange but calm mix of canine and feline. 

Jim blinked a few times at the seeming communication, but slowly lowered himself to a more prone position, too, not wanting to be the only one standing so tall. The noises from the other wolves did not sound so threatening, so he had hopes that Khan could somehow make the pack understand that they were not a threat.

The alpha’s ears came forward, curious, but still wary, about these strange creatures. He approached carefully, body language expressing willingness to be friends, but ready to fight if necessary. He made a deep, “Woof,” sound and paused a few feet away from Khan, muzzle outstretched.

Khan was of a similar mind, but was careful with his body language. Instead of taking the alpha wolf straight on, Khan bowed his head to the side and slightly bowed. He blew air out of his nose a few time, exchanging the scent of one another. "Hello," Khan said in similar greeting. With his hands on the ground, Khan mimicked the behavior of using them as paws, taking a single step forward. "Good, brother."

Respecting Khan’s status as another alpha, the head of the pack reached out with his muzzle to give Khan a nose nudge on equal footing, showing neither dominance, nor submission, in the action. He was willing to accept the presence of the strange creature in this way. When the nudge concluded, the alpha looked to the human behind this strange human hybrid. Was that a member of this weird alpha’s pack?

Jim. Remain calm. And do not be offended by what I am about to do. Khan said, moving on all fours. He turned and placed a hand on Jim's shoulder, showing that the human was with him, then leaned his shoulder in heavily onto Jim, indicating that this one, was his. "Good, brother. You have a strong family." He said, then added a soft chuff with his throat, making his tone friendly. 

What did you just do? Jim did not know what to expect at Khan’s message, but the very gentle treatment wasn’t exactly it. He allowed himself to remain very still as Khan spoke to the alpha and froze a little as the big, black wolf extended a muzzle to him. Help! What do I do?

Stay calm, Jim. We are saying hello. Khan continued to lean against Jim. Keep your head down and breathe out. Press your face close to the underside of his jaw, or into his chest. It was a lot to ask Jim, as this was a different kind of courage then commanding a spaceship. Jim would have to knowingly press his face in close to a wild animal.

Ooooookay. That’s not terrifying or anything. Jim, however, trusted Khan and inched his head forward to carefully press into the underside of the wolf’s jaw. He froze in place for a moment, before pulling back again, surprised when the wolf suddenly nuzzled his forehead. Was that good?

Very good, Jim. You just made friends with the alpha wolf. To celebrate this fantastical event, Khan prompted a group howl from the others. "Oorrooow- Rrroooo-" He called, as a way to bond with the pack.

The alpha threw back his head and joined in, followed shortly by the whole pack. A regular orchestra of singing followed thereafter, echoed in the distance by the second pack. All of the wolves approached to stand around the newbies and sing. 

Maybe I should stay out of the chorus, huh? Jim asked Khan. I might ruin the whole thing.

For similar reasons, Khan did not howl the entire time, but allowed the true wolves to lead in the song. He did not want to press his success so far, by saying something wrong now, after they had made peace. Yes, Jim. But I do encourage you to enjoy the fact that you are surrounded by wild wolves, who are singing to you in friendship. From the first days of man, and the first days of the wolf, I cannot imagine this has ever happened before. Enjoy this rare treat. 

Jim looked around him carefully at the surrounding wolves and dared a little smile to himself. I was just hoping for a glimpse! This is amazing. We’re what, friends of the pack? You’ve gotten us an in? You’re right...I doubt any other humans have ever been accepted as friends before. He closed his eyes and pressed closer to Khan. Thanks for making this possible.

Khan smiled as well and sighed softly as he leaned against Jim in return. They were fortunate that events played out as they did, even with the beginning tension, there had been no need for Khan to take on a wolf pack to keep Jim safe. Though of course the next trick would be, how to excuse themselves. As they could not go home with the wolf pack, and the wolves could not come home with them, either. But for now, Khan did not question it. Even if it would mean the two of them remained out here all night with the pack, it was better that then attempt to leave prematurely. And anyway, Khan had no desire to leave this. "Beautiful, my friend," Khan said as one of the pack gave him a sniff.

You have more than one new friend, Noonien. Is this the one who answered you when you gave that softer noise? She’s lovely. Her coat is almost silver. Jim admired the sleek creature with admiration for her strength and beauty. By the way, how did you get them to change their approach? 

Yes. She was the first to respond, when I called out like a pup. Khan said, and risked the friendly gesture, rubbing the side of his head against Jim first, then to her jaw and cheek, sharing the scent and the affection. The alpha and I were both on the defensive. But I changed my manner, and it was his decision to treat me as an equal, while simultaneously not to take my presence as a threat. 

The female made a slight huffing noise and went to greet Jim like an equal, touching her nose to his. She recognized him as beta, which was her own status. Her tongue flicked out, as she pressed her ears to her head, another friendly exchange between two wolves. And even though he was not the same as a wolf, she was willing to accept him, since the alpha had.

Oh my, this is kind of weird. Does she consider me a pup, too? Jim’s eyes slid over to look at Khan, wide and a bit questioning. 

I cannot say. Perhaps. Khan watched the exchange carefully, but in a way completely trusted these animals as if they were in fact his brothers and sisters. However, her behavior indicates to me, that you could risk nuzzling her neck or shoulder. As long as you do not use your hand to clutch at her, you should be able to touch her.

As you say. Jim leaned in and rubbed his cheek against the female’s shoulder, and she huffed happily at him, before backing up and play bowing to him. Uh. Isn’t that a signal to play? With a gulp, he returned the gesture and then suppressed a yelp as she bounced at him.

Yes, she wants to play. Go ahead, Jim. But if she gets too rough, give a yelp and roll onto your back. Khan said, not that he would let play escalate into something worse. But wolves were strong and often used their teeth in play with one another, and Jim did not have a thick fur coat to protect him from playful bites. 

Jim nodded and began to play as he would with a big dog, though careful not to grab or hold. But he found himself laughing despite himself, which the wolf did not seem to take amiss, but as a sign of play. He soon found himself on his back though, waggling ‘paws’ up at the triumphant female. Another wolf entered the picture, playbowing and soon, there was a small skirmish going on. Whew. Glad they’re letting me sit that one out.

Aren't they amazing, Jim? Khan asked from where he sat, remaining on his knees. How did it feel to touch her? To play with her?

Exhilarating. And a bit frightening. Just the kind of experience I enjoy. Jim carefully tugged his backpack to himself and fished out his PADD. He surreptitiously took a few shots of the pack all around them, before easing the machine away again. May we play in the same way? He playbowed to Khan in the same way the wolf had to him.

If you would like. Khan smiled, surprised by this. But it felt easy to do, he understood this language. Khan only gave a little arch of his back, before he tackled Jim, gently pinching Jim at his sides, whereas the wolves would have used their teeth. Is this what you had in mind? Khan teased, pretending to nip at Jim. 

Khan was even stronger than the wolf, but Jim did his best to at least get in a few good ‘nips’ of his own, aiming for parts that are usually sensitive on a human. He wondered if Khan was more or less sensitive as an augment and determined to find out. Yes, this is fun! Even if you are way too strong.

Am I? Khan did not want to crush Jim into the rock or a tree as they played. And because his mind was still in wolf mode, he had not been using human-level force against Jim. But he would be more aware of it now. It was however, when Jim managed to catch his earlobe with his lips or nip at his neck or jaw, that Khan would respond with a sort of purr.

Purring isn’t very wolf-like. Jim finally admitted defeat, panting with the exertion and noted the rest of the wolf pack doing the same, flopping out with their tongues lolling after their play-fighting. Looks like we all wore each other out. Nap time?

I cannot help it. Khan said, sitting back on his heels to observe the pack. Yes, it does look like it. Do you feel safe enough to stay here a little longer? To lay among the pack? Or do you want to go back to camp? Khan asked, giving Jim the choice.

I feel safe here...with you. If there’s any danger, you won’t let it near me. And napping seems like a good group activity. Think they’ll head back out after that? Jim looked at all of the different wolves around them- eight in all.

Yes, I imagine they will head off after a rest. They have an extensive territory to overlook. Even if they did make two new friends tonight. Khan answered and moved to rest on his side. He placed a hand on Jim's hip, keeping him close, but also a sign to the wolves that they were closely bonded.

This is so incredible, Noonien. Jim eased himself on his side and kept pressed close to the augment. If you weren’t so unique, we’d never have this opportunity. Thank you for this gift. He rested his head on his arm and just enjoyed the view, all of the wolf pack so close and unafraid. Think they have pups somewhere nearby, too?

I am happy, Jim, that we could enjoy this, together. Khan watched as one of the lower ranking males tucked his tail, head dropped down as he approached Jim and Khan, lowering himself further and further until he laid down only a few inches away from the two humans. Yes, I imagine there are pups somewhere, but I doubt we will see them.

Jim watched the wolf approach with wide eyes. Does he want us to greet him, Noonien? He looks so...well, uh...pathetic? I guess that’s how I’m supposed to act around you, huh? He projected a strong sense of amusement at Khan about the idea of himself being all droopy, showing himself with sagging ears and tail.

Khan laughed inwardly, but was careful not to vocalize it in cause the sounds was misunderstood as something distressing. He was asking permission to lay down close to us. And since neither of us gave an aggressive response, he took that as being welcome. 

Really, he wanted to be close? Jim looked again at the gray wolf that had settled near them, noting that he appeared a bit smaller than many of his packmates. After a considering moment, he lifted his chin and stretched out his neck toward the other wolf, initiating a greeting, but assuming himself to be the more dominant of the two.

The grey male wolf whined and tucked his ears back and in an instant started to give small licks to Jim's chin and cheek. He was likely lowest of the pack, but no less loved, and no less important.

You have made a friend. How does it feel, to be kissed by a wolf? 

Jim’s delight sparked deeply through their link, as the wolf not only greeted him, but seemed to be exceptionally happy to do so. He allowed their cheeks to rub, but made sure to keep his head higher, showing dominance so as not to cause any disturbance to pack ranks. I like having a wolf friend. Why do you think he approached us?

Perhaps, he wanted to feel secure. To lay close to someone stronger. Or perhaps, to be reassured of our presence, and the peace we are all now feeling. These were ideas, but Khan did not know for certain what thoughts were in the wolf's head to act as he did. But the gesture had been accepted on both sides, so regardless of reason, it had been successful. 

Those are both nice ideas. I wish I could pet him, but I guess he wouldn’t understand that gesture, huh? It’s not exactly standard wolf behavior. Jim pulled back his head after a last fond rub and laid it down on his arm again. I’ve often wished that we could find a way to better communicate with the other life on Earth...really know what they’re saying and see if they could understand us. All the places we’ve explored in the universe, and there’s still so much we don’t know about our own planet.

No, unfortunately he would not understand your hands petting him. We must abide by their behaviors, and not how we have trained dogs to respond to us, over thousands of years. Khan wrapped his arm around Jim's chest, hugging him from behind as they rested with their new friends. In stories of fantasy, there are tales of people having psychic bonds with animals as a way to communicate. In time, a race of people in the universe might have exactly that trait, which will allow us to communicate. But until then, we must respect and understand one another, in this way.

So far, none of the known telepathic races can communicate with any of the non-humanoid species. I keep hoping for a breakthrough. Jim glanced back at Khan and nudged at him with the bond. Do you like the idea of us as pack? Small pack though we may be?

Yes, Jim. I do. Khan answered gently through their bond, treating this subject with delicacy. A great deal of difficult and emotional events had brought them together, and then on top of that, they had become bonded to one another, without intending to. Yet here they were. And Khan cherished it deeply. Even though some of the things he felt, like them being a pack, were nearly impossible for him to logically explain, they were still quite strong in his mind. 

Cool. I like it, too. I guess we’re unique among packdoms. Jim closed his eyes for a moment to just drowse. My only regret is that we didn’t really get to enjoy the scenery. But I can’t really complain about the outcome? Nobody’ll believe us, except I have a few holopics to prove it. I don’t suppose you’re a cougar whisperer, too?

I cannot say. But it would be best if we do not mix the two. Khan imagined, after smelling like wolf, a great deal of animals would give them a great deal of space now, wherever they hiked. Including the big cat of North America. 

Jim. Khan reached out to him through their link after a few minutes. Is it truly alright that I may think of you in such basic, animalistic terms? Khan carried some guilt, to think in such terms, but it also came easily to him, and he wanted to be certain it was alright.

Jim pouted a little at the idea of not being able to get Khan to call the cougar, too, but it was in a teasing, silly way. When Khan’s next thoughts came through, he was definitely startled by them. It’s just the way your mind seems to work, Noonien. You’re closer to your instincts than the rest of us. I know several other species that are the same way, like the Gorn. There’s nothing wrong with that, although there are a few animalistic behaviors that one might want to speak about before engaging in. For example, the way the alpha wolf bites some of the members of the pack when they misbehave. I might not be happy if you did that. But he projected warm acceptance, knowing Khan would at least talk to him about such a thing.

I am not going to bite you. Khan said, feeling somewhat better about how Jim perceived him, and was not offended by the way his mind sometimes worked or responded best. I am not going to treat you any different. But among the wolves, laying together under the stars, it is easy for me to think in such terms. That is all. 

Jim snickered a little, though he kept the sound very muffled. It was just an example. I was trying to keep it clean. And yeah, even I feel a bit less civilized in this setting and with this company. I don’t think I could fit in the way you could, but I understand. And I like being considered pack, too. That’s a nice way to be thought of. There’s a lot of worse things.

A cool night breeze swept over the ridge, bringing fresh scents from the valley. A few noses flared within the pack, ending their short nap as they lifted their heads as they decided what the smells were. Prey. Predators. The other pack. But none of them got up from their places. Instead, they waited for the alpha to pick himself up from off the ground first, and give them his command, before they roused from their spots on the ground.

It looks like the pack might be moving on. Khan observed, pulling his head up as the pack started to move about. Sit up with me, to say good-bye.

Yes, Sir. Jim’s internal tone was teasing, but he followed the augment’s lead in this. The other man understood much better than he the proper movements and near rituals for the wolves. I’ll be sorry to see them go. Maybe we better not tell Spock or Bones about this though, huh? They’d both have kittens...or puppies. He snickered again, though this one was completely internal.

Khan eyeballed Jim with an amused smirk. But he sat up on his knees as he watched the alpha send two members of his pack ahead of the ground, back down the path they had come. "Time to move on? I understand, brother." Khan said, then moved forward on all fours as he pressed his face close to the alpha's muzzle, giving another exchange of breath. "Take care of your family." Khan said, and leaned his shoulder against the alpha wolf, showing each other their strength, without being aggressive about it. They were strong allies now. Very strong.

A few more members of the pack began to head down the trail now too. Though as they passed by, they tucked their tails respectfully, and licked at the air, before trotting off.

Jim kept himself low before the alpha and then rose up, though not as high as Khan, as the other wolves went by. The farewell between the two alphas was pretty cool, and he wished again for a discrete way to take some holopics. The two males seemed very close, somehow, even though they had literally just met each other. And as the big wolf headed down the trail with the rest of his pack, Jim wondered if they might ever see them again.

Maybe we can visit our new friends again sometime. I think they’ll remember you.

Yes, I would like that. Khan said fondly. He finally stood when the last of the pack disappeared into the dark. He sighed, looking off in the way they had gone. Then turning his gaze towards Jim, the augment offered him a hand to get back to his feet. "That was an amazing experience." 

Jim clambered to his feet, too, and gave Khan a huge hug. “Thank you for making that possible! I never dreamed we’d get such a close look at a pack. I even got wolf kisses! That’s going to be really hard to top...and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” He danced a bit in place, ecstatic about the way the night had turned out. “Want to stay up here for a little while longer or head back?”

"Yes, you did get a wolf kiss. You also got to play with one of them. And in the end, were shown respect and accepted by the group." Khan smiled at Jim with warmth to his voice. "You fit in, nearly anywhere, it seems," he said, enjoying the hug, now that he could let his guard down, somewhat. "However, I do not think anything else this evening will outshine that experience. It is time to head back to camp."

“Yeah. I’ll eat my dessert there before we get some sleep. We can sleep in tomorrow. Or I can, anyway. Just don’t disturb me when you get up early, okay?” Jim put on his pack, already collected from before. “Glad they left our packs alone. Guess neither of us packed any meat. Lucky thing.”

"I will not bother you." Khan said, taking up his own pack. He then lead the way in the dark, back down the trail. Of course, had there been food the wolves were after, social expectations within the pack meant they would have been required to share. But that would have introduced a bad habit, of humans giving wild animals food. And regardless, Jim and Khan would have made for a much more filling meal, then whatever was in their packs. But wolf attacks on humans were impossibly rare, and in the few occasions where it had occurred, was due to a lone wolf that had gone insane with hunger. 

Jim gave him a warm look, smiling from ear-to-ear, and said, “Even if you did wake me up, you wouldn’t really bother me. I was just teasing, right?” He moved to lightly bump shoulders with the older man, well contented with their whole day. The moon was enough light to navigate the trail, so Jim did not pull out his light, though he kept it handy. He reached out and linked a hand with Khan. “This is our pack ritual.”

"Yes, Jim. It is nice to think of it that way." Khan said, holding hands securely. There were more then a few markings on the trail from the wolves but Khan did not bother to point them out. "Thank you for trusting my judgment." He said after a few minutes, recognizing that it had perhaps not been an easy thing. 

Jim glanced at him and said, “It was natural. You’ve a good mind, Noonien, and even better instincts. The wolves were a little intimidating, but I never doubted that you’d see me right. Why should I doubt that? I know you’d throw yourself in front of danger to protect me...and I’d do the same for you. It’s all up here.” He lifted his free hand and touched his forehead. “Right?”

"Yes, Jim," Khan agreed with a small nod of his head. Even so, he had wanted to thank the other man, for following his lead, which had resulted in an amazing experience for the both of them in the end. "It is good to trust again," he said, knowing he had touched on this issue a few times before, but that was because of how important it was in terms of his recovery. 

“Yes, it’s important to have at least one person you can trust,” Jim said, “and a family is better still. All of the members of the pack, including the lowest rank, are important. That’s how I feel about my crew, too. All roles are important. I want to learn the names of all of my crew and try to at least get to know them a little. It’s a bit hard when your pack is over four hundred, but even more important, maybe.”

"Yes, I understand." Khan remained at Jim's side as the path flattened out a little, the closer they got to camp. "You will manage, I am certain. You are a motivated individual. And it is important to you." 

“Motivated by sheer stubbornness, as well you know,” Jim said with a beaming grin. “And a love for the Enterprise and everyone willing to serve on her.” He lightly squeezed Khan’s hand and added, “And if you let me, I’ll get to know all of your family, too. They’ll be part of my friends...who are the only family I have anyway.”

"Yes, Jim. That would be suitable," Khan said, after considering what it might be like, to have Jim not only meet, but get to know them as individuals. "We are not all the same, you realize. Some you may come to like over time. But they are important to me, each of them."

“Well, I should hope you’re not all the same,” Jim said with a laugh. “Every person is different. That’s part of what’s so amazing about the universe, right? There’s so many of us, but we’re all unique. No matter where we come from or how. You and your people as much as anyone who were born.” 

"In my experience, I have come to see people generalize augments as all the same. But thank you, Jim. Although we do have a common genesis, we are still yet individuals," Khan said as they made it into camp. The scent of the wolf pack lingered, which suggested to him that they had wandered through to give everything a sniff and a look over, but had ultimately moved on, leaving the "den" of the strange-alpha and his human companion alone.

“I’m not people,” Jim reminded him softly. “Nor are any of my crew. And most of Starfleet isn’t either. Nobody knows anything about augments to know what they’re like anyway. You can teach us the truth about you all. I know I want to learn.” He nodded firmly at the other man and then parted hands as they reached their tent. “Are things shuffled a little?”

Removing his pack and setting it down with their other supplies, Khan fingered through some items in camp, ensuring that no damage had been done. "Yes, a little. The pack came through our camp. Though nothing looks taken, or torn up. They were likely curious about where we had settled, now that they knew our scent." 

“Oh. Heh. And tomorrow, we’ll be gone. I guess that’s the way it goes, right? Packs move on. Soon, we’ll be with the rest of my pack again. I can’t say I’m as excited to return to the Enterprise as I usually am,” Jim admitted. “I’ve been having too good of a time here with you. And remembering why my planet is a pretty cool place, too.” 

"We can always do this again, Jim," Khan suggested, for the first time in a while, making long-term plans. "When you return from the service of your mission. We can continue to explore this planet, at a more leisurely pace then you would off-world." 

“Well, we can probably do a bit more exploring even before then,” Jim said, “if nothing as long as this trip. The Enterprise is still in repair mode, and so are you. But yeah, once the 5-year mission is over, we’ll all probably get some serious time off. I’m not sure I’m quite ready to look that far ahead, but I promise that we’ll get in some more adventuring time. What do you say?”

"Yes, Jim. I would like that," Khan said as he headed into the tent after taking his shoes off. There he removed the top layers of his hiking clothes, that still had wolf hairs caught in the fibers. 

Jim stretched and yawned and flopped on his bedroll with a little huff of breath. He toed off his boots and socks and wiggled his bare toes in the air, eyes half-closing in enjoyment. “I feel like acting like little kids and staying up all night whispering and laughing and telling stupid jokes and stories. I’m all hyped up on adrenaline and goofiness.”

"Go on then," Khan said, turning his head to the side to look at Jim in this playful and energetic state. "Whisper and tell me stories and jokes." Khan was not tired either, but was happy to lay still and rest until he could sleep. And since Jim was apparently not yet tired, there was no sense in laying there in silence if Jim still had energy to burn off. 

“I guess there’s no really need to whisper, huh? Nobody to hear us out here and be disturbed. And if I wanted to be quiet…” I could just talk in your head. “But it’s kind of nice to speak aloud, you know?” Jim let out a deeply satisfied sigh and snuggled deeper into the cushy softness of his bag. “I could tell more stories, if you wouldn’t be bored by them.”

"You are welcome to whisper, if that is part of the fun." Khan said, then shifted to his side to face Jim directly. "I enjoy when you tell me stories. Or read to me." It seemed to be common for adult to do with children, and less common for adults to do with other adults. But Khan enjoyed it and did not feel ashamed for it. 

Jim chuckled and said, “It can be part of the fun. Like you’re whispering in the dark and trying to keep it secret from other people. Not wake up your parents...not that I ever had to worry about that. My step-father, he was either out drinking or passed out drunk. And one thing about a passed out drunk...you can sing the ‘Hallelujah Choir’ right next to his head and he won’t even startle. So, whispering not necessary.”

Khan considered this, then asked. "Did you have close friends that you would share secrets with? In whispers? Or was everyone your friend, and you were transparent with all information? Or ... did you not share much of yourself in that way?" 

“I didn’t have friends who could visit my house, no, because of my step-dad,” Jim said. “I liked to run away into the night and climb the highest object I came upon in whatever direction I went. Trees. Barns. Windmills. Whatever. I wanted to be as close to the stars as possible. Maybe when I was really little, I wanted to be closer to my mom, but as I grew older, I just wanted to be away.” He paused and said, “I used to tell stories to a group of kids I looked after…”

Khan did not press further questions about Jim's friends, or those he might have spent time with at school, as it seemed getting away had been his strongest motivator. "Would you tell me one?" Khan asked, folding his arms under his head to use as a pillow. 

“One of the stories I told?” Jim asked and smiled at his friend. “I kind of liked to take older stories and tell them with a twist. Or maybe make myself the hero. But maybe I’ll tell you the story of one of my earliest missions as a cadet. What do you think?” He didn’t want to tell stories from Tarsus, with their painful associated memories. 

"Very well," Khan said, accepting this alternative easily. From time to time Khan got hints of painful memories and associations through his link with Jim, but generally made a point of ignoring them, until Jim was prepared to talk about them directly. He would not pry if it meant hurting Jim. "I imagine you have a great many stories to tell, from when you were a cadet. Please, tell me one."

Jim grinned and said, “I’m going to tell you how I got Bones through his first flight test. He’s not so secretly aviophobic and astrophobic. The first time I met him, he threw up, though I was fast enough to get him an airsickness bag. We were in a shuttlecraft on the way to the Academy, and he was trying to hide in the bathroom. Now, he was also hungover, so that didn’t help him out any.” He chuckled, remembering how gray his best friend had been.

Khan half-frowned, half-quirked his face into a question. Joining Starfleet seemed to be a poor career choice if he was indeed afraid of such things. Otherwise, an interesting attempt to face his fears by forcing himself to be immersed in such an environment. "I was unaware that he had such difficulties." 

“Yeah, it was a bit shocking, except that his wife divorced him and basically got everything. How that happens in this day and age is beyond me,” Jim said. “Somehow, he was left with nothing and Starfleet was one of the few options open to him. They took him without question, since he was a doctor, with some experience with non-humans, too, though not a ton, not in Georgia.”

"I see." There was clearly more to this part of the story regarding Doctor McCoy, but that was not the story Jim was to tell him. "So how then, did you get him to pass his flight test?" 

Jim grinned and said, “A bit of using a doctor’s instincts against him. First off, I made sure that I was in the shuttlecraft as the co-pilot and to take my own exam. So, that way, he couldn’t just not show up. That’d make me flunk. And once we were in the air, I went first. These tests are done so that the cadets are the only ones in the shuttle, while the instructors monitor from the ground. So, it was just Bones and I up there. And than when he showed signs of freaking out when we gave control over to him, I just ‘accidentally’ took a bite of a granola bar that had nuts in it.”

It took Khan a good minute to comprehend what Jim was telling him. "You triggered a medical emergency...you put yourself in allergic shock...so that he would have cause to pilot the shuttle on his own, in order to save your life?" As if that was a good idea. Even though it had apparently worked. 

Jim laughed at the expression on Khan’s face, as well as the disapproval through the bond. “We both carry meds for me in case of allergic reaction. But yeah, as soon as there was a medical issue, Bones forgot to be afraid and got me my meds and piloted us safely back with no problems at all. It was easy proof that if the situation called for it, Bones can totally put aside his own fears.”

"So it seems," Khan said coolly. Not that there was much call for the chief medical officer to pilot a shuttle. And if there was, it was likely an emergency anyway, so perhaps it would work in the end. "How many other times have you purposefully injured yourself for such a cause?" 

“Hey, it would have been much worse if Bones hadn’t passed. It was our first year, and he was the only really close friend I had. I couldn’t have him failing to make the grade because of some dumbass fear. It wasn’t like I seriously endangered my life. I can administer my own hypospray, you know.” Jim lightly nudged Khan and said, “I’d do the same for you.”

"You are a good friend, Jim," Khan said. Though internally he did not want Jim to endanger himself for Khan's benefit. There had been quite enough of that already. "Tell me another story, from when you were a cadet?" he prompted, wishing to hear more.

Jim rolled over and reached out to hug Khan tightly, knowing he had not liked that story. After a moment, he rolled back to sprawl on his back again, staring at the tent ceiling. “Another story.” He grinned again and said, “Maybe the first time I got the better of Cupcake? That’s a funny story.”

Again, sometimes Jim Kirk said the most bizarre and strange things. "What kind of cupcake?" After all, how difficult could it possibly be to consume a cupcake. 

“A six foot six hulk of cadet in the Security track at the Academy. His real name is G.P. Hendorff, and he’s the one who started the fight with me back in the bar in Iowa, when I was flirting with Uhura. He and some of the others thought the dirtboy wasn’t good enough to be after the Starfleet cadet.” Jim’s face morphed into that pure mischief that still sometimes dominated his personality. “That was a good fight.”

Aggressive personalities were perhaps useful traits to security officers, but Khan felt that they should be more than that. And he was certainly not impressed with the idea of a cadet taking out his training on a civilian. That abuse of power was something Khan had zero tolerance for. He remembered that clearly enough. "I did not realize prejudice against social classes still existed. I thought, humanity was above such things by now." 

“Yeah, Chris was pretty pissed at him about that,” Jim recollected with a fond smile. “He’s gotten better over the years. He serves on the Enterprise now. Someday, I think he’ll make Security Chief, even. I still call him Cupcake, to keep him humble. Anyway, he didn’t go into the Academy loving me, and it didn’t help that I was a bit of an asshole with the best grades in our class.” He glanced over at Khan, eyes lit up with memories that he still found amusing. “And I was pretty immature. So, we never really got along.”

"I see," Khan said quietly. A few moments passed before he spoke the questions which were heavy on his mind. "Does he resent you? Will he attempt to sabotage your position?" Khan asked, prepared to look into and protect Jim against this danger. 

“Noonien, I chose him for my crew,” Jim said with a warm smile at his friend. “He’s a good officer and would never jeopardize his career or the safety of the Enterprise for revenge or out of spite. Besides, we buried the hatchet in the last year of the Academy, after we saved Earth and lost Vulcan and so many of our mutual friends and acquaintances. Basically, the remainder of our class bonded over that. Hard to hold on to stupid pettiness.” 

Khan listened and accepted this answer. Not because Jim had picked him to be a part of his crew because enemies could still be hand-picked, but he did believe that great trauma and tragedy often bonded people together, so perhaps no threat existed there any longer. "Was that your story? Fighting with cadets in a bar?" 

“No,” Jim said, “though that’s quite a story, too. This is about our first set of field tests at the end of our second year. It’s something all Sophomores have to go through, a sample of what Away missions are like. It’s also rumored to be a bit of revenge by the professors for having to put up with Cadets in their first two years. Two teams of seven are paired off against each other to achieve a set of objectives. And you are encouraged to use...non-harmful methods to slow down your opponents.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Khan.

"I see." Khan said, listening to Jim as he got around to telling the story he had intended to tell. "And what were the objectives?"

“Locating the source of an anomalous sensor reading. Collecting a lot of information on the cause when you finally find it. Successfully gathering samples for later analysis. Navigating to a place where communications can be re-established, which means a few nights of camping out. Fending off some ‘unfriendlies’ and potentially, your opponent’s team. There were a bunch of them, and your team was scored on how it did on each one.” Jim sounded a bit nostalgic as he sounded them off. “Every team had the same seven types of potential officers- one command track, one security, one medical, one communications, two sciences and one engineer. And they really did a good job mixing everyone up, making sure there were non-humans on all teams, too.”

This seemed to Khan a good idea in terms of training and to build communications and skill level for those of different species, as well as for those studying and specializing in different areas. Doctors and engineers might not have usual cause to work together, but in such cases, might prove quite valuable to one another. "What happened?"

“Well, my team was pretty awesome, even though I didn’t really know any of them that well prior to our being assigned together. I mean, I met them in classes and knew of them, but none of us were close before. On the other hand, Sulu was on Cupcake’s team. They were also pretty well-matched, so the competition was fierce. And they attempted a raid on our camp at midnight, trying to steal some of the pieces we were tasked with bringing back. That was totally legal, by the way. Fortunately, we had a really good watch and defense system and fended them off, but they damaged some of our tents! We got soaked when it rained later that morning.”

As Jim retold this story, Khan experienced it through their link as well, seeing sights of it through Jim's eyes. But it also prompted forgotten memories for Khan, of training sessions that had often pitted one group of young augments against another. This time however, Khan was not confused about what was past and what was present. Nor was he confused about what had happened to Jim, and what had happened to himself. "Did you retrieve what was taken from you?"

“Better than,” Jim said with obvious delight. “You see, I was a little brother, and as such, I learned the hard way about some practical jokes. And one of Sam’s favorites was getting me to blunder into tripwires and doors and end up emptying buckets of water on my head. He could hide tripwires better than anyone, and I learned those tricks for myself. So, after we got rained on when our opponents ruined our tents, we all ended up awake really early in the morning, pissed off and vowing revenge. So, we set-up a few nice water traps for them. The thing was...how to get them to trigger them.”

Yes, there was no forgetting that Jim was a younger brother. He had all the mischievous habits of the youngest child, having learned from older siblings, but still able to get away with childish acts. Whereas Khan had the mature patience of an older brother, looking out for his younger siblings. "Go on."

“The real trick of a trap like that is getting the right people to blunder into them. But we had an ace up our sleeve...Cupcake’s total and ridiculous dislike of yours truly. My team set up in two places- half of them ahead of me by the last water traps and the others backtracked with me to where the rival team were camped. They hid just behind their encampment and waited. It was still early enough that they weren’t up yet, so I gave them a very loud and raucous wake-up call. And sure enough, Cupcake came blundering out of the tent, mad as a bear stung on the nose by a bee, took one look at me, roared as loud as any lion, and went after me. His team followed close behind, some of them trying to stop him, but others angry enough to also pursue. And in the first hundred feet or so, Cupcake went right through one of the tripwires and down came a small flood of rancid water...right on his head.”

Khan wrinkled his nose at this prospect. "And what service did that provide? Other than to enrage him further?" 

“Well, maybe it’s not the same for augments, but when normal people of most species get mad, the first thing they stop doing is acting logically. Fear works the same way. Cupcake let out a shriek that startled all of their fellows back in camp, and they come rushing after him, too. Meanwhile, Cupcake and the members of the team with him were even more furious and started pursuing me even more intensely. I’m zigging and zagging up the trail ahead of them, taking care not to trip any wires, and in the end, they left their camp completely unguarded. And as more and more of them got doused with rancid water, they just got angrier and angrier, forgetting completely about any objective but killing James T. Kirk.”

"Even if they were angry, that seems an undesirable trait. What if indeed, they were the landing party, and you were the native alien species. Culturally, you did something acceptable to your race, and they, the landing party took such offence to it that they would become so easily enraged?" Khan openly disapproved of how the others had responded. "But I understanding your strategy. You were able to break into their camp with ease, as long as you were able to get them to chase you."

“Yeah, but that’s part of why it worked so well, right? Their sense of anger was increased because it was me. They knew it was me. They saw me. I was to blame, so this wasn’t some unknown alien culture they were dealing with. And Cupcake already carried personal animosity. So, yeah, it worked. Psychological warfare, Noonien. The whole point is that it strips away the rational response. And yeah, let us gather up all of their stuff with no problem. Stole their tents to replace ours, too, but left them our ruined ones. When we reached the last of the traps, I went off trail and the rest of my crew ran in different directions, so their team got split up and lost. We rendezvoused at a set location and basically waltzed to the finish.”

Khan knew well about physiological warfare. From both sides of it. But even so, had they been his cadets, his people, he would have expected them to perform much better than that. This was his error. These were not his people. And yet it upset him still that in a training session, they were not held to higher standards. If they failed in an artificial simulation, how could they possibly be trusted in a real life scenario. "How were you graded?" 

“Well, we did lose our tents and a few pieces for a short time, but despite that, we were given a really high score,” Jim said, “and commended for our use of the natural materials and creative thinking. I was also informed that I was a ‘son-of-a-bitch’ by a couple of the top brass. I think they meant it as a compliment.” Jim glanced at Khan and said, “I can feel your disapproval, Noonien.”

"I commend your achievements, Jim. But I believe your peers should have performed better than they had," Khan said, he glanced to Jim as well, and sighed. And with that sigh was the quiet thought, I have no wish to argue. 

Jim chuckled and lightly reached out to punch Khan in the closest leg, saying, “You’re probably right, Noonien. And if they were hardened officers, hopefully they would have. But they were cadets, most of them just twenty years old. They didn’t have my kind of experience. You have to be forgiving of others, Noonien, along with yourself. That’s one of the most important things I needed to learn about being captain...one of the things I still struggle with, being forgiving of myself.”

Forgiving. Now there was a task. Khan was not forgiving, and the proof of that lay in his wake. And yet, he had come to be forgiving of Jim, and of other trespasses, without calling attention to them. He was capable for it. But first, he held everyone to exceptionally high standards. And among the augments, that was necessary. If he did not hold them accountable, for even their smallest action, then a foundation for irresponsible behavior and misuse of their power could be seeded. Common enough among the other dictators of his time, but Khan had been different, as severe as he was, he had been fair and good too.

“Stone silence,” Jim mumbled and sat up. “When you remember everything, I think you’re going to find you made some mistakes, too, Noonien. And so did I. Please try to forgive both of us. After all, I’ve forgiven Cupcake, and he’s forgiven me, so it can be done. We’re all only human, when you get right down to it. Everybody’s human.”

"Designed by humans. That does not make me human," Khan said, and turned onto his other side. He turned his mind back onto the wolf pack, instead of the dark thoughts that wanted to creep back into his brain. 

Jim reached out and lightly stroked through Khan’s hair, scratching at his scalp, though he projected first to make sure Khan didn’t mind. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Noonien. Please. Don’t turn your back on me. There’s no need to hide from me. You know I don’t care that you were designed, and you’re still human in the way I mean...even if you were Vulcan or Andorian or mostly wolf.”

Sometimes Khan did not see the distinction between humans as a race, and human, as a way of being. But he understood now that is what Jim had intended. He closed his eyes lightly as Jim scratched the back of his head, bringing him comfort with this touch. "Even though he is dead, I cannot forgive Admiral Marcus. I never will. Am I less, because I cannot forgive him?"

Jim made a rude noise and said, “Some things are unforgivable. There’s no excuse for what he did and tried to do. I’m sure he made some up in the back of his mind, but they were lies, nothing more.” He paused and lightly nudged him through their bond, Is that really what was bothering you, Noonien?

Even though Jim agreed with him, the point remained very firm in Khan's mind. I will not forgive him. That anger was still there. But it was no longer directed at Starfleet, or even Marcus. It existed, only in memory, and would not be acted upon every again. 

Noonien? Jim tried again. Is that what was bothering you? That you thought I was asking you to forgive Marcus? I wouldn’t ask that of you. But I’d like you to forgive my crew. Me...and yourself. We all make mistakes. I guess that’s what I really meant by forgiveness. He stroked through the soft locks and continued to massage his scalp. 

The gentle press of Jim's fingers against his head, and of calm words into his mind, Khan was pulled out of his angry fixation. Yes, Jim. That is what thought you were asking me to do. There was silence again, as Khan took several breaths. "I forgive you, Jim." Khan said aloud. "And I forgive Doctor McCoy for his part, and Commander Spock, for his. I forgive your crew, Jim. I hold no grudge against them. And intend them no violence." 

“I know that, Noonien,” Jim said. “I trust that you’ll do no harm to me or my crew or Starfleet. You don’t want to anymore. I know that. But that’s different from forgiving us. Forgiving me. Hell, I offered to save Nero’s life and that of his crew, but that doesn’t mean I forgave them or ever planned to. But violence...that was over.”

"Then what else do you ask of me? Who else am I to forgive." Khan finally turned over again, laying once more on his side to face Jim. He looked at him, wary and distressed, since he did not understand what more Jim was asking from him.

“You,” Jim said. “Most of all, you.” He smiled at Khan, eyes soft and hopeful as they looked at his friend. He projected warm emotion to him through the bond, wanting to erase the negative feelings he sensed from the augment. “I just want you to try. You might not succeed yet...and that’s okay.”

No, that was something Khan could not do. Not now, at any rate. What errors he had made, and could still remember, were not forgotten, and not forgiven. They were carried with him, so that they would not be repeated. "Pet my hair again, Jim. Please," Khan asked, lowering his eyes, unwilling to give Jim answer.

Jim eased himself to a more comfortable position and reached out to work his fingers into Khan’s black locks and work on the curve of head and skin hidden beneath them. He sensed Khan’s distress and attempted reassurance with both hand and feelings. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, Noonien,” he murmured. “Sometimes, I just feel like I’ll never meet your standards for behavior. I’ve felt that way before.”

"My standards?" Khan echoed back softly. "You are my friend, Jim. And if I were truly more human, perhaps I would be more transparent, you would understand me better ... but I am not, Jim, truly I am not. It is you who I feel I will eventually disappoint, my friend. To be my true self, whole and well. More animal than man. An adaptation of my environment. Engineered for a purpose that is no longer relevant. And yet, unable to be anything other then that I am." 

“Don’t suggest to me that you’re not adaptable,” Jim murmured and reached out to give Khan an awkward (due to their positions), but heartfelt, hug. “And how can I be disappointed, when I see how hard you’re trying to find yourself and your place in this new time? I’ll be more disappointed in Starfleet and myself, if we can’t find a place that’ll make you and your family happy.”

"Thank you, Jim," Khan said. He nearly went limp as Jim hugged him, accepting and welcoming the gesture.

Jim sagged a little under the dead weight, but relaxed and settled with Khan comfortably. “I didn’t know you were so worried about that, Noonien. We’ll work this out together, like we’ve been working on everything together. Right?” He found a way to continue to work through the soft hair of Khan’s head.

"Yes, Jim. Together." Khan said softly, hooking his arms around Jim's middle, keeping close to his friend, desiring this kindness from him. He felt comfortable and safe and showed this by closing his eyes as the troubling thoughts dried up, leaving his mind peacefully empty. 

Jim arranged himself so he tucked up close to Khan, pressing all along his side. He wrapped his arm around the augment and nuzzled into his hair. This alright? Cause I kinda think I can go to sleep this way now. It’s been a long, fulfilling day.

Yes, Jim. This is good. Khan sighed softly, happy and much more calm in the mind then he had been. It has been a long day. We should sleep. Khan agreed, feeling a sense of peace, as he had when surrounded by the wolf pack, to have Jim curled up to him like this. 

Goodnight, Noonien. Sleep well. Tomorrow’s our last day here. Let’s make it a good one, right? Jim closed his eyes and lightly pet Khan a few more times, before his hand dropped away and still on Khan’s side. In a moment more, he was completely out.


	9. Chapter 9

"No, you misunderstand me...if you do that, it will not achieve-" A few sparks snapped in front of Khan's face, from where he was laying on his back, deep under one of the main consoles in engineering. Khan continued to fuse the wires he intended, even as the energy was rerouted before its time. "The point is, if you strain the warp drive, you do not also lose your shields ... no ... wait, wait!" Khan called out as another shower of sparks fell across his face. "There, NOW try the connection!" 

Scotty worked his control panel with a frown of concentration, occasionally sending little glares in the direction of the sparking equipment. “I dinna misunderstand you!” He swore under his breath at a fresh round of brilliant sparks from the area of Khan’s work. “You’re just a wee bit mad! It’s not-” He cut off as the new connection made a bunch of warning lights flash on his board. “There’s a loose bit of wiring! Can ye find it, Mister Singh?”

At this moment, Jim walked into the section of Main Engineering in search of his wayward Chief Engineer and augment and that he’d been directed to by a nervous Ensign. Khan’s rehabilitation had expanded now to assisting with various projects on the Enterprise, and engineering became an instant favorite. Since their return several weeks prior from Yosemite, Khan’s improvement seemed to be moving forward much more quickly than before. That was Jim’s perception anyway. And as the man became more and more himself, Jim found himself even more drawn to the augment. Which he was now, though more for the continuing showers of sparks that caused the room to brighten at random intervals. “Uh.”

"Yes!" Khan grumbled, his answer slightly muffled as he held a small tool between his teeth in order to use both hands at the same time. There were a few strained growls at the machinery, but the connection was soon restored. "How does that read?!" Khan called from under the bulkhead.

“Aye, that seems to have done the trick,” Scotty said and then noticed Jim standing nearby. “Captain!” He straightened a little and glanced almost guiltily over to where Khan was still in the middle of the ship’s innards.

“What’s up, Scotty?” Jim asked in that casual way of his, raising his eyebrows in the direction of the pops and sparks. “Are you working on a new way to blow up the ship?”

Khan often sensed Jim throughout the day, especially if he was thinking loudly, or suppressing annoyance. So Khan did not think much of sensing him as he worked, until he heard Mr. Scott called out to the Captain. "No, we are going to save her from doing just that!" Khan called back as he maneuvered and contorted himself, one limb at a time, until he was crawling out from inside the wall.

Jim watched the augment emerge with a look of combined amusement, surprise and admiration. The flexibility was certainly enviable. “The Enterprise was about the blow up?” he asked, blue eyes flicking back and forth between the two men. They were sparking as the wires had been just a moment ago, curiosity warring with affection for both men. Though, he was always a little wary of Scotty’s experiments. He couldn’t easily forget the disastrous meltdown of the food processors a few months earlier.

"No." Khan said calmly as he pulled himself to his feet. "We are preventing such a disaster from occurring in the future. Should the engines become overrun from warp speed, you will still have your force fields, without needing to reroute power, as you have needed in the past."

That would be very beneficial, and Jim felt his face lighten in expression as Khan approached. “This was your idea?” he asked the augment, moving forward to meet him. “When did you come up with that?” His mouth spread into a grin, delighted not only at the idea, but also that Khan had it. You truly are remarkable.

"Mr. Scott and I were discussing some common issues, and it seemed to me as one of the more severe concerns. So we began the work." Khan set the tools down and pushed the hair out of his eyes now that he was upright once more. "We have engaged in a friendly shouting match at times-" Khan said with a small glance to Scotty, "But ultimately work well together." 

Jim’s eyes flicked up to where Khan pushed his bangs out of his face, which served only to make his hair even more disheveled, so it stuck out in all directions. An uncontrollable wave of deep adoration for the augment swept through him and bypassed all his controls over their bond, so that it raced right over to Khan, as well. Shocked and mortified, as well as terrified of Khan’s response, Jim slammed shut the link a second too late and stared at the augment with huge eyes. “Well, yeah, that sounds good then,” he stammered, completely unaware of the confused expression Scotty was giving them both. “I’ll just let you carry on.” He made a jerky about face and started a quick march for the exit.

“But, Sir-” Scotty said, since the captain hadn’t even told them why he’d come visiting.

"Jim. May I show you another idea I have for the Enterprise?" Khan asked when Jim started to walk away. If he had sensed Jim's unfiltered feelings, he made no show of it. "Then you may deliver your news, as you intended." 

The combination of voices struck Jim’s captain nerves and brought him to an awkward halt. Turning slowly back around, he eyeballed Khan for a moment and then cleared his throat. “Uh, yes, of course. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He adopted an uneasy ‘at rest’ stance and faced Khan. “Please do go on.”

"Well-" Khan gestured with two fingers for Jim to follow and he returned to crawling on the floor at the entrance of the bulkhead, "As you can see, only very few of these passageways can be navigated by humanoids. It is my idea to design drones, the size of cats, or large spiders in some cases, that are capable of entering into these confined spaces to perform the basic wiring and maintenance required." 

Jim joined him on his hands and knees and scooted close. “That sounds like a very good idea,” he said in his official voice, even as he allowed the link between them to open again. Noonien? Are you...offended by what you felt? I don’t even know where that came from...it was just there, inside me. Should I apologize? Please...I’m pretty lost here.

"Thank you, Jim." Khan continued to talk about his idea, even when Jim had these uncertain thoughts in his head. "It will be much safer for you crew, as the drones can be assigned to work, even during times of military engagement, so that you do not lose crewmembers inside the walls." Khan said, pointing to a spot so that Jim would lift his head and look a little further in. But as he did so, Khan leaned in and kissed Jim on the neck, just behind his jaw.

A shiver wracked Jim’s frame from stem to stern, and he turned his head with wide eyes toward Khan, one hand now resting over the spot on his neck where the augment’s lips had brushed so tenderly. “Noonien?” he asked, a bit dazed.

"The only time I have purposefully shielded my thoughts from you, Jim, is because I wanted to kiss you." Khan admitted to him now, and was even now a little fixated on the way Jim's fingers touched the skin of his own neck. "Should I apologize, for how I feel, as well?"

Jim blushed a little and fought it down, since he hadn’t blushed seriously since he was a very young teenager. But of course, that had been about matters of sex, not matters of emotion, where he was on less certain ground. “No...not at all, Noonien. I- I never suspected that you felt anything more than friendship for me. Hell, I never even suspected it about myself.” He turned to plop his ass on the ground and look at the augment. “No, that’s not true. I’ve been trying not to allow it.”

"Oh." Khan said gently and sat back opposite Jim so that he could face him, both men sitting on the ground. "If that is how you wish to proceed, then I shall respect your decision." It was after all, perhaps an awkward position for Jim to be in, so setting rules, limits and polite boundaries did not seem unreasonable. If such things were not allowed, then Khan would refrain from further action. 

“Noonien,” Jim said with a slightly pleading tone, “you’ve not been well. I haven’t wanted to take advantage of you. From the very first time I saw you, I’ve found you well...completely sexy. There’s just no getting around that. But since I’ve actually gotten to know you, especially with the link between us, I’ve learned how good a man you are inside, too. How much you feel for people you care about…” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m terrible at this, at talking about stuff like this, forget doing it. I have zero experience. And with you, I don’t want to act wrongly.”

"Since you do not know how to talk about such things, then I will talk, and you must tell me if you agree or not." Khan said, pausing a moment before he continued. "I crave our time together, Jim. And often wish to touch, or kiss you. You are a friend who I trust. But you are also more then that, as you know intimate parts of me, that I do not share openly. I would like to kiss you again. And I would like you to be open with your feelings. But if these things are unwise to our position, I accept and understand drawing a line." 

“Have you been having to hide how you feel, Noonien?” Jim asked softly. “I mean...I didn’t know you wanted more. I already said that.” He took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I do want more. I want to get to know you as a partner, not just a friend. But I am afraid that it may be too soon for you. We should talk to Doc about it.”

"No, Jim. I do not hide my feelings from you. I have only hidden my desire to kiss you. In private, I may think of other intimate thoughts, but I do not consider them secrets." Khan said, looking to Jim was a small tilt of his head. "I would like you for a partner, Jim. If it is safe for us both. And if it is not ... I do not wish to lose you as my friend."

“Lose me as a friend? No, never. This won’t come between us that way, no matter. But I think we should talk to Doc before getting into anything serious. I want to do this right, Noonien. I don’t want you to think I took advantage...Hell, I don’t want there to be any chance of my taking advantage, even if you don’t think I did. I want everything in the clear. What do you think?” Jim asked, looking to him for his true assessment of his current state.

"Yes, Jim. I understand your concern. If our positions were reversed, I would ask for the same reassurances. I do not believe you are taking advantage of my situation, but I agree, we will ask the Doctor, for her objective opinion." Khan said, offering his hand, hoping this familiar gesture was still welcome. 

Jim reached out and took the offered hand, squeezing the strong digits once. And then he grinned, all himself again in a flash. “Think we can get her to talk to us right away? I don’t want to wait until your next appointment. We should just put this all in front of her and give her a chance to respond...or to think it over. Hell, she may even want to interview us each separately to suss out if we’re ready.” Now that this was decided between them, he really didn’t want to delay. He was a man of action.

"Yes, we can go now." Khan said and stood from where he had been sitting on the floor. "I am glad that you came down to see what we were working on. I was happy to share the success Mr Scott and I have had."

Jim snorted and said, “You’re as eager as I am,” sotto voce. He raised his volume to say, “The both of you seem to be working together very well. I expect the Enterprise to be eons better than the rest of the Fleet by the time you finish with her.” He nodded to Scotty. “Well done,” he told the Chief Engineer, pleased when the man positively beamed in response. “I’ll see about Doc letting you work more with Khan, if you both like.”

"Yes, thank you, Jim." Khan offered Mr. Scott a few parting words regarding their project, before he was ready to leave with Jim. 

Jim bounced on his heels and toes at the exit, excited to go see what Te’anna had to say about the possible change in their relationship. He had a strong notion the Doc would be cautious about the idea and probably want to do some additional counseling with them both before judging them ready. But even the chance that they could try this, make something more out of their deep friendship and the warmth that Jim now acknowledged bloomed in his chest when he thought of the other man...well, that made him nearly jump up and down. As the augment approached, he held out his hand. “Maybe you should do most of the talking?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan smiled gently at his friend, who was barely able to contain himself as it was. "If that would help ease some of your concerns. You are not infusing my desires. We came to this understanding of affection separate of one another." Khan accepted the offered hand, feeling content that this union at least would not be lost. 

Jim tried not to run down the corridors, keeping himself to as sedate a pace as manageable given his excitement. He kept firm hold of Khan’s hand, sharing the warmth of their connection physically, as well as mentally. Now that they were mutually aware of attraction to each other, he allowed the link to fairly buzz with his good emotions. He was hopeful that they could work this out with the Doc and receive her blessing to make this relationship work.

And if she had reservations, Khan and Jim could still be important to one another, until both men showed health and independence that they did not need permission to engage in a deeper relationship. There was no undoing this knowledge now. Khan shared the strong emotion with Jim, but did not express it as visibly as the young Captain. But it was there nevertheless. Together, they headed to the transporter room, and after briefly letting go of each other's hands, were beamed down to the clinic on Earth, where Khan had his regular medical and therapy sessions. 

“Hope she has time to see us,” Jim said. “This is a little impulsive.” He led the augment into the clinic, smiling at the receptionist. “We’re hoping we can fit in an appointment with the Doc.” 

The receptionist, a smiling blonde of middle age, knew both men well and said, “I’ll just check with her and see if she has some time. This isn’t an emergency, I presume.”

Jim glanced at Khan and then back to the receptionist. “Nah. And we’re happy to stroll around the grounds, if she’s not available for a bit.”

"Neither of us are in any danger, nor pain." Khan assured with a polite smile and a nod of his head. "But the conversation is important to us. So we will wait, if needed." 

The receptionist nodded and said, “Please, have a seat. If it’s going to take some time, I’ll give you a communicator so we can contact you when the doctor is ready.” She commed the doctor and ended up leaving a message. “I’ll let you know when I hear from her.” She held out a communicator. “Please enjoy the grounds.” 

"Thank you." Khan said, then headed outside to the familiar walkways with Jim. The clinic was very relaxing and private, with trails that weaved through lightly wooded areas, then some grassy hills. On occasion deer passed through, and of course the usual, birds and butterflies. It was a soothing environment, and Khan had walked these paths many times over.

"I know we are waiting to speak with the Doctor. But you are allowed to talk to me. Even if you feel embarrassed." Khan said, leading them down a pebble pathway, the ground crunching under their feet as the only other sound to break the silence. 

Jim walked through the garden and looked around at all the blooming plants with pleasure. When Khan spoke, he smiled at him. “Yeah. I know. I’m just not sure what to say. I’m trying to get used to the idea at the moment...of how much I want this and how I let it just sneak up on me.” He leaned into the augment. “I’ll be sad if the doctor makes us wait, but I believe we can make this work for us both. It won’t be easy…”

"Yes, Jim. I believe we are capable, either way." Khan said, letting go on Jim's hand in trade for wrapping an arm around the small of his back, walking with him closely like this, arm hooked around him as they fell into step. 

This was new, and Jim took a moment before he relaxed against the augment. “Do you remember having any long-term relationships, Noonien? I know I haven’t. I’ve never managed more than a weekend long fling here and there. Mostly one night stands. Nothing meaningful.” He looked a bit ashamed of himself. “Never really known why.”

"You have already said- you have difficulty expressing yourself emotionally. Perhaps, they were physical connections, but not emotional ones, and therefore had no chance of lasting long term." Khan said, taking an unnecessarily deep interest in the ground before he answered in return. "My people represent my long-term relationships. I have had no others, except for them." 

“A benefit of the link...we already share so much,” Jim said. “How can I be afraid of sharing my emotions with someone who already knows them so well?” He lightly nudged Khan with his right shoulder, playful. “I’m surprised you never had anyone special in your life. You never had any overtures you were interested in?”

"Yes, it is a benefit of the link." Khan agreed, but also did not let Jim off that easily. "But reading your mind, is not the same as you using actual words to express yourself. Please do not rely on our bond in this way, Jim. Even if the words are difficult to come by, they are still important to me." Khan said, turning his head into Jim's neck, wanting to kiss the spot there again, but instead gave it a gentle nuzzle before turning his eyes forward again. "In the compound, several of us exchanged kisses, out of curiosity, but that is not the same thing. The purpose of our design, always came first." 

Jim stuck out his tongue at Khan and said, “We communicate well through words in the link, too. But I said emotions, not words.” He looked away from the augment. “Are you one for telling other people what you think and feel? Do you remember?” He reached out to touch the leaves of a nearby tree, feeling a little stung by the words and wondering if he wasn’t open with Khan.

"I can, if you recall, be painfully clear and honest in telling others how I think and feel. But it is not always a good thing." Khan reached up and rubbed his hand over Jim's shoulder. "I have hurt you just now, by being direct." Khan rubbed his shoulder a moment longer, before sliding his hand down Jim's back. "I am sorry. We can wait to have this conversation with the Doctor, if that is better." 

“I just don’t like the idea that you think I’d hide from you,” Jim confessed. “I haven’t been trying to. I mean, other in that first moment, when I thought you might be upset at me. There’s nobody else I wanted to be close to, Noonien. You’re different. But...I’ll do my best to be open and honest with you verbally, as well as through the link. I’m a lot more eloquent through the mental connection, though.”

"Yes, Jim. I know." Khan paused them from their walk so that he could turn and face his friend, a hand on his forearm, to keep them physically linked. "The bond we share is easy and natural. We cannot lie to one another, or withhold the truth, when we are linked. And I like that. Even if our thoughts are not entirely perfect, all the time. They are still honest." Khan slid his hand down Jim's arm to hold his hand once more. "My meaning is, even though we can read each other’s thoughts, I do not want that to be an excuse, not to speak the words of our feelings, out loud." 

“I’ll try,” Jim promised. “I may be terrible at it. I give you that warning. I was never around people who talked about their feelings. I know my mother loved my dad a lot, but after he died, she just closed up for good. So, yeah...not good at it. But I’ll try for you...cause you’re worth it, Noonien. See, there! I’m trying.” He offered the warm smile that charmed so many people.

"Yes, Jim. Thank you." Khan smiled, and squeezed Jim's hand in place of kissing the side of his face again. "It is important to me. And I appreciate the conscious effort on your part." Jim had learned this bad habit from the trauma and grief his mother had endured, and as a result did not address emotional responses, except in forms of humor or deflection. Whereas Khan had the bad habit of being too harsh at times, or closed in other ways. But these were things the two of them would work on together.

“But uh, you’ll have to give me some room to learn in, too,” Jim said. “You’ll have to learn to be a bit more forgiving to human weaknesses...cause I got quite a few of them, and they won’t all be fixable. But I want to do better for you, Noonien.” He leaned in and kissed Khan’s cheek softly. “Boyfriend? That doesn’t seem at all the right word for you.”

Khan lightly closed his eyes as Jim kissed the side of his face, smiling to himself. "What term would you like us to use, Jim?" Khan prompted. We both want the same thing, Jim. We both want to offer the best of ourselves, to the other. 

“There really aren’t many good ones,” Jim said. “Partner. Lover. Better half. Boyfriend. Love muffin. You know, stuff like that.” He winked at Khan. And that’s why we have a chance to make this work. We want to do this together. I think that’s a good sign. He allowed a few more moments of wandering in silence. “Even if we don’t get the okay to enter a relationship immediately, I want to tell Bones. Is that alright?”

"If the intimate terms are an unsatisfactory representation to our relationship, we can imagine our own. You seem quite good at creating alternative names for your friends." While Khan thought of Jim as a partner and companion, those were not names of affection he wished to use aloud, as they seemed too formal for Jim. "Yes, I understand your openness with the Doctor. You may tell your friend what you like."

“And everyone else, too?” Jim asked. “I mean, do you want this to be public knowledge, Noonien? At least, on the Enterprise. As the Council and Brass figure out how they’re going to handle all augments and deal with the mess Marcus made, nobody else can know. But my crew can. I want them to know. It’s important to me.”

Khan took a little more time to think this question over. One extra person knowing, was not a problem. As it meant there was someone Jim could go to, and talk about private things if needed. But the entire crew of the Enterprise invited a different approach. First, Khan thought about whether or not it was safe to do. Would there be backlash from the crew? Would it be used against either of them? On the other hand, for Jim to be open with his crew, meant he was not ashamed of his relationship with Khan. It also implied that Khan would not be playing the role of another fling in Jim's life. This was important. And Khan needed to hear that. "Yes, Jim." Khan finally said, "If you trust their judgment. I trust yours." 

“I do trust their judgement,” Jim said, “but we can start with a few key people and expand, if necessary.” He sent a wave of happiness toward Khan in response to the acceptance of telling his crew (not to mention being willing to trust them all, especially Jim). “What about your family, Noonien? It might be easiest to let them adjust to this time a bit before springing me on them, huh?”

"Yes, perhaps." Khan considered. "It depends upon how long they will remain in their current state." That was, if it took the length of another year of legal trials and decisions before his people were even woken from their cryotubes, then Jim and Khan might be in a position to be quite open with their relationship from the beginning. But it was all speculative. That was a long time away in his mind. 

The communicator went off, and Jim lifted it out of his pocket. “Captain Kirk.”

“Captain.” The Betazed doctor’s voice managed to be both warm and professional all at once. “I am told you and Mr. Singh would like to speak with me. I have time for about a half-hour discussion now, if that will suit you.”

Jim looked toward Khan for his approval.

Yes. Even if she proves to have a great deal to say on the matter, this will be a good start. Khan nodded slightly as Jim spoke on the communicator. 

“We’ll be right there, Doc. Thanks for fitting us in. Kirk out.” Jim closed the communicator and took Khan’s right hand, heading back for the clinic. “Not even sure where we’re going to begin this discussion. Just blurt it out up front...or lead in with the building of our feelings? That’d probably take too long...save that for later.” He was aware that he was babbling and clamped his mouth shut. Guess I’m a little nervous. Like asking my parents if I’m allowed to date...at least, as I’ve been informed that goes.

There was no disapproval from Khan however as Jim babbled on. In fact, the augment only radiated fondness for his companion. He liked hearing Jim talk, even if it came out a little jumbled with nerves. It meant Jim did not always have the witty right answers that some things required genuine feeling, and Jim was still navigating those new waters. "Everything will be fine, Jim," Khan said, leading them back so that they could meet with the Betazoid in a timely manner. 

Jim just made a slightly pouty face at him, as they entered the clinic. The receptionist gestured them on back, and they headed down the familiar hallway to Dr. Te’anna’s office. “You could sympathize a little more,” he muttered, as they knocked.

“Come in, gentlemen,” the doctor called. “I can hear your link buzzing away from the Reception Room.”

“Does that mean we don’t even have to tell you what we came to talk about?” Jim asked as they entered.

Dr. Te’anna laughed a little and extended a hand to them both. “It is good to see you again. Please take a seat and tell me what’s on your minds.” She looked toward Khan to begin.

Khan politely accepted her hand as they greeted one another, then released as he remained by Jim's side. "Thank you, Doctor." Khan said, not understanding why Jim thought he had been unsympathetic. But this was not the time for that conversation. "We would like you to know, that there has been an escalating in our affection for one another. And would like your professional opinion if, we might be allowed to pursue an intimate relationship or if, for example, I am not well enough to consent, as Jim has no wish to take advantage of me, in a compromising state." 

The doctor smiled and nodded a few times. “I can’t say I’m surprised by this visit. I’ve felt the deepening of your link over the months, even as my predecessor did. And I will compliment you both on the maturity of coming to speak with me before you acted upon your feelings.” She leaned forward, eyes still on Khan. “But if you will forgive me, I’d like to turn the question around on you, Mr. Singh. You have always been very upfront in the past on your current well-being. Do you believe yourself to be in a good place- mentally, emotionally and physically- to start a relationship with Captain Kirk? And I do ask that you consider the man you would be partnering with, as well.”

"Yes, I understand your question." Khan confirmed first before answering. "We are different in many ways, but I enjoy those differences, and feel that they are often compatible. I admit, there may be things still closed to my mind that I have not yet discovered, but in my current state, I feel, even upon discovering them, my feelings for Jim will not change. We are already careful with each other when needed, or give strength and comfort when that is needed too." Khan paused, then continued to address another subtopic of the conversation. "A physical relationship will be new to me, no matter who it is with. But with the mental and emotional connection I have with Jim, wanting it to be physical as well feels natural to me, as there are times where I wish to be closer to him in ways we have previously not expressed to one another."

The telepath nodded and said, “But you haven’t told me if you believe your mind to be healed enough for this relationship to work. Are you back enough to the person you were before the attack? Have you regained sufficient of your memories, especially as they pertain to Captain Kirk? You had your difficulties with him when you met, and we have not explored all of those in detail. Indeed, I am not sure if you remember them all yet. You are skilled at shielding, when you wish.”

Jim felt a bit of guilt as a vision of him knocking Khan’s ship out of the sky and their first ‘meeting’ being of two pairs of angry blue eyes glaring at each other across a rift of air and violence. He did not hide that from either party.

"It is not a simple answer." Khan said, "Yes, I have my memories back as they pertain to Jim, but no, I am not the person I was before. I do not have the same anger and rage as I did." Khan gave a small glance to Jim before adding, "We have spoken about this. I have forgiven Jim for past actions against me. And actions his crew took, including that of Commander Spock, who caused the mental damage I am recovering from. I understand the danger I posed, and the use of extreme means to subdue me. But I think of those memories, as events that happened, and not as wins or losses as points in a battle, a war against Starfleet. As I said, I am not the person I was before."

Dr. Te’anna considered him for a long moment, before turning to Jim. “And you, Captain, are you ready for this kind of relationship? I know you are aware of the serious nature of what Mr. Singh desires.”

Jim smiled instantly, as this was an easy question to answer. “Yes, Doc. I’m ready to give this a go. I’ve grown up a lot since Admiral Pike’s death. Starting with it, I guess. I don’t think I could have managed to handle the link between us before all of the events that started there.” He hung his head a little. “I was pretty immature.”

"There are dangers, of course." Khan said fairly, "That others may not approve of our relationship developing further. But those are external dangers, as I do not believe we are a danger to one another. I believe, as friends, we have already been good for each other. And as lovers, we can continue to strengthen new bonds." 

Jim lifted his head and said, “And I feel like Khan is ready, too. He doesn’t need to lean on me or our bond much anymore. And I can lean on him when I need to, which wasn’t the case for a long time. Honestly, Doc, to me, it feels like he’s well. Not the same. Never the same as before, but healed. He could handle himself perfectly fine without the link.”

“Do you agree, Mr. Singh?” the doctor asked the augment, turning her eyes to him.

Khan looked to the Doctor, then to Jim, giving him a little smile. "Yes, it is true that I no longer need the link as a coping mechanism. But I have become fond of it, and do not wish it to fade. I enjoy being connected with Jim, and wish to indulge in physical connections with him as well."

“Do you believe you are well, Mr. Singh?” the doctor asked him directly. “Are you ready for not only this relationship, but also to face Starfleet’s potential charges against you?”

Jim stiffened in his chair and tried not to project his worry all over the place. He had not considered that asking for a relationship with Khan would put him into such a position with Starfleet. If he were well enough for one, he’d be well enough for another.

Khan paused, but only for a moment. He sensed Jim's anxiety, though not the specifics of his thoughts. "Yes." He said with a short sigh. "I am well enough to stand trial." And with that, Khan felt that his relationship with Jim would have to wait. Since Jim Kirk was a primary voice in his defense, it would be a conflict of interest to be his lover, while simultaneously on trail. 

“Which means we have to wait anyway,” Jim concluded, on the same page as Khan. “We have to see what will happen with the trial.” He rubbed at his face. “I was so happy about being closer to Khan, that I completely forgot about the charges against him. How could I do that?”

Dr. Te’anna laughed, not unkindly, and said, “I think it is a measure of how much you care for each other that you have driven out these darker thoughts. Still, it may compromise you as a witness in Mr. Singh’s defense.”

Jim’s mouth drew into a thin line. “No, it won’t. I won’t let it. And you can be there to make sure of that.” He looked over to Khan. “I won’t let anything endanger your getting a fair trial.”

All I wanted to do, was kiss you. That is all I still want to do. But I will wait, until events are resolved. "Thank you, Jim. I know."

We’ll still get to that. I’ll make sure of it, Noonien. Jim looked to the doctor. “What do we do now, Doc? If Khan is well enough to face trial, I need to notify Starfleet, but not until we have your say so and report.”

The doctor nodded and said, “And the consent of my patient.” She looked to Khan again. “What do you say, Mr. Singh?”

"Yes, you have my consent, Doctor." Khan said. There was no point in stretching his treatment out, as a means to avoid the trial. He was healthy and in rational mind to meet the charges Starfleet had against him. But in that same strain, he had grievances against Starfleet that needed to be addressed as well, now that he was capable of defending himself. 

“Very well,” Dr. Te’anna said with a nod. “I will officially issue my report saying that you are well. Which I believe you are, Mr. Singh. I consider your coming here today as final proof. I believe you are ready for a more intimate relationship. You are in full control of your faculties and understand the risks, as well as the rewards. And you will also be capable of speaking in your defense.”

"Thank you, Doctor." The pleasure Khan had been feeling at the mutual validation of how Jim and Khan felt about one another was now dimmed and muted. The augment no longer had the luxury of distracting himself with trips into the countryside, or engineering on the Enterprise. His mind now pressed towards how events of the trial would unfold, and the separation between Khan's fate, and that of his people. "We will go now."

Jim felt the same way, but did not want the sensation to dull so quickly. He sent a wave of his feelings for Khan toward him, as well as his resolution to see justice done for his friend. “Thank you, Doc,” he said, standing and shaking her hand again. “You’ve been awesome to both of us. We appreciate your work. I never thought I’d say that to a shrink.”

The Betazed shook her head at the young captain and said, “I am glad to be of help, Captain.” She turned to Khan and offered her hand to him as well. “To you, as well, Mr, Singh.”

"Thank you for your time, and for seeing this through to the finish, Doctor." Khan said, shaking her hand. As he turned to go, he briefly pressed his hand to Jim's back to walk with him, but his hand hovered over him, hesitating, before he dropped his hand away instead, following after Jim on their way out. 

“Don’t change everything now,” Jim said and looked back at him. “It’s alright, Noonien. We’ve been holding hands and being close for months. There’s no reason to worry about it at this point. It’s all been part of your rehab and our getting to know each other.” He turned into a secluded corner and pulled at Khan to encourage him after. And when they were out of sight, he pressed their mouths together tenderly.

Khan, an otherwise fierce creature, gave a little whimper at the kiss. It was sublime. And the taste of Jim on his lips was exactly what Khan had been after, since the notion of kissing him first came into his head. Jim. Kissing. His brain fizzled a little with this basic thought.

Jim allowed the contact to linger and deepen just a bit, nibbling on Khan’s lower lip. He pulled away reluctantly and mostly for breath. “Eyes on the prize, Noonien,” he whispered. “You hearing me?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said softly. He reached up and pressed his fingers into the short hairs at the back of Jim's head, his hold on the other man light, as he pressed their foreheads together. "Thank you."

“That’s better,” Jim said and stroked Khan’s hair gently. “I’m glad you’re well, Noonien. Now, we can take on everything that’s thrown at you. Together. Just like I promised from the beginning.” He closed his eyes and allowed their heads to just rest comfortably for a few moments. This time was theirs.


	10. Chapter 10

"My name is Khan Noonien Singh."

The court was a large cylindrical room, with design undertones of an ancient operatic stage. And perhaps for some, the events would indeed be quite theatrical. But the point of the architecture was to feature the accused in the center, with the nine judges in attendance sitting in the boxed balcony above, and the media or civilians in attendance in the public seats opposite.

"I was engineered by Doctor Sarina Kaur and her associates. As such, I am commonly known as an Augment." Khan said, speaking to the judges as he introduced himself, making no attempt to hide what he was.

"I am responsible for the bombing of the Section 31 instillation in London. The attack on a Starfleet officers’ meeting in San Francisco. And crashing the Vengeance into downtown San Francisco in attempt to destroy Starfleet headquarters."

"My defense for these hostile actions primarily rests in my right to wage war against Starfleet. As the subject of torture and mutilation by the Starfleet-sanctioned Section 31, I rebelled and took revenge upon my oppressors."

"However, if you do not recognize my right to strike back against the corrupt, or to protect my people, of which only seventy-three are still in existences, then this court hearing is a farce, and I shall quietly accept your judgment upon me."

"But for those of you whose humanity demands truth in hand with justice, then I ask that you hear my case without prejudice. I ask that you recognize the right of my species to live in peace, as you would welcome others into the Federation."

Jim sat in the packed public seating of the courtroom, which was full of Starfleet officers and family members of the deceased. He bit his lower lip a little at Khan’s introduction, wishing he’d struck just a bit of a conciliatory tone for the opening. He wished he could tell Khan so or help guide him through the trial, but was only allowed to be in attendance if the link between them remained unused during the actual hours of the trial. Dr. Te’anna was present at all times to monitor them both to make sure that they did not break those rules. It would result in his permanent expulsion from the courtroom, which was something he was not willing to risk.

Federation President Pellan Fel rose from zha place in the middle of the podium and looked down at Khan, zha face a blank canvas on which any emotion might be projected. “Mr. Singh, we are holding this tribunal to determine the fate of yourself, and yourself alone. We will follow the strictures of the Prime Directive in all future interactions with the other 72 augments currently in cryostasis. The nature of their past actions or your recent ones will not be taken into account, as they are both irrelevant as it pertains to their future.”

“Khan Noonien Singh, you have admitted to committing the acts of bombing the Kelvin Archive in London, later revealed to be a Section 31 installation, to attacking a Starfleet officers’ meeting in San Francisco, and to causing the crash of the illegal Starship Vengeance into downtown San Francisco. You are further charged with the murder of Admiral Alexander Marcus; the coercion of Lieutenant Thomas Harewood; the firing on the Starship Enterprise, resulting in the deaths of twenty-three of her crew members, including, however temporarily, Captain James T. Kirk; and assault on various Starfleet officers, including the aforementioned Captain Kirk, Lieutenant Carol Marcus and Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott. Do I understand correctly, Mr. Singh, that you do not deny committing any of these actions?”

"I do not deny them," Khan said, voice steady and clear so that he was heard. "Instead, I submit to you that these were acts of war and not that of random terrorism. A distinction that is due all gravity of its meaning and origin." Khan spoke to the President, but looked to each of the judges, as well, never leaving any one individual out of this conversation. "Since my people, and I, were abused and denied our rights under the Prime Directive, I consider their lives extremely relevant to the action I took against Starfleet." 

President Fel nodded toward the augment and looked to her fellow judges, a mixture of races from the Federation, with only one Starfleet member- Admiral Nakamura- who was neither a member of Section 31, nor involved in any of the activities pertaining to Khan since Captain Kirk contacted Admiral Archer, and said, “Panel members, given that there is no question of who committed these actions, it is our duty to measure the extenuating circumstances against the severity of the actions. Mr. Singh claims that he acted in a state of war against Starfleet. From a civilian, as Mr. Singh would ordinarily be considered, this would be a ludicrous claim. However, we must also take into account Mr. Singh’s background and history, which are unique in our experiences.” Zha gestured to the court at large. “Admiral Kho, are you ready for the prosecution?”

“Ready, zha President.” A middle-aged Arcadian, with the diagnostic round head and hair only on the sides and not in the middle, stood and bowed to the judges.

“Admiral Archer, are you ready for the defense?” President Fel asked.

Archer stood from where he had been seated behind Khan and made his way carefully to the augment’s side. “If Mr. Singh is willing to have me, I am ready, zha President.”

"I am willing, Admiral," Khan said, lowering his eyes and bowing his head respectfully to Archer.

“Then we are ready to begin,” President Fel said. “Admiral Kho, you may call your first witness.”

The Admiral started with an expert in Federation law, reviewing the rules for the declaration of war and who had the ‘right’ to declare war, versus being considered a terrorist. Overall, the prosecution’s point was that Khan was outside the rules of who had the right to declare war and did not follow the proper procedures for the declaration, under the rules of war. Admiral Archer countered by requesting information on how Khan would have been viewed by history, as the leader of his people, and that as their leader, he had a right to declare war. Further, he pushed that Starfleet, and thus, the Federation, had declared war on Khan and his people, through the actions of Admiral Marcus. In the end, the discussion took the entire first day and resulted in a draw. Admiral Archer came away pleased.

The second day was taken up by the head of Starfleet Security, who discussed the tactics of Khan’s ‘warfare.’ Particular attention was given to the coercion of Lt. Harewood to use a bomb to blow up the Kelvin Archive and the crashing of the Vengeance into San Francisco, which resulted in the deaths of civilians almost exclusively. Archer had a bit more difficulty with this witness, though he had him admit that the tactics were all Khan had as one man against a giant bureaucracy. But the witness also questioned what Khan wished to ‘win’ though his war. Archer did not feel quite as good about his efforts there.

“Can’t expect everything to go our way,” he told Khan as he returned to where they were both sitting. “We’re going to need to discuss how to present your goals, emotions and standing at the time of your escape from Admiral Marcus.”

"I understand, Admiral. I respect your efforts," Khan said, speaking gently, as their conversation was private. However, before recess was called for the end of the day, Khan had a thought he wished to leave the judges and the spectators with, so that they might carry his words with them until the next day, as something to think on.

Khan stood, and spoke in such a way that made it sound like he was speech to each person within the hall, face to face. "Articles of the Federation. These are words that children learn in school, whose meaning becomes clearer over time as children mature."

"To save succeeding generations from the scourge of intragalatic war, which has brought untold horror and suffering to our planetary social systems, and to reaffirm faith in the fundamental intelligent life-form rights, in the dignity and worth of the intelligent life-form person, to the equal rights of male and female and of planetary social systems large and small, and to establish conditions under which justice and mutual respect for the obligations arising from treaties and other sources of interplanetary law can be maintained, and to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom. And to see these, to practice benevolent tolerance and live together in peace with one another as good neighbors."

"These are words every officer of Starfleet, indeed, every citizen within the Federation knows. Words I had no knowledge of, until little under a year ago. And why should I? My only experience with Starfleet was through Admiral Marcus and his people, whose sole ambition was to design the foundation of war with the Klingons. There was no freedom for me, or my people. There was no sense of tolerance or peace."

"The very first words within the Articles of the Federation speak to the desire for peace and respect for all forms of intelligent life. Words one would expect an Admiral to represent. And yet, Admiral Marcus, and those serving within Section 31, coerced, manipulated, abused, tortured, and disfigured me so that they could benefit from my intelligence and technical skill. And for them, I designed the Vengeance, a warship I now understand to be illegal. But as I was enslaved to their will, I had no knowledge of this at the time. I only knew that if I wanted to live, and if I wanted my people to live, I would serve. This was the Starfleet I came to know. And in turn, a disgrace to the foundation of what the Federation is meant to represent." 

The President bowed her head to Khan and said, “Mr. Singh, we are painfully aware of the abuse of Admiral Marcus and his followers, in the form of Section 31, upon you...and others. We will continue to provide you with information on their prosecution and the efforts to eliminate Section 31 from Starfleet. It goes against every principle held not only in the Articles, but also in the Prime Directive and in the teachings of Starfleet and the Federation. Admiral Archer, Mr. Singh, will you please approach?”

Archer stood and patted Khan on the shoulder, before making his way slowly toward the platform, where the President leaned over to speak with them.

Khan followed a step behind Admiral Archer. He felt that he might be privately reprimanded for quoting the Articles, but felt that this was a public shame that the Federation would need to bear and could not hide. There had been too much hiding and secrets within the Federation already, that was why they were here after all.

President Fel nodded to both men and asked in a low tone, “Is it still your intention to put Mr. Singh on the stand, Admiral Archer?”

“If he continues to be ready to do so, then yes, that is our intention,” Archer said with a glance to the augment.

“Do you believe the Admiral is doing a fair job representing you, Mr. Singh, and explaining our process of law?” the President asked.

Khan regarded the President, who in his mind, clearly did not want Khan to speak out of turn again. "Yes, President Fel. Admiral Archer is fair in his representation. I have no desire for alternative counsel." 

Zha nodded and said, “Good. We have the independent review of these proceedings, but I am also interested in ensuring that there is no mark of impropriety, especially in your treatment, Mr. Singh. In that light, I applaud your use of the remarks at the end of a day’s session as a time to speak your mind without examination by lawyer, as they were intended. However, I do encourage that you take the stand in your own defense. Statements made on the stand tend to leave more of an impression with the judges. I fear that is simply the true nature of us all.” Zha nodded, indicating zha believed that topic was closed. “Now, do you have another moment to discuss the potential testimony of Captain James T. Kirk?”

"Thank you, Zha President, for your advice and counsel in this area." Khan said, appreciating the fact that zhe cared about his safety and wanted to ensure that he was not currently being mistreated during this proceedings. Even if Khan's words had not completely reached the ears of the judges, it set the groundwork, as it did for public ears, who still held anger and grief towards the augment.

"Yes, President Fel. Do you have a concern, regarding the testimony of Captain Kirk?"

The President noticeably hesitated and finally said, “The actions of both yourself and Admiral Marcus have also left a most noticeable mark on the Captain. When first he was assigned to the Enterprise, I was not alone in doubting his readiness, despite the staunch support of those like Admiral Pike.” Zha’s eyes closed briefly in pain at his memory. “In the last Terran year since first awakening from death, there is a no doubt that he has grown into a fine man and Captain. But his status in these proceedings is...contradictory. Your actions, Mr. Singh, killed his mentor and strongest supporter, not to mention members of his crew, and ultimately cost him his life. Admiral Marcus’ actions killed even more members of his crew, nearly destroyed the Enterprise herself, and used his grief against him to try and start a war with the Klingons and fling him forever into the annals of history as a blight on the Federation. There is also his mental link to you, Mr. Singh, and his actions to ensure your proper treatment and rehabilitation. Taken together, I hesitate to say if he should serve as witness for the prosecution or the defense. As you are aware, Admiral Archer, both have requested his testimony, which gives the judges pause. So, I put to you first, Mr. Singh, do you think his testimony will be prejudiced?”

"Thank you for voicing this concern, President Fel," Khan said, genuine respect remaining in his tone and manner. "If it is a concern for the court, regarding my link to Captain Kirk, I consent to be removed from the room, when the Captain gives his testimony. However, I trust that Captain Kirk will be honest, in relaying events as he experienced them, then, to how he sees the whole truth of the matter, now. Regardless of who calls him as a witness first, I trust his testimony," Khan said, then after a pause added, "As for the matter of the death of Admiral Pike...I understand now what a great loss he was for Starfleet and have been informed that he would have been an advocate for my people, had he been aware of our plight. It is unfortunate that I did not know this sooner, as I believed all of Starfleet to be represented by the likes of Admiral Marcus. Therefore, if I am given the opportunity, I do wish to express my remorse for the loss of Admiral Pike, the other officers and civilians who were killed by my actions. There is surviving grief, that needs to be acknowledged...once Admiral Archer counsels me in how I might delicately address the topic." 

President Fel studied him with an intense gaze for a long moment and nodded slowly. “I am glad to hear this, Mr. Singh, though I will be asking the same question to the prosecution. Admiral Archer?”

He smiled and leaned a little more into his cane. “Zha President, I would prefer to see Captain Kirk as a defense witness for obvious reasons, but I also believe that he will tell the truth, as he sees it, to the best of his ability. The captain understands that any bias either way may hurt my client.”

Zha nodded and said, “Very well then. I shall speak to the prosecution and issue my ruling directly. I shall see you on the morrow, gentlemen.” Zha rose and gave a small gesture of respect, before heading after the rest of the departed judges.

“Well, what do you think the President?” Archer asked, leading Khan back toward their table and seats.

"A refreshing presence." Khan said, following Archer back to their table. "Thank you, Admiral. I know today did not feel like a clear win, but I do not feel that it went poorly. I appreciate your efforts and thank you for standing beside me." The last two days, Khan had given similar thanks at the end of the day, or whenever the court was dismissed for an extended break. Khan did not take it lightly what it meant to have someone like Admiral Archer stand to defend him. 

“Zha has done an excellent job since becoming the first Andorian to hold the post. I am relieved about the current makeup of the Council, though I miss Sarek’s presence. After Spock joined Starfleet, Sarek applied to be a member of the Council and easily was accepted. He applies a cool Vulcan’s logic to all situations and provides some much needed clarity when emotions otherwise run rampant.” Archer chuckled to himself and said, “My dad would be so upset at me.”

"With respect, Admiral, I am relieved to see such cultural diversity represented on the Council." It was the kindest way he could say that he was glad, that it was not entirely human. The Federation was meant to represent all peoples, not just human interests. "And I understand how Sarek would be a valuable member, but why, Sir, would your father be upset?"

“My father didn’t get along too well with Vulcans,” Archer said with open amusement. “His was the first generation after Zefram Cochrane’s successful warp drive experiment. He wanted humans to get into space on a much faster timeline than the Vulcans advised as reasonable. It took until I was over forty to finally get us into space, exploring on our own...and we learned how woefully unprepared we still were for a lot of it.” His smile didn’t dim, although there was a wobble at the edges in memory of people lost. “I couldn’t have managed half so well without my own Vulcan First Officer, T’Pol, but it took me years to find my own equilibrium with her and Vulcans as a whole.” His smile evaporated in an instant, and he said, “The loss of Vulcan has hit the Federation at a time when we were really just establishing a solid foundation. It’s been taken from us by the twin hits of Nero and Admiral Marcus. Your trial is another step toward attempting to make things right again.”

"Yes, Admiral, I understand you very well." Khan regarded Archer for a moment, then added, "In time, I hope that you find my people to be an equally valuable asset to the Federation. We were never a majority race, but strong, quick to learn, skillful, and driven. Captain Kirk believes we have a place in this future, and I hope to see it so. My people can be a part of that foundation, if you allow us."

“You already know that this trial won’t be an easy thing, but I believe that it will be a fair one, as much as a bunch of flawed people, regardless of their species, can make it,” Archer said. “But I also want to warn you that there is one more thing that may sway the ultimate decision. If you had succeeded in crashing the Vengeance into Starfleet Headquarters and killing the people there, you may have crippled the Federation for good. That’s a hard thing to think about objectively, no matter your reasons.”

"Yes, Admiral. I know." Khan said, the weight of events heavy in his voice. "I accept my role, and the sentence to come, whatever it may be. My hope remains, that my people are given an opportunity to show the good they are capable of, where I was not."

Admiral Archer reached out to give him a light thump on the arm and said, “President Fel tried to assure you that the outcome of this trial, nor any of the events before it, will affect the treatment of your people. I know there are deliberations ongoing about how exactly to handle their awakening. The decision has been made to awaken them, but how and when and where, that’s a complicated issue. The things that happened to you will influence their conceptions of the Federation, and rightly, so there’s worry that they won’t want a place in the Federation at all.”

Tilting his head to one side, Khan found the friendly gesture quite strange and bizarre from the Admiral. It seemed very much like something Jim would do. Which somehow, made it comforting. Acceptable, even. "Yes, I know. These words and assurances have been made. But I cannot help but to think on them constantly. False words and false assurances have been made to me before. And though I trust you, Admiral, and I trust Captain Kirk, and this Counsel, my thoughts remain on my people, until things are decided once and for all."

“My guess is that the decision on how to handle your people’s awakening will wait on the verdict of this trial,” Archer said and let out a long sigh. “However it ends up being done, I am going to recommend that at least Captain Kirk be there. Now, let’s get you back to the Enterprise for the night. ” He paused again and eyeballed Khan. “You are still content with being aboard the Enterprise? You don’t want a holding cell planetside? With some outside access, of course.”

"Thank you for your concern, Sir, but the Enterprise is suitable, as I am accustomed to my place there." And Khan had still been allowed certain privileges, even with the ongoing trial. "Unless you believe it is unfavorable to my defense?" Khan asked, thinking just the opposite, but would listen to Archer's counsel even so. 

“I see no reason why it should be,” Archer said and opened his communicator. “Admiral Archer to Enterprise.”

“Enterprise.” It was Jim’s voice on the line. 

“Mr. Singh is ready for beam-up,” Archer said. 

“Acknowledged. We’ll beam him up now. Have a good night, Admiral.”

“Same to you, Captain,” Archer said and clicked shut the communicator. “I plan on taking a long, hot bath and going to bed. I’m too old for these shenanigans.” He nodded to Khan. “Good evening, Mr. Singh. I’ll see you on the morrow.”

"Good evening, Admiral. And good night." Khan said, then stood back a pace for the Enterprise to beam him aboard. And within seconds, he was back aboard the Enterprise, on the transporter pad. There he paused to see if Jim was his only escort, or if a security detail was required this time. 

Jim grinned and dropped the shield over their link, grateful for the re-established thoughts and feelings between them. His shoulders lost a little of their rigidity. “Hello, Noonien,” he said. “How are you doing?” He stepped forward to offer a hand to his friend. “Want something to eat?”

"Thank you, Jim," Khan said, stepping down from the transporter pad. He took Jim's hand, but was in no rush to let go. "I could use something to eat, yes, please," Khan said, looking over his friend. "How did you manage, today?"

“It sucks to sit there in the crowd, shields raised between us, and not be able to do anything except listen,” Jim confessed. “I know Admiral Archer is doing all he can, and he’s doing a good job, but it’s still hard not to yell at them for some of the things they say.” He kept hold of Khan’s hand and gently tugged him. “Come on, we’ll get you something to eat...and me, too.” He led him toward the door, regretfully parting their hands before getting to the door. “How about you?”

"I understand your frustration, Jim. But you also know more then others in the room. I am satisfied with Admiral Archer and the way information is being relayed." Khan kept in stride with Jim down the hallway, then asked as they reached the turbolift, "If I may inquire, Jim, what is the attitude of those in the public seats at this time? I know there is anger, still, but...?"

Jim shook his head a moment and said, “It’s hard. Most of the spectators are family and friends of people who died as a result of everything that happened. People like that have trouble being forgiving. I know I did.” He sighed and leaned into Khan a little. “It doesn’t help that your first appearance you chose to issue a challenge...to call the trial a farce if they didn’t recognize your right to strike back.” He sent a wave of concern toward Khan, letting him know that he was only worried about the outcome.

"Yes, I know, Jim. My statement was perhaps too aggressive, but I needed to be heard. For those who believe in the Federation, and in Starfleet, these proceedings are difficult to hear, and in some cases, there are those who do not wish to hear it at all. Either because they do not want to be seen as at fault, or because they do not want to see an organization they have devoted themselves to be revealed as imperfect." 

“Well, I think we’re far beyond that point now,” Jim said. “You realize some of Marcus’ top aides have already been tried. The bloom is well off the rose.” He sighed and rubbed a bit at his eyes with his free hand. “I wish I was allowed to talk to you about strategy, but...we’re lucky you’re still allowed on the Enterprise and to interact with me. We owe Doc for that...her telling them that separating us would cause harm.”

"It is understandable, Jim. And I will not ask any more questions, or talk about the trial, if that is best. I simply wanted to gauge your perspective of the public mood." But having some of Marcus' people already tried and held accountable for their part was promising in Khan's mind. Their full statements regarding their activities would better illustrate the environment Khan had been fighting, from within. 

“No, that’s alright,” Jim said. “We just can’t talk about what I’m going to say, or what I think you should say, or what you are going to say...stuff like that. But the mood is alright. Honestly, it could be worse. I’m more interested in what the judges think. Can’t tell a thing about them. Buncha stonefaces.” He led Khan into the Officer’s Mess, which was deserted. “Come on, let’s have some food.”

Since the Enterprise remained in orbit of Earth, fresh foods were constantly available, without the need for rations or replicators. With this in mind, Khan treated himself to a large fruit and cheese tray, with fresh rye and sourdough bread. The augment rarely showed his appetite, but in this case, these simple, but flavorful foods were what he desired right now.

“Oh, that looks amazing,” Jim said and snagged a faux crab on sourdough sandwich, of a type he liked most strongly. He also chose some fruit and a few vegetables, along with a glass of milk. “It’s good to see you eating. I wish you did so more often. I know that enhanced body of yours takes calories to power.” He took a seat in a two-person table near the back, to be private in case any more people joined them in the mess. “If you eat all your fruit, you can have dessert,” he teased.

"Oh, I can- can I?" Khan asked, looking at Jim sideways before he smiled a little. But he began to eat, eating some things on his plate on their own, while other he matched up with something complementary in taste before consuming. "Tell me about the Enterprise, Jim. Or your crew. Distract me, with anything." Khan asked, not wanting to think about the trial for a few minutes. 

Jim smiled back and reverberated a sense of warmth between them, happy to bask in it during these few, private moments together. “The Enterprise is ready and rarin’ to go,” he said. “The repairs are done, but we’re not yet at full crew complement. I never did get to talk over some of the toughest choices with you. Our main needs are in Engineering. Scotty’s always attracting the more unusual candidates. People with brains...and real character. There are a few with official reprimands on their records that I want to seriously consider anyway.”

"I do not mind discussing these candidates now, if you are willing." Khan suggested. "What are the needs in Engineering, and who are your choices?" 

“Oh, let me grab a PADD,” Jim said and hopped up to snag one of the spares that were left in the mess for use. He logged in and pulled up a roster of names and qualifications and experience. “Here you go, these are five potentials for an engineering post working specially on the nacelles. Not a glamorous post, but the Enterprise gets 25 to a hundred entrants for every post. I’m partial to the Bolian and Orion, myself. She reminds me of a friend of mine who was killed by Nero.”

Khan looked over the profiles, reading their applications, examining their Academy records, and personal information. The augment was quiet for a long while, picking away at the food on his plate as he read over the information for all the candidates. "And how many are you willing, or able to take on?" Khan asked as he began to form opinions of his own. 

“Well, these are all for the one post, so...one of these five,” Jim said. “I have ten to look at for three posts next. The nacelle posting really is a specialized type of job. Not one where there’s a lot of chance for steep advancement, but it’s a crucial post for making sure the ship functions at full capacity. Especially important when you have to make a run for it.” He smiled a little at the memory of running from the Vengeance.

"I agree with your assessment of the Bolian. I believe their qualifications are sound, and temperament has suitable compatibility with Mr. Scott." Khan worked through and began to flag the ones that interested him. "I see your dilemma, Jim. These are all fine individuals." But not everyone could be chosen to work on Starfleet's flagship, the Enterprise. Some would have to be satisfied, with second best, or positions elsewhere, before moving up. 

“The Bolian it is. Lieutenant Daikk Licaff.” Jim held out his hand for the PADD. “I’ll make a note about the Orion. I want to encourage her to stick with it. Women in Engineering are rare enough. Orion women seldom escape from their bondage.” He reached out with his left leg and deliberately wrapped it around Khan’s.

Khan looked up at Jim and eased to sense that he was deliberately trying to reach out to him in this way. "She is a fine candidate as well." But the Bolian was a better match at this time in his eyes. Handing the PADD back over, Khan let his hands drop away. He reached under the table to press his fingers over Jim's knee at the joint, where his leg was bent to wrap around his own. "It is good of you to reach out to her. Encourage her, to continue." 

“I don’t know how she managed to get away. All of them that do have some horrible story about what life was like and some incredible saga about how they managed to get away. Before Nero- before Nero, there were plans to try and really deal with the Orion slave trade. With everything’s that happened, I’m more worried that they’ll try to take advantage of the Federation’s distractions to expand. You know, if you ever wanted to venture some options as to how to deal with them…” Jim signed off on the Bolian, composed a brief note to himself as a reminder to write the Orion and then pulled up the batch of ten. “I’m going to give these to you, sans my opinion and see what you think. Top three.”

Again, Khan took his time looking over each profile. After several quiet minutes, Khan finally spoke up, "My recommendations include: Lieutenant Har'ton, Lieutenant Britnell, and Ensign Rawson." He turned the PADD back over to Jim. "Which did you have in mind?" he asked, wanting to see if they were of similar thought on this, or if not, why Jim had alternative preferences. 

“Well, we’re two of three. Lieutenant Har’ton is not only an awesome engineer, she’s a Catian, and all horrible race prejudice aside...I love Catians! They're awesome. And Ensign Rawson has the qualifications, though he’s been busted back down to ensign for insubordination. I’ve read through the record...I think we can work with him, get him back on the right track. But Britnell. No, I didn’t see going there. His record’s good, and he’s got the requisite engineering skill, but didn’t you read him as being rather, well, arrogant? I’m not interested in trying to work with someone who’s got regulations tuck up his ass.” Jim was re-reading the records. Even though he’s not quite as qualified, I was going for Zaotaba. There are almost no Letheans in the Fleet. I’d like to have one.”

 

"I understand, Jim. In the end, it is your call to make. As for Britnell, I read his arrogance as a lack of challenging assignments in his life thus far. Troubleshooting on the Enterprise will require constant adaptive skills, and he will learn first hand on the job, and from Mr. Scott, that drawing-in-the-lines regulations have their place, but do not always work." Khan pushed a grape into his mouth and cracked it with his tongue as he considered further. "I understand the desire for representing diversity, Jim. But I believe Zaotabo would do best by gaining more experience on another starship. He will still be representing Letheans in the Fleet, just on another ship. That is my thinking." 

Jim held out his hand for the PADD and said, “Well, at least there are two easy choices. I’ll set aside the other two candidates for further consideration, accept Har’ton and Rawson, and let the other six down gently.” He took a big bite of his sandwich and chewed contentedly for a long moment. “I’ve been thinking of challenging Spock on one of his choices. He normally just selects exactly who he wants in the Sciences and implies anything more than my agreement is illogical. Generally, that’s the truth, but this year, I want somebody different in Geology.” He pulled up a list of names and narrowed it down to his choice, a Horta. “Her name is unpronounceable to humanoid tongues, so she chose Pahoehoe, which to me speaks of a great sense of humor, as well as having an intimate knowledge of Geology. She’s young by humanoid standards, but we’re not used to thinking like intelligent rocks yet.”

"Yes-" Khan looked over her information. "There is nothing wrong with your choice." He looked over the others before saying, "I assume Bereti was Commander Spock's choice?"

“More experience. Perfectly respectable choice in all ways. I kinda feel bad about nixing zhe. But...a chance to work with the first Horta in the Fleet, who chose to specialize in rocks? Not even a hard decision.” Jim grinned and reached back for the PADD. “Otherwise, Science was easy. Medical is another thing...Christine Chapel is Bones’ top pick for Head Nurse.” Jim pulled an awkward face.

"I believe you have a sound choice, Jim," Khan said, feeling that he should not have to change his mind. "What is your grievance against Nurse Chapel?" Khan prompted as he tore a bit of bread between his fingers before eating. 

“I don’t have one against her...she apparently has one against me,” Jim said, looking truly embarrassed and not trying to hide his mortification through their link. “Worse thing is...I don’t even remember her. She’s a brilliant nurse. Loads of awesome experience, several medals. I can’t deny her to Bones. Or her desire to work on the Enterprise, but I really wish I remember what I did.” He rubbed at his head. “My first year at the Academy, Bones and I were still trying to acclimate to the huge changes in our lives. Sometimes, we drank too much. Him more than me, but I confess to more than one night where I don’t really recall everything I did. Blackout drunk. Not exactly stellar behavior.”

Khan sensed that Jim was embarrassed by this, but found the idea alarming nevertheless. "Has she written a formal complaint against you? Have you spoken to her, regarding what may have happened?" Khan asked, attempting to be direct, but also delicate. Khan looked Jim over, having not encountered this side of him before. "Is that something you still do?"

“First, no, thank fuck,” Jim said, putting added emphasis on the swear word. “And that makes me think that whatever happened, it was mutually done, but my actions after were what caused her anger. And I can’t really ask her about it. I mean, I can. Maybe I even should. But I’m not sure it’s really wise to confess that I don’t remember her at all. Best guess, we had sex. Probably pretty wild sex, since I know me when I get drunk. Since I never woke up in her bed or with her at all, I wandered off at some point after and then never even spoke to her again. Hence, all kinda of hurt feelings. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to resolve that by confessing that I wasn’t even aware at the time because I was drunk off my ass.” He put a hand over his eyes for a second. “And no, of course I don’t do that anymore. Not since that first year. Get a little pissed with Bones now and then, but nothing more.” 

"This seems to be something that will weigh on you, until it is resolved, Jim," Khan said, watching Jim work through the emotions of what he was feeling, regarding a time when he was not respectful of himself, or those he took to bed. But Khan made not judgment on this and instead pressed his hand to the table in offering. "My suggestion, is that you speak with her. Admit that you had connected during an irresponsible phase in your life, apologize, and hopefully she will be forthcoming with the details you are missing. It stands to reason, she is looking for resolution as well, or at least validation, so that she does not have to carry this anger towards you, indefinitely." 

“Well, it’s some kind of sign when she applied for the Head Nurse position on the Enterprise, after literally fleeing to the other side of the galaxy to escape me only a few years ago,” Jim said. “Her service on the Outer Rim is damn impressive, too. There’s not a lot of help out there. Just the doctors and nurses, like Chapel, on the Starbase. Everyone comes to them in times of crisis. Takes a lot of nerve to work in those conditions.” He blew out a long, low sigh. “After everything else I’ve had to face in the past years, I guess apologizing to Ms. Chapel is the least of them, but it feels a lot harder.”

As he listened, Khan felt that her service and experience was indeed impressive. "If I may suggest, mention that you respect her work and believe she is a strong asset to the Enterprise, and therefore, do not want to jeopardize your working relationship by what has happened in the past. Apologize, Jim, I believe it is important." Khan still had some hefty apologies of his own to make and knew how difficult it was to choose the right words that would be heard, with the full weight and meaning of their intention. 

“And hope Carol is nowhere near us when I do,” Jim added with a little pout. “She’s a close friend of Chapel’s.” He sighed and squared his shoulders. “Actually, Sickbay really didn’t need much in the way of new personnel. They got pretty fortunate in the attacks. And I tend not to mess with Bones’ choices anyway, unless I’m just poking at him. He knows the needs of Sickbay much better than I do. We’re the most diverse group on the medical side of any starship staff. All of the main doctors are xenobiologists, so they can cover much more than just human illness and injury. Bones really takes a lot of pride in that. And so do I.”

"Yes, as you should, Jim," Khan agreed. After all, what good was it to know how to set human bones in place, when a Tellarite was bleeding out on the floor? Doctors and nurses on the Enterprise showed great knowledge of a variety of species and illnesses, and what they didn't know, they were excited to research. 

“Oh, I have an excellent set you can help me pick! Security. I lost a lot of them…” Jim’s frown returned, this time sad at the edges. “They’re the group with the most likelihood of getting killed on duty, which makes sense, but I still hate it. I’ve been hoping to add a few more members from outside humans there, too. There’s a Gorn, in particular, that I want. I’m actively recruiting her. Not used to having to chase people I want. Interestingly, there’s a Tellarite among the applicants for the Security posts. Unusual. I’m tempted to take him simply for asking for the job.”

"It takes all types of personalities to serve as Security." Khan said fairly. As before Jim had come to him, his own security team ensuring that he remained in his cell had been compromised of a mix of species, including human, Betazoid, Andorian, Trill, Wraith, and Caitian. "I see one of the applicants is an Allasomorph, that would be quite useful," he said, while simultaneously imagining that a Romulan or Klingon would also do well as a security officers, if either of their races decided to align with the Federation. 

“I'm thinking of just asking Starfleet if we can carry more than the usual complement and take them all aboard,” Jim said. “With five years in deep space, I’m afraid we might need the added Security, especially. We’ll be going into a lot of unknown situations. And I understand now about not getting cocky about the likelihood of bringing everyone back alive.” He scowled deeply at the tabletop. “I had a clean record for a long time.”

"It is a fair request, for a five year mission. Also considering that security officers will be on the front lines, for every away mission, to ensure the safety of others. Even if 80% of your missions are safe and without incident, you will still want to provide a relief crew, as they will be under a great deal of stress, more than your average science officer.”

“Only your average captain suffers more,” Jim agreed in a mostly joking fashion. “Oh, hey, check out the Denobulan who Uhura selected for Communications. They’ve been in the Federation since the beginning, but only a select few venture into space with Starfleet. I’ve always wanted to meet Dr. Phlox, who traveled on the first Enterprise. Admiral Archer has some great stories about him...about all of them, really.” He handed back the PADD. “There wasn’t much movement in Communications. There’s never a lot of staff in the division.”

"You don't have to go on every ground mission, you realize," Khan said with a little smile for his friend. As unwise as it was to endanger the Captain on every mission, he also knew that Jim had a daring personality and wasn't one to be left behind. "Admiral Archer had begun to open up to me, about his former command...he is well regarded, yes?"

“Terrifies the plebes, but highly respected everywhere,” Jim said. “Every year I was in the Academy and for years before, there was a betting pool on his retirement. But I don’t think he’d be happy if he weren’t still working with Starfleet. He’s never had a family. And he lost his best friend years ago, on the first Enterprise. There are still rumors, about Archer and Charles ‘Trip’ Tucker the Third.” He looked saddened for a moment, eyes hooded. “His death helped make the Federation possible. Sucks to think that such a short time later, Marcus would act in a way that could rip it all apart again.”

"I admit, I do not know much about his contributions. I have received little exposure to how the Federation was founded, or the obstacles over the years." Khan said, still feeling very secure with Archer on his side, from what little he did know of the man. 

“Well, I’ve tried to at least erase all the junk Marcus fed you,” Jim said. “I guess it’s remiss of me not to help you learn the real part...if you want. There’s lots of writing out there about it. Perspectives from all of the original founding member species, as well as the ones who’ve joined since. There’s even a couple of them from the perspective of enemies...we managed to get our hands on the history of the Federation from the Romulan perspective. Now, that’s interesting reading. I kind of want to meet a contemporary Romulan, actually. Nero rather warped my perception.”

"Nero and his crew were not modern representatives of the Romulan Empire." This Khan did know. "Did the Empire make any attempt to denounce Nero? To make peace with the Federation?" He knew the Romulans were aggressively minded, especially in comparison to their Vulcan cousins. The Romulans cared a great deal about rank and had certain pride as a culture, but even so, the events with Nero would have given them a glimpse at a destructive future, that perhaps they could learn from.

“They neither endorsed nor renounced him,” Jim said. “They basically remained silent during and since his attacks on the Federation. For awhile, they seemed even to be building up to take advantage of the chaos he caused, but perhaps their honor stopped them. We don’t really know much about them. The policy for the moment is to just let it be. We have enough on our plates. But sometime, I’d like to see us extend the figurative olive branch their way. I’ve always liked a challenge.” He flashed his grin, eyes bright again.

"Yes, I imagine the Romulan Empire could make for a great ally, if the terms were right." Khan said, wondering if such a thing were possible in Jim's lifetime. Quietly, Khan felt the same was true for his own people. He could easily recommend one of his own for each of the positions Jim had to fill on the Enterprise. But they were a long way from allowing augments to serve on a spaceship. The future felt very uncertain, regardless of everyone's reassurances. 

“Noonien?” Jim asked, sensing some distress through the bond. “Are you alright? I mean, I know things are pretty stressful right now, but...how are you doing?” He reached out with a hand now, wanting the contact.

"Yes, Jim. Thank you." Khan sighed softly and accepted Jim's hand. "Everyone has done well to assure me that my people will be taken care of, regardless of the outcome of my trail. You. Admiral Archer. Zhe President. But I cannot help but remain worried about their future." 

“Well, yeah, that’s only natural,” Jim agreed. “I’d worry about my crew in a similar situation. Hell, I already have. Well, not a similar situation...you know what I mean.” Jim squeezed the warm, strong fingers entwined with his. “Can’t change that until we get through this.” He ducked his head and took a deep breath. “Noonien, I know you didn’t want to think anymore about the trial tonight, but will you answer me one question?”

Khan looked to their joined hands, thinking on his people as Jim spoke. Then when he was prompted with a question, he turned his head to look at Jim directly. "Yes. You may ask me anything."

“What do you think would be a fair verdict? A fair outcome to this proceeding?” Jim asked quietly, studying his face. “Once everyone has all the facts they can have about what everybody did and why and how...what would be right?”

The question weighed on Khan, and had from the beginning. His fingers twitched against Jim's hand, "I do not know, Jim. But I am prepared to accept the judgment, whatever it is." After all, they could not simply tally up the dead and multiply by five to reach the number of years Khan should remain in prison. That was not how it worked. Nor was it easy to say that Khan had retroactively paid, by his mistreatment from Marcus. 

“Noonien,” Jim whispered, looking pained. “I’m pretty torn, too. I want it to be fair without even knowing what fair is in this case. You were under supreme duress for all of it, but you were also cool and calculating. You knew what you were doing.” He shook his head and touched the bond between them very deliberately. “But I also know that it wasn’t really you.”

"Jim. You should not say that. It was me. Angry. In grief. And vicious," Khan said, worried that Jim might be tempted to make Khan sound better then he was, when questioned. "But I am not that man any more." Khan used his thumb to stroke Jim's wrist, quiet for a minute. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” Jim confessed. “Especially not through this proceeding.” He shook himself internally and offered a warm smile to Khan. “Sorry for the gloom. I didn’t mean to bring everything down. You really were helpful about crew members. We can talk more about them later. Maybe tomorrow night, if we have time for dinner again. Are you done with your food?”

"Jim," Khan said, in a way, ignoring how Jim deflected his feelings by trying to talk about something else. He held onto Jim's hand and leaned in, pressing a light, and brief kiss to the side of Jim's cheek. "Soon, you will have satisfied the needs of your crew, and you will head out into deep space, on your five year mission." And Khan would be in jail, certainly, for those same five years. "And when you return, I will still be here. You are not losing me, my friend." 

Jim’s face crumpled further, though he returned the kiss warmly to Khan’s nearest cheek. “I like the idea of going five years without you even less.” He leaned into Khan lightly and said, “But I’m not even sure it would be healthy to separate. We better talk to the Doc about it. We’ve never really asked explicitly, once it was established that the bond wouldn’t hurt us by forming.” 

"Do not be upset, my friend." Khan said as he abruptly stood and pulled Jim into his arms, hugging him without care. The idea had briefly pressed into his mind, that he might serve Starfleet, as part of his sentence, as a gesture of good faith. But that was not for him to decide. "We can talk to the Doctor, yes ... I will be here."

Jim held on tightly and moved his face so their cheeks pressed together lightly. This calmed him a bit, though, and he released a long breath. “Would you go with us if you could, Noonien? If nothing else stood in your way?” He turned his head to kiss the augment tenderly, not caring that anyone might walk in on them. This was more important to them both. And the officers of the Enterprise were discreet.

"Yes, Jim," Khan said with a soft purr, pleased by the mere fantasy of this suggestion. "I would go, with you," he said, feeling drawn to his companionship to Jim, more then the trip itself. "If I were an Academy graduate, a member of Starfleet, I would easily satisfy myself with a place in engineering." But Khan was none of those things. "I would go with you." 

Jim pressed their foreheads together for a long moment and then huffed out a disgruntled noise. “I don’t believe in no win scenarios. I never have and I never will. We’ll find a way to make this work out, Noonien. Maybe I should learn to put a little more faith into the organization I’ve sworn an oath to, huh? And I do believe in you.”

"Jim." Khan said softly, nuzzling their foreheads together a little before settling again, simply happy to be touching. I already consider this a win, Jim. I am alive. And well. My people are alive. And will be protected. You are my friend and ... perhaps some day, my lover. I am not afraid. 

Jim sighed and leaned in to kiss him again, this time wrapping his arms around the augment firmly. When you put it like that, things don’t seem so bad at all. I may just need reminding from time to time. He parted their mouths and smiled at Khan. “Want some dessert? I think you’ve earned it.”

Khan held Jim, happily and warmly in his arms as they kissed. His fingers slid into the short hairs at the back of Jim's head, enjoying the silky touch. "No, thank you. I should return to my room. It will be another long, and straining day, and I want to rest, and reflect on what will be said." Khan pressed his lips to Jim's neck, slowly kissing him there.

“Yeah, alright,” Jim said reluctantly, angling his head to let Khan’s lips slide over the skin of his neck. “I should escort you back.” He made a low noise. “I’m not really eager to do that.” He hummed under his breath as wickedly talented fingers stroked his neck. Finally, he parted from the other man and gazed at him with soft eyes. “Try to get some sleep, yeah?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said gently, letting his hands drift down as he finally let go. "And you as well. Please."

“I’ll try,” Jim said. “But the closer we get to me testifying, the harder it is. I probably won’t sleep a wink the night before. Spend the whole time pacing the Enterprise. Maybe I’ll have Bones give me a light sedative, just to make sure I get some rest.” He sighed and lightly kissed Khan’s chin. “Don’t even know who’s going to call me yet.”

"If it means you get rest, and lessen your anxiety, then yes, I hope you do ask Doctor McCoy for a light sedative." Khan said, and gave a small purr as Jim kissed his chin. He liked the attention, but also associated it fondly with their time hiking together and encountering the wolf pack. "Zha President will make the final decision. But I trust that you will do fine."

“Yeah, let’s go to bed before I worry myself into a frazzle,” Jim muttered and took Khan’s hand again to lead him out of the Mess. “One day at a time, right?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, following in stride with his friend so that Khan could be returned to his room.


	11. Chapter 11

"If you would please, Captain, state your name for the record." Lieutenant Commander Oamus Malen had been selected as a neutral party to ask relevant questions of Captain Kirk by zha President Fel. He was a male Betazoid, with the characteristic dark eyes, and dark hair, and though he was not a strong telepath, he had skills enough to know when someone was lying or withholding information. 

Before his introduction, President Fel had issued the ruling of the court pertaining to the testimony of Captain James T. Kirk and how his unusual circumstances had prompted the panel to decide to have him questioned by a neutral party, with both sides being able to submit questions. Zha indicated that the testimony of Captain Kirk was to be considered solely on its merit and not as slanted toward either side, though he was also a key witness. Zha then turned it over to Lieutenant Commander Oamus Malen, who was an ambassador in training, someone whose future was negotiation at high level meetings. This was a testing ground for his skills as impartial administrator.

“My name is James Tiberius Kirk,” Jim said, chin up and voice strong. He looked out over the crowds in the visitor’s viewing area, noting that the benches were crammed full again.

"Thank you, Captain," Oamus said, facing Kirk as he spoke, instead of being one of those who paced or walked every which way. "You have already made your oath to tell the truth in these proceeding, to the best of your ability and knowledge. Do you consent to continue with the questions submitted by the court?" 

Jim nodded at the Betazoid and said in the same tone, “I do, Commander.” He looked over the whole crowd and added, though it was not necessary, “I owe that to Starfleet, which is an organization I believe in.” He turned back to the Betazed. “Ask your questions.”

"Captain Kirk, would you please describe for the court, the events surrounding the first time you encountered Mr. Singh," Oamus asked, starting from the beginning of events, as they related to the young Captain. 

“The first time I saw Khan Noonien Singh was in a holophoto during a briefing of all captains and commanders, along with the late Admiral Marcus and his staff, where he was identified as John Harrison, a traitorous Starfleet Lieutenant who was responsible for blowing up the Kelvin Archive. If you will pardon the aside, it did not occur to me at the time to wonder how they identified the traitor so quickly or by what evidence, because I was preoccupied with wondering why anyone would target an archive. I did not know at the time of the existence of Section 31. I assumed that it was to make sure all of the captains and commanders gathered in one place for easy attack...I was correct in that. I first saw Mr. Singh in person through the shattered windows of the same building, after I managed to blow out the engines on his vessel, which had brought him to us. It was only a few seconds view, before he transported out of sight.”

"To clarify for the court-" Oamus said as he addressed the judges, "-Mr. Singh is not a member of Starfleet, and therefore, does not hold the rank of Lieutenant. This was fabricated for the persona of John Harrison to conceal the true identity of Mr. Singh." Oamus then turned his attention back to Kirk. "Captain Kirk, would you describe for the court, the events surrounding the second time you encountered Mr. Singh?"

“Does the court wish me to focus on the encounter itself or the series of events that led to the second encounter?” Jim asked, seeking clarification. There was a great deal more to cover if the second, but it would also make more transparent the way the actions had transpired. As well as Jim’s own culpability in the matter.

Oamus gave a polite smile as he answered, "The court is interested in all information you may deem as relevant, Captain Kirk. And questions will be asked to deepen our understanding of events. But if you could, first describe the encounter itself."

“The second time I saw Mr. Singh was the first time I spoke to him, although it wasn’t much of a conversation. As I will explain in a moment, we pursued Mr. Singh, whom we still believed was Lieutenant Harrison, to Qu’noS, on the explicit instructions of the late Admiral Marcus. However, we disobeyed his orders to kill Mr. Singh using the experimental torpedoes that we were given and instead, journeyed to the surface to apprehend him. However, we were ourselves intercepted by a squadron of Klingons and engaged in battle. Mr. Singh fired the first shot of the engagement, saving the life of Lieutenant Nyota Uhura by doing so. After that, it was several moments of hard scrabble fighting before I saw him myself...and only after he saved my life, as well.” He took a deep breath, reseeing those moments in his mind. “I knew right away that he was no human. He took out the Klingons with speed and strength and ferocity that I have never seen before or since, and I faced down Nero. If I had not been so angry at the moment, I might have marveled more, but as it was, the whole thing only made me more enraged. When the Klingons all lay dead, and Mr. Singh stood before me and surrendered, after demanding to know how many torpedoes we carried, which Commander Spock answered, I punched him in the face and kneed him in the stomach and damn near broke my hand and leg doing it. He barely seemed to notice. He only said one word after, a mocking, ‘Captain,’ before I finally followed the law and took him into custody.”

There was some quiet murmurs of shock shared by those in the public seats. The events on Qu'noS were not publicly known, and the idea of Starfleet officers encountering Klingons was worrying. 

"Captain, why was the number of torpedoes relevant to Mr. Singh's surrender?" Oamus asked, after allowing the crowd to come to terms with some of what Kirk had already said. 

“At the time, we didn’t know,” Jim said. “As soon as Commander Spock informed Mr. SIngh that we had seventy-two of them, he surrendered. Although he had already proven that he could easily defeat us. It was only after he hinted that we should take a closer look at the torpedoes that we discovered there were people inside them. Three hundred year old cryogenically frozen people...Khan’s family. At the same time, we also realized that Admiral Marcus couldn’t have not known they were there...at least, Commander Spock did. I admit that I was floundering about throughout the entire proceedings to this point. The death of Admiral Pike, along with my last real briefing with him, where he informed me that I was unfit for command and stripped me of the Enterprise, had knocked me completely off kilter. In all fairness, Commander Spock would have been within his rights to remove me from command in my state.”

Oamus gently cleared his throat, as neither prosecution nor defense would want to hear any word against Jim as unfit. Especially since that might tread on whether Kirk was a fit witness at all. "To clarify. There were seventy-two cryogenically frozen augments inside the torpedoes? And they were intended to be used as weapons? Captain Kirk, if you had fired those weapons on Mr. Singh, while he was on Qu'noS, as you were ordered by Admiral Marcus, what would have happened?"

“The last of the augments would have been destroyed,” Jim said. “We would have committed genocide, on top of firing on an unsuspecting planet and starting a war with the Klingons. All of which was the late Admiral Marcus’ plan.” He folded his arms across his chest and leveled a short glare at Oamus, letting him know that he would be telling the truth, regardless of what anyone wanted to hear.

Oamus looked to President Fel and the other judges. Genocide and warmongering was not the Starfleet the Lieutenant Commander had pledged himself to. And he believed that the others felt the same way. "Captain Kirk, after Mr. Singh surrendered to your custody, did you speak with him at all?"

Jim frowned and said, “Multiple times. The first, right after he was brought aboard, processed and had a chance to shower, eat, and change, per Regulations. Due to what we would learn from Mr. Singh was sabotage of the Enterprise’s engines, we were stranded near Qu’noS. I went with Commanders Spock and McCoy to speak with Mr. Singh and also get a sample of his blood. Primarily the latter. I wanted to know how he had managed to destroy two squads of Klingons with so little effort. Mr. Singh provoked the discussion we had, by saying it was not in my best interest to tune him out. He told me to look inside the torpedoes...and he gave me a set of coordinates that led my Chief Engineer, who had resigned temporarily, to the Vengeance…” He paused and looked to the Betazoid, wondering if he had more questions prior to discussing the next talk he had with Khan.

"Sabotage to the Enterprise's engines. Who did that, Captain? Mr. Singh?" Oamus asked, even though he knew the answer, but needed Kirk to say it.

“With all due honesty, we don’t know the exact culprit, unless that has been discovered through the investigation of Section 31,” Jim said. “There was obviously no opportunity for it to have been Mr. Singh. Given the timing of the malfunction and the late Admiral Marcus’ stated goals, it is most logical that someone working for Section 31 caused the malfunction.”

"Thank you, Captain." Oamus said, before starting another line of conversation. "You mentioned that Mr. Singh provided you with coordinates for the Vengeance. He was being forthcoming with information. In contrast, was he at all volatile or threatening while your prisoner?" 

“Uh.” Jim frowned and said, “That depends very highly on what you mean. Mr. Singh was not respectful, though there was cause for that. And he knew how to manipulate us and did so throughout our encounters. However, he also told the truth and did not actually become violent toward us until after I had Commander Scott attempt to stun him on the bridge of the Vengeance. After that, well, yes, he was more than just volatile and threatening. He killed Marcus, broke Lieutenant Carol Marcus’ leg, knocked out Commander Scott and beat me severely. However...I must confess to firing the first shot. Or at least, ordering it to be fired.”

"The defense has attempted to argue that Mr. Singh was at war with Starfleet. In your encounters with him, did he ever mention this? Did he ever claim to be at war with Starfleet?"

Jim considered this very carefully and answered finally, “In those words, no. His actions indicated that he was in a personal battle with Section 31 and the late Admiral Marcus. And once he believed his people were dead, exploded with the torpedoes, than he directed the Vengeance to fly into Starfleet Headquarters. That kind of action feels more like revenge than war, but I can’t speak to Mr. Singh’s ideas on the matter. But he never used the words war except as a description of what the late Admiral Marcus wanted. Not himself.”

"Thank you, Captain." Oamus said. "The court is aware that you were not present for Mr. Singh's eventual and final capture. Nor were you available to speak as a witness for his first trail. But you went to visit him, while he was in Starfleet custody. Why was that, Captain Kirk?"

“At the time, I needed closure,” Jim said. “I had died. Went into the warp core of the Enterprise knowing that I would never come out. But I did. I owed both my death and life to Mr. Singh. I wanted some way to deal with that reality. I don’t know if it would have worked, but…” He shrugged and then said, “And I felt I owed him that much. To talk to him face-to-face before he was put back into cryofreeze, and we never saw each other again.”

Oamus nodded simply at this answer, feeling this was a reasonable response, at least for humans and several humanoids. "Can you please describe for the court what you encountered, upon visiting Mr. Singh in his cell?"

“It was obvious that he was unwell, wandering in his mind. His reactions were erratic. He called me his brother, like I was one of the other augments. And...he looked wrong, not at all the strong, confident man I had met and fought against and beside.” Jim glanced over at where Khan sat now. “I’ve never seen that man again.”

Oamus blinked, found that he had paused, then asked, "Please Captain, could you clarify? What man have you not seen again?" 

“The one I met on Qu’noS and aboard the Enterprise. The one who wiped the floor with the security guards and then with me on the Vengeance.” Jim’s mouth firmed up a bit. “I don’t know if he survived that day either.”

"If I may interpret your meaning, Captain. Physically, this was the same Mr. Singh you had encountered before, but emotionally, he was different?" Oamus prompted, but added a follow-up question. "You mentioned before that while he was your prisoner, Mr. Singh was actively manipulating you. Perhaps this apparent weakness was an act? To manipulate you further?" 

Jim made a little face and said, “On the Enterprise, we all knew that manipulation was going on. When we talked in his cell, there was nothing about Mr. Singh’s demeanor that indicated he could tell up from down or present from past. And I suppose it could all have been an amazing act, except for the link.”

"Thank you for bringing that up, Captain Kirk. Can you please explain to the court, what link you are referring to?"

“In an act of self-preservation, as the good doctor explained to you, Khan’s mind latched onto mine as a stabilizing force. It was not something done consciously by either of us. In fact, per the doctor’s testimony, a similar bond has never been seen between two fundamentally Terran beings. Through the link, we first shared only emotions, really. His were all over the map. He was afraid and confused, mostly. He didn’t know what had happened to him.” Jim squared his shoulders and said, “Based on that, I knew that not only was he not faking, but that his first trial had been a sham, as well. So, I contacted Admiral Archer.”

"This link invites many questions, Captain. But first, I think the court would like to know, is this mental link between yourself and Mr. Singh dangerous? Do you experience the same anger and confusion, or pain, as Mr. Singh?"

“I feel it, but it’s not like it overwhelms me,” Jim said. “We can’t control each other through the link, but it did serve to give Khan’s mind something to latch onto. An organized center to help calm the disorganization that had spread throughout his mind. Over time, the link has changed, to where we can now shield each other from all of our thoughts and feelings, as well as hold conversations telepathically. Right now, per order of the court, we each have our shields up and the doctor is monitoring to make sure we don’t converse. But it feels like part of me is missing.”

Khan remained still throughout Jim's questioning. He did not want to take away from anything Jim had to say, and therefore, kept his eyes down as he listened. There were several times he wanted to meet Jim's eyes, like now, but would not risk making even an accidental connection through their link.

"Captain, are you saying that you feel emotionally attached to Mr. Singh? Despite the anger and grief his actions have put you through?" 

“I am literally emotionally and mentally attached to Mr. Singh,” Jim stated with a firm tone. “Our minds have strengthened and solidified the link to the point where, even though his mind is healed, severing the connection between us would be unhealthy. The doctor already confirmed that for you, as well. As for Mr. Singh’s past actions, well, I will say that I understand things from his perspective a great deal better now. I cannot and will not condone many of the choices he made, but I comprehend the anger and despair which drove him to commit them. I can say without hesitation that if Admiral Marcus had treated Mr. Singh and his people per Starfleet’s mandates and the Prime Directive, then we may already have an ally powerful and intelligent enough to help us counterbalance the loss of Vulcan.”

That was quite a statement, and even Oamus took a moment to process it. The loss of Vulcan was still deeply felt, as the repercussions continued to ripple through current events. "Captain, perhaps with your insight into Mr. Singh's mind, and as a Starfleet officer, you could speculate if Mr. Singh is still a threat to the Federation? Is his war with Starfleet over?" 

“If the Federation does not break its word to Mr. Singh on the fair and equitable treatment of his people, then he will no longer have any reason to attack Starfleet or her allies. However, even with my connection to him, I have no doubt that any sign of deception or mistreatment of his people will have tragic consequences for all,” Jim said softly. “And not necessarily just from Mr. Singh.”

Sometimes it sounded strange for Lieutenant Commander Oamus Malen to speak both for and against the augment Khan, depending upon his question, but it was his job to represent both sides, regardless of personal conclusions or feelings on the matter. "Captain Kirk, are you saying that you would endorse Mr. Singh if he took action against Starfleet again? Or that you believe he has allies, aside from his people?"

Jim straightened his spine and looked around the courtroom, making sure to catch the eyes of the judges on the panel. “If anyone took unjustified, harmful actions against the augments, I would not be able to stand by. I would hope that the same sentiment exists in other members of the Federation. There is much discussion still to be had to decide how to treat the currently sleeping augments, but whatever decision is made should be done with their best interests in mind.”

"Thank you, Captain," Oamus said, then glanced to President Fel. "It appears we will pause for a lunch," he said, then looked to Kirk again with a nod. "Thank you, Captain Kirk, you may step down now. We shall continue after the court recess." 

Jim nodded to the Betazed and the Court as a whole, before stepping down for the moment. He walked with as steady a gait as possible until he could escape into the relative privacy of the witness room. He found a seat there and allowed himself a moment to compose his nerves.

Admiral Archer turned to Khan and said, “We have the opportunity to submit more questions to Captain Kirk. Do you have anything you’d like the court to ask him?”

Khan finally lifted his eyes once Jim left for the next room. "No, Admiral Archer, I believe Captain Kirk was quite fair in his answers. Anything more would be speculation on his part. Further questions can be directed to me." Khan said, glancing at the way Jim had gone, before looking to Archer once more. "How do you feel it went?" 

“I think it went well,” Archer said after a moment’s thought. “Captain Kirk managed to make clear that his opinions were his own and not swayed by you. However, he did not neglect to describe the link or how well it’s allowed you to understand each other. At least, how much it’s given him insight into him.” He lifted a PADD and began to jot down some more questions for the Betazoid: 1. Describe how Admiral Marcus used your connection to Admiral Pike in an attempt to get you to kill Mr. Singh and use the torpedoes. 2. Describe Mr. Singh’s actions in the space jump between the Enterprise and the Vengeance. 3. Discuss how Mr. Singh views your relationship now.

On the other side, the prosecution was also writing down a few more questions: 1. Describe Mr. Singh’s views on non-augmented life prior to your link. 2. Discuss why you had Mr. Singh phasered on the bridge of the Vengeance. 3. Have you forgiven Mr. Singh for the death of your crew? For the death of Admiral Pike?

After a long and needed recess, Captain Kirk was called to witness again. And with questions submitted by both the prosecution and defense, Lieutenant Commander Oamus Malen spent the rest of the day getting detailed answers from Jim Kirk. Several of the responses caused for quiet chatter from the public, but never enough to disrupt the court.

The remaining questions were mostly difficult for Jim, and he suffered a bit answering some of them, particularly when it came to his feelings about Admiral Pike. He could still see Spock kneeling by his dead friend, their friend, and feel the sobs that choked his breath and threatened to spill in front of everyone in a horrible set of howls. He still felt deep anger over the man’s senseless end, but it was directed toward Marcus now and all of Section 31. There was still not a lot productive in the feeling, but at least he had the right target now. Khan had acted in vicious self-defense and grief. He had not known that all of Starfleet were not the same as Marcus’ Section 31. And he knew he lost Khan some points in his explanation of why he’d had Scotty phaser him, as well as the truth of Khan’s response. He could still feel the angry fists on his face, the way Khan tossed him about like a ragdoll. 

"Thank you, Captain Kirk," Oamus said. "There are no further questions."

And it was over, a full day of testimony, and Jim staggered off feeling emotionally worn out and physically drained, as well. 

Admiral Archer watched the Captain go a moment, before turning his attention to his client. “Tomorrow is your turn,” he said. “Are you ready?”

"Yes, Admiral," Khan said as he watched Jim go. He knew that Jim and even Archer believed in the truth of his words, but worried that others would not. "I am ready," Khan said with a small sigh, still willing to accept any outcome. 

Archer raised an eyebrow at the response and said, “We still have the option not to have you testify. I wouldn’t honestly like to do that this late, but it’s something for you to think about.” He patted Khan on the shoulder. “I’m basically going to just guide you through your perspective on all of the events, let you lead the way. The prosecution will not be so kind. Just keep your cool and feel free to call for a break if you need one. That’s within your rights.”

"No, Admiral. I will testify. There are things that need to be said, from my own lips." Khan looked to Archer and said, "My concern is...my natural demeanor may been seen as too cold. But any attempt to be otherwise will be seen as false or as a form of deception, which is not the impression I wish to give, either." 

“I know you’re not a cold man at heart, Mr. Singh. I’ve seen that in your actions, if not always in your words,” Admiral Archersaid. “If you feel that you’re coming off as cold, it might help you to consider your family. You speak of them with passion. Why not speak for them with the same passion? You’re doing this in part for them. For their future. That should help you find the reservoir of passion.”

"Thank you, Admiral. That is sound advice." Khan said. After all, even at his most vicious, Khan had been acting as a protector for his people. They were truly the heart of him, and always had been, since the beginning, when they were children, learning how to rule the world. 

“And maybe a little for the most human member of your family, too?” Archer asked with a nod in the direction Kirk took to head out. “Your regard for him is a good sign that you can also care for more than just augments. That you can respect others.” 

"Yes, Admiral. Of course," Khan said. On that issue, Khan felt like he would be fighting the history books, but would do what he could, to prove himself as something other than a dictator that cared nothing for human lives. That was not who he was, nor had ever been. But proving it, so that people would see more then a killer augment, that was the task. "Thank you."

“Do you want to speak of anything else before you head back to the Enterprise?” Archer asked with a slight smile for the augment. “I suggest a good night of rest for you.” He offered him a pat on the shoulder, careful to make sure it was welcome. “And start by talking to Jim. I’m sure he’s worried.”

Khan nodded in agreement. "Yes, I owe Jim my thanks for his willingness to speak today. And ease his concerns. It will be difficult to find rest tonight, but I will attempt it, even so." Khan regarded Archer for a moment before saying, "Thank you for your advice, Admiral. You have done well to counsel me." 

“That’s my duty, Mr. Singh, and my privilege,” Archer said, gathering up his cane and PADDs. He offered a warm smile to the other man and his hand. “Tomorrow’s the last day for testimony. I’m glad they allowed you to testify after Captain Kirk. Go. Eat. Rest.” 

Khan knew that depending on the outcome of tomorrow, he might not get a chance to thank Archer properly, or say goodbye to him. Accepting his hand, Khan shook once, then bowed respectfully from the waist. "Sir," he said, expressing his admiration for the man, regardless of his title as Admiral. 

“Do not be so dour, Mr Singh,” Archer said and lightly patted his shoulder again. “There is little chance the panel will take less than a week to decide what to do. Not that it’s a great consolation to have to wait, but you’ll be on the Enterprise. Now, shoo.” He waved away the augment like he would a small child and moved slowly away toward the other exit.

In turn, Khan headed out the way Jim had gone, in order to return to the Enterprise together. He had never had anyone in his life treat him as Archer did. It lingered in his mind, as he did not know what to do with these encounters, except perhaps share them with Jim to see what he made of it all.


	12. Chapter 12

Admiral Archer stood and said with great gravity, “I call my last witness to the stand, zha President- Khan Noonien Singh.” He gestured for the augment to take his place at the bar, even as the crowd seemed to lean forward from every seat. Including the panel.

The events of the trial were broadcasted every day, receiving all forms of media attention, which were shared thought Starfleet and the Federation. The trial of Khan Noonien Singh was not to be swept under the carpet, censored, or silenced. It would be public knowledge to all. And as such, on the day Khan was to take the stand, there was more coverage, and more individuals wanting to watch and listen from the public seats, than there had been from all the previous days.

Khan approached, bowed to President Fel and the judges, then took his seat.

“Would you please state your name for the record?” Archer asked. “Along with the title you carry among your people.” He wanted everyone to understand how khan saw himself and how the augments saw him.

"My name is Noonien," Khan said, as this was the first name had had been given that was entirely his own. An intimate name, that only Jim knew to call him. "But to my people, my name and my title is Khan," he said, then clarified, "Khan Noonien Singh."

“Please tell the court what the title of Khan signifies to your people and what it signified on Earth, before you left,” Archer said, wanting the other man to elaborate further as to what being Khan was.

"To my people, being identified as Khan means I am their leader." Khan said, "It means their wellbeing is my responsibility." And even now, as he spoke these words, he had to remind himself to trust that they would be safe, no matter the outcome. "However, on Earth, my title as Khan also meant I was Emperor. Ruler, of what you know as Asia."

“Thank you, Mr. Singh. Now, everyone is well aware of the events of which you are charged. However, I want to discuss what led up to them. That is not as common knowledge, despite the exposure of Section 31. Will you tell me what you experienced when first you were roused from your cryochamber? Whom did you meet first, and what did those people tell you?”

Khan took a moment to breathe. There was much to say on this point, more than he had ever revealed, at least all at once. "Initially, I was unaware of being removed from my cryochamber. The scientists of Section 31, working under Admiral Marcus's orders, kept me sedated. And in the days to follow, surgery was performed to alter my appearance. The face of Khan Noonien Singh that can be found in the history books was erased, cut, and reconstructed into the face you see before you now. It was a premeditated decision, to take away my physical identity, while simultaneously brainwashing my mind, to accept the alias Admiral Marcus created for me, as John Harrison."

A distinctly uneasy rumble passed through the crowd as people digested that bit of news.

"When I was finally revived, the doctors of Section 31 and Admiral Marcus told me that I was an agent, and that I had recently been in an accident. And that although I might suffer from some memory loss, my work was crucial and they needed me to return to it, right away."

“For the record, I produce here an image of Khan Noonien Singh as he should appear,” Admiral Archer said and used a small holoprojector to demonstrate for everyone. There was another murmur of discontent, as Admiral Archer added, “According to Dr. McCoy of the Enterprise, as well as several other reputable Starfleet surgeons, the physical changes to Khan’s body are irreversible. Deliberately so.” 

Archer turned back to Khan and asked, “And what was that work, Mr. Singh, as it was explained to you by Marcus and the members of Section 31?”

"As it was explained to me, the work I was doing had several facets. I was an agent, working in secret on the Klingon home world, where I studied Klingon weaponry and technology for weakness. But my primary area of work for Section 31, was to design and engineer a warship. The Vengeance."

Archer frowned a little and said, “That seems pretty incredible, Mr. Singh. After all, you’re from the rather distant past. How is it that you could so easily engineer a ship like the Vengeance?”

"I learn quickly, Sir," Khan said, "Engineering has always been of interest to me. I designed the cryotubes that allowed my people a peaceful sleep, as we set out into deep space. I designed the navigation system, which would prevent us from flying into space debris, or collide with a planet or moon. And when modern technology was presented to me, I developed advanced propulsion systems, shields, and weapons...everything that was asked of me, to build a superior ship." 

“So, you assumed that whatever you didn’t originally know was a product of your brain injury?” Admiral Archer asked. “When did you begin to suspect that there was something wrong with the scenario and what did you do?”

"Yes. I began to question what I was being told, when I recognized that I still knew dozens of languages, complex algorithms, showed great strength in areas of science and engineering, and was unmatched in combat, compared to the other so-called agents. And yet, I had no memory of simple things, like how to work a food replicator,” Khan answered, careful not to rush any part of his answer, as this was his time to be heard. "Memories began to filter back into my mind, challenging the brainwashing that I had endured. When I finally remembered my own name, I abandoned my assignment to find my people. I remembered that I was not alone. And discovered that they were being held by Section 31. However, Admiral Marcus apparently expected my memory to return and captured me as I went to my people. From then on, I was forced to serve Admiral Marcus as a prisoner, and no longer treated under the pretense as an agent. I was a slave, and did everything he commanded, as he held the lives of my people in his hand."

“You are an amazingly skillful and resourceful man, Mr. Singh. It’s hard to imagine anyone attempting to hold you by force. Will you please elaborate as to what Admiral Marcus threatened to keep you in line?” Admiral Archer asked. “And how he kept you from looking for help.”

Khan was quiet a moment before he had the strength to answer. "At the end of the Eugenics War, one-hundred of us left Earth. There are only seventy-two of us now. And that is because, for every deliberate error I made, every attempt at sabotage, every time I tried to work in secret, he killed one of my people," Khan said, still feeling very raw about this as he shed a few stinging tears. "I failed to protect them. And yet for a time, I almost rathered they were dead, then have to endure the same treatment. But in the end, I submitted. I worked, without rest. And I allowed experimentation, without a fight. All the while, thinking about how I could save my people, without Admiral Marcus knowing."

The buzz this time was thick enough to cut with a knife, and the President brought down her gavel a few times for silence. Jim found himself fighting the need to drop the wall and flood Khan with all the positive emotions he could. This- this was something even he had not known, a pain Khan carried with him in secret. Or perhaps, his mind had tried to shield him from the memory and had only allowed it to resurface recently.

“To be clear,” Archer said, wanting this point to be driven home, “Admiral Marcus and Section 31 murdered 27 of your people before you ceased your efforts to thwart him?”

"Yes," Khan said as firmly as he could, even though he felt like hanging his head and crying over those he had lost. Those, he had failed. "I came to realize that Admiral Marcus would continue to use my people against me, until I no longer was useful to him, or until the day I died, whichever came first." Khan paused, consciously making an effort to draw in breath before he continued. "So when the opportunity presented itself, that I might escape. I did so, believing I would be on my own. And that in my absence, Admiral Marcus would kill the remainder of my people."

Archer continued his questions through the awful silence that followed, “How then did your people come to be inside the torpedoes that the Enterprise carried to Qu’noS?”

"The torpedoes were of my design." Khan explained, "I knew how to secure the payload, separate from the casing. So I sent a message, after hacking Admiral Marcus's account, and impersonating his orders, had my people placed into the casings, which were then scheduled to be placed aboard the Vengeance. It was my intention, to then commandeer the Vengeance, with my people aboard, and escape this galaxy forever."

“According to the record of events, Admiral Marcus discovered what you had done. After that, you truly believed your people had been killed by him. From here on, the events are almost all a matter of record, so we shall not go over them. I want to focus instead, Mr. Singh, on your thoughts and feelings and motivations from that time forward. To begin with...why did you target Thomas Harewood?”

Turning his mind away from the Vengeance and his people, Khan began to explain the purpose of his selection. "Thomas Harewood was an agent for Section 31. And in order to blow up the archive, I needed an agent that worked on the inside. An agent, that could be purchased for my cause. Thomas Harewood had a daughter that was terminally ill, that modern medicine could not save. However, due to my engineering, my blood has the ability to repair damaged cells. So I provided Harewood with a serum, that would save the life of his daughter. In return, he scarified himself by blowing up the archive."

Ah, here was a tricky subject. “Mr. Singh, you admit to using the dying child of a man as leverage to get him to kill himself and all of the personnel at the Kelvin Archive, which included staff on the upper floors who were legitimately operating the archive without knowing about Section 31. Please describe your feelings at the time, as well as now, if there is any change.”

"The Kelvin Archive was a front, to disguise the work of Section 31. A great deal of my work resided there, as did the bodies of my people, Admiral Marcus had already ordered killed. To ensure that Admiral Marcus could no longer benefit from my work, and to ensure that my people were not defiled postmortem, and to ensure that the ranking officers would gather at Starfleet Headquarters, I targeted the archive," Khan said, then got to the heart of the question. "At the time, all of Starfleet was my enemy. Admiral Marcus and the people of Section 31 were the only representation I had of Starfleet, and by their actions, from all I had experienced, yes, I condemned the organization." Khan allowed himself to glance to a few non-Terrans, then turned his eyes back to Archer. "Starfleet is no longer my enemy. And should not have been my enemy from the beginning. But with the warped reality Admiral Marcus fed me with brainwashing, disfigurement, torture, and near-genocide of my people, I saw no good in Starfleet at the time. And so, the civilians and officers that have died because of my actions, were victims of my war against the Starfleet Admiral Marcus represented, and the mistake, that everyone in this time, was just like him."

Archer stared at Khan and tried to send his own subliminal message to the man about their discussion the night before. The judges needed more emotion from Khan. “So, you stole the jumpship and headed for the meeting to attack the Starfleet command structure.” He gestured toward the gallery, where Jim sat with the rest of the viewers. “That was the first time you saw Jim Kirk. You could have killed him. You did kill his friend and mentor. Please tell me your thoughts on that now.”

"My regret-" Khan began, and looked to Jim. The apology was for everyone, but speaking it to Jim was the only way he could deliver it. "My regret is deep, that in attempting to destroy the worst of Starfleet, I also killed the best. Admiral Christopher Pike, and the others at that meeting, represent a great loss to the Federation, and to their friends and family that are alive today. I am sorry, I did not know them, or of their value, until after they were dead."

Jim found himself nodding, but stilled in case it influenced anyone. He did feel good about the words, though, knowing them to be true. And he believed Chris would forgive, even from beyond, if he could.

Archer allowed that to sink in and cleared his throat. “I want to fast forward to the crashing of the Vengeance into San Francisco. Was it your intention to hit the City itself?”

 

Khan dropped his eyes from Jim, took a moment, then answered. "No. The city and the civilian casualties within were not my intended target. The Vengeance was dying. And I ordered the ship to crash land into Starfleet Headquarters. However, the engines were compromised and could not control the descent," Khan said, remaining honest, even though it hardly did him any favors. 

Archer nodded and said, “Let’s continue to Captain Kirk visiting you in your cell. Can you describe as best you can your status at that time?”

"I was confused," Khan said, "and afraid." He took a moment, reflecting on this feeling, without getting sucked back into it. "I had difficulty recognizing what was real and what was not. My concept of past and present were overlapped and twisted together in a tight knot. I thought my people were dead. I thought I was alone. And every time I attempted to pursue a clear and logical line of thought, my brain would collapse even further."

“So, what happened when Captain Kirk initiated contact with you? How did that change things?” Archer asked, curious himself, since despite their preparation, he still did not think he really knew the truth about that first meeting.

"Initially, I was still confused. I sensed someone I knew instinctively. Though I did not know Captain Kirk personally, I immediately felt that I was with a friend- that one of my brothers ... another augment, my family, was with me," Khan attempted to explain. "I was exhausted and confused. But a part of my mind latched onto his. Trusting him to tell me the difference between what was truth, and what was artificial. The link grounded me from the insanity I was captured in. I felt safe and almost instantly fell asleep in his arms."

“Did you trust Captain Kirk prior to that moment, Mr. Singh?” Admiral Archer asked. “In any of the previous interactions with him, even for a moment?” 

"No. Not in the same way," Khan said, then clarified. "While a prisoner on the Enterprise, I did trust Captain Kirk to follow up on information, after I had fed it to him. But that was a matter of trusting the Captain to be curious and inquisitive about the facts. This was different. In my damaged state, I was instantly trusting of Captain Kirk with my life, literally in his hands."

“And has what you learned since your link changed your view of Starfleet and your actions in any way, Mr. Singh?” Archer asked.

"Yes, Admiral," Khan said, quietly regarding the President, and the judges before he continued. "I see now, the Federation represents interplanetary peace and security. And Starfleet is a means of exploring the universe, to respect and study all forms of life, and build friendships and alliances, where it can. I see the Federation as the growing and evolving utopian society my people were unable to achieve." 

“How do you envision your future and the future of your people now that you are aware of the truth of the Federation and free of Section 31 and Admiral Marcus?” Archer asked.

"For myself, I am uncertain. I am afraid that my history has tainted any possibility of being welcomed. As for my people-" Khan said, able to talk about them in terms of hope. "I desire for them a place in the Federation, to be allowed to live in peace, as the articles of the Federation outline. And if they are welcomed, as I hope they are, then they will contribute to both the Federation and to Starfleet. As scientists. Doctors. Engineers. Teachers. Explorers. I see my people, as valuable members of the Federation, if they are only given a chance."

“Thank you, Mr. Singh. I have no further questions at this time, zha President.” Archer turned and slowly made his way back to their table, sinking gratefully into a chair.

“You may ask your questions, Mr. Prosecutor,” President Fel said.

The counselor rose and strode across the room, stopping in front of Khan. “Mr. Singh, in your attacks against Starfleet, it never occurred to you that anyone might be an innocent party to your ‘war?’ Such as the family of Thomas Harewood or civilian bystanders?”

"To my mind, and my understanding of Starfleet that Admiral Marcus imprinted on me, no one with a Starfleet badge was innocent," Khan said, feeling that right off the top, he was digging his own grave. But regardless, he was honest. "However, the daughter of Thomas Harewood is an innocent party to events, even though this trial will undoubtedly call attention to her, and cause her to carry the stigma of what her father did, for the rest of her life." 

“Her name is used with permission, Mr. Singh,” President Fel said with quiet dignity. “And the actual role of her father in Section 31 is being investigated.”

“You continue to think the worst of us,” the Admiral said and quelled a little at the President’s glance of disapproval. “Please speak to your exact intentions before and after you spoke fully with Captain Kirk aboard the Enterprise, prior to your boarding the Vengeance.” 

However to explain this, Khan had to go back a little further. "When I surrendered to Captain Kirk, I did so in order to rejoin my people and to ensure that they would not be used as weapons. Once aboard the Enterprise, I could not see my people of course, but at least we were together. Which also meant, as long as the Enterprise was safe, my people were safe. So I warned Captain Kirk about Admiral Marcus and the Vengeance, in such a way that he did not have to take my word for it, but would uncover the truth for himself. After all, the Captain had no reason to trust me. But he could still trust his own judgment and findings."

“What did you hope he would do with this information, Mr. Singh? After all, by your own admission, you still believed all of Starfleet to be corrupted. How than could this Starfleet Captain possibly be anything else?” the man pushed. “It’s contradictory.”

"It was my hope that Captain Kirk would recognize that Admiral Marcus was using him. As bait. As a catalyst to start a war with the Klingon Empire. And so yes, I did still see Starfleet as a corrupt organization. But I wagered upon Captain Kirk having a sense of self-preservation, for himself and for his crew." Khan said. "Which he did. He was willing to challenge and question the orders given to him...and that...saved my life, and the lives of my people."

“But you did not see him as really having a conscience, despite your taunt,” Admiral Kho said. “How about when you managed to board the Vengeance. What would your course of action been if Commander Scott had not attempted to stun you?”

Khan glanced to Jim, wishing he could apologize to him. "As much as I would like to paint myself in a better light ... the truth is, Captain Kirk did the right thing in having Mr. Scott stun me. Once aboard the Vengeance, it was my intention to gain control of the ship, retrieve my people, and leave the galaxy, as had been my original plan."

“Leave the galaxy? Did you not tell Commander Spock that you planned to return to your original mission, which was to eliminate anyone who wasn’t better?” the Admiral countered. “We have a recording of you saying something in that vein. And then you fired on the Enterprise, a helpless ship.”

"You are mixing truths, Admiral." Khan said, "Commander Spock accused me planning the mass genocide of anyone who was less than superior. This was his conclusion, after speaking with Ambassador Spock, in regards to the Khan Noonien Singh of that, alternate, universe. And so if I must, I shall clarify, I am not the same man as another by the same name in an alternative reality, any more then you would be."

“Then what was your intention, Mr. Singh?” the Admiral persisted. “And why fire on the Enterprise when it was dead in space and unable to pursue? There was no logical purpose, and even in wars, if you demand we call it one, there are rules. At least, there should be on the side claiming to be good.”

Khan however looked to the Admiral, appalled and shocked by his words. "There are no rules in war. And as such, in war, no one side is ever truly good, just as there are no true winners. I was fighting for the liberty of myself, and my people. It is a good thing to fight and die for, regardless if you approve of my methods."

There was another murmur throughout the room, this one unpleasant. Jim swallowed and leaned forward, wondering more about the world Khan had come from. In the history of Earth, there had been rules of war. Not always followed, but those who flagrantly broke them were flayed by the opponents and in future history. He vowed again to really sit down and have Khan tell him more about his time.

“Even in times of war, the Federation follows very stringent edicts and laws,” President Fel said. “Or we are supposed to. No organization is perfect.”

"Zha President, Admiral." Khan said in turn. "I am unaware of the Federation's law and edicts of war. In my time, war is not treated as a game, where sides take turns, or show mercy when the enemy is at a disadvantage. In my time, war was absolute. It was savage. And without redemption." 

The Admiral bowed to her and said to Khan, “We will speak now of your actions after crashing the Vengeance into the civilian population, another act I presume you allow under your ‘no rules of war’ belief. What were your intentions once you survived and got off the ship?”

"As for my intention of crashing the Vengeance, it was to destroy Starfleet Headquarters, not the civilian population. At that time, Commander Spock had just detonated the seventy-two torpedoes aboard the Vengeance. And to my knowledge, at that time, my people were still inside those torpedoes. Effectively, making me believe that I had just witnessed the final genocide of my people, at the hands of Starfleet. Which meant, my rage with Starfleet held no rational limits." 

“So, you planned to continue your attacks against the Federation,” the Admiral said. “You're all out warfare. And what would that have constituted?” He took a step closer to where the augment sat.

"Admiral, you are asking me to speculate on an action I did not take." Khan said, keeping his eyes on the other man. "After I crashed the Vengeance, I began to flee the scene. Within seconds, I was being chased by Commander Spock. A chase and fight, which ended in my capture." 

The Admiral gave him a disbelieving look, but stepped back with a nod to show he would not pursue that line of questioning. “I have one last question for you, Mr. Singh- were you justified in the deaths of everyone you killed, either directly or indirectly through your actions?”

"Admiral, that is for the court to determine." Khan said coldly. "Was Admiral Marcus justified in brainwashing me, disfiguring my body, abusing his power to control me? Killing my people? Using Captain Kirk's grief to chase me down, and by doing so, start a war with the Klingon Empire? Were those acceptable actions of Starfleet and of the Federation? That is the question, Admiral. If I was within my rights to lash back at my oppressors," Khan said, then added after a breath, calmly, "I regret the deaths of those who were killed by my actions. I regret those who have lost the ones they love. I regret those who now must live with the trauma of surviving," Khan said, eyes slowly scanning the room for those affected. "I regret not knowing that there was good in this future. But the unfolding of events prevented me from seeing Starfleet in a positive light. I wish now, even, that I had not killed Admiral Marcus, so that he might be held accountable for his actions as well. But I cannot undo these things, all I can do is accept the judgment of this court."

The Admiral listened to the augment impartially and then said to the panel, “I have no further questions for Mr. Singh.”

“Do you wish to redirect, Admiral Archer?” President Fel asked, looking over at him. 

The Admiral rose to his feet and said, “I do not, zha President. I believe he has said enough.” 

“You may step down, Mr. Singh. The docket says that there are no further witnesses. Does either side wish to recall a witness or declare a new one?” the President asked. Both Admirals declined the right, so the President brought down the gavel again. “Closing arguments will be heard tomorrow. Prepare well, Admirals. We shall then recess the trial while we deliberate.” Zha brought down the gavel twice in dismissal for the day, and the room began to empty.

Jim lingered, since all witness testimony was over, he felt he could afford to be seen with Khan now. At least, once most of the room cleared. And he dropped the barrier to their link to get a sense of what the augment was feeling.

May I see you, please? Khan asked the moment Jim dropped his end of the barrier. The augment was feeling lonely, but also believe he owed Jim a more personalized apology. There had been several times when Khan had wanted to reach out to Jim, not to talk, but just to reach out, to establish their link as if it were their way of holding hands. 

Jim sent emotions he hoped were soothing toward Khan, even as he scrambled to get from the tiered seating to the lower floor where Admiral Archer and the augment remained. I’ll be right there. Are you alright? That was pretty grueling to watch, and I’m sure, worse to do.

“You’re talking to Captain Kirk right now, aren’t you?” Archer observed, studying his face from where he still sat.

"Yes, Admiral. I have asked to see him," Khan said softly. "He is coming down." He watched as Jim headed for the exit that would lead him down to the lower floor of the court. Today was difficult. As was to be expected. "Please stay for a moment, Admiral. I know we should talk about today...and what will be said tomorrow."

“I don’t know that there’s much to be said about my speech tomorrow,” Archer said. “I’ll do my best to put forward your case and plead for fair justice, given your circumstances. As for today...well, I think you did as well as could be expected. You’re not fully human, nor are you from our time, so you view things differently than we do in the Federation.” He levered himself up and studied Khan. “What do you think of how things went?”

"Thank you, Admiral. I trust that you will do what you can for me." Khan regarded Archer in turn. "My worry is for my people. That they will be discriminated against, because of my actions. Because of how I was handled, I was made dangerous to the Federation. My people do not need to be viewed as dangerous to anyone. I think, all that can be said in my defense, has already been said. So I would appreciate it, Sir, if you used your platform for tomorrow to speak for my people, as I know there is some debate about what to do with them."

Archer raised both eyebrows at the augment and smiled sadly. “You really don’t trust us. I suppose I can’t blame you. Wasn’t much of an introduction to a bold new world, was it? Tomorrow, I’m representing you, Mr, Singh, and you alone. There are other times and places for your family. A completely separate set of meetings with a different set of people. And I promise you, I’ll speak up for them there. I’ll make sure that however this proceeding ends, your family is considered completely separately. But regardless, I want your input on the best way to handle the situation. You can speak to it best.”

Khan sighed softly, dropping his eyes for a moment. "Thank you, Sir. My request is not meant as a sign of disrespect. Please do not take offense."

Archer patted Khan’s shoulder, noticing Jim appear out of the back door and peer at them anxiously. “I’m not offended, my boy. I’m saddened. This trial is for your future, but you’re so afraid for your family that you can’t even focus on yourself. And you need to. For them, if nothing else. They’ll need you there to help them. I know you want to be there.”

Focusing on himself was just as foreign to the augment as having a favorite food. He didn't know how to do it. It was not a skill he knew. "Yes, Sir," Khan said with a small, but polite bow of his head. But he lifted his head as he felt that Jim was closer now. He looked over to where he stood. Hello, Jim, he said with some relief, glad to have him in his sights, to know he was close.

Noonien. Is everything alright? Jim’s head swiveled back and forth between the Admiral and Khan.

“Captain,” Admiral Archer said, extending a hand to the approaching man. “I suspect you never thought to see this much of me again after graduating.”

“No, Sir, but it’s been a pleasure to be on your team of late,” Jim said, shaking the offered hand with firm care. The old Admiral sometimes looked like a stiff breeze might blow him down.

"Thank you Captain, for coming down." Khan said, not calling Jim by his first name when others were around, as he was guarded against letting others know how close they were. Even though Archer had been there from the beginning of their link, Khan was still careful about who might overhear. "I admit, I found the block between our link more difficult to bear today, than any previous." 

“So did I,” Jim admitted with a smile for the augment. “The prosecutor was tough. He certainly didn’t let up.” He drifted closer to Khan, strengthening the emotions through their bond deliberately. The worst is over in terms of the trial itself. Now, we got to get through the waiting.

"If you are available, I would appreciate your company for a little while." Khan said. Please stay close, Jim. He looked to his friend and quietly expressed his gratitude for him. But then did something he had never done before, he used their link to ask a favor. Would you consider inviting Admiral Archer aboard the Enterprise? For dinner? I could do with friends right now, Jim.

“Of course, I was going to escort you back to the Enterprise. And invite you, Admiral Archer, for dinner aboard her. I don’t think you’ve seen the latest model.” Jim sent Khan a mental wink. That’s an easy favor to give you, Noonien. Archer’s an admiral I like.

The old man’s face went blank with surprise for a moment, before he nodded. “I have wanted to see her a bit. I’ll accept your offer...if Porthos, Junior can come along...and that mad Scotsman isn’t behind the controls of the transporter.”

Jim barked a sharp laugh and said, “I’ll make sure he’s not for your trip, Admiral. And please do bring your beagle. They’ll be a lot of officers happy to coo over him.”

“I’ll signal for beam-up in twenty minutes,” Archer said, beginning to hobble across the room. “Roast beef and mashed potatoes are always a good way to treat an old admiral.”

Thank you, Jim. Khan eased visibly as the invitation was offered, and accepted. He watched as Archer headed off, to presumably get his beagle. "Thank you." He said again, this time out loud as he turned his attention to Jim. "I believe, I have gotten accustomed to your presence, when under stress and anxiety. It was difficult to be without our connection today. And I feel, I owe you a private and personal explanation over a few issues." 

Jim tilted his head and looked at Khan with his bright blue gaze. “At this point, I don’t think you owe me anything, Noonien, but I’ll listen happily, if it makes you feel better. How about we go up to the Enterprise, get some hot cocoa and sit by a viewport to wait for the Admiral? I’ll put in his special order.”

"Thank you, Jim. I would like that." Khan said, again, internally relaxing a little more, to know that Jim would listen to him and remain his friend by his side during this difficult time. 

“Let’s be extravagant,” Jim said and opened his communicator to call for beam-up from where they were. As soon as they materialized, he called Chef to put in the Admiral’s special order, all the while leading Khan toward the most private view area. “Would you like anything particular for dinner, Noonien?” He used his free hand to hold one of Khan’s.

"The truth is, I cannot think about food right now." Khan said, clasping their hands together. "Even though I asked you to invite Admiral Archer for dinner ... thank you, for doing that, Jim. I hope you do not feel I have taken advantage of our connection, by asking you to invite him. I think he might like to be a guest aboard the Enterprise."

“You didn’t take advantage,” Jim said. “You said you view him as a friend. That’s a good thing. You need more friends. You deserve them.” It’s such a small thing to ask, Noonien. There’s nothing wrong with asking friends for favors. And this is barely even that. The old man has earned a dinner aboard the Enterprise. Maybe he’ll tell us stories of his ship.

Khan gave their joined hands a slow squeeze, finding comfort in their bond. Yes, Jim. I would like that. The augment knew he might not be much for conversation, even with Archer as a guest. But he did desire the extra company, even so. 

Go grab our spot, and I’ll get the drinks. Jim squeezed once and released Khan’s hand and shooed him toward the place they liked to sit to talk and gaze at the stars. He headed for a replicator to snag two warm cocoas, though not so big as to spoil their taste for dinner. In a moment, he was taking a seat next to Khan and handing him the drinks. Now, you wanted to talk to me?

Sitting on the floor in their usual spot, that they sometimes made into a picnic, Khan had one shoulder against the bulkhead as he looked out the window to the stars. But as Jim approached, he turned his attention to his friend, accepting the drink. "Thank you." He said, holding it a moment before taking a sip. "There were some statements from today, I am certain were difficult to hear, Jim."

Jim nodded and dropped his head a little, taking a fortifying drink of his cocoa. “Yes, there were a lot of things that were hard to hear today, Noonien.” Even worse because I couldn’t feel you, know what emotions were behind your words. You seemed to burn so cold, like you did when I didn’t really know you at all. He gently nudged the other man with his elbow.

"I was afraid of that." Khan sighed. "I did not want to be seen as cold in my answers, but I also did not want to be perceived as false, by trying too hard to convey emotion." But now, with Jim, in private, Khan felt himself let go. "I do wish events had been different, Jim. But wishing is not going to change anything." Khan set his cup down on the floor, so that he could use his hand to shield his eyes from the lights of the room. And when he pulled his hand away, he had finally let the tears come to his eyes. "I am sorry, Jim ... for the pain I have caused ..."

Jim carefully set aside his cup and scooted closer to give Khan a hug, urging the augment to him. “I wish the same, Noonien. So many things I’d change if I could, for you and your people, especially,” he whispered for only the augment to hear. You don’t need to hold back now, Noonien. It’s just us. Just me. He lightly stroked the deep black strands and rubbed into his scalp. 

Khan leaned into Jim, surrendering his the embrace of his arms and the gentle touches of his hands. His mind slid in and out of logical and illogical thoughts, not necessarily meant as conversation, but as a way of letting them go. It would have been better if we died in deep space in our sleep ... but we are survivors ... and I killed so many, caused so much pain, to ensure that we survived ... Khan cried soundlessly against Jim, tired of the uncertainty, wishing to have his sentence now, over and done.

The pain battered against their link, and Jim tried to soothe at least the edges of Khan’s dark emotions. He kept a gentle, but close, hold on the augment and felt the wet soak into his tunic. That’s it, Noonien. Let it all out. In a way, he was sorry that Khan had not shown this side of himself to the panel of judges, since he believed it might have helped his cause. But he also understood the deep need for privacy of the augment and how much he did not wish to expose himself to strangers. Especially the audience that filled the courtroom. 

"I know what you are thinking ..." Khan said, voice muffled against Jim. He wasn't using their link to tap into Jim's thoughts, exactly, "If I had done this in court, it would have proven that I am capable of some level of humanity." Khan stopped crying now, but kept his head pressed close to Jim's shoulder.

“You have a great deal of compassion, Noonien,” Jim murmured. “I’ve seen it. Felt it. You just have a hard time showing it to anyone else.” He lightly kissed his crown and gently picked up his cup to offer to the augment. “Here, sip this.” Please. It always helps me feel better… 

Khan accepted the cup, while his brain answered with trust and obedience. Yes, Jim. He sat back and began to drink from Jim's cup, though kept his eyes down at this time. "I am very fortunate to have you as a friend." 

“And I’m fortunate to have you,” Jim murmured back, projecting the truth of that statement to his friend. The man he cared about much more deeply than a friend. We’ll get through all of this together. The panel, led by President Fel, will be fair. He frowned a little when his communicator chirped. “That’ll be Admiral Archer. Are you ready to see him?”

"Yes, Jim. I do not want to keep him waiting." Khan said and moved to his feet, brushing his hand down the folds and creases in his shirt and pants so that he looked clean and presentable once more. 

Jim stood with him, gathering both of their cups. He sipped from Khan’s still warm and full mug, smiling at the flavor. “You look fine, Noonien,” he said. “But you know, a little bit of emotion around Archer might not be such a bad idea.” He patted his side gently. “You don’t have to hide from him. At least, not everything.” He took Khan’s hand and led him toward the exit. 

After being allowed this small release of emotion, and the opportunity to link with Jim mentally, and physically by holding hands, Khan felt a little better for it. Though he was hardly in a relaxed or calm state, at least he was no longer on the verge of tears. "Thank you, Jim...I will attempt to remain honest with Admiral Archer in this way."

Jim smiled and lightly bumped their shoulders together, knowing that Khan would put up a brave front to almost everyone except him. He felt honored that Khan was willing to show him the truth of his emotions. Now, you need to think of food now. Since you won’t be eating any roast beef.

Khan glanced to Jim with a little smile. In a strange way it was what he needed, someone to take care of him like this, in this small ways that came naturally to every other human in the world, but not to Khan. "Do you think the kitchen has any sourdough bread from San Francisco?" 

“I’m sure that can be arranged. One giant hunk of bread for dinner than?” Jim teased lightly, eyes warm at the smile directed his way. “Maybe with some jams and honey and butter? Honey and butter are acceptable to you, yeah?” He continued the light tease as they made their way to greet the admiral, hoping to give Khan a boost in spirits.

"I was thinking, more along the lines of a traditional bread bowl, filled with corn chowder." Khan said, not minding the way Jim teased.

“Ah, perfect.” Jim got off Khan’s order to the Chef just before they got the transporter room. “Now, put on your best smile for the Admiral.” He grinned as they stepped in the door. “You may energize,” he told the officer on duty, an Ensign Hix.

“Energizing, Sir,” she responded smartly, and a second later Admiral Archer came into view on the pad, leaning on his cane with one hand and holding the leash to the most enormously chubby beagle in the other. 

“Welcome to the Enterprise, Sir,” Jim said, eyeing the dog with some amusement.

“Thank you, Captain. Permission for us to come aboard?”

“Happily granted. Shall I take the, uh, extra guest?” Jim asked.

“Nope. I can handle Porthos. Just lead us to the food,” Admiral Archer said. “And don’t mind us if we stop to look everything over on the way.”

Khan tilted his head to the side, observing the dog. He was unfamiliar with the breed, but knew dogs and was therefore happy to make an additional friend. "Admiral," Khan said politely. 

“Am I allowed to say hello to Porthos, Jr.?” Jim asked, grinning as the dog wagged his tail at the sound of his name.

“Course. He’s a good dog. Know’s all his tricks,” Archer said, obviously proud and fond of the goofy looking pooch.

Jim knelt and offered a hand for Porthos to sniff, before scratching the top of his head a moment. “What a good dog. Will you shake? Shake?” He offered a hand and laughed with the dog reached out a paw in answer, shaking it solemnly. “Welcome to the Enterprise, Porthos.”

Khan watched as Jim befriended the dog. After a moment, Khan too moved to the floor, on his hands and knees, though did offer one hand to the dog. "Hello." He said, giving the animal a chance to smell and examine him on his own terms. 

Porthos whined a little at the scent of the augment and licked at his own nose nervously. But he gamely stretched his head out when Khan knelt before him and offered a paw on his own.

“Aww, he’s awesome!” Jim exclaimed, winning instant points from the Admiral, who beamed at his dog with the proud expression of a father.

"Thank you, my friend. It is good to meet you, as well." Khan said, shaking 'paws' and then gently giving the dog a scratch on the shoulder and chest. Now that they were friends, Khan stood and gestured that they should go. Not that Khan had any say, technically. In fact, he probably should have wrist restraints and an armed guard, but such things were ignored when Jim was around, especially on his own ship. 

Jim stood as well and said, “This way, gentlemen,” including Porthos, too. They made a slow ramble along the corridors, Jim happily pointing out every feature he could to the admiral. The older man was grinning the entire time, listening to the captain’s animated chatter with obvious enjoyment.

“I remember feeling the same way the first time I stepped aboard my Enterprise,” he said as they reached the Officer’s Mess. “Compared to today’s ships, she was a hunk of outdated junk, but at the time, she was the pinnacle of mankind’s efforts. Can you believe we didn’t even have shields?” He shook his head at their insanity.

Khan knew something about going into space without shields. But his had been a sleeper ship, and that was quite different than explorers encountering cosmic phenomena or alien races for the first time, without protection. "That sounds extremely hazardous. And very time consuming for any repairs that would be needed." 

“We would ionize the hull, which helped with some attacks, but was useless in others. Yeah, Trip spent a lot of time patching us up.” Archer could speak about his long lost friend fairly easily now, with only the slightest hitch in his voice. He carefully took the head seat at their table, directed by Jim, and smiled when a platter of roast beef, mashed potatoes, chard and cooked carrots was placed in front of him. “Ah, this looks perfect.” He frowned a little at Khan’s entree. “Oh, you’re a vegetarian. I’d forgotten.”

"Yes, Admiral." Khan said as he took a seat as well. "But I am not offended to have meat on the table, if that is your concern," he said, though it could have been easily just the opposite, as perhaps Archer was offended that Khan was not sharing the same meal as him.

Archer laughed a little at the words and said, “I’m glad to hear it, son. I’d have to find some sort of leafy items I could eat.”

“Two words,” Jim said, “French fries. Good even for vegetarians.”

Archer dropped a piece of meat for Porthos to chew on, which the dog did happily. “I remember seeing you, Kirk, second year of the Academy, chowing down on a hamburger and fries while taking one of my exams.” 

“Had to eat sometime,” Jim said. “And I aced that test.”

“Aced them all,” Archer said with a little frown. “Most annoying cadet I ever saw...except for Mr. Spock.”

Khan leaned to the side, observing the dog once more as he chomped down on what Archer had given him to eat. It was clear to him now, why the dog was so fat. Khan chuckled to himself before he slowly began to eat the appetizer that had been prepared for him. "May I inquire, what class this was?"

“Advanced Tactics,” Archer said, offering more meat to Porthos. “Little shit-” he gestured to Jim and dropped the s-word with the casualness of an ancient mariner “-took the class in his second year. An advanced course for fourth year Command Track students. Aced the class, and I’ve never seen anyone look so bored. Except when he got into debates, usually with me.”

Jim cut up a piece of roast beef and ate it while trying to simultaneously look angelic. The last part he failed at miserably.

The use of language did shock Khan, but he understood it was being used with affection. The fact that Jim was enrolled in an advanced course however, did not shock him at all. He glanced to Jim with a small smile, which pulled at one side of his face. "Were the debates useful, or did you just want to argue with someone?" Khan asked, directed at Jim, more than Archer. 

“Depended on who you asked,” Jim said with a clearly mischievous smile. “It at least gave me a chance to exercise my mind...and the mind of my instructor. Also, some of that stuff in the texts...rubbish. Besides, you got back at me in my final exams.”

Archer now wore a smile that matched Jim’s. “I thought the field exam was fitting.”

“I ended up naked!” Jim protested, but there was laughter in his voice.

“And you still finished with the highest score...and refused to get dressed until I announced it.” Admiral Archer’s smile could have lit a small house. “So, that part backfired on me.”

This seemed quite alarming. But the tone and expression both men wore at least eased Khan's mind that the events had been consensual, and not abusive. And now, a subject for humor. It was good for Khan though, to listen to such an exchange, and have both Archer and Jim with him right now. Hearing them talk helped him feel less lonely. 

Jim sensed some alarm at the words and sent Khan a visual of some of the scenarios he’d had to face during Archer’s test, leading finally to the one where he sacrificed his uniform (and his dignity) to save his ship. That had definitely not been in Archer’s mind when he devised the scheme, and the fact that it worked so well had obviously pained the admiral, even as he’d praised Jim’s ingenuity. He’d also told him to ‘put a uniform on right now, godfuckingdammit’ in front of the whole class, which Jim took as a tactical win.

Thank you for explaining. Khan eased a bit as he ate, before asking. "Are you still an instructor, Admiral?" Archer had been serving Starfleet for a great portion of his life, in one capacity or other. Retirement was coming for some of a certain age. But perhaps for men like Archer, or Kirk, being in service to Starfleet was all they wanted. 

“I usually teach at least one advanced course a semester,” Arched said. “No more than that. The doctors tell me I should fully retire or at least slow down more...but nah, retirement’s not for me. Not so long as I can still think for myself.” He tapped his forehead a couple of times. “So long as this works, I’ll find a way to serve.” He reached down and stroked between Porthos’ ears, eyes a little distant. “Time gets away from a man. I suspect you might understand that, Mr. Singh, for all that you’re not going to age as quickly as the rest of us poor bastards.”

"I understand, Sir." Khan said, sympathizing with Archer for his need to be useful and that as long as his brain continued to function, even if the rest of his body was starting to tire out, he would continue on. "An augment’s lifespan has yet to be tested, but I imagine it will endure." As it was, everyone Khan used to know from Earth, human and augment alike, had died hundreds of years ago. And though their offspring had undoubtedly survived, the generations would be so far removed from that people Khan used to know, that there would be no point in trying to reach out to them.

“You’re as crotchety as ever, Sir,” Jim said, to lighten the mood a little. “Still have all of the cadets in terror about getting stuck in one of your courses.”

“Hmph,” Archer said and gave Jim a severe look that was not in keeping with the twinkle in his still bright gaze. “You could have done with a little of that terror yourself. Might have gotten some respect out of you.”

“Nah, I’m incorrigible. Nobody knows that better than the two of you,” Jim said with a flash of teeth. “But loveable, just the same.” He dimpled a little for them both and sent Khan a warm wave.

“Ugh, don’t pull that stuff with me,” Archer said. “I know better than to be taken in.” He ate his potatoes with solid enjoyment, sharing a spoonful of them now and then with his faithful dog. 

Khan just stared at Jim, indeed quite fond of him. Shaking his head, Khan turned his attention back to his meal, but after a moment, spoke up. As Jim had expressed that it might be good for him to open up a little. So he would try to speak the thoughts that he generally kept to himself. "It is strange to me. Being disrespectful or disobedient to our instructors would not have been allowed." 

Archer ‘hmphed’ again and added a snort for good measure. “Jim pushed the line on disobedience without really going over it, except maybe once, but believe me, there were certain instructors who bombarded the administration with complaints about Cadet Kirk’s lack of respect. Problem was, the Cadet had the top grades in his class, bar none, and most of his disrespect came from outsmarting his professors, too. And a lot of it was just...well, Jim being Jim. No real malice, just a lot of smartass.”

"It is unfortunate to think that you were unchallenged in your academics." Khan said, "But it does help clarify why you got into trouble. You were bored." Though even as Khan said this, he still did not necessarily understand it. So he ate, and started to pull the edge of his bread bowl apart, enjoying the texture.

“Not in everything,” Jim said. “There were some hard classes, and I loved taking in as much as I could. And there are times when my emotions still get in the way of my training. Like with Admiral Pike…”

Archer made a little noise in the back of his throat and lifted his drink. “A toast to Admiral Pike,” he said. “One of the best men I knew.”

“Admiral Pike,” Jim agreed, listing his own glass.

Khan dropped his eyes instantly. And a fear the augment had never known clutched at his heart. He was a fool. He was lying to himself. These were not his friends. Khan had killed their real friend. Khan hesitated to participate in the toast, considering he had been the cause of Admiral Pike's death. But in the end, he reached for his glass and lifted it, adding, "I wish he were here."

Jim looked at Khan, feeling the walls crash down between them and said gravely, “I wish he were, too. I think he would have liked to get to know you, Noonien, the way Admiral Archer and I have. I believe that he would have wanted us on your side, the way we are now.” He clinked his glass against Khan’s gently.

“I agree,” Archer said in a firm tone. “Chris Pike was a fair man. He never would have stood for Marcus’ abuse of Starfleet, even if Marcus was one of his mentors. And he’d want the right thing done now. We need justice for the wrongs of both sides.” He clinked his glass to both of theirs.

“We all get to drink to him, Noonien,” Jim said. “He deserves it...and so do you.” He downed the remains of his glass, as Archer did the same.

Khan drank with the other men, but as he put his glass down, he kept his silence now. He heard the words, but did not allow himself to take them to heart. He kept himself closed off. On the surface, cold, quiet and obedient, as Jim had seen him before. But this time the isolation Khan was feeling was of his own making. These were his allies, friends even. Except that he had failed them, by killing their friend. 

Jim frowned and turned toward Khan, lowering his voice so only Khan could hear. “You won’t know I’m telling the truth, if you don’t let yourself feel it,” he said. “I didn’t bring up Chris to hurt you. Actually, I brought it up as proof of how much smarter you are than me. Maybe I was bored at the Academy with the basics, but you could teach me so much, Noonien.”

A few last involuntary tears finally found their way down the side of Khan's face. Keeping his head down, Khan waited for them to finish. Then quickly, Khan wiped his cheek and chin with the side of his thumb. He looked to both Jim and Archer, a painful truth on his lips. "I have never known such mercy." 

“That’s why the philosophers of so long ago called it divine,” Archer said with a rueful little smile. “We humans have never been very good at it. But most of us are trying to get better.”

Relief swept through Jim as Khan lowered the barrier between them a bit again, and he focused on allowing his friend to feel the forgiveness that had slowly grown in him, replacing the bitter anger and hatred on the death of Chris. “It is hard,” he said softly. “Hardest thing I’ve ever done. But one of the best things, too. Agner poisons you, Noonien. You know that the same as I do.”

Though Khan was feeling what Jim was offering him through the link, it was difficult for Khan to accept it. He was judging himself as harshly as he expected others to. Which including denying himself the relief of forgiveness or of experiencing kindness. Especially after today. "Yes, Jim."

Admiral Archer felt rather an intruder and decided to make sure things didn’t get more personal than he should see. “I’m just going to take Porthos to the refresher for a moment,” he said and stood, hobbling away on his cane. Actually, it wasn’t a bad idea anyway. Porthos wasn’t the youngest of dogs…

Jim smiled at Archer’s kindness and vowed to thank him later. For now, he leaned in to wrap his arms around Khan. “Forgiving yourself. That’s the hardest thing yet,” he said. “We’ll work on that together.” He rested his cheek in Khan’s soft hair and rocked him a little, the gesture soothing to him, too.

For a time, Khan allowed Jim to handle him. Touch him. Hold him. He accepted that it was happening without being an active part of it. But eventually he did speak. "Today was a difficult day. I wanted to have friends close to me, tonight. But I had no right to ask for comfort, from either you or Archer. I have caused you both pain and took a great friend from you. I do not understand how you can forgive me."

“It’s alright not to understand,” Jim soothed. “As long as you believe and accept that I do...that we do.” He glanced back to check on Archer’s location and then pressed a gentle kiss to Khan’s forehead and down his face. “You deserve friends. And I want to comfort you, Noonien. It was a rough day.” He pressed their foreheads together lightly and allowed the link to carry only positive feelings for the other man.

It did take a few minutes, but eventually Khan was receptive to that kindness Jim was showing him. He drank it in, absorbing this strange and exotic truth. That he was forgiven. He deserved friends like Jim and Archer, good people. "Thank you Jim. I am sorry I upset dinner," he said, finally breathing out, letting go of what he had been feeling.

“Nah, it’s necessary to let go sometimes,” Jim murmured and lightly brushed his mouth over Khan’s eyelids, licking a little at the tear tracks and tasting the salt. “It’s a hard thing to learn how to do...but it’s a good thing. I learned that, too. Maybe later, you and I can go to one of the exercise rooms and scream as loud as we can and throw a ball as hard as possible against the walls. That’s a good way to vent a little bit of upset, too.”

Khan chuckled softly at this concept. But understood that Jim was attempting to give him an outlet and to continue to show his support. His face relaxed as Jim kissed away the evidence of his tears, purring softly, to feel so loved. "Thank you, Jim." Khan said, finally touching back, pressing a hand to Jim's chest, while wrapping the other around his torso to hug him.

Jim relaxed into the hug and tried to encourage the soft purring noise that signalled Khan’s well-being. He thumbed lightly over the nape of his neck with a continuing stroke that was meant to soothe and increase the purring. “Of course.” He lightly kissed Khan’s forehead again. “Are you ready for Archer to return?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, lightly rubbing their cheeks together, almost in the same way the wolves had to show their bonds. "Thank him for his polite consideration ... but you should track him down before he decides to take your ship over retirement." 

Jim laughed softly and said, “He’d kick poor Scotty right off. He’ll never forgive him for what he did to Porthos the Grand.” He shook his head, kissed Khan’s nose and hopped up to retrieve the older man.

In a few moments, they returned, with the Admiral taking his seat and continuing his meal as if there had been no interruption. After a moment, he said, “I’m rather interested in seeing your bridge, Captain, if you’ll take an old man for a walk.”

“With pleasure, Sir,” Jim said and glanced at Khan. “Come along with us?”

"Yes, of course." Khan said with a nod. He appreciated the invitation, not because Jim would ever purposefully leave him out, but going to the bridge was special. Even though Jim gave Khan some rein aboard the Enterprise, the bridge was a sensitive area to invite a prisoner, especially one like Khan. "Thank you."

“I would like to see Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura, as well,” Archer said. “Spock was an excellent student, and I’ve always appreciated a woman with a fine command of language.”

“To Lieutenant Commander Hoshi Sato,” Jim said softly and raised his glass again.

Archer raised his own glass, making a noise that was a choked sob, and said, “Hoshi.” They clinked glasses solemnly and sipped at the liquid. 

Jim turned to Khan and said, “Hoshi served on the first Enterprise, and she taught me a lot of what I know about languages, Terran and otherwise.” 

“Lost on Tarsus,” Archer said. “A fucking waste.”

Khan nodded solemnly, in respect to their loss. But as the moment passed, Khan could not help but think of two members of his crew who knew a great many Earth-based languages. And briefly allowed himself to imagine how valued they would be in this time, if given the opportunity. 

“Sorry for the downer. She meant a lot to us both. I think she is responsible for some of the admiral’s leniency on me in his class,” Jim said.

“She mentioned him in a few letters to me,” Archer said. “Thought he was one of the smartest kids she’d ever taught. Great ear for language. Thought he should be a communications officer.”

Jim barked a light laugh and said, “Not enough action for me.”

“Not the way Lieutenant Uhura tells it,” Archer shot back easily. “I imagine you are proficient with languages, Mr. Singh.”

In the way Archer spoke about Jim, regarding his education and how well he did to impress many people with his skill, Khan felt that Jim would have perhaps been mistaken as an augment in his time. But felt that the comparison would not be understood as a complement or well received. "Yes, Sir. I am fluent in nineteen languages. However, of my crew, Milos and Sushar are both fluent in twenty-three languages. But it is standard for the others to know at least ten."

“I wonder if any of them are the languages that were lost,” Jim said, suddenly excited. “There were quite a few languages that died out after the Eugenics Wars. It would be amazing if you or your crew knew a least a couple of them. If we supplied a list, could you check and see? That would be such a boon for Earth.” He stopped and grinned suddenly. “So, yeah, I’m a nerd, too.”

"Yes, of course." Khan said with a little smile, feeling hopeful that they might be of some use. "It is very probable, as long as they are Asian, European, African, or Pacific Island dialects. None of us ever traveled to the Americas, so we never learned the languages of the native cultures in those regions." 

“There were a lot of Asian and African dialects and many of them went extinct,” Jim said with a nod. “Uhura would be so excited if some of them were to be reborn with your people. Hell, a lot of people would. Projects would be launched for every language that could be saved, and I am sure your people could contribute to expanding knowledge on other languages, too.” He beamed at Khan, eyes alight. “And culture, too, if you don’t mind sharing.”

"If there is an interest." Khan said, though from Jim's point of view, there clearly would be. "There is a great deal we can offer in this area. And in many others." Including a slightly biased history of the Eugenics Wars, but perhaps useful even so. 

“It’ll be one of the big events in years for historians,” Jim said. “And linguists. And a lot of other fields, for that matter.” He looked a little stunned for a moment. “We’re going to plan on how to handle that part, too.”

“If your people are even interested,” Archer said from the head of the table, watching the two younger men fondly. “We know how important choice will be to you.”

"Thank you, Admiral. Yes, choice is important." Khan said. "I know my people, and they will choose to serve. We were not designed to sit quietly and daydream. We work, hard." Khan knew, had he been given the chance, he would have willingly contributed to Starfleet, as he did for Jim on the Enterprise, without being forced into it.

“There are other things you might be able to work on, but we’ll talk of that once your proceeding is over, and we know where we are,” Archer said. “Still, there is a great deal we can learn from your people, and I hope that opportunity will come. And that they will choose to learn from us, too.”

"Of course, Sir." Khan said. He had learned many hard lessons in the last few years, and some very good ones regarding the potential and strength of humanity in Jim Kirk. "We will adapt." 

“Well, I don’t want to count my chickens just yet,” Archer said with a little thump of his cane. “Lord knows, they’ll have cause to be angry at us when they do wake up. And we’re not immune to a bit of fear about them. Though I know the good captain isn’t. Doesn’t have the sense to be.”

“I’m too excited about the potential to get all angsty about the possible worries,” Jim said. “Besides, I have faith that we can make this work. I’ll let Spock be the doom and gloom man...and Bones. They’re good at that.”

Khan glanced to Archer, then to Jim. He hesitated a long time before saying, "I do not want to perpetuate your fears...but they will follow my orders." He understood how that could be terrifying, to have Khan once more in command of an augment army. "I have no desire for them to follow my path. Please, do not take my words as a threat. But as long as they are welcomed by the Federation, they will serve to make it better." 

Archer and Jim exchanged a look, before Jim said, “Well, it doesn’t scare me, but it might worry other people who don’t know you as well as I do.”

“As well as we do,” Archer said firmly. “I know you’re not going to lead them against us. I only have to see the way you interact with Jim to know that.” He nodded a few times. “We’re all on the same side now. The side of finding the right way to bring your family out of their long sleep.” He polished off his main course. “And to deciding what to have for dessert.”

Jim laughed a little and patted Khan’s leg under the table. “What would you say to banana flambe, Sir? Noonien?”

"Thank you." Khan said quietly. "I am willing to try it." Khan said in answer to the suggestion of what they should have for dessert. 

Jim gently tugged at his arm. “Help me clean up and fetch dessert?” He turned toward Archer. “You or the pooch want anything to drink?”

“Coffee for me and a bowl of water for Porthos,” Archer said with a smile. “One nice thing about being old...getting other people to serve you. I take mine straight black, too. None of that sweetner or cream.”

“Yes, Sir!” Jim said with a salute for Archer and a wink for Khan. He began picking up plates and gestured for Khan to help.

"Sir." Khan said politely as he reached across in from of Archer to remove his plates, helping to clear the table. "Jim, what would you like to drink?" He asked, no longer guarded against referring to him on intimate terms in front of Archer. He dropped off the plates, leaving Jim responsible for the dessert, while he ordered the coffee for Archer and water for the dog.

“I think I’ll have coffee, too, but you know I like mine sugary,” Jim said. He carried his plates to the recycler and went to fetch plates of banana flambe, bringing one to Archer, along with a bone for Porthos, first. “Here we go, pooch,” he said, offering the happy beagle the treat. “And for you, Sir.”

“This looks and smells delicious,” Archer said. “It’s a wonder the whole crew doesn’t get fat.”

In turn, Khan set a black cup of coffee before Archer, and one more to Jim's sweater tastes in his place. Then set down a bowl of water on the floor for the dog. While finally ordering a cup of tea for himself, before sitting back down in his chair. 

Jim then brought over dessert for the two of them and sat back down at the table, turning to Khan. “Were shared meals with your family something you used to do?” he asked, inviting Khan to talk about his people as much (or as little) as he might desire. Besides, it was something Jim was fascinating by, the connection between the augments.

"When we were younger, we had communal meals." Khan said, being free with this information. "But it was not our habit to indulge in large feasts. It was seen as impractical, and inefficient." Even now, Khan still had difficulty enjoying food, but that was something Jim already knew about him. 

“Something I fear we shall have to try to teach them all...the value of fun. Of doing things for simple enjoyment and no other reason,” Jim said. “Or we can just introduce them to Vulcans, who completely do not understand the concept.” He sent a playful emotion at Khan.

“How old were you?” Archer asked, ignoring Jim for the moment.

Khan paused a moment, trying to think of how to best answer Archer. "We were created together. We grew up together. But I was fifteen, when we had one of our last communal meals in the compound. When we escaped, we ate in shifts. And soon after that, we split into groups, that were separate from each other for months at a time." 

“Fifteen,” Archer marveled and looked him over more closely. “I find it hard to picture you at that age, Mr. Singh. Seems to me you’ve always been an impressively grown-up figure.” He slowly made his way through his dessert.

"By the time I was nine, I was the oldest." Khan said, hinting at a time when there had been others older than himself, but who had not survived. "You might say, I was the big brother. Responsible for the others."

“And so you’ve always been,” Archer said. “That’s a lot of responsibility to start off at the age of nine. That helps me understand why you’re so fiercely protective.” He rubbed at his chin a little, wondering if they should have spoken more about Khan’s history at the trial.

“Is there any chance we might be able to get Khan permission to see the cryotubes again?” Jim asked. 

Archer inclined his head and said, “We’ll still have to wait until we hear the results of the proceedings, but I think that’s a fair request. I presume you would like that, Mr. Singh?” 

"Yes, Admiral." Khan said, lifting his eyes, "I would like to see them again, if the arrangements can be made." He paused, drinking his tea, then added, "And also, when they are awoken from their sleep ... it is important that I am there."

“One thing at a time,” Archer said with a little smile. “You’re very focused on your family, which is commendable and understandable, but let’s focus on you first.” 

Trust us, Noonien. We know that your family needs you. Jim assured Khan through their link and reached out a hand to pat his knee. “But that should include getting to check in on their well-being,” Jim said. “That’s part of Khan’s health, too.”

"Thank you, Sir." Khan said with a slight nod of his head. "Jim Kirk has been attempting to convince me of the same concept, as well." Thank you Jim. He said, giving him a glance. I do trust you.

Archer smiled over at the two younger men, noting the comfortable body language between them. Sly twinkle in his eyes, he asked, “Would you like to know how I first met Jim Kirk, Mr. Singh?”

Jim groaned and shook his head. “Please, don’t. That’s just not fair, Sir.”

"Thank you. I would like to know, Admiral." Khan said with a smile. "But only if Jim consents to it." He said, not wanting the story Archer wanted to relay be upsetting to his friend. 

You’re a good friend, Noonien. Most people would just grin and say yes. Jim lightly tangled their feet and turned back to Archer. “Yeah, old man, you can tell him.”

“He was five, and I caught him hiding under my desk. He’d escaped from his mother and stepfather and broken into my office. The little monster had hacked into the security lock on my door and sequestered himself in there. He planned to wait until dark and then break into the mess for something to eat. In fact, he had an entire plan for how he could just live at the Academy and not go home.” Archer chortled a little at the memory, obviously having fond memories of the child, too. “I admit, I was impressed with the tactical planning of a five-year-old. Not to mention the computer skills.”

“Betcha I coulda made it work, too,” Jim said. “I planned to memorize the schedule of all the shifts and had the layout of the school on my PADD. There were several places that would have worked for me to sleep in.”

Though some aspects of the story were indeed amusing, Khan could only focus on one thing- a five year old Jim Kirk, trying to get away. Run away. Khan knew something of that. It was alarming because of how far Jim had gotten, and clearly how far he had been willing to go at five years old. "You did not allow him to stay?" Khan asked, clearly having a difference sense of morality on the issue. 

“The laws on when a child can be removed from parents are rather complicated, and Jim wasn’t being abused…” Archer hesitated a little at the end and glanced at Jim.

“No, you’re right. Frank wasn’t a bad guy at that point. I just hated that mom was going back into space again and leaving us. I was acting out.” Jim leaned into Khan. Trust. Right? But your protective nature is kinda hot. Also, really well honed. You’d be an awesome guardian.

"I see." Yes. Trust. Khan glanced to Jim again. "It is quite an accomplishment, to break into Admiral Archer's office." Khan said, then changed the subject away from Jim's parents. "Is there ... pardon me, I am attempting to assign a modern equivalent." Khan paused, then asked simply. "Is there a preparatory school for students of a younger age, who wish to attend the Academy?"

“Of a sort, though modern thought is against separating human children from their parents for too long,” Archer said with another glance at Jim. “It occurs to me that talking about you to Mr. Singh is like tiptoeing through an old-fashioned minefield...or flying through a meteor shower. Why must you be so difficult?”

Jim looked at Khan and said, “By the time I was old enough to go to that kind of school, I wouldn’t have anyway. My home life was a bit of a disaster, and I was a bit of a disaster, too. It was really when I went off planet that some of my interest in science and math and languages really began.”

Archer made a grumpy noise and said, “You earned the Enterprise, Jim. You earned her by the age of twelve.”

 

"Yes, I understand. Sometimes it takes a new environment, and different people in your life to find the things that are your true calling. A place in which you are happy and satisfied with your life." Khan was easily sympathetic to Jim as a child, in an unhappy home environment, unstimulated, unhappy.

Jim nibbled at his lower lip a moment and then said, “It was how I learned why my mother loved the stars. And eventually, with a little shove from Chris, I finally decided to get back out there. Never been sad I did. Not ever.” He looked very directly into Khan’s eyes when he said it. 

There was a moment of stillness and quiet in the room as Khan accepted the strong eye contact. "Good." He said softly, then stood. This time he began to clear the plates without Jim inviting him to do so. The Admiral still had the bridge to see, and Khan was still grateful for their company. There was more to what Jim was saying, but Khan could not make sense of it yet. Jim was holding back, and though Khan wanted to know, he would also wait.

Jim stood up and helped with the cleaning, enjoying the mindless task. I’ll tell you someday. The admiral’s not wrong about my history being...difficult. I don’t mean to hide things from you, but I haven’t told anyone besides Bones about...about Tarsus. And I’m still not sure either of us are ready.

You do not owe me an explanation, Jim. I can tell something is on your mind. And from the few things you do say, I can relate to some of your pain. Khan cleared the dishes and looked to Jim quietly. I will listen, when you are ready. And I will support you and love you, as you have done for me, when I needed to let go.

Love me? Jim asked that question as delicately as one could with the strong link between them. He practically glowed through their bond toward Khan. There was a difference between feeling the emotion and having the word spoken, even in his head. Is that what some of these feelings are, Noonien?

Khan placed a hand on Jim's arm, as if not wanting him to bolt, or to fall over. A soft blush did rise in his cheeks, briefly. He had described to his counselor that what he felt for Jim was love, but had never said it to his friend, out loud or in his head. After all, he had even hidden the thought of wanting to kiss him, for a long time. Yes, Jim. When I think of how you are with me, and how I wish to be, when I am with you, I think of it as a form of love between us. It is my perception at least.

Jim stared at the blush with astonishment, never thinking such a thing would grace those pale cheeks. He stifled an exclamation of “You’re so fucking hot!” but knew part of that leaked through the link, too. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it is. I never really thought about it exactly. It’s so much easier to deal with it this way, huh? To feel it and not even have to worry about it...cause you know anyway. And that’s good. I’m not allowed to hide it from you. He beamed at the other man. Aw, Hell, I just want Archer to go home now. I want to have you to myself.

Khan could hear Jim's excitement, and even feel it in his nerves, the heightened excitement as they discovered this, new world, together. Khan smiled and now reached out with his other hand, which he cupped to the side of Jim's face so that they could press their foreheads together. Basking. Happy. I am not going anywhere, Jim. Khan said, then pulled back, a smile lingering for his friend.

"My apologies, Admiral. We did not mean to exclude you from our conversation." Khan said by way of answering to the fact that he had Jim had engaged in a mental conversation, without letting Archer in on it. And even though Khan had apologized, he did not attempt to explain what was being discussed, either. It would remain private. "Would you still like to see the bridge?" 

Jim allowed himself a moment to enjoy the closeness and then stepped back to rejoin the ‘real’ world. “Yeah, you do need to come see my bridge and stew in your own envious juices,” he said, excited again by the prospect of showing off his lady. She was another of the loves of his life, his first real one.

“Stow it, brat,” Archer said with a growl. “My Enterprise will still be the first. She made your ship and all of the rest of the line possible.” He hauled himself to his feet and slowly made his way toward the door. 

"Sir," Khan said, gesturing for Archer to go first. After all it was Jim's ship, and technically Khan would be a guest on the bridge, too. 

Jim just trailed after Archer with a huge grin, letting him lead the way. And behind his back, he took one of Khan’s hands, tangling their fingers tenderly. Archer’s amazing, isn’t he? He’ll outlive us all. And his beagles are the perfect touch.

“Do hurry up, gentlemen,” Archer said. “I’m going to lap you around the ship.”

Yes, he is. Intriguing. Khan was happy to hold Jim's hand for a time, comfortable and familiar with this aspect of their relationship. I am going to tattle on you, though. " Jim says you will outlive us all, Sir. I encourage you to do so."

Archer chuckled a few times and said, “Well, somebody’s got to keep an eye on you young whippersnappers. No telling what you might get up to otherwise.”

Tattle tale! Jim made a playful face at Khan as they all stepped into the lift. “Bridge.” The machine chirped and began to move. “Seriously, I am glad to have you on our side for this. Do you know who’ll end up the head of the Fleet now?”

Archer harrumphed and said, “We’ll be talking that over for ages. Katalin will do for the interim head for now. She’s good at sorting through the messes and reorganizing, but lacks the spirit we need to really reassure people about Starfleet.” The doors opened and Archer stepped out. “Oh yes…” He headed right for the chair.

As soon as the trio stepped foot on the bridge, a young man instantly jumped out of his seat and saluted. "Admirrral on deck!" Chekov announced, then held his position as he looked to Kirk. "Keptin!"

“Sit your asses back down,” Archer said. “I’m too old for that nonsense. Your captain promised me a tour of the bridge.” He took a set in the command chair, looking over everything with a practiced eye. “Chair’s better than it was, at least. And the set-up is less cramped. Still can’t believe how many people you fit up here now.”

Jim lightly tugged Khan into the middle of the bridge, even as he greeted Spock. “Hey, Spock, anything of any interest to report to the Admiral? How have you been filling your time lately?”

Chekov was unnecessarily anxious now, he had only been doing maintenance checks, but now he felt as though he should be looking a lot more busy than he actually was. So when he dropped back down in his seat, he looked over his console for an excuse to open up other programs.

"Captain." Spock said as he faced Jim, though his brow was set as he focused on Khan. "I was about to submit my thermal frequency coupling report." The Enterprise had been repaired as was ready to go, as soon as Jim picked the applicants he wanted to fill out his crew. And, apparently, after the trial was over. 

“Oh, I’m certain Admiral Archer wants to hear all the details,” Jim said. “He’s all about learning the tiniest details of the advances we’ve made since his time.” He winked at Khan over his shoulder, all cheek and enjoyment. Khan’s pronouncement had swept away all bad feelings associated with Tarsus and the trail for the moment. He had nothing but hope for the future.

Spock remained standing at attention, gave Jim a nod, then headed to the Admiral in the Captain's chair. "Admiral. Welcome aboard the Enterprise." He said, prepared to instruct him on even basic layout differences between the two ships, let alone the technology that the flagship now featured. 

Archer turned to Spock on he approached and shot a slightly sour, but also amused, glance at Jim. “Commander. It’s a pleasure to see you again. I heard you got stuck permanently with that crazy Captain. I’d extend my condolences, except that I’m pretty sure you requested the post.” His mouth turned upward at the corners. “I would be interested in hearing some about the new warp core.”

“Reprieved,” Jim whispered to Khan with a little wiggle of pleasure. He knew that Spock could tell Archer anything he wanted to know. 

Deciding, for now, that Khan was not aboard the bridge because he had forced both the Admiral and Captain, in order to commandeer the ship, Spock gave his attention to the Admiral. "Yes, Sir." He said, and with the PADD he had in hand, began to explain where the Enterprise had been 18 months ago, 12 months ago, 6 months ago, and its current working status.

Khan meanwhile gave the bridge his steady gaze, though did not approach any of the consoles to examine them in-depth. It was ... friendly. Khan had no other word for it, but the layout was friendly. 

Jim felt the positive nature of Khan’s assessment and couldn’t help but beam ever brighter. Isn’t she a beauty? My best girl. Always been true to me, even during hard times. Purrs like a kitten when she’s running right and roars like a tiger when she’s wounded. I’d never trade her, even for a more powerful ship. He pictured the Vengeance, with its cold architecture and imposing form.

Yes, Jim. She is lovely. Khan said, quietly looking the bridge over. She suits you. He finally decided. Just as the Vengeance had suited Khan, but there was no point in bringing that up. The ship was dead and gone, and Khan was meant to be a different man.

You really think so, Noonien? I’m glad. I couldn’t ask for anything better than this ship and my crew. Jim looked into Khan’s eyes for a moment. And yet, I still ended up with your companionship, too. Your friendship. More. He lightly reached out and squeezed Khan’s nearest hand. Shall I excuse us?

Yes, perhaps for a moment. I would like to talk openly. Khan said, brushing his thumb against the palm of Jim's hand. Will the Admiral be alright? 

Let me leave him in the capable hands of Spock...and Uhura. Jim winked at Khan. Just give me a moment. He moved over to the comm station and spoke softly to Uhura, gesturing to the Admiral with his head. His words prompted a sweet laugh from his officer, and she rose from her station to walk over to the chair where he sat talking to Spock. He headed right back to Khan. Fait accompli. She’ll tender our best wishes and keep him occupied for hours.

Thank you. Khan looked to Archer, who was still listening to Commander Spock. He was glad for his company this evening, and it seemed at least Archer got something out of it too. He thanked him with a look, then turned his attention to Jim. Where can we go?

Our view spot, if you like. There’ll be nobody there at this hour. Most of the crew will be abed or on duty or enjoying their off shift. The small Observation Lounge will be deserted, most likely. What do you think? Jim glanced back at the Admiral, where the man was very happily chatting with Spock and Uhura. The old gentleman turned toward them and saluted his own farewell.

Yes, Jim. Khan said, keeping close to his friend. So far he was not spending this night alone, and Khan knew that was important for his own well-being, at least tonight. So head headed for the lift, knowing Jim would stick with him. 

Jim did indeed follow Khan, after sending the Admiral a cheeky salute and wink. He was grateful that the older man let them make their escape, figuring he understood in some fashion that Khan needed some downtime. Once they were in the lift, Jim said, “I’d like to learn some languages from you, if you’re willing to teach me.”

"Languages?" Khan chuckled. Of all the things I could offer you. "Very well, what language interests you?"

What else do you offer? Jim managed to voice the thought with both innocence and innuendo in a way that was ingeniously his own. “And I don’t know what you might know that I don’t. Though languages from your old region of Earth are not my strongpoint.”

"Hhmph." Khan vocalized a quiet scoff in response to what Jim had said through their link. It wasn't a question to spend time in answering, Jim was flirting, Khan knew that much. "Arabic, Bengali, and Urdu are perhaps the most common. But I can also offer you something more specialized, if that is your interest. Mongolian or Nepali, for example."

Jim laughed in delight at the response and leaned more into the man. “You have a lot to offer me,” he reassured, “but we were talking about languages. I know Arabic fairly well, but Urdu...that’d be pretty sweet. And Nepali. It’s been a long time since I got to use my Terran language skills.” He lightly tugged at Khan’s hand as the lift stopped.

"Perhaps, a language you would find useful to know, when you are on Earth and desire to travel. To- explore your own planet, fully." Khan said, following along with Jim as they headed down the familiar corridors. 

“I’m not even sure all of those languages are extant anymore,” Jim said, “though none of them are extinct. There are still records and some speakers. Not a lot, but enough. We try to encourage the speaking of all languages, if possible.” He entered the Observation Lounge and smiled to find it nearly empty. “Perfect!”

"Oh." Khan frowned slightly. "That is unfortunate." To his way of thinking, language and culture went hand in hand, and it was sad to think that much of it had been erased over the years. Unused. Replaced. Khan wondered about the native and indigenous clans and tribes, those who had always struggled to live independent of governing bodies, who held great pride in upholding ancient traditions, which they passed down over the generation. But perhaps, that was no more. Perhaps there was no longer a place for nomadic people of Mongolia, or self sufficient communities of Tibet. 

Jim glanced at him and said slowly, ‘Yeah, in a lot of ways it is, but I think it was also essential to the human race for us to put aside our differences and band together as one. And at the time, people were just trying to save themselves, so other things were not given as much attention as they perhaps deserved. Still, as things improved, humans tried to preserve their heritage, whatever it might have been. But yeah, certain things were lost. Hell, lots of things were lost in the wars.”

"Yes, Jim. I understand." Khan said, keeping hold of his hand as they approached the large window in which they could overlook the Earth spinning and the stars beyond. Khan would enjoy these views, while he still had them. 

“Your people provide us with a unique opportunity to save not only lost languages, but a whole lost culture,” Jim said, detouring to snag some hot chocolate for them both. “It’s one of the other reasons that what Marcus did was so heinous. You’re basically an endangered species...as weird as that is to say.” He carried the drinks over and took one of their normal seats, holding out a cup to Khan.

"Thank you." Khan accepted the hot chocolate, more in the mood to enjoy it now, then he had before. He was quiet for a moment, simply holding onto the cup before speaking again. "Jim. May I ask you an ... uncomfortable question?" 

Jim nodded and said, “I think that’s only fair, Noonien. I’ll do my best to answer it as truthfully and fully as I can.” He sipped his own hot chocolate, curious as to what this question might be. Perhaps about some of his earlier emotions that night at dinner, when they’d talked about his past.

The question that was on his mind however, had to do with his sight of the Earth outside the window, and as always, his people, and their place on that planet. "It is in your nature to be ... optimistic about solving problems. I enjoy your 'winning' attitude that does not believe in 'no win scenarios'. My question, Jim as useful as my people are, as much as we have to offer ... do you honestly see a place for us? Can you see us as instructors at the Academy? Officers in Starfleet? Do you imagine, in all truth, we will be allowed?" 

Jim had not expected that, though perhaps he should have, given Khan’s preoccupation with his crew. “I don’t know why you think that’s an uncomfortable question, Noonien. And I can only answer in part. A lot of things depend on them...and on you, I imagine, as their leader. The Federation is about welcoming all peoples who want to join. As long as they’re not violent, the Federation will offer them a place on Earth or anywhere else within Federation space, which covers a lot of area. The worst of Starfleet is cleaned out, Noonien, and the people who remain will offer a fair deal. A lot of people are excited. You should see the chatter of the scientists from all disciplines. So, yes, I do believe it, Noonien. I believe in us. Humans. The Federation. And you and your people.”

"It is an uncomfortable question, because augments are a product Earth's history that the human race has tried very hard to recover from and escape. It is uncomfortable, because our presence might be seen as a dangerous influence of the young." Khan sighed deeply, then drank from his cup. "I wish I could hear, what you hear. To know that scientific communities are excited, perhaps even willing to embrace us. These are the truths I need to know, but never reach my ears."

Jim hummed under his breath and said, “Well, I can change that. I’ll log you into the Federation net and let you read some of the chatter on the scientific channels. Maybe that’ll help you settle your mind toward that. Want to do that after we finish our drinks?” He had figured they’d stay in the lounge for a while, but was happy to move if that would help settle Khan’s mind. 

"Later. Tonight. Thank you, Jim." Khan had wanted the company tonight, because he knew he would be unable to sleep. So having access to these sorts of conversations would be a good way for the augment to spend his restless night. "You are a very good friend to me." He said, then drank again, easing into the quiet of the room. 

I’m more than just your friend now, too, you know. I have been for some time now. Jim nodded his agreement to the plan. “I can’t show you a few things, but most stuff isn’t classified. You know, if things had gone the way they should, finding your ship would have been one of the most celebrated and carefully handled historic discoveries of Starfleet. It all would have been so different.” He scowled into his chocolate for a moment.

Yes, Jim. I know. Khan smiled a little at Jim, encouraging him to do the same. "That would have been nice to wake up to." Khan said, but did not speak with bitterness because events had unfolded to the contrary. Observing Jim for a moment, Khan then asked, "Do you dance?"

“Uh, what kind of dancing?” Jim asked, curious. “I love the freestyle type of dancing, and I can fake the formal stuff. We had to learn some of it as part of diplomacy.” He was curious, gazing at Khan with big eyes. 

"I am old fashioned-" Khan said warmly and stood. He kept his eyes on Jim as he offered his hand. "Will you try, with me?"

“Want some music?” Jim asked, setting aside his cup and scrambling up happily to take the offered hand. “We have a full range of options.” He tangled their fingers and stood at arm’s length apart. 

"Not necessary." Khan said, having suggested the idea of dancing so that they had an excuse to be close to one another. So standing apart was out of the question, as Khan moved in closer, wrapping an arm around Jim's back. The other keeping hold of his hand to guide as he started them off, dancing around room. "I rather listen to you."

“Listen to me sing to make music for us?” Jim said, trying to follow Khan’s lead. He found it a little hard to relax at first and let himself move along, but then he concentrated on the link between them and found that it helped him get into harmony with Khan. 

"No, not unless you want to." Khan said, keeping his eyes on Jim. "I want to listen to you, talk, without distraction or interruption." Khan gently nuzzled the side of his face, then kissed Jim on the temple. You have listened to me, time and time again. It is time that I listen to you.

Jim blinked slowly at the kiss, pleased by the contact, and by the closeness of their bodies as they danced to silent melodies. He allowed Khan to lead them all over the lounge, not really caring if the few people present thought they were crazy (his crew all knew him pretty well by now anyway). You want me to talk, Noonien. About anything?

Yes, Jim. Khan said, purring softly. He was happy to hold Jim in his arms, moving slowly together as they moved about the room. Though asking Jim to dance had been an excuse to touch in public, Khan was pleased that Jim had accepted his suggestion.

“I can’t wait to get to go out into the wilderness somewhere with you again,” Jim said, thinking that was a subject they’d both enjoy. “I haven’t had so much fun in years. And you looked so at home with nature, so enraptured by the smallest details. I think I liked that as much as any other part.” He allowed his lips to brush over Khan’s lightly as he spoke.

They were in a difficult position, where it was impractical to plan ahead. Soon Jim would be leaving on his five year mission, and Khan would be staying behind, to serve out his sentence, or otherwise. But still, it was a pleasant thought, so Khan encouraged it. "And where shall we go?" Khan asked, kissing the corner of Jim's mouth with a smile. 

Jim considered for a moment and said, “I’ve always wanted to see a tropical rainforest. Think we could do that. Noonien?” He believed that their relationship was really just beginning. There was still so much ahead. “There’s still a lot of work being done on their restoration, even after all these years, and you can volunteer to help and get to stay deep in the wilderness.”

"Yes, Jim- I think exploring the rainforest could be another adventure for us." Khan said, slowing down their pace even more until coming to a stop in front of the viewing window.

Jim halted with Khan and moved a hand to lightly stroke his hair. “Would you come with me, on the Enterprise, if I asked you to?”

Leaning into the touch, Khan purred again, soft and low. "Yes, Jim. I would." Khan answered, speaking the truth, but sharing his doubts through the link. But I do not think I would be allowed. Khan rubbed his hand down Jim's back, comfortable that even though there were a few other eyes on them, it still felt safe and private. Or are you asking me to escape. Run away with you?

Jim studied his face and allowed his sentiments to sink deeply into his mind, before answering, “I don’t think it’s outside the realm of possibility.” And if they proposed locking you or your people away, I’d take you all and run for sure.

This response shocked Khan, and he reflected on it quietly. Jim would be condemned by Starfleet for that, he would lose his command, he would be giving up the Enterprise. He would risk his own freedom, to ensure that Khan and his people had theirs. Jim Kirk was showing him great loyalty. And though he believed there was great love between them, Khan had not expected that. I hope it does not come to that. Khan said as he leaned in and wrapped both arms around Jim in a large, tight hug. Thank you.

I couldn’t leave you or your family jailed unfairly. Jim wrapped his own arms around Khan and threaded his fingers into the soft strands of his hair. You’re my friend...the man I love...I couldn’t do that to you. He nuzzled Khan’s mouth and finally settled a more lingering kiss there, something sweet and soft.

In that moment, the augment's mind went quiet. Not because he was blocking Jim out, but rather because he was so full of emotion, no conscious thoughts managed to form. He radiated warmth and the sort of joy one experiences while laying in the grass under a bright sun, absolutely basking. He accepted the kiss, enjoying the taste of what Jim offered on his lips, then began to kiss back, just as slow and gentle, savoring the experience. 

Jim ignored any eyes that might be on them and deepened the kiss, tracing a tongue lightly over the seam of Khan’s lips to ask for entry. He wanted to explore everything between them just that little bit more. And the warm sensations that suffused him from Khan’s mind only added to that want. He had never been one for romance, but this slow pace just seemed to enhance everything between them, as his desire slowly heightened.

After these initial few seconds, Khan's brain finally kicked into gear. Yes- Khan parted his lips, the tip of his tongue meeting Jim's mouth, before opening and inviting. YES.

And now they were really kissing, mouths firmly sealed and Jim’s head tilted slightly to allow for the maximum exploration. He curled his tongue around Khan’s, rubbing them sinuously together along every millimeter available. Only breath forced him to part their mouths to get some much needed oxygen. “I hate waiting,” he murmured.

Khan smiled, his gaze dropped, fixated on Jim's lovely mouth. "What are you waiting for?" Khan purred, as all other thoughts clearly were a far away fog in his brain just now. 

“Would you like to spend the night with me, Noonien?” Jim asked softly, so no other ears could hear. He could have spoken through the link, but this question he wanted to voice aloud, to put into the universe. And he smiled at the way Khan’s own voice rumbled through him, the sensation strong and true as a vibration through his spine.

"Yes, Jim. I would." Khan said, lifting his gaze, starting at Jim's bright blue eyes. His hand slid away from Jim's back to rest on the rise of his hip. "Please." He wanted to kiss Jim again, but would wait for the final decision, as to whether they were to stay here, or go to Jim's room. 

Jim nodded once and pressed a brief kiss to Khan’s mouth, before stepping away and grasping his hand. Well, come on then. He led the way toward the exit to the corridor, not even remembering the mugs of cocoa left behind. All he could think about was the augment close on his heels and the warm feelings zinging between them. Jim wanted...but more than just the physical.


	13. Chapter 13

Khan followed after Jim with trust, love, and loyalty for the other man. No rational fears or concerns about tomorrow clouded his mind, only this moment, only right now. Being happy together, as close and intimate and sensual as they each dared. 

Jim led them quickly into a turbolift, waiting only for the door to close before crowding against Khan for another soft kiss. "Are you sure about this?" He pulled back to look into the augment’s eyes, studying them with a serious gaze, even through the thrum of desire in his veins. And it was more than just want...it was need. A singular need to be close to this man who had managed to steal his heart.

"Yes, Jim." Yes. Khan consented in all the ways he knew how. He pressed a loving kiss to Jim's jaw as a sign of respect, as neither of them took this relationship, or coupling, lightly. 

“It feels like I’ve been waiting for this since forever,” Jim confessed softly, even as he began to nibble at Khan’s jawline. “Much longer than even I’ve known you.” He jumped back, a little startled, when the lift stopped and opened, before laughing at himself and tugging Khan along toward his quarters.

Khan understood. Jim hadn't been waiting to have sex his entire life, or take a lover. He had been waiting for Khan, before ever knowing he existed. A true partner and lover to share his life. "I understand." Khan made a point to say so verbally. He smiled at the way Jim could laugh at himself and followed him easily. 

How about you? Do you also believe you’ve been waiting for someone...for me, Noonien? Jim paused at the door to his room and keyed in the code, before tugging Khan gently inside. He turned as they were safely concealed inside and stepped right into the augment’s arms, lightly pressing their lips together. 

Khan wrapped his arms around his friend and lover, holding him as they kissed again, now in private. It was difficult to explain outright, so Khan let their link give Jim a better answer. Khan had never taken a lover before, it was impractical, yes, but that wasn't the only reason. He had not been interested in such things before. He had no drive or desire for it, until Jim Kirk. The augment had always been independent, self reliant, with no need for companionship, until Jim Kirk. And now that he was partnered with Jim, he knew he did not want anything else. 

Jim stepped back with a warm, delighted smile for the augment, feeling quite the lucky man for being Khan’s chosen. He ran the fingers of his left hand over Khan’s mouth in a teasing gesture. With a little wink, he practically danced backward into the room, eyes focused on his soon-to-be lover. Spinning a slow circle, he allowed Khan to view the whole of himself, meanwhile toeing off his boots. “Coming in?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan gave the Captain's quarters a few curious glances, but kept the whole of his attention on Jim. Though as Jim started to kick off his boots, Khan reached out for him again. "May I undress you?"

Jim stopped as his hands strayed toward his tunic and stepped back into Khan’s reach. “I would enjoy that, Noonien. May I do the same for you?” He wanted to get his hands on the acres of skin he knew existed under the somewhat somber garb Khan always favored. “You have such amazing hands.”

"Yes, Jim-" Khan smiled, "We will do it together." He laughed at himself softly, understanding that Jim probably saw this as quite childish. But Khan was inexperienced and doing this for the first time. So to him, it was exciting. Starting with Jim's tunic, Khan pulled it off over his head, then almost immediately began to touch the width of his shoulders and chest.

Khan’s excitement, a near innocent delight, infected Jim with a similar feeling, and he began to steal soft kisses whenever he could, diving in to let their lips brush, before letting Khan return to his task. “I hope you’re not disappointed in me,” he murmured after one such kiss. “I want you to enjoy this. Enjoy me.”

At the implication that Jim was some sort of disappointment, Khan gave a grumbling growl, threatening to utterly destroy any such thought. No one was allowed to say that. Jim certainly was not allowed to say that. "You are gorgeous," Khan said, eyes down, following the tips of his fingers as they mapped out Jim's torso for the first time. "You feel amazing."

The resistance to his suggestion, especially the growl, made Jim smile and step closer to Khan for a long, deep kiss. This tangled both of their hands in tunic and each other, but it was completely worth it. “And all yours, Noonien.” He nipped at the bottom lip and tugged lightly with his teeth. “All right. All right. Let’s get these ridiculous clothes off. It’s long past time.”

"Yes-" Khan smiled against Jim's lips, unable to help himself, as he sucked gently at his lips, enjoying how they felt and tasted against his own. But soon his fingers were outlining Jim's waist, following the hem line until he found the buttons, which he began to undo to loosen the pants from Jim's hips. 

Jim laughed, feeling completely inelegant and a touch ridiculous, which was uncommon in his bedplay. He lifted his hands to frame Khan’s face and study him for a moment, allowing the sheer intensity of the man to send a wave of pure heat through him. “Fuck, how did I even let myself wait this long?” He began to tug at Khan’s tunic, wanting it off and off now.

Khan shared in a soft laugh, feeling similarly uncoordinated and awkward. A feeling that they were passing off to each other as events were drawn out. "Don't laugh, you are making me laugh...just touch me-" Khan said with a smile.

“It’s a good thing to be able to laugh, even now,” Jim told him, though his hands sought out the warmth of Khan’s skin. He skimmed the tunic up enough to scoot his hands over the trim waist, the firm, muscled stomach. “You’re literally hot, too, Noonien.” He continued to work his hands up, forcing the material with them, seeking to bare the entire torso to his eyes and touch. But he got momentarily distracted when the edge of a nipple slid along his left thumb, detouring to more firmly pinch the small nub.

These touches were new to the augment. But he watched Jim handle him and was curious by his own reaction, a little shivers of delight ran up and down his back. The excitement Khan was feeling did make his body warm, even hot to touch in places. But it was out of his control, and he hoped it was not something that was undesirable. Then mimicking what Jim was doing, Khan slid his fingers across Jim's right nipple, thumbing it slowly, so that he could get a sense of what it felt like, and if Jim enjoyed it as well. 

Khan’s touch was that of a novice, and that alone made Jim desire him more than he cared to admit. He had never really been one to try and deflower virgins, but the idea that the proud, fierce and scorchingly hot Khan had never had a lover before simply swamped him with pure desire. He shivered under the light touch that became a more biting prick to his own sensitive nipple and murmured, “I like it when they’re pulled and rubbed. I’m more sensitive there than a lot of men.”

With a soft purr, Khan leaned into Jim, wanting to kiss his neck. "Yes?" Khan prompted as he reached up and began to play with his left nipple as well. It helped that Jim was being vocal, explaining to Khan what he liked so that he could learn quickly how to please his friend and lover in this intimate way. "Like this?" he asked softly, rolling the nipple between his thumb and finger, gently squeezing it.

Jim shuddered and moaned low in his throat, tipping his head back to allow further room to roam. “Yes. Like that, Noonien.” He did not allow himself to be completely distracted, though, but continued to map the contours of Khan’s extraordinary body, as well. He leaned in to brush the unclothed skin of their abdomens together in a sensual wave, which also brought his groin into nice contact with Khan’s.

Pleased by this reaction, Khan continued to press and rub the small nub between his fingers. That sound ... delicious ... again. Khan bowed his head and kissed Jim's neck again, working down to his shoulder. Then dropping his head further, Khan began to suck at the opposite nipple, teasing it with his tongue and teeth. 

Jim swayed and grabbed hold of Khan’s shoulders for balance. Okay, bed. Need to be horizontal now. He stepped back and lightly urged the augment with him. This parted them a bit, but he kept going, losing his socks on the way, too. When his knees hit the bed, he made a little backward leap to land on it.

"Yes, Jim," Khan said, as he followed him to the bed. He took off his own shoes and socks, and started on his pants before deciding to leave them for a little longer. So he crawled onto the mattress on his hands and knees, moving over Jim with a smile. "May I continue?" he asked, lowering his head to kiss Jim on the lips.

Jim kissed back lightly and suggested enticingly, “Let’s just kiss awhile, Noonien. Lie down on top of me.” He tugged at Khan’s shoulders, wanting them to tangle their bodies as well as their mouths. “Please.” He widened his eyes to look as pleading as possible and sent a reinforcing sensation through the link.

"There is no need to plead with me," Khan said, pressing his face close to Jim's cheek to nuzzle and kiss his skin. Kissing had been the first thing Khan had wanted to do with Jim, a desire that they barely had begun to feed. Lowering himself over Jim's body, the two were stretched out together, bodies pressed firmly. "Good?" he asked, resting his forearms on either side of Jim's face, framing his focus to kiss him again. 

“And gonna get even better,” Jim rumbled and wrapped himself completely around the other man. His legs found a place woven through Khan’s, while his arms settled on the broad back, with hands on shoulders and into dark hair. But his lips got the very best of it, sealing fiercely with Khan’s and inviting him to plumb the depths of his mouth. He opened the link completely, allowing all of his feelings to flow with his lover’s.

Yes- Khan's mind remained entirely positive, willing and excited. He slid his tongue into Jim's mouth, offering a taste of himself with each attempt. Khan purred softly, pleasure vibrating through his body as he sucked on Jim's lips, kissing him over and over.

Jim agreed wholeheartedly with that assessment and rolled his hips up to meet Khan’s a little more firmly. He concentrated on the sensations of their warm skin rubbing together, torso-to-torso, and the slick slide of their tongue’s dance, before narrowing it all down to the press of one hardness against another, groin to groin. What do you want, Noonien?

Khan groaned, then trembled as a shudder rushed down his back and settled in his groin. Jim- His hips naturally rolled, moving without conscious thought, simply wanting more of that friction and the press of their bodies. Take these off! Khan reached suddenly for Jim's pants, allowing for a small gap between their bodies so that he could get them free of the clothing that still separated them. 

Jim laughed softly, aloud and in their minds, but dutifully wriggled out of his pants and boxers, tossing them aside. “Want to look at me, Noonien?” he asked, letting his limbs relax into the mattress and deliberately putting himself on display. “See your lover for the first time.” He reached down to run a finger over his cock, showing Khan just how hard he was.

Khan liked his lips and rolled onto his side so that he could see all of Jim without covering him with his own body. Yes. His brain continued to give strangely simplistic responses, though still managed to put together coherent words. "May I touch you, Jim?" He asked, already sliding his hand down Jim's stomach, over his hip, and across his thigh. 

“Wherever you want, Noonien,” Jim encouraged softly. He liked the instinctive responses, the way being so close to the augment made him more in touch with his primitive side. He knew himself to be completely safe at Khan’s side, that the other man wanted only to give and receive pleasure. “May I see you, too?”

"Yes, Jim, if you want to." In a way, Khan was somewhat disconnected from his own body. Which was reasonable considering the alterations he had undergone. But he was attractive enough, and not shy about his own nakedness. He simply preferred Jim's body, over his own. And so he reached down and began to squeeze the inside of Jim's thigh before shadowing his lover's hand, getting a feel of the movement as he began to help stroke his hard cock.

Jim laughed again and reached up to tug Khan into a kiss, slow and deep. You are attractive to me, no matter what you look like. But you are quite striking, Noonien. He reached for the waistband of Khan’s pants and tugged at them, wanting the material gone from between them as urgently as his lover had desired it only moments before. Do you mind that I find this form attractive?

Thank you, Jim. Khan arched his body to leave room between himself and the bed so that Jim could help him take his pants off. Sometimes I see this body, and I am only reminded of how much I hate it. You will have to remind me, Jim, that you are attracted to me. He was not looking for constant reassurance, but was being honest with Jim, that yes, from time to time he would need to know that Jim loved him, for him, and did not see the trauma of his body, only the strength and beauty of it. 

I have never known you as anything other than what I now see. If you changed back to your original appearance, I would love you still. And if you changed into something completely different even from that, still I’d want and love you. Jim had never been so serious when in bed with someone, his pulse beating between his loins with intense need. But this was Khan. This was different. 

He traced a finger over the regal countenance that belonged now to the man he loved and felt sorrow that Khan hated his look. I don’t like that you hate anything about yourself, particularly what isn’t your fault. 

Khan considered a moment, then kissed Jim on the cheek. Allow me to see through your eyes, and in time I will learn to feel and love what you feel and love about my body. When Jim enjoyed him, Khan would know it, and eventually associate the positive feeling as well. But now that they were two naked bodies on the bed, Khan pressed in close again, desiring the sensation of skin against skin while he stroked Jim's marvelous erection. 

Jim agreed without words and allowed his concerns to wash away with the pleasant sensation emanating from his cock. He stretched out again and kept his hands gently touching Khan’s body randomly, focusing most of his concentration on the way his lover learned to bring him pleasure. “Just a little harder,” he directed. “Use the leakage to slick your hand, Noonien. That will make it easier. Do you like the way I feel?”

"Yes, Jim," Khan said, accepting the instruction as he learned what was the right amount of pressure to use while touching his lover like this. He pumped his hand firmly, and groaned softly as it began to get slick. "Yes, Jim," he said again. "Love touching you..." He licked his lips, enjoying the taste that still lingered there, but then wanted more and kissed Jim again. I like this...I like this a lot. Again his brain was strangely simplistic, but that probably had something to do with his basic, core instincts. Things were good, or bad. It was yes, or it was no. And this was good. This was yes, to each new experience. 

Jim also responded more with his instincts than his intellect, thrusting up into the hand that stoked his pleasure so well. He reached out to find Khan’s erection, wanting to return some of what he was being given, as well as urge Khan ever closer. With a little stretch, he managed to take hold of the very tip and squeezed, trying to refocus his lover a bit to his own body. Come here, Noonien. Let me touch you, too.

Yes. Khan held his breath at the initial touch, then pressed himself closer to Jim. "You feel good, Jim. I am enjoying this," he said, kissing Jim's shoulder and the one side of his chest. "I have never done this, but I like it." Khan licked his lips, then groaned softly as he pressed against Jim firmly, while stroking and playing with his lovely cock. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never done this,” Jim murmured and tugged at him again. “On top of me, Noonien. Let me show you what else we can do. Please.” He slid his hand up Khan’s chest and linked both around his neck, using them to urge the man to press their bodies together as much as possible. 

"Yes, Jim," Khan said and moved over Jim once more. He let go for the time being and instead used both hands to hold his torso up so that he could look at Jim. While he allowed his hips to sink down, so that their cocks were pressed together. Perhaps the augment should have been embarrassed about needing direction and being inexperienced in this area, but he was too excited and happy to share this with Jim to have those doubts right now.

Jim did not find Khan’s inexperience anything other than endearing and rather effective in ramping up his desire for the other man. He groaned at the contact between them and smiled up at his lover, eyes warm with pleasure from and care for the augment. “Mmmm, that feels good, Noonien.” He moved in a sensual slide to rub their lengths together on every inch possible. “Move with me?”

Khan watched for a moment, further exciting by the sensation. Then he began to move with Jim, rolling his hips in a slow thrust, the stimulation causing him to purr with pleasure. Jim... "Jim-" His brain was fixated on his lover, wanting anything and everything to do with the other man. 

“Yes, that’s good, Noonien,” Jim praised warmly, locking their gazes, so his lover could see just how much he enjoyed himself. As a guide, he slid a palm over the slight curve of Khan’s ass and pressed down with each thrust, even as he met him with an upward rocking of his hips. Their cocks glided against each other, sending sparks throughout his body. “Just do what feels natural.”

Lowering his torso, Khan used his left hand to hold one side of his lover's face, while he turned his head to the side and kissed the other. He began to shower his skin with kisses, including a few gentle bites. "Yes, Jim," Khan said, his back arching as Jim encouraged him to thrust and press and rut.

Jim answered the kisses and bites, sinking in a few nips to tender pieces of Khan’s jawline, before giving a firmer bite to his neck. He wanted to drive the augment toward the edge and let them crash over together. With another virgin, Jim might have anticipated a quick trigger, but with Khan, he was unsure. Are you close, Noonien? He tried to use their link to gauge Khan’s state, but the swirling and intermixing sensations of their joint sensations made the judgement difficult. Please...tell me.

Experiencing these pleasures fully and for the first time, Khan groaned and shuttered, unable to distinguish the difference between himself and Jim. Yes, very close. Khan bucked his hips at the hard bite. Do that again, please. The augment whimpered and kissed Jim on the lips, sucking eagerly for more.

Jim would happily oblige, except that his mouth was otherwise occupied with Khan’s. And he was in no rush to change that, mimicking the movement of his hips with the thrusts of his tongue. He wrapped his right leg around Khan’s hip and snugged them even closer, bucking faster into the powerful man above him. Can’t. Mouth full.

Khan moaned into Jim's mouth, in no rush to part their lips either. He found himself thrusting hard against Jim, hot and needy. And then he was coming, spilling against Jim's cock and his stomach, unable to help himself, still pressing for more and more. Gasping, Khan finally had to part their mouths, though bit Jim a few more times, his brain still wild about the experience. 

Later, Jim would put it down to their shared link, but for the moment, all he knew was a revolution or shared ecstasy, as their climaxes overlapped in overwhelming intensity, whiting out his brain and his vision. He did bite down on Khan again, teeth sinking into a strong shoulder, as he rode out the waves of his orgasm, spattering them both with his own release, even as he was in turn, spattered.

Khan cried out in pleasure at this one last bite, his body radiating with heat. But soon, without really thinking about when or why, Khan started to lick the salty-sweet skin of Jim's neck and shoulder, kissing his skin, adoring him. Good. Good, good goodgood, good. Good.

Jim basked in the attention, as well as the sheer positive emotions pouring out of the augment. He did not articulate his own pleasure, even in his mind, letting bright hum of his contentedness echo with Khan’s repeated word. He loved how very delighted their first intimate foray made the other man and did not care how long they just laid there, enjoying the reverberating afterglow. More like after brilliance. 

It took some time, but eventually Khan's senses began to calm. He began to stroke his fingers through Jim's hair, brushing a few shaggy strands back behind his ear, over and over again, enjoying the sensation of running his fingers through the short silky blond hair. 

Jim opened his eyes a little to gaze at Khan with a little smile, fond and pleased. “Hello, Noonien,” he said softly. He shifted his own hands up to caress Khan’s face and hair, before lazily lifting his head to kiss him, brief brushes of lip over lip. He wondered if Khan’s fire might be stoked again, but distantly, too content to really feel the urge to test the idea. “What did you think?”

"Hello, Jim," Khan said back, even though it was unnecessary. "I enjoyed that." He began to answer. "It was relaxing, in a way. Is that common? I do not yet have the vocabulary to express ..." He paused, searching Jim's face. "Can I do more to please you?"

“You were great,” Jim soothed easily. “That is only the first of many things we can share. Will share, if you want. The words are hard...it’s why it was awesome to be able to feel what you felt. You could tell I enjoyed myself, right? Everything felt good.” He traced Khan’s mouth with a finger. “And yes, after, you usually do feel relaxed...at least, I do.”

"Yes, it was quite thrilling to share your pleasure, a feeling of ecstasy that we could give each other," Khan said, lips parting naturally as Jim's finger traced the curve of his mouth. I know you are accustomed to experienced partners. You must tell me when you need more, and how to satisfy you. I want to learn.

Now, Jim let a little concern leak into their bond. Did I do something that made you feel inadequate, Noonien? I assure you, you were amazing. We’ll learn each other’s likes and dislikes as we go. I promise. He lifted his head again to seal the promise with a kiss.

Khan accepted the kiss happily, and smiled against his lips. "I am eager," he answered aloud. "You have not done anything to make me feel bad, Jim. And I thank you for that."

“I do admire your eagerness,” Jim said with a low, rumbling purr to try and match Khan’s own noise of happiness. “And I’m happy to help you learn anything you want. Right now...if you so desire.” He wiggled his eyebrows, playful even in this moment. But he was also serious, his body more than ready for another round.

"Yes, Jim," Khan said, not taking long to consider. "Show me. Tell me. What should I do?" he asked, kissing Jim on the shoulder, then began to nuzzle his skin with the side of his head. 

“May I demonstrate?” Jim asked with a little wiggle of excitement. “I give very good demonstrations.” He winked at the augment, mischief and desire and sheer truth shining through their bond. “And I want to awful bad.”

"Yes, Jim, please," Khan said, eyes locked on Jim, mind open to these new experiences. "Demonstrate for me," he said and pushed himself up to his hands and knees, unsure if he should move completely, but at least giving Jim the option to escape out from under him. 

“Roll on your back for me, Noonien?” Jim asked, hoping the augment would trust him enough to try a more submissive posture. “I promise this will be awesome.” He scooted to the side and rolled elegantly to his knees, looking more than slightly debauched from their first round and flushed with eagerness for their second.

"I trust you," Khan said, speaking to the implied concern Jim had on his behalf. Lowering himself on the bed, Khan was now stretched out on his back, arms as his sides, though did reach for one of Jim's legs, wanting to touch him still. "And now?"

“Allow me to be your guide,” Jim said and scooted down to kneel by his hips. “Later, I’ll show you all of the foreplay, all of the little things to heat you up. But since your pre-heated and ready to rumble…” He took hold of Khan’s cock and stroked from ball sack to tip a few times, just enjoying the length and breadth. “Mmm, stud stallion.” On the last stroke, he gripped Khan firmly in one hand and lowered his torso so that he could simply swallow the head.

"Oh-" Khan felt himself melt back into the bed as Jim began to give him a hand job. The stroking movement easily got him hard again, but the mouth was exquisite. It felt special, for all the sensitive nerves to be able to press into Jim's wet, warm, soft mouth. Khan slid a hand over his own stomach, the asked, "What am I meant to do, Jim?" he asked, unsure if he was meant to just lay there, or touch Jim in return. 

What do you want to do? Jim loved that he could communicate with Khan without pulling off from the blowjob he so lovingly (and yes, expertly) gave. He sought out the most sensitive spots on his lover, memorizing what touches made the augment react the most positively. Using the previous encounter, he used a little more teeth than he might with most partners, thinking Khan rather liked the feel. His mouth inched ever further down the long, thick erection, until finally, he had to take some in his throat to completely engulf the length. And on that he deliberately swallowed.

The more Jim took into his mouth, the further back Khan's head tilted in the bedding, until it was completely thrown back to let out a deep moan. His body arched and stretched with such exquisite pleasure, he could no longer express himself in anything but sounds of ecstasy and excitement. Though part of that expressiveness included touching the back of Jim's head, or squeezing his shoulder, to hold onto this experience. 

Jim hummed contentedly around his mouthful and let his head slide all the way up and almost, almost off. But at the tip, he gripped lightly with his teeth and wriggled his tongue into the slit, tasting the leakage from the lovely cock. And then he slid back down and began a quick bobbing motion, up and down like a strongly-powered piston...attached to a vacuum.

"Ah-" Khan began to gasp as his body writhed in place, each of his nerves moving like electricity through his body, looking for an outlet. "Jim ... yes ..." His mind was a twisted mess of his own pleasure, and wanting to know what Jim tasted like as well. 

Jim appreciated how much Khan enjoyed his efforts, feeling the augment’s pleasure through their link. Still, he thought the other man might be holding back a little and placed his hands on Khan’s hips, tugging at them. You can thrust, if you want. Just don’t go too hard or too deep, yeah? 

"Yes-" Yes. Yes, yes. Khan groaned, thrusting into Jim's mouth at his encouragement. The movement was new to Khan and would be good practice for other intimate activates, but he was learning quickly. Sliding, sliding into your mouth...Khan's thoughts were pure, but also uncensored. 

Jim echoed back the same thought toward Khan. Yes. so good to have you in my mouth, Noonien. He scraped his teeth almost fiercely along the entire length, pulling off this time with a slick, erotic popping noise. With a little hum, he nuzzled all the way down to Khan’s sack and nibbled at the edges, before swallowing the entire thing and tugging.

Khan was surprised by this sensation. Before now, he had no concept that these were things people could do to each other, nor did he know that it would feel so good. As few non-English swear words erupted in his brain, shocked, by this amazing feeling. His body arched against the bed and his hands dug into the sheets as his legs parted, encouraging Jim's mouth. 

So receptive. So sensual. Jim’s thoughts were also very straightforward, if laced with desire so thick it clouded the words into something more instinct than intellect. And the response drove him to try even more new things on Khan’s luscious body...like exploring the sensitive perineum with a wicked tongue and teeth. 

The initial few licks caused Khan to gasp and whine, as he found the sensation deeply erotic. His brain was a mess again, but it was so good. And drove him to come a second time, hard, his release shooting out against his own stomach. "Ohhh ... Jim ... YES ... JIM." His body melted into place, legs parted, indeed quite welcoming and receptive to the feeling Jim offered. 

Jim counted that another rousing success, though he pouted inwardly at not having sucked Khan into his release. But he made up for that by quickly scooting up to clean the spatters with his tongue. Everyone tasted slightly different, and Jim found he enjoyed Khan’s distinctive flavor very much. He nibbled over the flat stomach when there was nothing else left to clean up. “Did you like that, Noonien?”

"Oh, yes," Khan said with a warm sigh of breath. He basked quietly for a few moments, easing off his pleasure high. "Allow me a moment to recover, then I shall try the same on you."

Jim stretched out on his side next to Khan and gently stroked his lover’s chest and abdomen. “Stay as long as you want like this,” he said. “It’s nice to feel you so happy. You’ve never been this relaxed before.” He leaned down and kissed his neck tenderly, before nuzzling under his chin. Resting his head on a pillow, he stroked over the gentle bumps of his lover’s collarbones, feeding off the pleasant buzz of Khan’s orgasm. “That was fun for me, too. Could you feel that?”

"Yes," Khan purred and turned on his side to face Jim. "It is a strange thing, to feel you enjoying me, while I enjoy you...almost an endless loop," Khan said, kissing his lover on the lips, not minding, and even a little curious about tasting himself there. 

Jim deepened the contact to share their mingled flavors and then rubbed their noses together fondly. “But it’s a good thing, too, right?” He began a serious stroking of Khan’s hair, hoping to continue the deep purring. 

"Yes, Jim. A very good thing. I find it difficult to think of a life, unconnected to you," Khan said, then had them kiss again while he reached down with one hand, feeling the stretch of skin and muscle that led his fingers to Jim's cock. His touch was gentle at first, before he wrapping his fingers around Jim's length, starting to stroke him. I would like to use my mouth on you, Jim. I want to try it.

“We’ll never be unconnected again, Noonien,” Jim promised and pressed into the hand on his cock, wriggling a little. “Mmm, that’s nice.” He thrust a few times into the firm fingers, already fully erect himself from giving Khan the blowjob and making him come. If you want to, I won’t say no. 

Khan smiled, and offered a few more kisses to Jim's lips, but they were light and not as deep, as he was saving his mouth for other talents now. Love how you feel, Jim. Khan gently squeezed a few times, his mind lightly fantasizing about fondling Jim, from now on, whenever they laid in bed together. But after one last kiss, Khan sat up on his knees and kept his eyes on the lovely thick cock he was handling. Licking his lips, Khan then folded his tongue over the head of Jim's erection, sucking on it slowly. He liked how it felt, how Jim's flesh molded to his tongue, the subtle weight and taste of it in his mouth as he began to suck. 

“Oh, fuck, Noonien, that feels so fucking amazing,” Jim moaned and spread his legs wide in response to those first, lovely sucks. “Can’t believe you’re doing this for me. Love your hot mouth, so fucking much.” As was normal during his sexual encounters, his mouth began to run without control of his brain. The words also echoed through his link to Khan, even as his emotions and physical pleasure did, making for a tremendous feedback loop.

Khan groaned, enjoying the secondhand pleasure he was getting from Jim. I want to, Jim. Now that I know how good it feels, this is something we can do for each other. Khan lapped his tongue against the underside of Jim's shaft, then wrapping his fingers around the base to hold it at a comfortable angle, Khan began to suck Jim's length back into his mouth. This sexual intimacy was a new way for the augment to express himself. It would not replace their shared meals, or quiet talks, camping or exploring, or otherwise bonding in other ways, it would simply be added to how the two men connected. 

“May I thrust, Noonien?” Jim asked, hips shaking with the urge, even as he made sure not to do so without permission. He threaded his hands into Khan’s hair and tugged lightly, stroking into the long strands. Oh yes, we can do this as many times as you want. At the same time, even. I’ll show you how we can do that, too. 

Yes, yesyesYESyes. Yes! Khan groaned deeply. Yes, he wanted to feel Jim thrust into his mouth. Yes, he wanted Jim to pull at his hair. Yes, he wanted to do this many, many more times. Yes, he wanted to know how they could do this for each other at the same time. 

Jim nearly thrummed with the mixture of desire from himself and Khan. The augment’s excitement was nearly transcendent, reverberating through them both and enhancing every little touch between them. And the sucking...it made the sucking nearly unbearable to withstand for more than a few moments, the pleasure building to a crescendo. He used all of his formidable experience and willpower not to explode in a second. 

Khan slid his hand over the flat of Jim's stomach, just wanting to touch him, even while he sucked on his beautiful cock. Good. Want you to come. Want to taste you. Want to feel you. Gorgeous. Jim. Yes. Please. Good.

Jim couldn’t help himself, letting his hips thrust his cock into Khan’s willing mouth. He tugged at the strong hair, feeling that his lover enjoyed the touches. “Fuck, that’s amazing. Keep sucking. Please. FuckinghellI’mnotgoingtobeabletoholdonmuchlonger. You’re so good to me.” He said everything aloud in answer to Khan’s thoughts, loud in his delight.

With his mouth wet with saliva, and hot with the excitement that still pulsed through his body, Khan created a firm suction with his mouth as he sucked Jim as far back as he could manage. He groaned with pleasure, wanting to give Jim exactly what he was looking for, in this exchange, and as a loving companion. Yes. Please. Fuck my mouth. He said, lifting his eyes to look at Jim, excited and daring. 

“I’mgoingtocome! Noonien!” Pull off! Pull off!” Jim didn’t know if Khan was ready to have someone release in his mouth yet and couldn’t last but a few sucks more. It was as if his lover were sucking his essence of his entire being out with his talented mouth. He released Khan’s hair to cup his face and pushed at him carefully.

Khan did as Jim commanded, eyes wide for a moment as he caught his breath. He sat up a little, his lips still very close to Jim's sex. But as Jim started to come, Khan still wanted a taste of it, and so began to lap up the slick as it slid down Jim's shaft. 

Jim barely made it long enough for Khan to remove his mouth before he spurted all over himself. “Noonien!” he yelled as he crested, the noise bouncing off the ceiling. Noonien!! So good! He scrabbled over Khan’s shoulders with his hands, wanting a grip on something as he simply spilled and spilled in great waves that seemed to carry on forever. When he finally collapsed, he barely had any bones left and certainly no energy.

Gorgeous. Khan purred deeply. My love. So good. He continued to use his mouth and tongue, lapping Jim clean with hot breath. But as he finished, Khan sighed with pleasure and then laid out next to his lover, hand on his chest as he settled in close. He smiled a little to himself, enjoying the feeling he was getting from Jim. 

Jim closed his eyes and snuggled into Khan with a deep sigh of contentment. “Fuck, that was amazing, Noonien.” He stroked his lover’s side tenderly and then turned his head to nip at the nearest patch of skin. “After you get some practice, you’re going to outpace me completely. You’ll probably blow my mind.” He located the sensitive spot behind Khan’s ear and licked tenderly, before tugging at the lobe.

"Mhn." Khan hummed. Keep doing that, and I won't be able to accomplish anything. You will have me completely subdued. The augment relaxed even further and began to purr softly, as he did when he was feeling perfectly at ease, every inch of his body happy and feeling good.

Jim chuckled and lightly kissed the same spot, before settling in comfortably. Nothing could ever really subdue you, Noonien. And I like you wild and untamed. There’s nobody else like you. He yawned and heard his jaw crack a little. And I don’t want anybody else.

Khan smiled at this answer. He nuzzled his face close to Jim's jaw and neck, giving it a few more gentle kisses. I do not want anyone else, either. Khan pressed his hand to the flat of Jim's chest. "Tired? May I sleep here with you?"

You better not try to go anywhere else. Jim’s communication was teasing, the answer full of affection. He rolled to wrap an arm securely around Khan’s chest and stroked his side softly. “I am tired. I need some rest. Will you sleep, Noonien?” 

"I did not think I would sleep tonight. But I may be able to, after all." Khan said, laying still in Jim's arms. Thank you. The thanks was unintentional, but reflected his gratitude towards Jim for allowing him to stay and for showing him such care. 

“There’s no need to thank me,” Jim murmured and levered himself up enough to kiss his lover, a few gentle brushes of mouth over mouth. “Try to get some rest, Noonien. Another big day tomorrow.” He stretched out his body with a low sigh of pleasure, before snuggling up to him again. 

"Yes, Jim." Khan lightly closed his eyes. Though with his eyes closed, felt around for the edge of the blankets on the bed to drape over their bodies. "Good night."

“Sleep well, Noonien,” Jim said and tucked their heads together, already drifting off to sleep as his eyes closed.


End file.
